Renji increased his pace as soon as he got out of the 6th squad territory, heading towards the 5th division.
He was afraid that Byakuya would change his mind and call him back.
He let out a sigh of relief once he arrived at the door of his office. He slid it open and sat down at his desk.
He put his arms under his head as a pillow, meaning to think, but instead, falling asleep.

He awoke late the following day, realising that he now was in his own room, his own bed. *How did I get here?* he thought to himself.
He sat up in his bed, looking around the room. He noticed a note beside the sheets and picked it up.
The first part was written in a flowing script.

"Oi, Ahou-chan. Don't fall asleep in your office again. You might catch a flu or something.
--T.R."

The second part was messier and scratchy.

"Weird eye-brows-taicho, you should listen to Ren-taicho, sometimes."

Renji frowned. Why had those two been to his office, anyway? he wondered.
He came to think of something that Byakuya had said to Ren earlier. "What are you doing here? You have already visited once."
When had she been there? Was it before he had left, or after? And why had Ren said that the first person that came into her mind to ask was Byakuya?
There were many things that Renji did not understand, and he was getting dizzy just thinking about it.
He sighed and got up. After putting on his clothes, that he realized, blushing, that the two females had taken off of him, and he went to look for someplace to get some breakfast, or more like lunch...

After he had eaten, he was once again filled with the determination he had felt last night, when he left Byakuya's office.
Or maybe he was just too full of food...

He walked to the fifth division, and into his office. He started working on all the paperwork that was now piled up on the desk, not even looking up once, to look out the window.

But as the day passed by, and the pile of paperwork grew smaller, Renji sighed and leant back in the chair, stretching his tired muscles.
Renji started to wonder why Byakuya had not done anything to punish Renji for his harsh words towards the other, and when he started thinking of it, he finally started to believe that the older shinigami was still planning something.
*Man, I've really done it now, haven't I?* he thought, feeling a sting of panic. *What if Byakuya tries somethin'? What'll I do then?*

Byakuya was indeed planning. He was furiously planning, but it was not a plan against Renji, it was a rigorous attempt within Byakuya's own mind to untangle himself. He wanted to know exactly how this would go. He wanted to know himself, before he did anything, exactly how he would approach the subject. He wouldn't be able to do anything without planning it in exact detail. The most important moment of his life, the pinnacle of his emotion, the very core of his soul all depended on careful and strategical planning.

And it made his head hurt. As he would say, it gave him the most intense and vicious headache he had ever had. Even worse than those he experienced at the very height of the most stressed days he could recall.

All the while, all that was buzzing and bouncing around inside his very full memory were the words he used to make a promise: If they became equal in status, then he would be able to admit his feelings.

This question was indeed the very one that gave him this monster hollow of a migraine.

Rikichi tripped as he burst into the room to dutifully deliver the last round of paperwork for the day. He saluted hurriedly, trying desperately to look serious and capable. Byakuya had little patience for the act, but kept his patience carefully.

That is, until Rikichi did not leave as was expected. "Ano….Taicho……."
A sigh, a shifting of silk, a hard gaze, and Byakuya was looking at the boy expectantly. "I…..apologise…..for my uselessness." Byakuya would have coldly snapped at him to stop it and leave, had he not seen a flash of those tattoos, and then a glint as a tear ecaped down the young man's tanned cheek. He let out a quiet sob. Byakuya shifted to get out of his chair and walked briskly towards his subordinate. This served to make Rikichi cower and back off three steps.

Byakuya's breath caught. And his throat rattled.
Am I that frightening? No wonder I have spent my life alone and miserable. (He was really not in the best of moods.) He recoiled himself a second, before gaining his confidence once again, as a superior officer if not a man.

"Rikichi. I am sure you are dealing with the duties of a Vice Captain to the very best of your abilities. I do not doubt your commitment." He said slowly, quietly, taking another, more gentle step to put a hand on Rikichi's shoulder. The look in his eyes: the shock and the utter amazement was enough to make Byakuya even more depressed. He really was that scary. He sighed.

