What Are You Doing To Yourself?

During the past week Yoko didn't seem to have changed much and no one seemed to notice…the other things. Though Nakada would always be cold and no one would know why since she would mostly be cold when some one was hurt or being hurt. Yoko said it was probably the forest giving her a forbidding feel. But if that were true she would be feeling hot instead of cold. Falser couldn't look at Yoko fully and Yoko couldn't look at him at all. Nakada didn't sleep in Yoko's tent anymore; instead she slept outside with her friends, not noticing the painful stares Yoko gave her when she wasn't looking.

That night everything was settled and everyone was sleeping, except a certain kitsune. He stared out of the flap of his tent and looked at Nakada as she slept with her friends. His eyes stared at her with so much pain and he closed them as he turned around and went to his bed of furs. He looked at the ground in front of him where Nakada used to sleep as he took out a small jagged dagger from his cloth belt and took a bowl of water and dipped his arm into the water. He winced a little as self in flecked wounds appeared, with some still bleeding. He looked at them, his eyes blank as he took the dagger and cut a place he hadn't marked yet. The stuff that was on his arms, chest, back, face, legs and somehow on his neck, was a simple mixture, made to hide and slowly heal wounds that he had made.

With Nakada

Outside Nakada began to shiver uncontrollably until she finally woke up and looked around. Nothing seemed to be out of place until she looked at Yoko's tent and she became even colder. She stood up and started to gently walk towards the tent not wanting to make a sound.

With Yoko

Yoko placed the last of the paste on his arm when he caught Nakada's scent near the door and he quickly hid the dagger under the furs before she opened the tent flap, "Are you all right Yoko?" She asked gently and he looked at her, a little happy that she cared.

He nodded as he looked at her, "Yes, I'm fine Nakada," his left ear flicked and Nakada walked over to him to see if he really was okay.

"Do you mind if I make sure?" she asked gently and he shook his head.

"No, I don't, but you wont find anything wrong with me," he persisted as she sat behind him and gently pressed her fingers to his bare skin. He tried his best not to wince or show any amount of pain as she touched the deep wounds on his back he had told his plants to make.

"Does this hurt Yoko?" she asked watching him carefully and he looked at her with a small smile to hide his pain.

"No Nakada, it doesn't," he said, his voice normal as his left ear flicked and she gently took his arms and did the same thing. When she was going to do the arm that had the fresh wound he stopped her by taking her hand. He looked at her eyes, "Nakada…your worry is greatly appreciated but there is nothing wrong with me," his left ear flicked.

She looked at him unsure and then sighed looking down, "I'm sorry to have bothered you Yoko," she said as she got up and went to leave but he took her hand to stop her. She turned around and looked at him, "Is there something wrong Yoko," she asked.

He looked at her and then shook his head and smirked a little, "No, goodnight," he said and she stared at him before smiling herself.

"Goodnight Yoko," she said and went out to the rest of the team.

He watched her leave and looked down at the ground feeling a little alone as he held his arm that had acquired a new injury and still hurt as went over to his bed. He sat down and stared at the flap, "I…I love you Nakada," he said and then looked at the floor as he began to lie down. Why didn't I say that when she was here? He sighed and went to sleep.

During the next few days

Yoko still hurt him self and Nakada would go in and check on him to see if he was all right. That night when Nakada was done checking Yoko she sat on the bed and looked at him. She looked like she wanted to say something but she didn't know how to word it properly. Yoko stared at her and asked, "Is there something wrong Nakada?" he asked looking at her carefully.

She looked up at him surprised and shook her head, "No I was just wondering if you…could let the team sleep in tents or something like that since the weather is getting cold." That was part of the reason but she couldn't bring herself to ask the rest.

He looked at her and then cupped her face so she would look at him; "I see nothing wrong with that. I can ask the other demons to take in your friends and brother. My guess is though, you would want to be with Falser wouldn't you," he asked looking at her and she saw that his eyes were showing a little hurt.

"No I wouldn't," he looked at her shocked and she smiled at him, "Didn't you hear? Falser and April have a thing for each other. I caught them kissing yesterday before everyone else was asleep. Anyway I could never be with him…once he tried to kiss me and I was going to stop him before a wild silver fox with four tails appeared and attacked him. I was actually wondering if you would take me in…" she realized what she said and then looked at him surprised and so was he. She turned and looked at the floor, "That is if…I mean…what I meant to say…you don't really have to…it's up to y…" Yoko lifted his finger to her lips to shush her.

