Chapter 5 – Better in time

Sitting in a chair looking around at the mess that was the house he was currently living in Lucas decided to clean all the beer cans and food cartons away. He knew he had relied on alcohol far too much for the last few months but it wasn't because he was addicted to the substance, in fact he hadn't had a drink for a few days now and he was doing just fine, no it was his way of drowning out the pain. Getting drunk allowed him to forget for a few hours, and those few hours of feeling numb and free of pain were a blessing during this tough time. However, he had now realised how much that had cost him, he lost his wife and his daughter had suffered, so from now on he had promised himself that he wouldn't rely on it anymore. The only problem with that was he thought about everything a whole lot more. With no job and nothing to occupy him since Anna was at school he no longer had an escape from the pain. He finally had to deal with it and it was killing him inside, in fact it made him think about how Peyton coped because he sure as hell didn't help at the time.

No matter what he did, whether that be watching television, reading a book, fixing some lunch his thoughts always drifted off to that fatal day. The day he wished never existed, the day he wished he could have changed something, the day he wished he could just forget.

It was a sunny day not a single cloud in the sky. Everyone had been over for a barbeque the previous night and now Peyton was clearing away all the empty bottles and plates. She had been stressed lately, everything had been getting on top of her and she felt tired all the time but she was so naturally independent and hated people treating her differently, after all she wasn't sick.

He approached her from behind lovingly wrapping his arms around her waist. "Peyton I'll do that, you need your rest you heard what the doctor said"

"Lucas I'm fine"

"No you're not look at you"

"What is that supposed to mean?" she said angrily, her hormones taking over.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that you're beautiful its just…you need to take it easy you are working too hard and you look tired…just let me do that" he said taking the plastic bag from her hands and continuing with the task.

She smiled, she knew he was right she did feel a little tired but she didn't want her husband to have to do everything. She pecked him softly on the lips thanking him. "I love you"

"I love you too now please rest"

"Okay" she replied whilst making her way into the lounge to get comfortable on the sofa. She was sound asleep in a matter of minutes.

He shook his head trying so hard to rid the thoughts from his mind. He didn't want to think about it, he hated the fact that no matter what he or anyone did that day would forever haunt him. Not being able to stand being in the house any longer Lucas grabbed his jacket and basketball heading to a place he hadn't been in a while; the river court.

Meanwhile Peyton was at Brooke's house relaying everything that had happened between her and Lucas a few nights ago. She couldn't help but cry, the emotions getting the best of her. She felt conflicted, her heart wanting one thing, her head telling her the complete opposite. The brunette did her best to console her heartbroken friend just like she always did in a time of crisis. It's what made them such good friends, it's what made them the best of friends since they were eight years old, it's what made their bond so strong even now when they were both twenty six; their same love for one another remained a constant in both of their lives. The fact that they would both drop everything to comfort and support one another just showed how strong their friendship actually was.

"Isn't this what you wanted Peyton?" Brooke asked softly stroking her distraught friend's curls but she received no response. "I mean isn't that why you kicked him out of the house because you wanted him to change" she added trying to get her to open up.

Peyton pulled out of the brunettes loving arms before speaking "I know I should be happy and a big part of me is…he's been making a real effort its just…I…we still haven't talked about it and he tried the other night but I just couldn't…its too painful and" the blonde said unable to finish her sentence as more tears fell from her saddened green eyes.

"Shhh" the brunette said soothingly pulling her back into the embrace.

"Why did this have to happen to us Brooke? I mean we're good people…we didn't deserve this"

"I don't know sweetie. Sometimes bad things happen to good people"

Peyton nodded as Brooke continued to embrace her. That statement was very true but she had already had her fair share of pain and heartache. She had been shot during a school shooting, lost two mothers, been attacked by a psycho stalker twice, had her heart broken numerous times; she couldn't understand why for once the world couldn't just leave her alone. Why couldn't she just be happy for once? Why couldn't she live the normal and happy lifestyle? Why did she always have to experience pain? She knew there was no answer to these endless questions; it was the life she had been dealt and she had to live with it and make the best out of what she had been given.

Twenty minutes had passed and Lucas had finally reached his destination: the river court. Otherwise known as his second home whilst growing up, the place where he did his thinking, his healing, and the place that allowed him to forget his life and just enjoy the game he held such a passion for.