"But, Taicho, compared to Renji….."
" You are not Renji. Therefore you cannot compare yourself to him." He snapped. "Try to be your own person, and for god's sake, be strong. I do not want you crying at the slightest thing. It's simply not practical." Byakuya turned back swiftly to his desk, and started to pack away his brushes. "Go home."

The things one found out on a voyage of self discovery, mused the Captain, although, a better analogy would be a battle. Finding out the ugly truths of one's own deeper character was a fight with one's pride, balance and very personality. Rikichi left.

If only Renji knew what he was putting his ex-captain through. Then again, if only Byakuya knew what he was putting his ex-Vice Captain through.

Renji looked at his squad. It was really early in the morning, and they were
all training. He would have rather been in his bed still, but he had made his
decision. He would show Byakuya just how good he could be as a captain.
Therefore, he was training with his squad, instead of training by himself.
It was actually quite fun doing so. And he also wanted to get to know his
Squad members.

Reading and signing papers was the opposite, though. But he already knew
that. He had been working under Byakuya, after all, and he was a hard
taicho.

He sighed as he signed the last paper. It was time for lunch now, and he
headed for the hall in which they ate.
"You know, you never cease to surprise me. That's why you're so interesting."
Renji turned around. "Why are you here?"
"What's that? Huh?!" Ren suddenly had Renji in a headlock. "Am I not allowed
to visit my little brother, all of a sudden, if I feel like it?!"
"You're not my sister!" Renji growled, trying to get out of Ren's headlock,
without any luck. "And you haven't answered my question!"
"Whatever." Ren said, relaxing, but not letting go of Renji. "Besides,
earlier on, you saw me as your sister." She sighed. "You were so cute when
you were small. Now you're just giving me trouble!"
"How do I give YOU trouble?!" Renji bursted, finally breaking free from the
headlock.
"For example..." she said "You know, just the other day, you fell asleep in
your office... And me and Rukia had to bring you to your room."
"You didn't really have to do that..." Renji muttered, bushing when he
remembered that they had undressed him.
"But of course, big sisters always help their cute little brothers. And Rukia
was glad she could help." Ren teased. Renji glared at her. "Whatever... Just
don't go around and boast about it..."
"Hm...? Why not?" Ren smiled widley. "It'd be sooo fun to tell people about
it. Especially some people."
"Just. Don't. Tell. Anyone. About. It." Renji sourly said, marking every word.
"Alright, alright!" Ren said, her hands up in defeat. "But anyway, I came
here to see how it was going for you."
"I think it's going good." Renji answered. "But I'm still not completely
used to this being a captain and all... You know it's not really my... thing..." He sweatdropped.
"You can't change who you are. And besides, you wouldn't be you, if you
weren't yourself..."
"Whatever. Could you leave now? I need to eat, so I can continue working..."
Renji muttered.
"I was just going to!" Ren said. "Just remember, I'll be here if you need to
talk. Well, not exactly here, on this spot, but at my office, or there
around... Or something." Renji just glared at her. "Ja ne!" she chirped.
Then she walked away.
"God, she can be so annoying..." Renji mumbled to himself, and went back to
his office. He had lost his appetite.

Days past by, and Renji - finally - got used to be a captain. What irritated
him the most was Ren's frequent visits, though. And that Byakuya had not
done anything to him yet. He looked at the window and shuddered. He didn't
like the rain especially much. It was so... wet…

Byakuya took a brief glance out of his office window. It was time, he thought to himself, satisfied. The rain heralded a new start, in his mind. It cleared the air, it washed the scenery of it's mundane and cracked old facade and made it blossom with new, fresher colours. His spirit lifted. He would go to Renji. Today. This afternoon to be exact.

It rained, it pounded the ground, it darted and sliced through the air. He found it exhilarating to open the front door and watch his squad rushing through it's knife-like glances. He himself took a thick black haori from next to the door and discarded his white robe in it's favour, draping it carefully over his shoulders, tucking his hair into the neckline to keep it dry as he stepped out under the veiled clouds, striding swiftly from under one balcony to the next, walking out of the squad gate and using shunpo to dart to fifth squad.

