Anime Jeopardy
Here's the sixteenth game. Did ya miss me? Oh, and you know I only own Charles Tolle. My final rival appears in this game.
Episode 16/Part I
Charles- Welcome to Anime Jeopardy. You may notice that I'm unusually chipper today. This is because I had our science team give me this fake smile for the day. It's not helping. I'm still miserable as hell. Today's contestants are Kame Sen'nin of DBZ. Welcome, Turtle Hermit.
Kame Sen'nin- I'm glad to be here. I see a hot girl by my side.
Charles- Kuchiki Rukia of Bleach.
Rukia- Fuck off, pervert.
Kame Sen'nin- Dirty words turn me on.
Charles- AND FINALLY, also from Bleach is Tôsen Kaname, who gets the special podium because he's blind.
Kaname- I don't plan to use that as a handicap. Give me a regular podium.
Charles- That is a regular podium. I just had to say it was a special podium to seem friendly. Good luck to all of you with: MARTIAL ARTS, READING BRAILLE which works on your special touch screens, WHO WAS BORN FIRST, OCEANS BEGINNING WITH "PACIF", MOVIES ENDING IN "AMBO", and finally, RELIGION, which we will switch out with COLORS THAT START WITH Y AND RHYME WITH "ELLOW". Okay, Kaname is the smartest, as he's the captain, so…
Rukia- Hold, it, Tolle. Why aren't I picking the category? I got naked for you, so I should pick first.
Charles- You did get naked, but I'd rather not look at a fat black man dancing on a pole.
Rukia- You believe what Ichigo said.
Charles- I was expecting honesty.
Rukia- Harry is my stunt-double.
Charles- Well, that was your stunt-double on the pole.
Rukia- Oh.
Kaname- I know them by memory. I'll start with Who was Born First for 200.
Charles- Marlon Brando, Miley Cyrus, King Tut. Who was born first. Kame Sen'nin.
Kame Sen'nin- I believe that would be Miley Cyrus. ()
Charles- Hell no.
Kame Sen'nin- I saw her making out with your sister. It was hot, too.
Charles- No, you didn't see that. My sister is straight.
Kame Sen'nin- She kissed a girl and she liked it. And I liked it, too.
Kaname- I could never see something like that and the thought is giving me a boner.
Charles- Time's up for the question. The answer was King Tut.
Rukia- He was born first? He's a boy. Marlon Brando was born first.
Charles- No, King Tut was alive when Egypt was still ruled by pharoahs.
Rukia- Egypt isn't ruled by pharoahs anymore?
Charles- No.
Kame Sen'nin- Pay up, girlie. (Rukia turns to Kame Sen'nin and opens her shihakusho. Kaname leans over trying to get a better "look")
Charles- I'm sure those are very nice, Rukia, but it's still Kaname's board.
Kaname (not paying attention) –How about the Braille?
Charles- Okay, for 500, the answer is: dots show up on the touch screens Does anyone know what the Braille says? Kaname, you might want to ring in now.
Kaname (touching the screen)- I have no idea what that says.
Kame Sen'nin- It says that Stevie Tolle is a better sucker of men than her brother. ()
Charles- That's not what it says.
Kame Sen'nin- But it is true, hehhehheh.
Charles- It probably is, because I'm not gay. The touch screens said "can you read this". Obviously, you couldn't. I'll move on. It's now Rukia's board.
Rukia- My board? Fine, Tolle, I'll take Colors for 500.
Charles- This color is the only one that starts with y and ends in ellow. Kaname, are you sure you want to try?
Kaname- Yes, I know my colors. What is yorangellow? ()
Charles- What the hell is that?
Kaname- It's a color.
Charles- Sounds more like gibberish.
Kaname- N-idiga-o. Th-idiga-s i-idiga-s g-idiga-ibb-idiga-er-idiga-ish.
Charles (looking baffled)- Okay, I'm going to assume that's correct and I just don't know shit.
Kame Sen'nin- You don't.
Charles- Does anyone else have a guess? Kame Sen'nin.
Kame Sen'nin- The color starts with y and ends in ellow, right?
Charles- Yes.
Kame Sen'nin- What is y-idiga-ell-idiga-ow? ()
Charles- No.
Kame Sen'nin- Oh, yeah, it has to rhyme. Y-idiga-ellow. ()
Charles- I'm afraid you dumbshits still haven't gotten it.
Kaname- I'm not a dumbshit. I'm blind.
Kame Sen'nin- And I'm just old.
Charles (ignoring them)- The answer was yellow. What, Kame Sen'nin?
Kame Sen'nin- Knock knock.
Charles- Who the hell is there?
Kame Sen'nin- Way.
