Intensive Carol
(Original Story Concept: Highwind MD)
Author's Note: You can punch me for that pun. I won't duck.
Cid Highwind leaned back against the clinic wall, sucking on the wet end of a cigar. Some people thought it was stupid and hypocritical for a doctor to smoke, but then (in Cid's words) "some people were morons."
He had been using the cane for a while now. Shera had chosen a rather choice punishment for breaking the good pot, and now he walked with a limp wherever he went. And mind you, she missed her intended target, so Cid counted himself lucky.
His boss, the shrill, yet somehow sexy, Tifa Lockhart can strolling into the clinic holding a file in her hand.
"You've got a case," Tifa said.
"No, just a six-pack, but I'll share," Cid replied.
Tifa dropped the file into his lap, which made him flinch just a bit. Cid looked over the information in the large manilla folder. "Well, this sucks."
---
"Got a case!" Cid announced as he hobbled into his office, where a small plastic Christmas tree had been decorated against his will.
His subordinate doctors, Cloud Strife, Aerith Gainsborough, and Barret Wallace sat watching Christmas specials on the television. It was obvious that they had hoped to get out of work at a decent hour this Christmas. Barret was wearing a santa hat and Aerith was drinking some hot chocolate, which she was stirring with a candy cane.
"Can't we just let him die? It's Christmas?" Asked Cloud.
"Believe me, I wanted to, but Tifa said she'd spank me if I didn't do it," Cid paused. "Or maybe she said she wouldn't spank me… I forget. Either way, we've got a mountain climber to save."
"Mountain climber? It's probably frostbite," Barret suggested.
"Wow, that's impressive. You're trying to be like me with the whole diagnosing before you've even seen the guy. The difference is I've seen his file," Cid joked.
He tossed the manilla folder onto the table, and his peons set to work looking over the information, as he began to debrief them.
"Mountain climber John Doe. He was found on the mountains outside of Midgar, and he's not moving," Cid explained. "He's breathing. He's just not moving or talking."
"Paralysis," Aerith explained. "It doesn't affect the respiratory system, like stone."
"It's -12 degrees at the top of that mountain. He was probably frozen and it's wearing off. Give him an hour or two," Cloud suggested.
"Or it could be stone, but it's slow-onset. In that hour you'll see discoloration, " Barret said.
"That's what you said about the last case. Do you just really like that diagnosis? It's not like a toothbrush, you can't share it with a neighbor," Cid complained.
"Okay… start by treating him for everything. Remedy+, the good stuff. If that works, wean him off of each effect, and then we'll find out what he has by the process of elimination," Cid explained.
---
Cid's only friend was the well-mannered Red XIII. He was essentially a beast, which explained why Cid liked him. He had long since given up hope on humanity for some stupid reason or another.
"So what are you doing for Christmas?" Red asked.
"Mountain Climber John Doe. Apparently Tifa hates me," Cid whined.
"Huh. Well let's hope things go better than your last case," Red suggested.
---
Cid stood over the body of his dead patient.
"You know… if this trend continues I'm gonna have to start working in the morgue," Cid realized. "How did he die?"
"Oh, that's not really your fault," said Tifa as she walked into the room. "When I said that he was still breathing… well, I was lying"
"Why?" Cid asked.
"Everybody lies," Tifa said.
"Oh, that makes sense. Still doesn't explain why you lied, but okay," Cid noted.
"Basically I wanted to keep you busy until I could wrap this," Tifa said, pulling out a small box.
"Please tell me it's a pair of your panties," Cid joshed.
He opened the box and saw what looked like car keys.
"You bought me a car?" Cid asked.
"New electric wheelchair. Watching you limp is just depressing," Tifa said.
"Well Merry Christmas to you too," Cid cursed, as he discreetly pocketed the keys.
And so another day had passed, and yet another person had died under the attentive care of Cid Highwind, MD.