Irvine's Christmas

(Original Story Concept: Irvine's Mind)

Wow. I mean, I know the Garden goes nuts for the holidays but this is really nice. Jeez, that tree has gotta be like 90 feet high! Is that a star at the top? Oh… no. It's a scale model of the Garden. That's a little sacrilegious. Ah, who cares. Time to get me some punch.

Whoa. That sure as hell doesn't look like punch. It's all green and… hm. Doesn't taste that bad.

Say… is that Quistis? Whoa. I must be dreaming. She's dress up like Mrs. Claus and Rinoa and Selphie are her elves! Say… Mrs. Claus. Am I on the good list or the naughty list?

Oh come on, damn it! It's Christmas. Say something clever.

"Um, hi."

Masterful. Next time, let's try for three syllables. Okay, gotta divert my focus. Hey! Cid is dressed up as Santa too. I guess the joke was that he's "Santa" and Quisitis as deputy headmistress is "Mrs. Claus". Sure hope Edea doesn't get jealous.

Speaking of that, where is she? Oh, she's over there knocking back her third egg nog. Wow, that woman sure can dance when she's drunk. Maybe I shouldn't have spiked the drinks.

Nice catch Zell! She would've broken her neck if she'd fallen from that height! And… what the fuck is up with your head. You're wearing reindeer antlers… so are you like… Quistis's bitch?

I didn't know she was into pony play, damn. Though I wouldn't mind seeing Rinoa and Selphie with some blinders on and attached to reins…. Damn it! Okay, calm down. Just think of something else. Rinoa is Squall's girlfriend… Rinoa is Squall's girlfriend. Selphie is free though. And it's not like we're fighting together anymore… maybe I should see if she's interested.

Wow. That music really sucks, though. You gotta love Oh Holy Night performed by 30 underclassmen who's instruments appear to have suffered rain damage. Oh for crying out loud tenor section, get in key! You're just smashing a bag of dying cats against the rest of the orchestra!

Oh a bag of cats… Selphie in a bag. Clawing to get out… okay why the fuck does THAT turn me on? I have serious problems. Okay just try to keep cool.

Hey, here comes Squall. He looks his usual brooding self. Ah, that's cute. He's giving Rinoa a piggy-back ride. I want that. I'd like a girl who I can do that sort of stuff with. My fetishes and general perversion aside, it sure would be nice to find a girl who was into something serious.

Hey, maybe Selphie is. She's seemed kinda flighty, but that might be my misinterpretation. Although that is a somewhat provocative elf costume. Hey! What's she doing talking to that Sabre! He's like four years older than her.

Okay. Time to break this up. I'll need some kind of Christmas miracle. Wait a minute… drunk Edea. That's it! Come on, Matron, it's time for you to fulfill your motherly role once again. Wow, she can't even stand up. I guess that was powerful stuff.

Hey! I'll give her a piggyback ride. Come on. Wow, Edea, you're light as a feather. Okay, now time to rescue that girl that I know from… uh… having a good time with somebody who isn't me!

Maybe I shouldn't be running. Edea seems pretty sick. Whoa! Okay relax Edea, I'm gonna set you down. Wow… more people than I'd like are looking at me right now. No no, don't… oh, you did. That's really gross. On the plus side that Sabre seems pretty distracted right now.

What the hell? Oh Quistis.

"Hey."

You went down to one syllable that time. Don't stare at her cleavage. Don't stare at her cleavage. Look into her eyes and… hey, she's pissed. I don't know nothing about spiking any drink. And Edea asked me to give her a piggyback ride.

Oh, that's not pissed. She's drunk too. No, Quistis. Keep your shirt on Quistis! At least until I can get you out of public view. And, she took her top off… oh it's just her jacket.

Sorry about that girls. Okay, well that did it. Nothing ruins your horny like watching an older woman puke and having a hot younger woman clean her up with her jacket. Ugh…I'm gonna go see if there's any egg nog left.