It was sandier in fifth. The occasional sparse fir tree looming over the courtyards and towering squad buildings, winding corridors and spaces. Everybody looked exceedingly happier than at his own squad, and they almost, Byakua tried to find the words, played, in this humid rain. They laughed. They trained, they wrapped up piles of paperwork in brown paper, rushing from one building to another. His own squad paperwork halted to a standstill in such weather, for Byakuya's fear of crinkled paper. He made directly for Renji's office on the dark ground floor of an old building the other side of the courtyard, the entrance of which was directly sheltered by one of these sparse evergreen trees. He knelt to one knee in the relative dry dust to knock, then quickly entered.

It was a sight. Renji himself in rolls of the brown paper and string, wrapping parcels up delicately to send to the Sou-Taicho. He creased perfect right-angles around the corners, tongue out in concentration. "Put the next pile down there, Kiba." he muttered hurriedly, taking a quick glance up from his work, then another. His mouth fell open and the ends of the string, which he had been holding gently with his teeth, dropped into his lap. Why was Kuchiki Taicho here? And why was he dressed so casually? "I apologise for interrupting, Abarai Taicho." Renji noticed a careful stress on the honorific. Taicho, Renji smiled, yes, he supposed he was.

"Ano…...it's no problem. I can pass these onto another officer, Kuchiki Taicho." Renji pushed them aside and rose from his seat. "Tea?" His hands were shaking, and he had to hide them from his ex-Captain's view. "Thank you Renji, that would be most suitable." Byakuya quickly tried to unstick the wet hair from his cheeks, feeling flustered, and certainly feeling the humidity. He pulled the haori off his shoulders and hung it over the back of a nearby chair. "So, anythin' I can do for ya Taicho?"
"No, Renji," Byakuya paused "I merely…." he paused again, steeling himself "...came to apologise for my behaviour towards you several weeks ago, it was wrong of me to insult you in such a manner. Especially when your squad seems…." Byakuya pulled one of those small smiles, looking down into his lap. He was surprised at how easy this felt, this concept of sharing his emotions. Renji was aghast, staring, watching, perhaps a little too carefully, the every movement of the noble. "…..happy. And successful. You are a strong leader, Renji, in ways that I have never been able to imitate or live up to, and you are obviously much more innovative than I could imagine." He eyed the brown paper parcels once again. Renji looked proud.

Byakuya stood up carefully and bowed low, "I ask for your forgiveness." Renji froze for a moment, then smiled. He was a Captain of equal rank, and he lay his hand on Byakuya's shoulder, nudged him so that he stood up straight. "I've missed ya, Byakuya. It's you that I missed more than anythin'."

Ren streched and yawned. She was humming a happy tune to herself as she walked through the deserted halls of the third division barrack.
"Ah! Ohayo gozaimasu, taicho." Rukia said, bowing politley to her captain.
"You're here early, ain't you, Rukia-chan?" Ren asked.
"Uh... Yes... I had some unfinished papers to take care of." Rukia replied.
"Huuuh... 's that so?" Ren looked Rukia up and down.
"What is it, taicho?" Rukia asked, a bit exasperated.
"Let's have a one on one girl-talk, Rukia-chan!" Ren clasped her hands together, looking at Rukia with pleading eyes.
"If you say so, taicho..." Rukia said, a little confused about the womans eagerness.
"No no... Y'got it all wrong, Rukia-chan." Ren said, a little of her Rukongai-ben showing through again. "T'is a request as an ol' frien'." Ren smiled warmly at the smaller shinigami.
"Are we really that much friends yet, taicho?" Rukia wondered. "We'd only met a few times before you became my superior, and I almost only knew you by name."
Ren got a sullen look on her face. "Rukia-chan don't like me... Now Ren-san got really really sad..."
"Taicho, please stop sulking. You mean nothing by it, anyway..." Rukia sighed. "I am your friend, alright?"
Rens head snapped up, and the young captain smiled eagerly at her vice-captain. "Really? Y'really mean that, Rukia-chan?"
"Yes, I do..." Rukia sighed again. "You said something about talking, taicho?"
"Oh, yes I did, indeed..." Ren became her normal, collected self again. "Come on. To my office we go."
Ren walked happily in front of Rukia, humming on another song.
Rukia caught some of the words. She sighed. Again. "Taicho. You don't have to sing on a walking song on this short trip."
"I don't?" Ren asked, honestly suprised.
"No, you don't..." Rukia replied.
"Ok then. Then I'll sing cuz I wanna." The captain of the third division chirped happily. She continued with her singing.