"I would really like that Nakada," he said looking at her and resisted the urge to embrace her, "You can sleep here tonight if you want."

She stared at him and smiled. She couldn't resist the urge and embraced him as she wrapped her arms around his waist. He winced a little when she held him tightly but he still held her close as well and leaned his head against hers a little. He had one hand wrapped around her back while the other was gently stroking her hair. She broke away after a while and looked at him smiling as well as blushing like mad, "That was for agreeing to help us, but since they can't go into the tents tonight, then I won't sleep in here tonight. Is that all right with you?"

He looked at her and nodded, "Yes, it's all right."

So for the next few days the team were to sleep with the demons and Nakada would sleep in Yoko's tent. One day while she was setting up the inside of the tent, she came across the dagger Yoko used to cut him self with. There was still blood on the blade and she was scared to know whose blood it was. Yoko entered the room and she looked behind her a little worried as she put the dagger back to where she thought she had found it and smiled a little, "Hey Yoko, I was just getting things done in here."

He looked at her a little worried, "Thank you Nakada, but next time, I'll do my own bed. I prefer to arrange my stuff the way I want them."

She looked at him and nodded, "O-okay Yoko," she said and left the tent. When she left Yoko sighed closing his eyes and then went to his bag where Nakada had put the dagger. He looked for it in the pocket he had always put it but it wasn't there. He looked in a different one and saw that it was there with Nakada's scent on it. He looked back at the tent flap and then back at the dagger in his hand. Please say she didn't figure it out. He said as he put the dagger away.

That night Yoko went to take a bath in a near by hot spring. He looked around to make sure no one was looking as he took his clothes off. He went into the water and dove bellow the surface as Nakada came down as well. She saw Yoko's clothes at the side of the pool and turned to leave as he came up from the water. The scent of blood flowed through the air and she instantly turned around and he saw her as well. Nakada was somehow able to hold back a scream when she saw all the wounds he had caused. She covered her mouth and he looked down in shame, his ears flattened to his head.

For a moment they didn't say a thing, and then he became aware of the scent of tears and a sniffling noise. He looked up and saw Nakada was kneeling on the ground with her hand still over her mouth and her eyes tightly shut as she cried. He quickly got out of the water, put his pants on and went over to her, holding her close. He wrapped his arms around her, trying to calm her down as her forehead leaned against his chest.

Finally she began to speak, "Why Yoko?" he looked at her and she wiped away her tears and looked at him, "Why did you do this to yourself?"

He looked at her and then at his arm, finally realizing what he had been doing to himself during the past few days, as if he was waking up from a bad dream. He looked at her and shook his head, "I can't remember why Nakada," he said looking at her. "All I remember is fighting Falser when he was almost about to kiss you, and then you attacking me. I ran back to the camp when I realized I had lost you because I had pushed you away and beaten you too much."

Nakada looked at the kitsune surprised, "Y-Yoko."

"Nakada, I am so sorry for everything," he said. He gently stroked her face, "Falser is right," she looked at him confused, "I really am a monster. I…" but she covered his mouth with her finger.

"Shhhh," she said stroking his face a little, "I told Falser that I knew you weren't a monster and do I really have to tell you?" She smiled a little playfully but it disappeared and he didn't like that at all.

She looked at him but before she could say anything he spoke, "Nakada I'm sorry that I accused you of killing Sara but I thought she was the only one that had ever loved me and cared about me. Then her spirit visited me and said that you cared about me and…" he had to stop because the look on her face made him too scared to continue.

She cleared her throat, "Yoko…I…" but he sat up and looked at her covering her lips to silence her, not wanting her to continue that sentence because he knew it wouldn't be good.

"Nakada please," he said gently looking at her and cupping her face, "Please…I was an idiot, I was a jerk, I was everything you want to call me I know that but…"

This time she covered his mouth with her finger, "Yoko, I do care about you, but I can't be with you right now."

"…Why Nakada," he asked, hurt as he looked at her, "Why can't you be with me? I care about you so much," he asked stroking her face while trying to keep back tears.

She took his hand and held it in her own, "Because you can still get angry so fast, that is all it needs for your heart to return to the beat it had when we first met. You know how weak I got when I was too close to…"

"But Nakada," he argued getting just a little angry with what she was deciding, "I don't get that angry around you anymore do I?"

