Chapter 4

He woke up in the trailer the next morning to find her side of the bed empty. Quickly pulling on pants and a sweater he headed out of the trailer towards the land over looking the city.

Sure enough there she was sitting crossed legged on the grass hand over her adomen gazing out over the city. He walked over to her and sat down.

"I was trying to pictureit" she said without looking at him "Picture it?" he asked

"Us in a house with five kids running around. I never plaaned to have kids or fall in love a all for that matter" she sighed before continuing "my father left when I was five I never heard from him again. After he left my mother got a job at Boston General so we moved out there I never saw anybody in my family again. At first she would leave me with a nanny but as soon as I was old enough to take care of myself she would leave me alone for days at a time. When I got aolder I would do anything to get her attention I dyed my hair pink wore a lot f black. I even drank a whole bottle of vodka once but she came home and found me and called an ambulance when I wolk up she yelled at me for being irresponsible. As far as she was concerned as long as my grades were good nothing else mattered. When I graduated high school I ecided to apply to go to medical school in a last ditch attempt to get her to notice me. "

"When I told her I got accepted to NYU she told me that there was no point 'cause I'd never be as good as she was and that the only reason I got in was because of my name. That was the last straw we had a huge argument and the next day I pulled ut of NYU and booked a ticket to Paris."

" 2 months later I got a call from her doctor saying that she had been diagnnosed with Alzhiemers and that I should come home immediatley I hung up on him it was two days before I decided to come home. When I got back I found a home that specialiaze with Alzhiemers sufferes and I applied to Dartmouth. For the next four years I spent most of my time studying visitin g her and getting wasted"

"Then I came here"

"And you met me"

" And I met you and for the first time in my life I wasn't a burden or an incovenince somebdy wanted me because I was me and then Addison showed up and my world crumbled I'd gotten used to being wanted I'd let my guard down "

"Mer..."

"Let me finish" she said silencing him she got up and began pacing in front him " And now you're divorced and you're with me and I'm pregnant with quints and I'm terrifyed I'm terrifyed that I'll end up like my mother but most of all I'm scared that you'll leave me" she said a small sob escaping

At this Derek stood up and put his arms around her "You are not your mother okay? You're already fighting for these babies you love these babies look at me " he said firmly cupping her face in his hands " I will never leave you I love you Meredith Grey. You make me feel things I didn't know were possible okay If you never believe anthing I say believe that "



" I know you do and I love you too It's just hard for me to believe that somebody wants me I keep expectin g you too realise that I'm me and change your mind"

It broke his heart to see how insecure she was he sighed and held her closer.

" I will never stop loving you ever okay I'm in this for the long haul. I'm sorry you had such a terrible childhood but Meredith these babies will never experience that okay. We will love them so much that they will never once doubt it and not just by us"

" Promise?"

" I promise"

"Thank you" she said after a few minutes

"For what?"

"For being you" she said smiling

"that's my job come on he said taking her hand in his "lets go and get breakfast"

"Hmm I'm starving"