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PCH Roof
Christmas Morning
There was no litany of stats delivered as the helicopter landed on PCH to the seasoned dark haired trauma nurse and two Drake brothers, on call tonight so they could spend the next with Emma, just a loud, "She's crashing!"
Robin's cry of, "No," stopped her short of reaching Brenda. Her husband shot her a quick worried glance over his shoulder, but that didn't stop him from reaching his patient.
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ICU
4:17am
He had no idea if his body was trembling on the outside as badly as it felt on the inside as he watched Robin being led away, inconsolable, by her husband still in his scrubs that contained traces of Brenda's blood, just as Jason's own attire did, because he had been so desperate to reach his wife. Robin could offer him no more than a look of despair before she had to look away.
His mother had emerged from the operating room to tell him that while they had stopped the major bleeds, she had coded once more. They had no choice, but to stop. Give her system a chance to stabilize before repairing anymore damage. Then she had said those words, 'Jason, you need to say goodbye.'
'You just-'
'That was the doctor, this is your mother, and I'd like to think Brenda's friend. The trauma was too severe. We were barely able to get her back Jason, Patrick was able to relieve the pressure on her brain, but-' her head shook.
'She's strong,' he told her.
'I know,' she nodded, 'and I think that Brenda making it this far is a testament to that. Most…' her words died off. 'I'm speaking as your mother Jason, you need to prepare yourself.'
He visibly shuddered as he approached her. She was a ghostly white despite the tan she'd acquired two weeks ago on a girls weekend to St. Barts with Robin, Maxie and Emma. Her head was bandaged leaving dark hair spilling out over the white crown. Yet she looked perfect, despite the fact that her body was failing her.
"You can't die," he whispered to her as he took her hand. ``
He sat for another moment just looking at her, "I don't know how to say goodbye to you."
A ragged breath in, "I don't know what I was supposed to have done. How I let them get you? Why I let Anna talk me out of going alone?" His head shook, "I'm sorry. I don't know how I didn't keep you safe."
"I…" a word trembled on the tip of his tongue, left unknown to him, it stayed there for a moment before he replaced it with the sentiment he had been repeating since she fell, "You can't die."
"Jason," a soft voice spoke from behind him. He turned to see a nurse looking compassionately at him. All of her seemed soft actually, the pale blonde hair with the gentle wave, tender blue eyes that seemed to look within him. It wouldn't take much imagination to see the light from above as a halo and replace her blue scrubs with a white dress and place her atop the tree in the waiting room. "You need to tell her," was all she followed his name up with.
"I can't say goodbye," he looked back at Brenda.
"You don't get a say in that Jason."
He turned back at the familiar nurse whose name he couldn't quite place.
"Besides there are more important things than goodbye."
"I-" he shook his head at the nurse.
"You got it with Alan," her voice so low it was almost a whisper.
"You?"
Her blue eyes started to gloss over, "You got it, but you didn't quite get it did you? I wish there were more chances, but…" her head shook. "You still need to tell her."
"Tell her what?"
"Why you don't want her to go," this time she did whisper.
"I-" another shake of his head.
"Why you kept her room for all of those years," she prompted at a decibel just slightly above her last.
He still couldn't say anything.
"Three chances," she shrugged, then bittersweetly smiled, "earth, moon and the stars they all lined up for you. Waiting for you to take the chance. Sometimes you need hold on, you need to come back. You need to fight for something. You should have gotten it after Alan."
"I…" the words still struggled within him. "Why are you doing this?" he found himself asking instead as something new started to tear him apart.
"I've been watching you," she said tenderly as her head tilted.
He smirked, "Like a stalker or let me guess guardian angel?" he was on the attack as his psyche threw up every defense mechanism it could, even ones rarely used.
"Like your sister," she replied without scorn.
"My sister is dead," he turned back to Brenda.
"I died," she offered. "In this hospital with our mother crying outside of my operating room. You were so young, I barely knew you, but that didn't mean I didn't love you."
"Dawn's dead," he said referring to Monica's daughter that had died years before he was born. He barely remembered the pictured shoved at him after his accident.
She chuckled, "Yea I was kinda there when it happened."
