A/N Well.....This is it! The last chapter! After a good 4 months, this fic is nearing its conclusion, and 26 is quite a good number of chapters... *sniff* BTW, you'll have to excuse the whole 'godfather' thing, I know the religion doesn't fit, but I'm just using it as a plot device! Please excuse it! Also, sorry if I get the mechanics of the Eternal Sword wrong!
Decided to go the whole hog with this one, by far the longest chapter yet! I apologise if things are too cheesy/things go out of character. I have done my best. J
Songfic alert! The song is 'Stop Crying Your Heart Out' by Oasis, and I was listening to it as I wrote this. It's such a beautiful song, if you haven't heard it (I know Oasis aren't huge in America...) then please do youtube it or something! =]
So, without further ado, I'm going to round of this story in the best way possible. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and I especially do not own 'Stop Crying Your Heart Out'. That belongs to Oasis, Noel and Liam Gallagher et al.
...Hold Up...
...Hold On...
...Don't Be Scared...
...You'll Never Change What's Been and Gone...
'I'm going tomorrow.'
Lloyd turned to look over his shoulder, his hair being swept back across his face by the wind. He was stood on a familiar cliff face, just outside Iselia. He had many childhood memories here.
Kratos came and stood next to him, both father and son looking out to the distance. The continent spanned before them, a glorious ice blue sea framing the emerald green pasture-land.
'Tomorrow?' Lloyd asked, a tint of pain in his voice.
'Does that suit you?'
'When will it ever suit me…?' Lloyd asked rhetorically, 'I still haven't thought of a way to bring you back.'
Kratos brought his hand up and placed it behind Lloyd's neck firmly, the only reassurance he could give. What could he say when his heart yearned for there to be a way just the same?
'Lloyd…' Kratos started, 'do remember that you are not alone. Even if I am not here, your mother and I are…we are always with you. Always.'
Lloyd noted the break in Kratos's voice and swallowed hard, attempting to resist the lump that had risen in his throat.
'And if you ever need to talk to anyone, go and see Yuan. He owes me one anyway,' Lloyd spotted the smile on Kratos's face out of the corner of his eye, 'He's your godfather, so you know.'
'What? Really?' Lloyd snapped his head round to the side, noticing the genuine wide smile of reminiscence that was etched upon his father's face. Lloyd was aware of the use of the term 'godfather' to describe a person's legal guardian in absence of one's parents. It was a practise common to past societies, although the origins of the term aren't known. Lloyd remembered all this, shockingly, from something Raine said in school one time. Apparently some parts of Sylverant were still using the term.
'Not that you need a guardian now, you are a grown man after all.'
'Not quite.'
'Heh…' Kratos squeezed Lloyd's neck reassuringly, 'When do you think your birthday is, Lloyd?'
'I don't know…' was the simple reply, 'We just used to take it as the day that I was found by the Human Ranch when I was 3. An 'anniversary' of sorts, I guess. Why?' he questioned eagerly, 'When is it?'
'So you think you're 17?' Kratos ignored Lloyd's questions for the moment, receiving a nod in reply, 'Well, you are, in fact, 18. A fully grown adult.'
Lloyd's gaze shot back round to stare at the horizon, 'Woah…I'm 18... When was it?'
'Do you remember when you first arrived in Flanoir?' Kratos asked, 'Do you remember speaking to me?'
'Oh!' Lloyd's memory snapped into place, 'I remember! You were on the outskirts of the city. Staring straight at the sky. You even asked me how I was, we thought it was strange that you were so friendly. You are telling me that was my 18th birthday?'
'Yes. I convinced Mithos that I had a lead concerning the location of the Renegades and so managed to talk my way out of Welgaia. I heard that your group was heading to Flanoir so tried to get their first, just so I could see you,' he paused, 'Turns out you came to speak to me. I wouldn't have missed seeing you on that day for the world.'
Lloyd laughed, almost uncomfortably, 'You still owe me a 'Happy Birthday'.'
'Heh,' Kratos enveloped Lloyd into a one-armed hug, 'Happy Birthday, Lloyd.'
…May Your Smile…
…Shine On…
…Don't Be Scared…
…Your Destiny May Keep You Warm…
Yuan hesitated, placing a hand on the rough bark of the large tree beside him.
He observed in silence for a couple of seconds. Lloyd was sat on the edge of a cliff-face near Iselia, feet swinging over the edge and figure almost silhouetted against the orange glow of dusk. As far as Yuan knew, he had been on this hillside all day. Yuan didn't blame him.
