Chapter 5: Purgatory and Thoughts

EPOV

It was yet another day in this endless monotony…it was time to go to high-school or rather purgatory, for the lack of a better word. Alice was still trying to keep her mind closed to me and so was Jasper. I wondered if it was just one of their intimate moments that they were actually thinking about and covering it up on the surface, knowing what such thoughts did to me. Rosalie was her usual self…wondering if she had picked the right clothes to make every man in school drool over her on the first day of school. Emmet was lost in thoughts about how his wife would look when he convinced her to get those clothes off her body. Carlisle and Esme were worried about me… what it might do to me…coming back to Forks…going to high school…where I had met Bella…my Bella…my sweet innocent beautiful angel…my love.

I had gone hunting with my siblings yesterday to make sure that none of us were thirsty on the first day of school. Unlike the last time when we were here, Jasper had better control over himself, having been on the restricted diet for longer. I had spent the rest of the early hours of the morning in my room…staring at the ceiling, imaging non-existent patterns…thinking about my love…I love her…I will always love her…Forever…yet another promise I had made to my angel.

Soon, it was time to leave and my sibling called out to me through their thoughts.

...would you be kind enough to grace us with your presence…I want to see the reactions of these human males to me and we are getting late… stop thinking about yourself and about HER…get a live Edward Cullen… (Rosalie)

…will he be fine going back to school…I could challenge him to an arm-wrestling match anytime…(Emmett)

… Edward…I can sense a multitude of emotions from you…I can calm you down if you wish…but we should get going…(Jasper)

… Edward…I can see that you will be fine today…Please come down… (Alice)

I decided that it was time to go in order to avoid any confrontations and picked up my bag from behind my couch and ran down the stairs to the living room where everyone was waiting for me. I was surprised that Carlisle was still there. He must have kept his thoughts to himself…

When I picked up my car keys and stepped out of the house…I heard the concerned thoughts of my parents…

...I hope my baby will be fine…I hope it does not hurt him too much to go back to school here… Be strong Edward… (Esme)

… I am confident that you will do fine Edward…Have faith in yourself son… (Carlisle)

I got in the driver's seat and started the car as my siblings got in and accelerated towards Forks high school. I parked in the far corner and all of us went to pick up our schedules from the school office. Alice and I were pretending to be juniors while Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie would be seniors. Once we checked our schedules, I found that Alice and I had only English and gym together. My first class for the day would be German. It was one of my favorite languages and I was sure that I knew it better than the teacher herself. I did not even bother to register the names of the teachers…I took the last seat, farthest from the entrance. My siblings and I were getting the usual stares from the humans. We looked beautiful to our prey… As the other piled into the classroom I was hit by a thousand thoughts, the women swooning over my looks and wondering if I will ask them out on a date or if I already had a girlfriend. The male population were cursing my looks…each hoping to keep his girlfriend away from my eyes…Soon I tuned them all out and concentrated on the wall behind the teacher…I tried to locate my siblings in their different class rooms. The day progressed in a similar manner and soon everyone in school was taking about the new kids in school…the Cullens and the Hales… We kept to ourselves and grabbed some food to keep up the human charade and found a table at the far end of the lunch room… Soon Emmett and Jasper were discussing about the reaction of different people in their classes and Rosalie was smirking while thinking about all the compliments she had received in the first half of the day… Alice was extremely silent…and having known her for nearly a 150years I knew that something was not right… I nudged her under the table to get her attention…

…Edward…I have been debating on whether I should tell you or not but I had a vision some days ago… We will have to talk about this in the presence of Carlisle…So let us not bring that up now…Please…

I nodded imperceptibly and stared off towards the ceiling… Once lunch hour was over, it was Social Sciences, one of the classes I had with Alice…as we walked towards the class together Alice filled me up on things she had heard and thought was funny…

…You know what…a girl from my math class actually had the courage to come and ask about us…I told her that Rosalie-Em and Jasper-I were together and that you were my brother. It was as if she was waiting for me to mention your name and even more excited by the fact that you were the "single Cullen". She asked me if you dated and I said that you did and that was a long time back…

My face went blank and I stopped mid-step. I could feel my face contort in pain. Alice saw that too…

… I am sorry Edward…I should not have mentioned this to you…I know you still love her…but…Oops!

Alice stopped herself half-way through…which only meant that she was about to say something about her vision…but what could it be that will connect Bella, myself and the need for Carlisle to be there?? These thoughts kept me occupied for the rest of the hour and through Maths as well. The last class on my schedule for the day was Biology! This brought back a rush of memories…not that I had forgotten any of it but the emotions were raging inside me…I needed Jasper's help…this was the class where I had met my Bella. My thoughts wandered off to the days I had spent with my Bella in the biology class and soon the bell rang to indicate the end of another boring day in this purgatory…I walked back to the car as quickly as humanly possible and waited for my siblings to arrive.

The week passed-by in a similar fashion. Alice had still not told me about her vision. She kept acting distant and so was Jasper. Jasper was sending alternating waves of excitement and apprehension.

It was finally weekend and I did not have to bother with the human charade for another 2 days! Alice had predicted that tomorrow would be sunny and I planned to visit our meadow…where I had confessed my love for Bella…my angel. I spent the whole of Saturday going over my memories, of the days when my angel had brightened my life, the days when I had truly laughed. The days that I longed for but would never have.

As soon as it was dawn, I took a quick shower, not that our kind really needed to shower, but it was more out of a habit than a requirement. I dashed out of the house, running towards my meadow, along the stream from our backyard. Running was still the only thing that relaxed me, even though it still brought back memories about the few times I had run with her and it is not that I want to forget her or run away from those memories because that is what kept me living, if you call what we do as "living". The rest of the day flew by as I drowned myself in thoughts about the first day I had brought my Bella to this beautiful meadow. Today it did not hold one hundredth of the beauty that it held on the day I had come here with her and I knew that I was because Bella had been with me then but now I was alone…even though I had a loving family, it was never the same without her. I found myself sobbing tearlessly and on my knees even before I realized what I was doing. It was too late to go back to those days I had spent with my love…After I left her, I had tracked down Victoria and Laurent and killed them both with the help of my brothers even though Carlisle did not approve of it. Leaving them around meant only danger to my Bella. I knew how our kind felt towards the loss of a mate and in the brief instant when I had been able to look into Victoria's mind, I knew that she was James' mate. Laurent left the coven but I did not want to take any chances. I would give Bella every chance at a peaceful human life.

After a century of being away, I was now sure that she did not exist on the face of this Earth. I contemplated going to the Volturi, begging them to end my life, but I knew what that would do to my family, my mother Esme. I was not that ungrateful or selfish. I now tried to drag along for the sake of my family. If only I could get back Bella…