He didn't say anything to the lunatic behind him.
"You are so strong Jason, but you're still scared."
He was petrified actually. Afraid his mother and logic were right.
"You need to tell her," she repeated.
"I did," he had told her. Told her that she couldn't leave.
"I get that its hard Jason, especially now. It hasn't changed since you were a teenager-"
"I am not Jason Quartermaine," he quickly shot off.
"A name is a name Jason. Your soul doesn't change no matter what you label it. It doesn't matter that you don't remember; maybe that's why the universe gave you so many chances."
He gripped Brenda's hand tighter.
"It's a risk. You can risk something good, something safe to try for something more and it could all fall apart and you could end up with nothing," he could hear the tremble in her voice, "the risk is gone Jason and there are no more chances."
He remained silent.
"You didn't want her to leave when you said goodbye to her at the airport. It's why you kept her room the same."
He shook his head, "I wanted her to have someplace she could come back to. Feel safe."
"Why did you let her leave?" she questioned again.
"Jax left her, I loved Courtney-" there was a long list of reasons.
"Butterflies in the stomach," she offered on his love for Courtney, "anticipation? Passion? With Brenda you…"
He once more just stared at the unnatural shade of pink of Brenda's lips.
"You didn't want her to leave and you wanted her to come back," she filled in.
When she said it like that…Jason brushed off the thought before it could fully hit.
"You pushed her away when she came back," she supplied the details of Brenda's return last winter. "Sometimes letting go is the best thing, sometimes its right."
"I screwed up," he realized that the moment he found out she'd been taken as leverage against Sonny.
"It could have been different Jason," she said simply.
"I know," he whispered.
"What do you know?" she softly encouraged.
"It could have been…" he got a faraway look in his eye. He shook his head, "It could have been worse."
She shook her head; then turned his head to face, her fingers were soft as well, "You're strong and stubborn and you know what that feeling is that you can't say, you always felt it, even when you couldn't stand her. You felt something."
Tears welled up in two sets of blue eyes, "This moment could have been so different, if you'd just held on and you need to tell her that. You can't let this happen without that."
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December 1993
"Oh come on," Jason Quartermaine remarked with an eye roll as Brenda bounced back over to him in the department store.
"What?" she not-so-innocently questioned and they resumed walking.
"Do you have to flirt with every guy in the mall?"
"I would hardly-"
"Five guys Brenda," he quickly retorted.
"Been counting Jase?"
"Hard not to," he once rolled his eyes.
"I'd flirt with you, but we're like brother and sister."
"Brenda , I told you-"
"Right, right not sister," she raised a hand. "Did make it pretty clear I'm not supposed to flirt with you," she pointed out.
"You know Brenda, AJ's right this constant need for attention is going to get you in trouble one day."
That set her off when before it had been amusing her, "AJ has no idea what the hell he's talking about," she stopped walking and scowled at him.
He abruptly stopped as well, "No you know what I think AJ's onto something here aside from," he waved his pointer between them. "You're so desperate for someone to want you-"
"Desperate? Really I'm desperate now?" she scoffed.
"Yea," he nodded, "you are. You're also gorgeous and funny and caring and entirely too smart sometimes, and you don't see any of that. You're only as good as they make you feel."
"And you're making me feel great now," the tough girl had tears in her eyes.
"I'm sorry Brenda, I'm just trying to be a friend."
"A friend only though, right Jason?"
"What's so wrong with being a friend?" he loudly questioned in a hushed harsh whisper.
"You don't trust me to be anything more. You want me, I know you do," her voice was trembling, but she had been pushed there was no backing down.
"I like our friendship, there's no reason to mess with it."
"A mess. Because that's what I'd be right Jason? A mistake. A screw up? You know I'd fail at it just like everything else?" she furiously wiped away the tears that had fallen.
The tears undid him and he transferred the bags to a single hand as he cupped her cheek, "Our friendship means something to me. Risking it for-"
"It could be good too," she whispered looking up into his eyes, "maybe even better than that."
"I can't be some ploy to get back at Jagger," he honestly admitted.
"I told you I'm over that," she reminded.
"Or to stay in the house," he offered.
