What the heck is with not letting me put punctuation marks in my chapter titles? Anyway, every Monday and Wednesday? What was I thinking? This is taking too long. I'll still be posting two chapters a week, but not stinking Monday and Wednesday. How about... uh... Sunday and Wednesday? It'll keep things a little more regular for my readers... all two of them. Ha, ha, ha... Enjoy chapter 5!
"Chapter 5: Self-Contradiction"
By: Agent Baron
"You draw first," Engar stated. "I want you to see how weak I can really be!"
"Very... well?" said Von Stupor, confused. There is something about Engar that doesn't make sense, he thought. "I will set three M/T cards and one monster! That ends my turn."
Engar then drew, and set one monster.
Von Stupor simply set one M/T on his next turn.
"What's the matter?" said Engar snidely. "Simply getting your defenses up? Afraid of this... this weakling?" Engar sniggered and passed his turn.
Not like I have much of a choice... Von Stupor thought, looking at his card selection in his hand. "I set one monster and end my turn."
"This isn't like you, Baron Von Stupid. Usually you're on the attack by now!" Engar continued to taunt. "Is something wrong? Afraid of my set cards?"
Von Stupor merely stared at Engar, quietly.
I do not like this man, he thought.
"Well, if you won't go on the attack, then I will! I will summon 'Agent of Creation - Venus'!"
"Not so fast!" Von Stupor interjected. "I will activate my Trap Hole! Your Agent of Creation has more than 1500 attack points, so it is destroyed on summoning!"
Clouds opened up and a bright light shone all about as a winged angel bearing a green and white dress descended from the sky. As its feet touched the ground, it gave way underneath her and she tumbled to her doom in a rather ungraceful manner.
"If your monsters are so weak," Von Stupor thought out loud. "then why are they destroyable by my 'Trap Hole' card?"
Engar clenched his fist and ended his turn.
"I will set one more monster and end my turn," Von Stupor said aloud.
"That puts three monsters on your side of the field, plus you have three set cards in your M/T zone," Engar observed. "However, none of that matters, as I shall show you the true strength of weakness! I will summon a second 'Agent of Creation - Venus' to the field! Any more counters, Mister Baron?"
"I have none."
Another agent of creation descended from the sky, light billowing all around her. She outstretched her arms and three shining balls of light appeared around her. They generated a warm glow of pure white light.
"By sacrificing 500 of my Life Points, I can special summon a Mystical Shine Ball from my deck or hand, and I choose to special summon two!" Engar gloated. "I also have one already face-down on my side of the field, as well, so I'll flip summon that, too!"
But why LIGHT-type monsters? Von Stupor wondered. A true duelist's deck is a representation of their heart and soul. Engar has a fiery rage against me built inside of him, and yet now he summons such weak monsters of light...
"Now, for my grand attack!" Engar announced. "First, I will play the ultimate magic card... 'Seal of Orichalcos!'"
"What?!" Von Stupor cried.
Amy and Rebecca, who had been watching, all gasped.
"Oh, you recognize this card, huh? Then you must be familiar with its effect!" Engar spouted proudly.
High in the air above the two duelists' heads, a large seal appeared. Runes began to swirl about it as a hexagram was drawn across it in blue lines of light. Baron Von Stupor turned to run from the seal, but an unseen force threw him back toward the duel as the seal slammed down over the two duelists. Another seal appeared over the forehead of Engar and the eyes on the mask began to glow red.
"This card increases the attack of all monsters on my side of the field by 500... and it also traps the both of us here until the duel is over! At least... only one of us..."
"The loser's soul remains... trapped," Von Stupor finished.
"Yes, and sacrificed to our mighty god, to fuel its resurrection!"
"So this is why you took my deck... to weaken me, so you could later take my soul without a fight. You, sir, are a cowardly man, to challenge me outside my full strength! How dare you call yourself a duelist?!"
"Why do you keep going on about that stupid thing? It's not like it's serving you any good anyway!"
"A duelist's deck is the heart and soul of any true duelist! Just because you have a sword does not mean you must use it! You can't even make up your own mind what deck to use! From flames to fleeting weaklings, you are as inconsistent as your thought process! You are truly a weakling in the truest sense!"