After all, his father was leaving him the next day. For good. Lloyd had a right to be a little distant.
Biting his lip, Yuan decided to step forward and get this over with. He felt obliged to talk with the boy. According to Kratos, Lloyd knew that Yuan was his godfather, so it was best that the older man extended the hand of friendship to the teen.
'It's getting late.'
Lloyd looked up over his shoulder, straight face not wavering as he recognised the owner of the voice. After a glance, Lloyd looked back into the distance, allowing Yuan to approach him.
'I know,' Lloyd shuffled where he was sat slightly before placing a hand out beside him, 'Want to sit?'
Yuan made a small noise in response and sat slowly down over the edge of the cliff-face next to Lloyd.
'I can't believe he's really going…'
Yuan turned his head to see Lloyd's gaze firmly fixed on the horizon, eyes squinting slightly at the dim light. His voice was no more than a whisper, perhaps not even addressing the half-elf at all. Yuan turned his head back around and stuffed his hands underneath his legs to keep him warm; the cool Iselia breeze was starting to get to him.
'Kratos is Kratos,' Yuan replied slowly, carefully choosing his words, 'To onlookers he may just appear to be sacrificing himself arbitrarily, completely irrationally. To those who have known him as long as I have, he is doing what he does for one sole reason.'
'Guilt?' Lloyd replied absent-mindedly.
Yuan let out a small laugh before shaking his head, 'No, not guilt. Just a rugged loyalty to those he cares about. It takes a lot to win over Kratos Aurion, to become one of his close friends. But if you get within his circle of trust, he would die a thousands deaths for you. Then a thousand more.'
'Mmmm…' Lloyd murmured in what Yuan assumed to be an agreement, 'I just wish he didn't have to. I wish there was another way. He doesn't deserve it.'
'I know you do,' Yuan let a smile fall upon his features, 'It's because you are like him. You care as much for him as he does for you. Therefore you fail to see the logic in his actions.'
'I guess you're right…'
'I know I'm right,' Yuan continued, 'You have grown up to be more like him than you realise, Lloyd, and that is by no means a fault. I only hope I can be as good a friend to you as your father was to me, for he certainly was and is the best friend a lout like me can ever hope for.'
'You aren't a lout!'
'…and that's your mother talking,' both Yuan and Lloyd shared a smile, 'Seriously, Lloyd, don't hesitate to contact me if you need anything. Hopefully the past is behind us now and I can fulfill my duty as godfather to you the best I can. I owe your father that much.'
'Thanks, Yuan,' Lloyd replied quietly, 'There is only one thing I could possibly need at this moment…,' Yuan raised an eyebrow, '…a way for Dad to be able to return from Derris-Kharlan.'
'Funny you should say that…'
…'Cause All Of The Stars…
…Are Fading Away…
…Just Try Not To Worry…
…You'll See Them Some Day…
…Take What You Need…
…And Be On Your Way…
The cold sent a shiver up Lloyd's spine. He knew it was late. He probably should have been sleeping, but he knew he wouldn't be able to.
The wood from the balcony of Lloyd's house had become uncomfortable to sit on; the teen had to keep shifting to a slightly different sitting position every now and then. Not that he minded, he needed time to think.
For the fiftieth time that evening, Lloyd ran his finger around the sharp edge of the gleaming purple sword that lay beside him, supposedly the key to bringing his father back.
'…I need you to keep doing what you are.'
Lloyd looked up, frowning. He heard his father's voice from below him. It took a couple of seconds for Lloyd to realise that Kratos was talking to Noishe.
'I trust you to look after him,' Kratos's voice was just about a whisper. Lloyd heard Noishe's quiet whine in response, 'I…I just need to feel reassured, that's all. Perhaps it is because in my mind, Lloyd is still that little boy I used to carry on my shoulders. He was sensitive and fragile, like all little children are, and every waking thought coincided with keeping him and Anna safe. I remember the way he used to cry when it got dark, or the way he used to laugh when I tickled him in just the right spot. He was my soul, drawing me out of the worry I felt every day, allowing me to smile once in a while, forgetting the constant danger that shadowed our existence. You were a part of that too, Noishe. You used to carry him on your back when Anna got tired and I was on lookout. You used to let him sleep beside you when it was cold. Above all, you have looked after him all these years when I was not here to do so. All I can do is thank you, old friend.'
Lloyd laid his head back against the wooden panelling of the wall and hugged his knees to his chest, eyes closed to prevent the tears that threatened to fall.