He dribbled the basketball along the court trying his best to let the game consume him like it used to. He went to shoot a three throw but the ball never went through the net like it normally would, instead it bounced off the metal rim and back onto the ground before rolling off the court and into the grass. This cycle went on for thirty minutes, every time Lucas would go to make a shot it would miss. He couldn't understand why this was happening, he was an excellent basketball player, and he rarely missed a shot yet for some reason today he couldn't get into the game. He tried his hardest; basketball was always his release, his way to deal with his problems yet for some reason his mind couldn't focus on the game. Anger and frustration ran through his veins as he violently threw the ball into the air not caring where it ended up. He tried to control his rapid breathing; he ran his hands through his hair and fell to the ground as the very thing he had been trying to forget filled his mind once again.

"Lucas come quick!"

A breathless Lucas ran from the kitchen into the living room where his wife was sitting.

"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.

"Nothing…its…its kicking" she said with a bright smile on her face.

He smiled back at her before placing his hands on her stomach to feel the sensation. This wasn't the first time their unborn child had kicked but it was definitely the strongest one yet, and every time he or she did kick it was still an amazing feeling for them both. "That's my boy"

"What makes you think its gonna be a boy?" she asked having both decided not to find out the sex of their baby wanting to wait and be surprised for the birth.

"I don't know we've already got a beautiful girl and I've just got a feeling this one's a boy" he replied kissing her lovingly on the forehead.

The rest of the day carried on as usual; Peyton resting under strict orders from her husband, Lucas working on his next novel and taking care of their daughter Anna.

Then since Peyton felt better and Anna had been nothing but a good girl all day Lucas and Peyton both decided to take her to the park. It was now early evening and they were on their way back home.

That's when it happened.

They were walking along and a couple of drunk teenage boys ran into them knocking Peyton over. It was that fall that changed everything. The strong impact of the fall and the position she landed in changed everything.

Lucas instinctively went to the aid of his wife while the boys ran away. Anna too knelt down beside her mother making sure she was okay.

"You alright?" he asked offering his hand to help her up.

She grabbed onto it and he helped her onto her feet. "Yeah…I'm fine"

"You sure?" he asked naturally worried for his pregnant wife.

"Yeah" she replied but then a surge of pain ran across her abdomen. She cried out slightly and clutched onto her stomach in agony.

"Mommy" Anna cried worried and scared. Lucas took hold of the young girl's hand and squeezed it reassuringly while focusing on his wife.

"Lucas I think something's wrong" she said in obvious pain.

"Okay lets get home and we'll call the doctor"

They started moving again but another shooting pain ran across her stomach and before she knew it water surrounded her feet.

"My waters" she gasped worried for her baby's safety. "Lucas I'm only twenty four weeks" she added frantically looking up into her husband's panic-stricken eyes.

The rest was a blur.

An ambulance was called, Brooke took care of Anna, and Lucas and Peyton were rushed to the hospital.

Then it happened.

Their baby, their son was born premature and was one of the unlucky ones; he never made it through the night.

Tears streamed down Lucas' face as he finally came out of the haunting memory. He had blocked that day out for so long but now he could no longer hide from it and the pain was killing him.

"Lucas?"

His head snapped up at the sound of her voice. He didn't bother to wipe away his tears he just didn't care anymore.

"What are you doing here?" he asked his voice empty.

"I'm on my way home" she replied.

"Where's Anna?"

"She's staying over at Jamie's, they're having a sleep over" she said kneeling down beside him. "Lucas what…what's wrong?"

He looked her in the eyes, those same green eyes that captivated him and affected him in ways he never dreamed possible. However, they weren't the same anymore, they used to light up, they used to have a spark, a fire in them but that was lost the day their son died.

"I miss him Peyton…it hurts so much and I…I just want to turn back time you know" he whispered as more tears cascaded down his face and her heart broke for him, for herself and for their child who never got the chance to live.

She nodded her head at him and wrapped her arms tightly around his body. "I miss him too" she whispered into his ear as they both cried together for their loss, clinging onto one another wanting to feel close, wanting to ease the unbearable pain within their hearts.

They say things get easier in time and that was partially true. Time allows you to come to terms with the pain so in essence you learn to cope, you learn to carry on but that pain never entirely goes away, it is something you have to live with everyday. Peyton still carried a great amount of pain around for the two mothers she lost during her childhood and Lucas still carried pain around for the loss of Keith, his uncle who was more like a father to him, and now they both had to carry around pain for the child they lost and that hurt them more than anything else they had ever faced or been through.

AN: So there you now know what happened 4 months ago, it was a premature birth not a miscarriage. I plan on going into more detail including the birth and funeral through flashbacks in later chapters. There is also going to be another storyline thrown into the mix so keep reading!!

Anyway I hope you liked it, I will try to update again very soon!! Thank you to all the wonderful reviews so far and please let me know what you think :)