"Seems more like a surefire way to get kicked out," she countered.
"I'd never let them do that," he promised.
"We could be fun Jason," she prompted.
"After though," he shook his head.
"You're right," she nodded then turned out of his near embrace. "With my track-"
He pulled her back to him and dropped the packages, cupping the back of her head to pull her in for a kiss she couldn't escape.
"I'm gonna screw this up Jase," she said into his chest seconds after it had ended.
"No you won't," he promised as he held her tight to him.
"No trust me I will," she let out a short laugh.
"I won't let you," he swore holding on for dear life.
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Present Day
"I'm going to lock her in her room until she's 40," Jason Quartermaine said pacing the length of his living room in his pajamas.
"Good luck with that," Brenda Quartermaine smirked.
He turned and glared at his wife, "You like her out with that…that…" his hand flared forward, "hoodlum?"
"Oh my god you're not becoming Alan, you're becoming Edward," she responded with wide eyes.
He started pointing at her then his hands flared out again in an attempt to shake it off. "Where the hell is she?"
"You called her three minutes ago."
"They could have been in an accident."
"She said she'd be home in ten," his wife quickly reminded.
He snapped, "Are you okay with our 14 year old daughter sneaking out of the house on Christmas Eve to go to a party?"
"Oh hell no, that kid's grounded till her birthday next month. Only reason it isn't going to be longer is I've spent months planning it and the deposits are non-refundable."
"He's a senior," Jason said collapsing on the couch next to Brenda, "you know what seniors want."
"Maybe he's a you," she patted his shoulder, refusing to allow him to see how upset she was, after all one of them had to be level headed.
He once more glared at her.
"I'm gonna go make sure Evan's door is shut before you wake him," she patted her husband on the thigh before standing.
Jason resumed pacing. He had the front door wide open before the car even pulled into the driveway. His daughter's blonde friend nervously waved at him from the driver's seat as he fumed that jerk hadn't driven his daughter home.
"Daddy," she began while still on the walkway, pushing back the long chestnut locks to look her father clear in the eye, her own having always resembled a stormy night, they had warned him right from the start what to expect from her.
He tried to garner the strength to not wake the whole neighborhood with his first words. That all changed when she took the step that left her close enough for him to realize her eyes were bloodshot and red rimmed, she had been crying recently. "Lils, what happened? What did he do to you?"
"He broke up with me," she sputtered as her father wrapped her tightly in his arms.
"Oh no Jason," Brenda said coming up behind them, "Lila Claire Quartermaine, you are not making puppy dog eyes at your dad to get out of this."
She pulled back from her father, "But he broke up with me," tears were freely falling.
"Oh baby," she pushed past her husband to comfort her daughter, "it's going to be okay. You're still grounded, but it's going to be okay," she said stroking her daughter's hair.
Feet came pounding down the stairs behind them in the house and soon the joyful whoop of "I freakin love Christmas," greeted them. "What are you guys doing outside," he questioned while standing in the doorway.
"We thought we heard Santa," his daughter sarcastically responded.
"What's wrong with you?" he nodded at his sister. "It's Christmas. Douche dump you?"
"Evan!" his mother quickly scolded.
"What," he shrugged, "he was, even Dad said so."
Jason shrugged back at his wife and daughter.
"So gifts guys?" Evan asked with a clap of his hands before rubbing them together in eager anticipation, pale blue eyes sparkling in the night as the porch light reflected the highlights in his brown floppy hair.
"Whatever dork," his older sister ruffled his hair as she walked by, "you better have gotten me something good this year."
"Santa does exist," Jason told his wife as their kids walked into the living room.
"Yea," Brenda responded with a laugh, "season of miracles your daughter got dumped."
"I would have preferred she do the dumping, but beggars can't be choosers," he said following her into the house.
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PC Airport
February 2003
"Brenda," he said walking up from behind her.
"Oh my god go," she exclaimed rolling her eyes, "I swear Jason I have enough money to last until I'm 90."
"Not that," he said from next to her. "I changed my mind."
She looked at him questioningly.
"Not about staying with me, you definitely can't stay with me with Sonny and Carly across the hall. But you deserve happiness too and I think Port Charles makes you happy."