…And Stop Crying Your Heart Out…
'It won't work.'
'Yuan thinks it will,' Lloyd's face was set straight and firm, every ounce of his being willing his voice not to waver. He had to be strong on this day.
'Lloyd…' Kratos looked sadly down at his son, who was holding his stubborn mask with skill.
'You have to trust me.'
'I do trust you!' Kratos insisted, waving a hand in front of him to emphasise his words, 'I just don't think that giving me the Eternal Sword when I go will be enough to bring me back. Not to mention how irresponsible it is.'
'I don't need the Sword anymore, not now the worlds are re-united. I don't want to have some kind of magical advantage over everyone else. It is that kind of inequality that breeds corruption and greed,' Kratos smiled sadly at his son's insistent, but logical arguments, 'You will be able to wield the sword, Origin honours you as a trustworthy human. After all, you were his seal for all that time. You never sought the power that he brought and you were willing to sacrifice your life so that others could put right the mistakes that Mithos made!'
'Please, Lloyd-'
'It's not going to hurt anyone if you take the sword. If anything, it will make me feel like I have done my absolute best to bring you back.'
'I do not wish to sow the seeds of false hope in you, Lloyd,' Kratos answered, 'I fear that by taking the sword, I will do just that. Mithos was blinded by hope and the insistence that he could bring Martel back to this world. I do not wish for your life to be focused solely on the possibility of my return.'
'Dad, I need this,' Lloyd replied, not willing to back down, 'and I am sure as hell not going to use my power to let you leave until I am positive you are willing to go along with this plan. I have spoken with Origin. He accepts you as one who can wield the sword, given you wear the Ring of the Pact. His powers will be yours to do as you see fit. Please, Dad. Please.'
…Get Up…
…Come On…
…Why Are You Scared?…
…You'll Never Change What's Been And Gone…
Raine watched quietly as Colette and the others said goodbye to Kratos Aurion for what appeared to be the last time.
He smiled as warm as smile as she had ever seen to all of them individually, taking time to wish them well and pass on any advice he had left to give.
Yuan was leant against the wall of her house, eyeing the group quietly, face solemn. His eyes met Raine's every once in a while, not a muscle moving on the cobalt-haired man's face as the pain in his eyes told the story of four thousand years of friendship coming to an unforeseeable end.
…'Cause All Of The Stars…
…Are Fading Away…
…Just Try Not To Worry…
…You'll See Them Some Day…
…Take What You Need…
…And Be On Your Way…
…And Stop Crying Your Heart Out…
'Where's Lloyd?' Yuan asked quietly.
'He told me he would meet me at the Tree later. He said he wanted to get there first,' came Kratos's reply, his eyes vacant.
An uncomfortable silence swamped the pair before the human turned his back on Iselia and began to walk away from the village.
'It's time, Yuan.' Kratos said without turning around. He walked for a few more paces before releasing his wings and lifting off, only to rise a few feet before he noticed that Yuan was yet to move from where he was stood.
'Yuan?'
The Seraph turned and landed before his oldest friend once more, blue wings disappearing in a flash of white mana.
'You aren't coming.' Kratos mumbled. It wasn't a question. Yuan's look was glazed over, his white-grey eyes boring straight into Kratos's. Yuan opened his mouth to reply, before simply shaking his head slowly, unable to think of anything to say in that moment.
Kratos hesitated, heart pounding in his ears. He never considered this moment would ever come. Despite their differences and the obligatory distance that came with being enemies in recent times, Kratos still valued Yuan as his closest ever friend and one that would always be there. Yuan was ubiquitous with Kratos's life, an everlasting common denominator who was his link with reality in the warped life that he lived.
But for one of them to say goodbye to the other willingly? And have it planned? That was ridiculous.
Kratos had spent so much time thinking of Lloyd, and rightly so, that he forgot about his oldest friend in the process and had not considered what needed to be said.
'Look, Yuan,' Kratos placed his hands on the half-elf's shoulders, causing Yuan to flinch slightly before relaxing, 'I haven't prepared anything to say to you. I cannot rationalise the thought of you and I being separated fully. As far as I have always been concerned, you were always there. No matter what was going on, what things were said, what tasks we had both faced, you were always there. You helped me through he toughest times.'