"Shut up!! I'll show you! I will play the magic card 'Delta Attacker'! When there are three monsters of the same name on my side of the field, those three monsters may attack your Life Points directly for this turn! Next, I'll play 'Thousand Energy'! This card increases the attack of all face-up level 2 or lower monsters on my side of the field by 1000 for this turn!"
The light brightened within the three Mystical Shine Balls as they floated in circles around the agent of creation. Their swirling gradually became faster and more manic.
"Oh, dear," Von Stupor uttered to himself.
"But that's not all! I will play 'Premature Burial', sacrificing 800 Life Points to bring back the agent of creation you just destroyed on my last turn!
"Now, my weaklings! Attack him directly!"
The three balls of exploding light each shot at Baron Von Stupor, all three striking him in the chest. The force threw Von Stupor back a few steps, but he was otherwise fine. His Life Points sank to a meager 2000.
"Now," Engar continued. "I'll use my agent of creation to attack your face-down card."
"You have attacked my Princess of Tsurugi," Von Stupor replied. "It is destroyed, but contains a potentially devastating flip effect! It inflicts 500 points of direct damage for every M/T card you have on your side of the field!"
The agent pointed a finger at the face-down card when a red-robed girl leapt out of it with crystals held between her fingers like throwing knives. While in the air, she threw two directly at Engar, striking him in his chest and sending his Life Points down to 5200. Engar dropped to one knee and groaned for a moment.
Returning to his feet, he ordered his second agent to attack Von Stupor's second face-down monster. The agent shot the card and a burning Hane-Hane creature burst from it. It barreled toward the agent and hit it with such force that in a burning ray of light it shot back to Engar's hand.
"My Hane-Hane has rid the field of your monster for now," Von Stupor stated. "And now, I draw... I place one monster face-down and I will play the magic card 'Fissure'! This card destroys a monster on your side of the field with the highest attack!"
The ground split open underneath Engar's second agent of creation and it fell in. The ground quickly caved in over top of it, sealing its fate.
"Hm... I'll draw... and summon the agent of creation you just returned to my hand!"
"Not quite! I have another 'Trap Hole' card ready to destroy it as soon as it appears!"
The agent of creation descended once more and the ground opened up in front of it. It looked down into the hole and from nowhere, a brick struck the agent in the back of her head and she fell into the hole, dazed.
"And now, I draw!" Von Stupor announced. "I will set one more monster and end my turn!"
"Come on! Where is all your aggressive stuff at, huh?" Engar asked. "Surely you can do better than that! All you're doing is destroying my monsters! I will summon the Emissary of the Afterlife!"
"I will counter that summon with a third 'Trap Hole'!"
"Stop it!! Do something else! Take out your strong monsters or something!"
On the field materialized a wight that resembled the grim reaper. It hissed at Von Stupor until suddenly, a hole opened underneath it and sucked it in like a vacuum.
"What is your problem??" Rebecca asked him snottily. "Will you quit screaming like you're some kind of kid? Shut up and duel, and quit complaining when your opponent uses more strategy than you! You deserve that after stealing Baron Von Stupor's deck!"
"You're a kid too, so shut up girly, before I go all Weakass McCass on you!"
"Weakass McCass?" Von Stupor asked as Rebecca stared at him, befuddled.
"Yeah, that's the name I received, all thanks to you!"
"Why are you so proud of it?"
"I'm not!" Engar sniveled. "You're such a loser!"
"You are one large, walking contradiction! First you take my deck, and now you're oblivious to that fact! You're so proud of having your weak monsters, but you're so mad about being called Weakass McCass!"
"Stop calling me that!"
"And now, while you first used FIRE-type monsters in a rather fearsome beatdown deck, now you're using an entirely different strategy! Now, my question is, why??"
"I am Baron Von Engar, duelist extraordinaire!" Engar shouted, pumping his fist in the air.
"There are only two possible explanations for this," Amy suddenly spoke. "The first of which is that Baron Von Engar is undeniably insane, and in the end has no clue what he's trying to do."
"That explanation is likely false," Stupor replied. "since when I faced him in Industrial Illusions, he was very cunning and manipulative... he knew exactly what he was doing from the beginning, and seemed to be acting according to a plan."
"That leaves only one explanation... this man is not really Baron Von Engar."
Engar suddenly grew silent.
"Who are you, impostor?" Von Stupor asked him.