"You want me to stay in Port Charles?" she asked looking up at him.
"I think you want to stay in Port Charles and I don't think anything that Jax, or Sonny, or Carly says or does should change that."
"Leaving yourself out of the equation because you just told me to go and now you're telling me to stay," she teased.
"I'm telling you that you deserve to be happy too and one day you're going to figure out how to do that on your own without a guy involved and you need to start making decisions not based on them."
"Once more though," her lips twitched up, "that does not include you."
"Since when do you listen to me?" he shook his head obviously annoyed with himself for returning to her gate.
She simply smiled at him.
"So are you going to get on the plane or not?"
"Carly will be-"
"Leave me to deal with Sonny and Carly. Do you really want to let Jax run you out of town when you've spent the last month trying to put off marrying him?"
"I thought I wasn't supposed to make my decisions based upon any guy that wasn't you," she smirked.
"Brenda-" he began to threaten.
"Not," she announced with a simple shake of her head.
"I'm going to go stop them from loading your luggage and then I'll take you to the Quartermaines."
"Jason,"' she called his name.
He loudly sighed and turned with a petulant look on his face.
"You're a really good friend. Don't let me tell you otherwise," she gently smiled at him.
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Present Day
The squall hit Jason Morgan, the same time as the hand, followed by, "Make it stop."
He had no quick retort for her as he struggled to sit up, let alone stand to round the bed to the bassinet on Brenda's side. "Impatient just like your mother aren't you Claire?" he teasingly scolded the newborn with bright blue eyes and fair hair.
"I heard that," Brenda mumbled into her pillow.
"You were supposed to," he smiled as he lifted the girl in the bright red sleep sack covered in reindeer.
"Okay you're not wet," he informed the two week old before him on the changing table, "you can't be hungry again," he said sealing her back into her pajamas.
"Stop Jason, not provide commentary," his sleep deprived spouse tried to hush him.
"You just need attention like your mother," he said scooping her up to him, "even at the most inopportune times."
"Yea you're not being inconvenienced for a very long time," her words still came out half mumbled as her face was pressed into the pillow.
He smiled as he tried swaying with his daughter.
A cry for "Mama" emerged from the white intercom on Jason's nightstand.
"I'm never sleeping again," she muttered as she pressed herself up on the bed.
Jason couldn't help, but laugh, weary as he was. He caught every other word of his son's attempt at a conversation with his mother, key words being: up, Christmas and gifts. Aside from the first the rest of them just barely resembled the actual word.
She groaned walking back into the room with the dark haired toddler on the hip, who appeared especially presentable in his bright red snowman pajamas versus his mother's attire of a black tee of Jason's that didn't cover much. "Back to bed everyone, gonna go back to sleep before Santa doesn't come because we're awake."
"I can be good," dark eyes swore at his mother, that tidbit having been burned into his memory the past month.
"I know you can Ethan, right now Santa wants you to be a good little boy and go back to sleep.
"Then Santa come?" he asked as his mother released him on the bed.
"That's right buddy," Jason said settling into bed still holding his daughter who wasn't fully asleep.
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June 2009
"I know, I know," she announced walking into his office, "I'm not supposed to come visit you. It's not safe, blah blah blah," she announced with a toss of her hands and a shake of her head.
"Really is that all you hear? Blah blah blah? I tell you people close to me have a tendency of winding up seriously injured or worse and that's what you hear it as?"
"I don't see how it's any different than when we were married."
"Because the biggest threat then was your ex who was obsessed with you. "
"And he's dead," she announced with another head shake as she sank into the chair in front of him, "there was a really annoying trial for it and it turned out our lawyer did it?"
"Brenda, you don't understand with Sonny gone-"
She cocked her head to the side, a surefire sign that nothing was going to get through.
He sighed as he leaned forward.
"Jason your biggest worry is that someone would go after me thinking you'd reward them for getting me out of your hair."
"You were my wife Brenda."
"Oh please the entire town knows I forced you into that."
"You also stayed when I ordered you to go. You'd be happy somewhere with Jax now if you'd just listened to me."
"And you'd be in jail," she rolled her eyes at him, "and I'd be with Jax," she made a face.