'Kratos, don't-'
'We were fools, Yuan,' Kratos interrupted, 'We let Mithos get beyond the point of our powers. We needed the help of another to fix the mistakes we had made. However, despite how hard these long years have been, despite the problems we may have faced, we always got through it. Always. You and I were always a funny double-act. I remember how Mithos used to laugh at how different we were, how strange it was that we were so close,' Kratos laughed, 'but that was just it. We were close. Close enough so nothing needed to be said at times where other friends would need to voice their anxieties. To this day I value your friendship, your loyalty, and the company you have given me.'
'Please, Kratos,' Yuan noticed the shine in Kratos's eyes, sure fire proof that it wasn't just the half-elf who was close to spilling over with tears, 'You don't have to say anything, I…you don't want to be getting all mushy with me when you have a son to deal with,' Yuan pushed Kratos's hands off his shoulders with a quick laugh. 'Now…get out of here.'
Kratos paused before nodding. The two stood in a mutual silence for a long moment. Kratos was about to turn and go just as Yuan grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug. It only lasted a second, both friends sharing a silent goodbye, before Yuan released the human. Kratos smiled sadly and turned to leave.
'I just have one more thing to say to you before I go, Yuan,' Kratos looked over his shoulder, 'Make sure you look after Raine.'
Yuan stood, shocked at Kratos's last comment, as the human released his wings and lifted off, heading towards the horizon and the Triet desert. Yuan watched until Kratos was out of sight, taking a moment to sigh and collect his thoughts before heading back into the village. He heard Raine's voice from the end of the street and felt his stomach flip and a shiver creep up his neck. Laughing quietly to himself, Yuan placed both hands behind his head as he ascended the steps to the Sage household.
'Bloody Aurion, he's always right about me…'
…'Cause All Of The Stars…
…Are Fading Away…
…Just Try Not To Worry…
…You'll See Them Some Day…
…Take What You Need…
…And Be On Your Way…
…And Stop Crying Your Heart Out…
It had taken Lloyd 17...no 18 years to realise, but sometimes it was easier to let someone else break a long silence.
He and Kratos walked along the edge of the hillside that surrounded the Great Tree. Lloyd had already walked this route a number of times already that morning, just waiting for his father to arrive.
Before he left for good.
They had been walking side by side for a number of minutes now, neither saying a word, before Kratos stopped dead.
'Lloyd, we haven't got much time,' Kratos said, face blank.
Lloyd turned over his shoulder to face his father, 'Why? What's the rush?' came the almost hurt reply.
Kratos grimaced sadly before looking directly up towards the sky, 'Derris-Kharlan will be falling out of orbit. Plus…I don't think it is best for us to prolong this process any longer.'
Lloyd sighed loudly and looked to his feet as Kratos stepped towards him.
'We probably both have things we wish to say, Lloyd,' Kratos placed his hands on Lloyd's shoulders, the younger still staring straight at his feet, 'and we will both regret it if we don't do this properly.'
'Properly?' Lloyd enquired, drawing his gaze from the floor, 'Do you know what the proper thing would be to do?'
'What?'
'To not go…'
Kratos scrunched up his nose as Lloyd's gaze dropped again. He had seldom seen Lloyd so…vulnerable, so raw. It scared him.
Doing what any father would do in that situation, Kratos strengthened his grip on Lloyd's shoulders before pulling him tightly into a hug, the younger dropping the gleaming purple sword from his hand. Lloyd didn't resist as Kratos put his arms around Lloyd's shoulders, resting his head on the brunette's.
'I can say nothing to make this easier, Lloyd,' Kratos mumbled as Lloyd listened silently, 'I can only hope you can forgive me for all that has happened to you and for me not being there when it mattered.'
Kratos felt Lloyd's hands grip the front of his shirt like they did at the Renegade base, 'Is…is there any thing you would like to know? Ask me anything.'
Lloyd remained silent for a second, before a small mumble was just about audible from the folds in Kratos's shirt, 'What was mom like?'
Kratos laughed out loud, 'I knew you would ask that. Hmmm… how to describe Anna…She was tall. Nearly as tall as me, in fact. Brown hair to her shoulders, slightly wavy, and dark, but shining, brown eyes. Above all, she had the most captivating smile you will ever see, a smile that I believe may have been passed onto you, in fact.'
Kratos paused, biting the inside of his lip, thinking of how to continue.
'She was bold, brassy and, dare I say it, confrontational. It's not surprising really, she was the only daughter with four brothers, she needed to learn how to take care of herself. However, beneath this spiky exterior was the most calm, caring and loving woman you could imagine. She was a wonderful person, a fantastic mother and the best thing that could possibly happen to me. I am just sorry she never got to see you grow up.'