She turned her head so he could see his claw marks that were still there and not fully healed, "Yes you do Yoko."

He looked at her cheek and gently cupped it, moving his thumb gently over the marks, "But now that I know you care about me, I wont be that angry anymore with you." He looked at her, his eyes pleading and he saw in her eyes that she was trying to resist, "Nakada please…don't do this."

She looked at him and another tear fell from her eye running over her clawed cheek and onto his thumb, "Why don't you just leave her alone and give her some space Yoko?" Falser suggested from behind them. Yoko looked at him surprised and in anger at the same time, "Can't you see that you are hurting her? She knows that you can still get angry easily and it won't matter if you are angry with her. She is doing this so she can be with you and not worry about you killing her when you are angry in the end."

Yoko's anger instantly rose as his heartbeat became ugly again as he listened to Falser's accusations. Nakada winced when she heard his heart turn horrible again. He saw her wince and calmed down instantly realizing that what Falser was saying was true and he looked down. There was silence for a few minutes and then he looked up at Nakada, "Listen…I will agree to this if you promise to wait, and not go with anyone and you stay in my tent. You won't wake up to find out that I carried you to my bed." He looked at her and stroked her face, "Is that all right with you?"

She looked at him smiling and nodded, "Yes it is."

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her, embracing her tightly and she returned the embrace. They drew back and he looked at her, stroking her face, "Then lets get back to camp and get some sleep."

She nodded as they began to stand, "But let me help your wounds heal," he nodded.

When they got to the camp and were in Yoko's tent.

Nakada asked Yoko to sit on the bed and take his shirt off while she got something from her bag. He sat down on the bed and watched as Nakada took something from her bag that looked like a bottle of some kind. She sat on the bed of furs behind him and put some of the stuff that was in the bottle on her hand. She then dipped her fingers in what seemed to be some kind of clear cream and placed it over the wounds on his back.

He winced when he felt the cream on one of the partially deep wounds on his back and then on others. After the cream was almost gone from her hand she began to rub the stuff into his skin as gently as she could. Yoko held his breath and clinched his hands into fists as he felt her do this, "Are you almost done?" he asked after a while.

Nakada didn't say anything then looked at him, "It has to be done well or the wounds won't heal the way they are supposed to. This is all my fault," she said as she continued to rub the stuff on his back. Yoko turned his back away from her and looked at her in the face.

He reached out and cupped her face in such a care that she had never felt before from him but only once, so by reflex she flinched at the sudden touch. He looked at her and he spoke gently as if she hadn't done anything, though he still felt a little hurt, but he knew the reason why she had flinched, "If anyone should be blamed it is me because of the way I had treated you. I pushed you away and hurt you so many times that when I finally realized that you cared about me…it was to late. When Falser clawed me and I saw the blood…something just snapped. I don't ever want to here you blame yourself."

She looked at him and nodded a little, "O-okay then," she managed to stutter out. She then smiled, "Let me finish the rest of your wounds and then we can both get some sleep." He nodded as he turned around and she finished his back. She did his arms next and then she told him he could do his chest, sides, legs, neck and face. She noticed that he hadn't wounded his stomach at all, "Yoko?" he looked at where she was sitting on the ground in front of him as he did his left leg, "Why didn't you cut up your stomach?"

He looked at her and then back at his leg, "I don't know. For some reason it seemed important for me to not injure that part of my body, even during what I was going through."

She looked at him and then he gave a sigh showing that he was done. She smiled and took the bottle away from him, "By tomorrow your deep cuts will probably look like scrapes or scratches and the others will look like nothing was there or red marks." Nakada went over to her bag, put the bottle away and went out to wash her hands.

When she came back Yoko was sitting on the bed looking at her. He stood up and walked over to her lifting her chin up. She allowed him to do that as she looked up into his golden eyes while he just stared at the sunglasses she still had on. He slowly began to lower his head, closed his eyes and gently placed his lips on hers. She stiffened almost instantly but she relaxed and closed her eyes as well. She placed her hands on his chest and he placed his own on the sides of her waist.

Yoko broke the kiss and looked down at her, "What was that for," she asked looking up at him.

He smiled a little and caressed her face, "For you to know I will always care about you, since it is obvious that you care about me. Maybe someday it will grow into something more…I'm hoping it will."