"I am Baron Von Engar!"
Baron Von Stupor extracted a mouse ball from his cope and threw it at Baron Von Engar. The ball hit him in his hip and he recoiled to one side, clutching it.
"Owwww! That hit the bone, man, what the crap?!" he shouted.
"Who are you?! If must I ask again, you will taste the next one!"
Engar stomped back into place and ripped his mask off. Engar appeared to be a simple late teenager, but appeared oddly generic. He had short, straight brown hair and bore a heavy scowl. "I'm Weakass McCass," he said in a low voice.
"You look... familiar..." Von Stupor said to him.
"You defeated me in the Battle City tournament. You embarrassed me in front of my entire class, as well as people from other classes."
IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI
"Whatever!" shouted the uniformed boy. "Just because you're older doesn't mean you can beat me in a duel! I'm the best in my school! Heck, I'm the best, period!"
"You speak lies!" replied the masked duelist. "No one can ever say they're the best, for there is always someone better."
"Do you really think you can come from out of nowhere, wearing your stupid coat/cape thing—"
"You dare insult the coat of Baron Von Stupor!" the masked duelist shouted. The coat must be a dear possession, as he was offended quite easily.
"Is that your name? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! What person in their right mind would name their kid that?!"
The boy, as well as the rest of the crowd, began to laugh.
IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI
"I used to be the best, but ever since that duel, I've stunk. I used to win tournaments... but now, ever since that day, I've been horrible! People began to call me Weakass McCass. 'Poor little Weakass can't even take down a big, bad Battle Ox!' Everyone makes fun of me now because of you!"
"I... remember..." Von Stupor said to himself.
IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI
"No matter!" Von Stupor retorted. As he said this, The Gemini Elf fell into an unseen hole in the ground and was destroyed.
"What the?! What happened to my Gemini Elf!" the boy shrieked.
"You poor fool," said Von Stupor, calmly. "You activated my "Trap Hole". It can halt the rampage of even the strongest of monsters."
"But... that's not fair!"
"Halt your childish tantrum and continue the duel, or does someone need to take a power nap?"
IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI
"I'll never forgive what you did to me! You made me the worst duelist around! And then I found Master Dartz... I saw a man's soul be claimed by one of Master Dartz's men... I contacted him and asked for the same power he had. I received the 'Seal of Orichalcos' card from Dartz, and had access to legions of cards to build my new deck with! My new start. No one would ever call me a weakling again! They would know and rue the day they named me Weakass McCass! And you will rue the day you humiliated me in front of my entire class!"
"I remember you now," Von Stupor commented. "But I don't understand why you would dress yourself up as Baron Von Engar if you wanted me to remember who you were. It doesn't make any sense."
Engar paused for a moment and said, "Uh… Er, I was waiting for a time like this to tell you! The perfect time, when you wouldn't expect it, all dramatic-like! And now, don't you feel dumb now, having attacked me earlier, I bet! You see, I wanted to expose you for how stupid you really are!"
"You still haven't learned, have you? You had your feelings hurt in a tournament after trash talking so many up-and-coming duelists, and now in your feverish temper tantrum you have gone to an evil man with a thirst for power and begun hurting people?"
"I'll never be called weak again! They'll know weak monsters, and they'll also know true power, all in one fell swoop!"
"Don't you have any remorse for what you've done?!" Rebecca yelled at him. "How many souls have you claimed?!"
"Too many to count," said Weakass with a smile. "Many people have fallen to my weakness. And then when I heard about you following Yugi and his friends from Master Dartz... I couldn't help but seek you out with the aid of Marron here," Weakass commented, gesturing to the robotic dog.
"Your rampage stops here..." said Baron Von Stupor. "You have witlessly trampled over many people in your own childish temper tantrum, and I will tolerate it no longer! I have put you in your place once before, little boy, and I shall do it again! While it weighs heavily on my conscience to do such a thing to a child, I vow I will save the lives you would otherwise destroy! Prepare to meet your fate, Weakass McCass!"
"I'm waiting, Von Stupid man! Come get some!"
The impostor Baron Von Engar here more closely resembles the Baron Syndicate Engar than the true Engar (of this story) does, with the exception that Engar does not take any pride in being weak. Fighting is practically everything he knows, and would cave in the face of anyone that dared to call him weak.