Anime Jeopardy
Here's the seventeenth game. Oh, and you know I only own Charles Tolle. This game is short.
Episode 17
Charles- Welcome to Anime Jeopardy. Glad you enjoyed the game, now go home. (silence) Damn, I hoped I could fool the mindless masses watching this crap. I guess this means we have to go to the game. The contestants are Hatake Kakashi, Sven Vollfied, and Akutabi Gamma. Welcome to all three of you, please at least try not to make me hate you by the game's end. The first round categories are: NINJUTSU, KARINZAN JUTSU, SWEEPING, GERMAN CARS, MYHTOLOGY, and finally, GARDENING TOOLS THAT HAVE EVOLVED INTO SEXIST INSULTS. Okay, obviously, "ho" is the answer to every question in that category, so we'll switch it out with THE LETTER BEFORE K. Kakashi was voted smartest, but since he is not here, we'll have to go to Sven.
Sven- I'll take Mythology for 100.
Charles- This man, later a Simpson, wrote The Ilyad. _Kakashi, you're here, and you rang in.
Kakashi- Yeah, I would have felt awkward coming onto your show with an erection. I have a question for you, Charles.
Charles- Is that question "Who is Homer?"
Kakashi- No. I wanted to ask you if I'm allowed to jack off here. There's a hot scene coming up here, and I want to cum with the scene coming up. ()
Charles- I did not care to know that, and that's not the question you were supposed to ask. _Sven.
Sven- Kakashi, I'm sure you know that I'm a sweeper, and I could thus turn you in for public masturbation if you tried…
Charles- Sven, answer the question.
Sven- Who is Bart? ()
Charles- No.
Sven- Who is Abe? ()
Charles- You're running out of male Simpsons, and none have been correct. There's one more. _Gamma.
Gamma- Who is Santa's Little Helper? ()
Charles (stopping short, then banging his head on his podium)- I meant human, you morons. | The answer was Homer. Homer wrote The Ilyad.
Gamma- Well, if I was wrong, then I will take the appropriate action. Charles Tolle, I challenge you!
Charles- You'll get about as far as Kame Sen'nin got with Bulma. Nowhere. It's still Sven's board, unfortunately.
Sven- Are you saying that you have a problem with me selecting a category?
Charles- I just might.
Sven- In any case, I'll take The Letter before K for 500.
Charles- The word jam begins with this letter. _Sven.
Sven- That would be a G. ()
Charles- No. _Gamma.
Gamma- Uh, you know he's right.
Charles- He is not right. Do you know the answer? I'll give you a hint: this letter before K comes after I.
Kakashi- Oooh, I just came! Yeah! Fuck! ()
Charles- I'm taking money for that one. Do you have an answer, Gamma?
Gamma- No. ()
Charles- Very well, then. | The answer was J. I do hope we can make some progress here. By the rules, it's still Sven's board, but since he's proving himself to be a one-man clusterfuck of unintelligence, I'll move over to Gamma.
Gamma- So you want me to pick a category because you fear Sven's incompetence. Am I right?
Charles- Yes.
Gamma- Then let's to over to…dadada…how about…damn, I knew this…
Charles- Let's just go to Ninjutsu for 1 000. * Great. I'll set the wager for you at 1 500. No more, no less. The answer is: Name any ninja weapon. Kakashi, you really should be the first to ring in. _Kakashi.
Kakashi- I just finished reading my book. Would you like to borrow it? ()
Charles- No, I don't need Make Out Paradise to get it up. I have a girlfriend, unlike you, apparently.
Kakashi- What's wrong with using a book and your hand?
Charles- Nothing, but if you continue this conversation, I'm going to kill you. _Gamma.
Gamma- Are we talking about a Russell Crowe movie? Because I'm a big fan of him.
Charles- No. We're not talking about movies at all, we're talking about ninja weapons, which can be just about anything.
Gamma- Then what is Night at the Roxbury? ()
Charles- I told you, we're not talking about movies.
Gamma- That wasn't a movie, Charles. That was an old SNL skit. Kattan's so funny.
Charles- No, he isn't, and there was a movie based on the sketch.
Sven- I think I know the answer.
Charles- Ring in and tell me. _
Sven- What is a keyblade? []
Charles- I'll accept that. A ninja has to know how to make do with anything. That one will be recorded for posterity, and I will now take us to Final Jeopardy on this happy note, because I want to quit while we're ahead. The category is YOUR FAVORITE FOOD. And the answer is: Write down your favorite food. ( ) Any food will do. If you want, you can lie to me and write down a food. ( ) Time's up. Let's see what you've done with this one. We'll start with Kakashi, who wrote down nothing, because…?
Kakashi- I didn't know which one to pick. I like a lot of things.
Charles- Your wager is…18 000.
Kakashi- Go hard or go home.
Charles- And fail epically. Your final score is -19 600. Sven wrote down…mud pies. What are you, seven years old?
Sven- No. I just like making mud pies. Train and I do it together all the time.
Charles- Ash would say that making mud pies is the same as doing it in the butt. Let's see that wager…2 000. Damn. You could have won.
Sven- I didn't want to win. Train and I already make a shitload of money.
Charles- True. -1 700 is your final score. Okay, Gamma, you wrote down…what the hell does that say?
Gamma- Omurice. It's my favorite food.
Charles- I can not read that handwriting for my life.
Gamma- Well, that's what it says. You're illiterate.
Charles- I can read. You can't write. Your wager is…I can't read that, either, so you'll just finish with -1 600, so you win with the fewest negative points. This was Anime Jeopardy, I'm Charles Tolle, and you three should be ashamed of yourselves.
I know, the month's almost over. But fear not, I have a whole stash of games should I need them.