Charles- Way who?
Kame Sen'nin- That's the noise your sister made last night! Hahahahahaha!
Charles- You are a very evil person, and that joke was uncalled for times ten. We're going to take a break. During that time, I sincerely suggest you dismantle whatever apparatus you're watching this on and never watch this again.
Episode 16/Part II
Charles- And welcome back to Anime Jeopardy, which is the only thing in the world besides any movie with Jimmy Fallon that makes me want to dive into a pool filled with starving, angry piranhas. Let's now interview the contestants. Kame Sen'nin, I respect your fighting prowess and teachings, but as a person, I have absolutely no respect, but I won't be bitter. I'll still talk to you.
Kame Sen'nin- You'll really talk to me?
Charles- Yes. Go to hell. Moving on, Rukia, what made you decide to come here?
Rukia- Money.
Charles- I figured that. Any other reasons?
Rukia- To test my knowledge of trivia.
Charles- Answer me this, then. What is the capital of London?
Rukia- London is a capital. It doesn't have one.
Charles- It does. The capital of London is L.
Rukia- I don't get it.
Charles- Thought so. Kaname. You know you share your name with the female protagonist of Full Metal Panic.
Kaname- Yes, I do. She's a hot girl and a good fuck.
Charles- How would you know she's hot?
Kaname- She's a main character, right?
Charles- That doesn't imply she's hot.
Kaname- Does to me.
Charles- Okay, let's move on in the game. Rukia was the only one who didn't fail at the previous question, so she picks.
Rukia- I like the way you decide things, Tolle. I'll take the Movie category for 800.
Charles- This movie that ends in Ambo is about a man named Rambo. Kaname.
Kaname- That would be Shambo. ()
Charles- Good description of the movie, but no. Kame Sen'nin.
Kame Sen'nin- What is Mambo? ()
Charles- That's a mispronounced dance.
Kame Sen'nin- Mambo's a dance?
Charles- Yes, it is.
Kame Sen'nin- I only do one dance.
Charles- And I'm assuming it's safe to bet you only do the no-pants dance.
Kame Sen'nin- Do you do it?
Charles- Yes.
Kame Sen'nin- Who's your partner?
Charles- My girlfriend.
Kame Sen'nin- What's his name?
Charles- His name is Kame Sen'nin.
Kame Sen'nin- That's my name.
Charles- That's his first name. His full name is Kame Sen'nin Shut The Fuck Up. The answer was Rambo. (blank stares) With Sylvester Stallone. (blank stares) Does anyone know who I'm talking about? No? Fuck you, then. I'll pick. Let's go to Colors for 100. The answer is: This color is combined with red to make orange. I'll give you a hint, it ends in ellow, and we mentioned it before. Kame Sen'nin.
Kame Sen'nin- Light ellow. ()
Charles- No. Kame Sen'nin, you already rang in.
Kame Sen'nin- What is light ellow? ()
Charles- I am sometimes surprised at how stupid people can be. Kaname.
Kaname- What is dark ellow? ()
Charles (very expasperated)- Why?
Kaname- It ends in rhymes with ellow, right?
Charles- It didn't start with y.
Kaname- That matters?
Charles- Yes.
Kaname- You're a hard-ass.
Charles- No, I'm not.
Kame Sen'nin- He has a hard dick for tight asses, so you're close, Kaname.
Charles- I hate these people. The answer was yellow. You know what, I'll just pick a category. I'll pick Oceans Beginning in Pacif for 200. And the answer is: This is the only ocean on the planet that starts with Pacif. Kame Sen'nin.
Kame Sen'nin- What is Pacifidlog Town? () What do you mean that's wrong?
Charles- Pacifidlog Town is a floating town in the middle of an ocean. It's not an ocean. Kaname.
Kaname- What is Pacifidlog Ocean? ()
Charles- No.
Kaname- Sorry. Where is Pacifidlog Ocean? ()
Charles- Just don't. You've lost enough money already. You know, I'll do something safe and end this round now. The answer, for the record was the Pacific Ocean. Okay, we'll take a break, and I'll shoot myself in the head.
Episode 16/Part III
Charles- And welcome back to Anime Jeopardy. In case you can't tell by the look on my face, yes, I feel like I'm crapping out an angry velociraptor. Let's go to the scores. Kame Sen'nin is in third place with -2 900.
Kame Sen'nin- I know something that you don't know, Charles.
Charles- And what is that?
Kame Sen'nin- Everything! Hehhehhehhehheh!
Charles- You have a poor sense of humor. Tôsen Kaname is in second place with -1 800.
Kaname- I'm not that far in the hole. I will now play this game walking the path of least bloodshed. Meaning I will only ring in when I know the answer.
