Anime Jeopardy
Here's the eighteenth game. Oh, and you know I only own Charles Tolle.
Episode 18/Part I
Charles- And welcome to Anime Jeopardy. Anime Jeopardy has the honor of being the only one of my studio's productions that makes me want to scrape the skin off my face with a cheese grater. Today's contestants are Miroku from Inuyasha.
Miroku- Hi. I'm going to say that I'm glad to be here, and I'd also like to thank the bar skank in the basement for the amazing Soul Society Sword Sharpening.
Charles- Um, okay. Glad you're here Miroku. Our second contestant is Luigi from the Mario series. Welcome, Luigi.
Luigi- Hello-a.
Charles- He's not hiding under his podium like I thought he would be. And our third contestant today is Captain Kuro from One Piece. Where is he?
Kuro (from under Luigi's podium)- Boo!
Luigi- Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (shoots straight into the air and gets his nose stuck in the ceiling)
Kuro (walking back to his podium)- Small children are so easily frightened, but it is amusing just the same.
Charles- Are you finished, Kuro?
Kuro- I am.
Charles- Good. Let's start this goddamn game so we can end it. The first round categories are: ADVANCE PIRACY, FAMOUS GAY HERMAPHRODITIC PLUMBERS WITH LISPS, PHONY SAGES, LET'S HAVE A DRINK {where you get money and I have a beer} HOLES IN THE HEAD, and finally, THINGS THAT GO INTO VAGINAS. Let's just switch that last category out with PLAYING CARDS.
Miroku- That's disappointing.
Charles- That's the game. Kuro, you pick first.
Kuro- I'll take Piracy for 200.
Charles- This pirate captain was not one to "Kidd" around with his crew. _Luigi.
Luigi- Blackbeard. () Mama mia.
Charles- Sorry. _Miroku.
Miroku- Jason. () Who is Jason? () What is Jason? ()
Charles- No, Miroku, just stop. You're making yourself look retarded. _Kuro.
Kuro- Captain Kidd. []
Charles- Correct. Remember to phrase your answer as a question.
Miroku- Isn't Jason Kidd a pirate?
Charles- No, he plays basketball.
Miroku- What the hell is basketball?
Charles- Pick another category, Kuro.
Kuro- Let's Have a Drink for 1 000.
Charles- You win a thousand bucks, and I have this. (opens his beer and drinks) It's good to be the host. You guys want some?
Miroku/Luigi- Yes.
Charles- Psyche! I got some be-er! I got some be-er! (drops his bottle and stares at the mess on the floor) I'd suck it off the floor, but that would make me look desperate. Kuro, pick again.
Kuro-…
Charles- Any category.
Kuro (pushing his glasses up)-…
Charles- Okay, guess he doesn't want to. Luigi, pick a category.
Luigi- Gogoweachee.
Charles- What?
Luigi- Holes!
Charles- How much?
Luigi- Let's-a go!
Charles- I'll take that to mean 500. The answer is: These holes in your head allow you to hear. _Miroku.
Miroku- What is the vagina? ()
Charles- Yeah, I'm sure you have two vaginas on the sides of your head to help you hear. I hope you don't get raped up there, because your brain would get poked. _Luigi.
Luigi- OhooooooooooooooooooooooooooWAH! ()
Charles- The weird noises you often make are not correct answers in this game. | The answer was of course what are ears. We're going to take a break.
Episode 18/Part II
Charles- And welcome back to Anime Jeopardy. Captain Kuro is absolutely refusing to speak now, which is a shame because he's the smartest man here, so Miroku, I've been told that you have an interesting collection.
Luigi- Nobody cares about-a Weegi!
Miroku- Yes, I have a collection of believe it or not, dead caterpillars.
Charles- You collect dead caterpillars?
Miroku- Sometimes I have to spray them, because if I step on them, it gets hard to tell what kind it was. Oh, look, there's one now. And it's already dead. (reaches over and tears Luigi's mustache off)
Luigi- Waaaaaaaaaah! Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwowowowowowowowowowowow!
Charles- Back to the game. Miroku, pick a category.
Miroku- I'll take Things that Go into Vaginas for 7 000 000.
Charles- That's Playing Cards for 500. {brings up a picture of the 3 of Spades} Which playing card is this? _Miroku.
Miroku- A dildo in Jenna Jameson. ()
Charles- The category is Playing Cards, Miroku, not Things that Go into Vaginas.
Miroku- You know, Charles, this is probably why Ash thinks you're gay.