"You stayed to protect me."
"Someone had to, you were being a stubborn ass," she shook her head at him.
"I'm asking you to let me do the same. Emily died because she was my sister Brenda."
"Emily died because insanity runs in the Alcazar family," she corrected.
"Brenda," he stood with fury, "if you won't stay away for yourself then stay away for me, how do you think I would feel if something happened to you because of me? Can you actually stop and think of someone else for a chance? If you can't do it for me what about Edward? Robin? Lois? Ned?"
"Low blow Jason."
"You didn't leave me with any other options," he shook his head as he paced.
"So what Jason," she asked in a small voice, "that's it. We're never going to be friends again? It takes us almost a decade to learn how to be friends, but now we can't?"
"It's the only option Brenda," he looked away.
"Okay then," she stood slowly and shook her head. "I won't bother you again." With her hand on the doorknob she spoke again, "It could be an accident though or a disease, wonder how you'd feel then. You deserve friends Jason; I hope you remember that one day." She opened the door and walked out, wiping away the tears in her eyes.
"Brenda," he called just as she reached the door to the street.
She turned back with bright eyes.
"What did you want to do?"
"Lunch?" she smiled.
"I'll be back in an hour Max," he nodded as he went to join her.
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"I love Christmas," she announced walking back in from the bathroom with a gray throw wrapped around her.
"You love gifts," he amended.
"I do love gifts," she smiled as she touched the opulent gold and emerald necklace she wore. "This is really too much though," she said climbing onto the bed.
"But you love it," he once more amended.
"I do," she once more agreed with a smile and another touch. "How often can I wear it though?"
"You wanted a necklace for New Year's."
"A necklace," she smiled, "not the monetary equivalent of a house."
"I'm sure I could still get my money back," he offered.
"Don't even think about it," she smiled and leaned down to kiss him, sending a shower of dark curls to surround their faces.
He pulled her atop of him when they separated; she willingly went to straddle his body covered only by a sheet. "Are you ever going to take it off?"
"I'm thinking I get a good two weeks of being showy with it. I think it'll look great with jeans and a Van Halen tee shirt," she smiled leaning slightly forward with her hands on his chest.
"Who says I was talking about the necklace?" he asked with a smile as he tugged gently at the blanket around her.
"Come with me to Robin's tomorrow?" she asked.
"Is that a prerequisite to the blanket coming down?"
"No, but I think you'd have fun."
"With Mac Scorpio?"
"No with me, Spinelli, Robin and Emma. I bet you and Spinelli could show those boys a thing or two on the Wii. And Emma is getting so big, soon she'll be walking…"
Brenda got a wistful look on her face.
"Okay," he agreed.
"Okay?" she frowned at him.
"Was I supposed to say no?"
"Really? You'll go?" she continued to look at him in shock.
"If it means spending the day with you," he said with hands resting on her calves.
She smiled and untucked the blanket from her chest. "Good," she said after a long kiss, "because I promised Monica we'd stop by for dessert."
More up soon. Hope you enjoyed those random happy little Brazen moments.
AN (totally random just me rambling): I loved Dawn. I barely remember her now, but I remember that little itty bitty kid that I was loved her and I loved Ned. First Ned was HOT (which as you should have noticed by now generally is how I pick my favorite actors). I used to have a couple tapes of her (along with other GH fave movements), but of course my sister trashed all of those the moment I left the house. Luckily a decade later there's YouTube and I can actually find scenes with her. Of course I only found those after I found Brenda and Jason scenes from RIGHT before Sonny came on the picture. ::Sigh:: If I'd only known how much I would HATE Sonny now. Um yea so actual point of all of this is this little fic is actually temporarily alliviating the desire to write two other fics (one of which had actually encouraged me to go hunting on YouTube). 1) A Jason going to heaven and Dawn being there to greet him (along with Lila, Sam and Jason's little girl...Seriously she was just so never Sonny's despite DNA) and warn him of his wicked ways and 2) Tramuatic (physically and mentally) event wipes out Brenda's memory of everything that came after (and including) meeting Sonny because you know Jason's head would explode with a teenage Brenda. And now I am done rambling.