Charles- Glad to hear it. And finally, in first place in a commanding lead with zero, Kuchiki Rukia has yet to ring in.
Rukia- It's because I don't like talking to you, Tolle.
Charles- Whatever. Better luck to all of you in the second round. the categories are: KEYBLADES I have no idea why that's there, so it'll be best to skip it, FAMOUS BREASTS hell no, KNOWN WHINERS, COLORS which I'll replace, since we had a color related category in the previous round, VEGETABLES, and finally, WILD CATS. Okay, first things first.
Kame Sen'nin- You can keep the breast category.
Charles- No, I'm not giving you the satisfaction. We'll replace Famous Breasts with THE LETTER D, and we'll replace Colors with CLAP YOUR HANDS. Okay, Rukia's in the lead, so she'll go first.
Rukia-…I'm not talking to you, Tolle.
Charles- Never mind the fact that you just said you weren't talking to me. Kaname, it's your board.
Kaname- I'll take the category about vegetables. For 1 600.
Charles- Answer: This vegetable is used to make mashed potatoes. Kame Sen'nin.
Kame Sen'nin- What is…uh…what is () Why the hell did you cut me off?
Charles- You weren't speaking, and you ran out of time.
Kame Sen'nin- And it was on the tip of my tongue, too.
Charles- And what was on the tip of your tongue?
Kame Sen'nin- Your sister's clit! Hehhehhehheheh!
Charles- Not quite what I was expecting, but I still walked into it. Kaname.
Kaname- What is a mushroom? ()
Charles- No.
Kame Sen'nin- Your sister loves mushrooms, Charles.
Charles- That's nice. I'm addicted to them. (pulls out a bad mushroom and eats it) And I know Kame Sen'nin's going to make some nasty penis joke, so I'll zap him if he speaks. And the time is up. The answer was potatoes. Potatoes are used to make mashed potatoes.
Kaname- Potatoes aren't vegetables.
Charles- Yes, they are.
Kaname- Can you prove that?
Charles- How could I prove anything to you?
Kaname- Are you saying that because I'm blind?
Charles- No, I'm saying it because you're an idiot. And I know you can see just fine.
Kaname- I can't see at all.
Rukia- Really? How many fingers am I holding up? (holds up three fingers)
Kaname- Three.
Rukia- That's really right.
Kaname- Lucky guess.
Charles- My dick. Kame Sen'nin, it's now your board.
Kame Sen'nin- I'll take Known Weiners for 400.
Charles- What do you mean Known Weiners? The category is Known Whiners.
Kame Sen'nin- That's not what I see.
Charles- You must be about as blind as Kaname says he is to think that says Known Weiners. We'll skip that category and instead go to Wild Cats for 2 000.
Kame Sen'nin- Your sister's got a really wild cat, hehhehheh!
Charles- On second thought, let's just go back to Vegetables for 1 000. The answer is: brings up a picture of a cabbage, with the word cabbage written at the bottom There is no denying what this vegetable is. Kaname, you said you were blind.
Kaname- I can make a lucky guess. What is a cabbage?
Charles- I'm writing this down because it's a correct answer, but you said you were blind.
Kaname- I am blind. You said I guessed right, and I did. Besides, it says cabbage at the bottom of the…shit.
Charles- We're just going to go to Final Jeopardy. The category is THE LETTER W. And the answer is: Write down the letter W. ( ) This shouldn't take long. Write down one letter. It's right in front of you. ( ) Time's up. Let's see what took so long to write. We'll start with Kaname, who wrote down…nothing. Because it appears he's still pretending to be blind.
Kaname- I tell you, I can't see shit.
Charles- That's because it's inside your head. You're not stupid, Kaname. You're just full of shit. Rukia, we come to you, and you wrote down…nothing as well.
Rukia-…My period just ended, so now I'm quiet and shy again.
Charles- I did not care to know that. We finally move over to Kame Sen'nin, who looks very pleased with himself.
Kame Sen'nin- I am.
Charles- Well, you just had to write down the letter W. Not difficult at all. You wrote down…what the hell is that?
Kame Sen'nin (chuckling)- Exactly what it looks like.
Charles- It looks like a water buffalo butt-raping me.
Kame Sen'nin- It is a water buffalo butt-raping you.
Charles- That is anything but a pretty picture.
Kame Sen'nin- But it's funny.
Charles- No, it isn't. That's all the time for this game. The final scores are in order, -2 400, 0, and -4 500. This was Anime Jeopardy, I'm Charles Tolle, and the three of you have shamed your family names permanently.
Worse than before, ain't it? I'll finish out the month, then my actions will vary depending on my reader's opinion.