The pair stood in silence again, Kratos's arms still tightly held around Lloyd's shoulders. Lloyd's grip tightened on his father's shirt.
'I think she did…'
'Hmmm?'
'I think she did see me grow up.'
'You are probably right, Lloyd,' Kratos smiled, 'Is there anything else you wish to know?'
'There is just one thing…' Lloyd started, 'What's my name?'
'Your name?'
'You know…my real name. I have to know who I am.'
Kratos sighed, 'You were born Lloyd Charles Aurion. Charles was my father's name. However, you have not grown up to be Lloyd Charles Aurion, you have grown up to be Lloyd Irving. It is possible that, should things have been different, Lloyd Charles Aurion may have grown up to be a slightly different person than Lloyd Irving. Who knows? Don't feel the need to remodel yourself just because you have found me, your name is your identity, don't try and be something you aren't.'
Kratos paused as he waited for a response.
'Where was I born?'
A small laughed escaped the Seraph once more at the almost childlike tone to Lloyd's voice, 'Flanoir. I know it seems strange, but yes you were born in Tethe'alla. Yuan had us hopping from one side to another. It was the only time I've ever been in Flanoir and it hasn't been snowing, remarkable really.'
Kratos felt Lloyd's shoulders twitch against his arms, turning into a continuous shake. The older man gripped tighter, re-adjusting his chin on his son's head.
'It fitted you to a tee, really. You truly are a remarkable person. Don't let anything stand before you in the future. Defend those you care about ruggedly, but find time to fulfill your own dreams and desires. Don't feel pressured to settle down into adulthood, for example. Despite what Yuan claims about you and either Sheena or Colette, I can't sit with that idea. If I can read you correctly, there is another girl.'
Lloyd nodded against Kratos's chest, smudging the small tear-soaked patches that had formed on his jacket.
'She reminds me of Anna,' Kratos mused, pulling Lloyd out of the sustained hug. He placed two hands either side of his son's face and used his thumbs to wipe away the tears. Lloyd kept his eyes shut, 'Your life is your to mould. For so long I believed in fate and destiny, that our lives have been planned for us from the start and that some have it better than others for this very reason. However, you have taught me that no matter what odds are against you, everything has the potential to be changed, and it can sometimes only take one individual to do just that. I'm very proud of you, Lloyd.'
'Dad…' Lloyd croaked, opening his eyes slowly.
'Come on,' Kratos let his hands fall to the sides, 'Let's get this over with.'
…We're All Of Us Stars…
…We're Fading Away…
…Just Try Not To Worry…
…You'll See Us Some Day…
…Take What You Need…
…And Be On Your Way…
…And Stop Crying Your Heart Out…
Kratos squeezed his eyes shut as he felt Lloyd's mana flow with Origin's. He tightened the grip on the Eternal Sword, his gloved hand adjacent to the hand of his son. Every inch of him willed him to let go, to apologise and to pretend none of this happened.
He felt Lloyd's mana strengthen. He would be gone any second now. Kratos thought of Anna, her face swimming before his closed eyes. Her smile, her embrace and the feeling of…contentment that came with his perfect family. Kratos had convinced himself he was making the right decision.
Gripping tightly, Kratos felt a surge from the pit of his stomach as he felt himself being pulled violently away from the ground. In an instant, the simple contact of his hand next to his son's was broken, and Kratos felt as if a part of him was being left behind.
Soon enough, the hero of the Kharlan War had been separated fully from the presence of his son, purple sword in hand - the last hope of his return to the planet he had graced for so long.
Kratos just smiled softly to himself.
'Don't die before I do, Lloyd…my son.'
…Stop Crying Your Heart Out…
A/N Well… there it is! It could probably have been better, but I tried my best. I'm so sad to see this story finish! I have had a whale of a time writing it. I do have an epilogue to it too, but I'm not sure if I should post it. Please let me know your opinions.
I have 3 options really, 1) post it as an extra chapter or 2) upload it as a separate 'story', so that those who don't want to read it don't have to or 3) Don't post it at all.
Anyways…let me know what you think and PLEASE give me a review for the story as a whole! It would make my day if most of those who have been following the story let me know what they think, even if you haven't reviewed it before, please do now! Also, feel free to check out the song - Stop Crying Your Heart Out - Oasis. It's one of my fave songs of all time!
I can finally get on with my other ToS story that is feeling neglected. Not to mention finish that Harry Potter story!
All I can really say is have a wonderful Christmas and thank you so much for reading! Please leave any feedback.
PinkPenguin18