"Sooo..." Ren started. "How does it feel like, now that you seem like you've gotten used to being a fukutaicho?"
"Well... I actually think it's fun. Especially being in your division." Rukia replied.
"So I'm not a bad captain, I hope..."
"Taicho, are you worried about that?" Rukia asked.
"A bit..."
"There's no need for you to be, taicho. You're a great captain." Rukia assured. "Was there anything else?"
"Oh. Yes. I had another question for ya." Ren shifted into another position in her chair. "How's Bya-pon?"
"What do you mean?"
"I met him yesterday evening, outside the 5th division. He seemed... weird..."
"Outside the 5th squad? I wonder why he was there..." Rukia mumbled. "I actually haven't seen him since yesterday morning... I got home late and went straight to bed. He had already gone when I woke up..."
"Awoken abnormally early, even for him, then... Hm... Should we eavesdrop on him?"
"Taicho! That's madness!" Rukia bellowed.
"It is?" Ren looked suprised. "He won't notice us. I'll teach you something after you've finished those papers. And you can give me some, too." Ren offered.
"Taicho... You really do want to eavesdrop on nii-sama, don't you?"
"Yup. So I'll teach ya some stuff so that not even the high and mighty Kuchiki Byakuya-sho will be able to notice us." Ren smirked. "Now hurry up and get those papers done, Rukia-chan."
"Hai, taicho."

Byakuya turned away from Renji's burning amber gaze, feeling heat rise to his cheeks. He felt so human, desired, accepted. He studied the floor, trying to open his mouth to break the drumming of rain on the ground, the beating of his heart, the rhythm. He wanted to tell Renji how he had missed him, craved him, hated himself for being distant and cold and arrogant.

Renji's eyes burnt that image into his memory. He saw a man changed. Byakuya, downcast, heavy eyelashes falling to his cheek and forlorn expression playing across pale skin. His eyes were dark with thoughts unexpressed. He looked so beautiful. He instinctively leant towards him, breathing out a sigh.

Renji broke out of his daze and turned away, removing his hand quickly from Byakuya's shoulder. He was indeed a Captain, but not such a Captain that he could summon enough courage to kiss that man. To love that man. Especially because he knew that it would not be welcomed by Kuchiki Byakuya.

The noble watched Renji pull away, the expression of gentleness leaving his eyes as he became professional again. Byakuya felt angry to be denied what he wanted. "Renji." he called. "I cannot cope without you."

"What the hell does he mean by that?" Ren muttered, peeking through the small hole she had made in the paper.
"Huh?" Rukia glanced at her taicho. "What?"
"'Cannot cope without you'. Come look."
"No thanks..." Rukia muttered. "I'd rather not."
"Chicken." Ren teased.
The older woman turned back to look at Byakuya and Renji.

"I- I don't understand what you mean, Kuchiki-taicho..." Renji mumbled, shuffling his feet uncomfortably. "Ya need ta explain t'me..."

"Yes, do." Ren nodded from her position behind the wall.

Byakuya looked up towards the door. "I don't think I do, however. You can think about it by yourself." He started to walk towards the door. " If you will excuse me."

"Byakko! Idiot! Renji, do something!" Ren mouthed.

Rukia caught the unsaid words and finally decided to watch. She poked a small hole in the wall. "I see..." She whispered to herself.
"Taicho!" Renji bursted. "Please wait a sec!"
Byakuya stopped. "I didn't even know you could use the word 'please', Abarai-taicho."

"Bya-pon..." Ren muttered to herself. "What's with the sarcasm...?"

"Byakuya." Renji said.
Byakuya turned around.
Renji was looking him straight in the eye, standing at his full height. "Explain... please."

Byakuya, now as many times before, suddenly found himself incapable of words. He would simply have to find some other means of properly expressing himself...