Charles- I run my game my way. Unfortunately for me, everyone else insists on going their own way. _Who the hell are you?
Luigi- What is the 3 of Spades-a? []
Charles- I heard 3 of Spades in there, so that's a correct answer. Pick again, Luigi.
Luigi- Holes!
Charles- Once again, how much?
Luigi- Two!
Charles- For two hundred dollars: The hole used for eating. _Miroku.
Miroku- What is the vagina? ()
Charles- The hole for eating with, not eating out.
Miroku- You just have to ruin it for me, don't you?
Charles- No, I'm trying to make it a game that I may like. _Luigi.
Luigi- What is the mouth-a? []
Charles- That's correct. Well, our first round time is up, so we'll have to go to Double Jeopardy. This might not be so bad, but I know that I just said that, so shit will probably go sour.
Episode 18/Part III
Charles- And welcome back to Anime Jeopardy. I apologize for what happened during the break, and I'd like to assure everyone that Miroku has put his pants back on.
Miroku- I've been cited for carrying this thing without a license. And I don't mean my gun or my magic staff. Sango knows what I'm talking about.
Charles- Let's take a look at the scores. Luigi is in second place with 0.
Luigi- Yahoo!
Charles- Miroku is in third place with -1 800.
Miroku- I'm just that good. Oh, wait, I'm losing. I guess I'm just that bad.
Charles- And finally, in first place in a commanding lead with 1 200, Captain Kuro, who answered two questions and shut up.
Kuro-…
Charles- Good job, Captain.
Kuro-…
Charles- All right. Better luck to Luigi and Miroku in the second round, and I guess Kuro can continue whatever it is he's doing. The Double Jeopardy categories are: CHESS MOVES, WHICH BOX HAS THE PIE, ALGEBRA, SILHOUETTES, BULLSHITTING, and finally, PIRATES WHO PROBABLY FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL. You're in the lead, Kuro, so the board belongs to you.
Kuro-…
Charles- Right. Luigi.
Luigi- Okey-dokey. Pie!
Charles- I guess I'll have to pick the point value again. For 400, which box has the pie. (nothing) Someone bring out the pie! (pie and boxes brought out and Charles shuffles them around in a way so that it's perfectly obvious that the box on the right has a pie. We know this because the boxes are clear Tupperware, but two of our contestants are idiots and the other one is not speaking. I hate this part of my job.) Does anyone know where the pie is? _Miroku.
Miroku- Between the girl's legs. ()
Charles- That was uncalled for. _Luigi.
Luigi- Weegi wants-a the pie! ()
Charles- Luigi, something tells me you have to smack into a window thirty times to know it's there and you can't go through it. | The answer was the box on the right. That's the box that has the pie, you can see the pie through the box.
Miroku- That's not a love pie, though. I like love pies.
Charles- You are a very disgusting man. It's your board, Miroku, so I'll pick a category for you. Let's try Silhouettes for 1 600. In this category, we'll show a silhouette of one of the three of you. All right, answer: {brings up a silhouette of Luigi} Whose silhouette is that? Cough!Luigi!Cough! _Luigi.
Luigi- Mario! ()
Charles- That's what all those mushrooms have done to your brain. _Miroku.
Miroku- I don't know, but that nose is awfully familiar.
Charles- You're getting warmer.
Miroku- I think I can see some mustache.
Charles- You're getting hot.
Miroku- And he's thin.
Charles- You're starting to burn.
Miroku- He's got a cap.
Charles- You're smoking.
Miroku- And we know he's not Mario.
Charles- You're on fire, Miroku.
Miroku- Who is Wario? ()
Charles- And you either fizzled out or burned to a crisp. Either way, you're wrong and that was a silhouette of Luigi. I'm going to give up on this game. Let's take a look at how we are. Miroku has -3 800 and a rather large erection. Luigi has -2 000 and appears to be looking scared. And Kuro has 1 200 and stayed silent through the second round. The Final Jeopardy category is: NUMBERS. Write down a number and wager. ( ) Time's up. Let's see what numbers you chose. We'll start with Miroku who wrote down…nothing…because it appears he has been brutally murdered by Captain Kuro. Pity. We move to Captain Kuro, who wrote down…3.
Kuro- I also killed the plumber. And I am about to kill you!
Charles- No, you're not. (punches Kuro out) Ladies and gentlemen, Captain Kuro wins the game. This was Anime Jeopardy, I'm Charles Tolle, and do not tune in tomorrow for a special charity game.
Want another twenty games? Let me know soon!