Chapter 2
Disclaimer: As usual, I own bull.
A/N: Here's another antic for everybody! And the title changed. Yeah.
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Xemnas was sitting all by himself in a room in the castle of the World That Never Was, perfectly unaware and ignorant, when suddenly, Saix walked in and did a double-take.
"Xemnas?" he said, slightly confused.
"That's 'Superior' to you!" he snapped.
"Okay, so it is you," Saix mused. "I thought you were outside."
"Why would I be outside?" he asked slowly.
"It looked like you were making a speech," Saix replied. "A really stupid one."
A look of horror was slowly etched onto his face. "How stupid?"
"Really stupid," Saix replied, then added, "And probably really embarrassing."
Xemnas' look of horror was replaced with that of a scowl most angry and disapproving. "Disorganization III . . . ."
He quickly got up from his chair and left the room, Saix following behind him. It wasn't too long afterwards that they were stopped however by a guy with a clipboard and some brochures.
"Who the hell are you?!" Xemnas said.
"I'm from Sex Addicts Anonymous," the guy with a clipboard said. "I've received a call saying that a Mr. Xemnas has a problem with his sexual interactions." He checked his clipboard again. "Mostly with other men."
"I DO NOT!" he yelled before he snapped his fingers, making Clipboard Guy explode. Then he was stopped later on by a guy with a package.
"Are you Mr. Xemnas?" the guy with a package asked.
"What's in the package?" Xemnas asked.
The guy looked at the package and then back up. "I believe it's an entire collection of gay porn. There's also a note."
"And pray tell, what does it say?!" he asked sarcastically.
"You should play it safe. That's how Freddie Mercury went," Delivery Boy said, reading off the top of the box.
"I HAVE NO REASON TO PLAY ANYTHING SAFE!" Xemnas shouted. Then he grabbed Delivery Boy by the shoulders and threw him through the nearest window and into the Moat of Darkness which was home to more than a thousand rabid moogles.
And then he was stopped yet again by another guy. But this guy didn't have a clipboard or a box. Hell, he didn't even have a shirt. All he had on him was a hot body, a pair of pants, and a bow tie.
"What the hell do you want?!" Xemnas yelled.
"Woah, you have loads of tension," the Chippendale said as he walked toward the Superior of the Organization. Just before the hired male stripper could touch him in any way, shape, or form, however, Xemnas grabbed him and threw him through the floor into the basement where they kept the crazed, inhuman fangirls where number XV of the Organization met his untimely end.
Take note on how nobody ever heard of number XV. Number XIV, maybe, but not number XV.
"So that's how they relieve tension," Saix said as he watched the fangirls rip Chippendale to shreds.
"SHUT UP!!" Xemnas screamed as he continued on his way. He eventually reached the main doors and what he saw when he opened them was enough to make multiple veins in his head explode just like Clipboard Guy.
For there was Axel dressed up as him, microphone in hand, on a stage in front of about a million heartless, Nobodies, and anyone who had a gummi ship and could make it over to see the spectacle. Even Sora, Donald, and Goofy were there, along with their Final Fantasy friends. And it was even being videotaped, so you know it was hitting Youtube later on.
"I've been thinking lately," Axel said into the microphone. "Yes, I think. Amazing isn't it?! Well, anyway, doesn't the name Xemnas sound kind of . . . I don't know, formal to you all?"
A few mixed replies rose from the audience.
"Well, I think it's high time that I made things a bit more casual around here," he continued. "Starting with my new name!"
"Oh, no," Xemnas said, knowing full well what Axel was about to say.
"Call me Mansex," he said. "Yes, I am Mansex! Actually, I am not Mansex . . . "
"Then who the hell are you?" someone called up.
Axel had a devious look on his face as he said, "I am the Mansex!"
A few laughs rose from the audience as Xemnas was torn between dying of shame, and making his way to the top of the stage to beat the crap out of Axel.
"And do you know why I am known as Mansex?" he continued as Xemnas stayed rooted to the spot.
"Because that's what you get when you rearrange the letters in your name?" someone suggested loud enough for the whole world to hear.
"That is true, but that's not the reason!" Axel shouted loud enough for every world to hear. "The real reason is that I like . . . ." He paused for dramatic tension, then said, "Man sex."
The entire audience started to laugh as Xemnas almost fell to the ground from embarrassment.
"That's right, folks!" Axel shouted over the laughter. "I, Xemnas, Superior of Organization XIII, like man sex! Ever since that one time in my college years when I went to that one strip club, but I went to the wrong address . . . . Good times . . . ."
