A/N: First one-shot for me that's NOT a songfic, and a Christmas special. Also the first half-assed comedy story I'm going to try to write. It's not really intentional comedy, but the situation is funny. I just heard this song, and wondered, "Hey…what if I somehow tie this with Artemis Fowl?" The result is this.

I was going to write LotC ch.8 for Christmas, but that was kinda inappropriate considering the holidays.

Disclaimer: I don't own AF, or Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy, used in The Nutcracker.

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C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S-I-S-H-E-R-E

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The fairy dances.

Bounding across the stage, the fairy displays his prowess with the art of ballet, balancing expertly on his toes, every move a highly coordinated one. The audience watches contently, enthralled by the presentation the fairy gives. A few beads of sweat roll down the fairy's forehead. The heat from the lights was a bit too hot, but it wasn't a major obstacle. The dance continues.

The pace was picking up now, the music intensifying as the climax rolls on closer. The finish was quite difficult, but countless hours of practice had been spent on this final manoeuvre. The fairy, grunting slightly as he adjusts his body, thought of the move. Judging from the swelling music, the finish was soon. Very soon. About a minute and 25 seconds. Regardless, the fairy kept up his smile that seemed all too real, and the lights adjusted to set the mood.

The fairy's brain fluids took a trip as he pirouetted at quite a speed, enthralling the viewers. Every brain cell was spent on coordinating the movements. Flexibility was key here, and the fairy had it. Performing with all his might, he was only satisfied by the crowd's slight ooh's and aww's.

The music ever rolling to the finish, the fairy continued his routine. Every pair of eyes were locked onto him, watching intently. Some looking for faults, some lost in the display. The fairy took a short moment to smile internally. He loved doing this, regardless of what anyone else had to say. The violins' pitch climbed higher, and the brass blew louder. The climax was imminent.

Nothing could break his concentration now. Nothing. And now was the moment. The climax. The fairy jumped-

"Verbil!? What the hell!"

Chix' concentration faltered from the voice, and he tripped over his coffee table, landing right beside his TV set. His 'ow' reaction was muffled by the thick carpet.

"Seriously, just what the hell was with that dancing? And turn down the music!"

Chix reached up to the coffee table, and pressed the OFF button on the remote. The sound system shut down.

Turning towards the screen that had appeared above the sofa, Chix regained his coordination and stood up. Not that it really mattered at the moment.

"Commander, I can expla-"

"Sergeant, you don't have to explain anything. I saw that. In fact, Foaly was streaming a live feed to the situation room for the past twenty minutes!"

"He was WHAT?"

The screen split into two, and Foaly's face took up the new half. He was laughing. Hysterically. His horsely exclamations started to anger Chix, until he heard something peculiar. There were other voices, also laughing.

Foaly, still laughing, managed to squeeze out a few words. "Oh..oh gods, Chix, I can't believe it! You were dancing in your living room to some human Christmas song! And not just dancing, it was ballet! Oh, god, if I could, I would upload this to that human's YouTube."

Holly's face replaced Foaly's as he was pushed out of the way. "Seriously, Chix, you have got to be more discreet about these things. Ballet? Out of anything else? Man…"

The raucous laughter was deaf to Chix' ears. His face was red, even though his skin was green. He felt an emotion, but it wasn't anything like anger, sorrow, hilarity, or even embarrassment. It was something else.

A small smile crept onto Chix' face. Gods, they are never going to let it go in the Plaza.

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C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S-I-S-H-E-R-E

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A/N: Short, yes. But I was spending more time on getting motivated on LotC ch.8 and video games, so...yeah. I've never been really good at this stuff anyways. And I knew absolutely nothing about ballet, so don't blame me.

And if you're somehow confused about the ending, PM me.

Happy Holidays!

XD