Suddenly, Larxene jumped on the stage and grabbed onto Axel, practically hanging off of him. "Oh, Mansex! Take me now!"
"Why, Larxene!" Axel exclaimed. "Now I can see why someone such as yourself would be after my irresistible charm and undying good looks, even though I'm nowhere near as sexy as Axel, but I'm sorry, I'm just not interested in you, even though you are the only girl in the whole Organization." He looked thoughtful and then added, "Besides Demyx."
Suddenly, Marluxia, dressed up as Demyx, stomped out onto the stage, Sitar in hand. "What do you mean, 'Besides Demyx'?!"
"Well, aren't you a girl?" Axel asked over the cheering from the audience. "I mean, you fuss over your hair, can't fight worth a damn - "
"Oh, so that's the only thing making me a girl?!"
"You sing Miley Cyrus in the shower in soprano," Axel pointed out.
It took five minutes for the fangirls to stop screaming, laughing and cheering before Disorganization III could continue.
"But I guess you're right," Marluxia said. "And I can't even hope to be as much of a stud as Marluxia."
"Just as I can never reach the sexy stature that Axel has achieved," Axel said as he put his arm around Marluxia. "Try as hard as I might, it shall always be out of reach."
"I'd bet you'd really like to spend a night with him, Mansex."
"Who wouldn't?!" He turned to Marluxia. "Hey, wait, so you are a guy?"
"For the last time, yes!" he shouted.
"Oh, I knew there was a reason I let you in the Organization, Demyx!" Then Axel picked him up bridal-style and ran with him to the castle as the audience cheered and Larxene threw rice all over the place. "And don't worry! I can make you a man!!!"
"Hurray!" he exclaimed right before he threw the sitar over his shoulder into the crowd like a bouquet of flowers. Then some birds ate the rice and blew up.
As they were just about to enter the castle, Xemnas had managed to gather enough strength to stand up and glare menacingly at them while he shook his fists at his sides in rage. He didn't have to, of course, because Disorganization III would have stopped anyway just to see the look on his face.
"Hello, Mansex," Axel said as Marluxia waved from his arms. "Did you enjoy the show?"
"No, I did not like the show!" he exploded. "You're so lucky that I don't turn you into minor nobodies for this! I . . . . I . . . . "
"Larxene?" Marluxia said.
Larxene (and a fair number of the audience) put their hands across their chests to signal the beginning of their catchphrase.
"Eat your heart out!" they all loudly chorused together.
"Okay, that's it!" Xemnas shouted. "That was your last act of tomfoolery, Disorganization III!"
"No, it's not! We have a list!" Larxene insisted.
"Well, you'll never get to it!" he yelled. "Because you have to defeat the heartless!"
"What the hell are you talking about, Mansex?" Marluxia asked.
"Stop calling me that!" Xemnas shouted. "You have to fight a thousand heartless!"
"And me!" the real Demyx chimed in. "I do not sing Miley Cyrus in the shower!"
"Then what was it?" Marluxia asked.
Demyx looked away sheepishly. "It was ABBA."
"And when we win?" Axel asked, ignoring the other Nobody.
"If you win, which you won't," Xemnas said, "then you won't have to disband your little group."
"And you have to wear the cloak with 'Mansex' burned into the back for a week," Axel added. "And we can call you Mansex without question."
"And when you lose," he continued, "you'll have to disband, and sing my praises every time you see me, and do everything I tell you to."
"We can sing your praises right now," Marluxia said.
"Marley, what the hell are you saying?!" Larxene shouted.
He cleared his throat and literally began to sing. "For he gives jolly, good man sex!" he sang. "For he gives jolly, good man sex! For he gives jolly, good ma-an sex!!!!"
"Which Nobodies can't deny!" the rest of the world finished off. Then they all broke into laughter.
"So when's the fight?" Axel asked.
"Right now!" Xemnas shouted. Suddenly, a thousand heartless appeared and Demyx conjured his Sitar (which some fangirl had stolen when Marluxia had thrown it into the crowd) back to his hand.
Axel dropped Marluxia and summoned forth his Chakram, and Marluxia summoned forth his scythe as Larxene started spinning kunai around her fingers.
"Eat your heart out!"
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A/N: Oh, no! A cliffhanger! D: Yeah, there was a lot of man sex jokes in this chapter. (And before my inbox is filled with a thousand reviews saying, "OMG! You are such a homophobe!" I'm not homophobic, I just like making Xemnas' life a living hell. There's a difference.) So like always, please review! And Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan, or whatever it is you celebrate. Seriously, everything's in freakin' December.