AN: Chapter 3... awesome. So ya I forgot to put a disclaimer in the last chaptre but, no I do not own the iPod... because if I did I would actually have one. lol. I know sad I don't have an iPod. Whatever, life will go on. Hope you enjoy the next chapter of The Messed Up Life of a BandOrch Kid. I wrote this for my friends birthday today... HAPPY BIRTHDAY: )

Alice dropped me off at my house that evening, after she planted the seed of mistrust for the band in my head. My home wasn't anything special, just a small one story house that held my mom, Eric, and younger sister Rachael. It was home to me though, and had been my whole life, so it didn't really matter what size it was. I walked up the front steps and dug in my school bag for her key. Alice honked her horn to say good bye and then sped down the street. I opened the door and walked in.

"Hey mom! I'm home." I yelled closing the door behind me and walking to the room I shared with Rachael.

"Hi honey." My mom popped her head around the corner of the kitchen. She had the same long (graying) auburn hair, blue eyes and tall figure that Rachael and I have. She had the warm smile any mother should have with a few wrinkles from when she went through the long painful divorce with my father when I was seven.

"I'll be right there mom." I threw my things on my side of the room and walked into the kitchen where my mom was cooking dinner.

"That orchestra called about an hour ago about your audition scheduling. I wrote it down on the pad next to the telephone." She said, pointing to the paper with the knife she was using to cut vegetables.

"Yes! I was waiting for this call. Thanks mom." I kissed her on the cheek and picked up a knife to help her with the vegetables. I had been practicing to the point of fatigue over the whole summer for this audition. If I wanted to have first chair again I would have to.

Shortly after I started helping the sound of the garage door opening was heard.

"Mommy!" My little sister, Rachael called from the door.

"In here." The pattering of feet was heard and then Rachael came around the corner in her brown Girl Scout uniform and flew into mom's outstretched hands. She is the mini-me version of me. I swear. Rachael looks exactly like me from when I was her age. She ran over to me and hugged my legs. I set the knife on the counter before I had the chance to stab her. I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist like a panda. She was so-oooo adorable.

A moment later Eric walked around the corner as well and set his keys on the key hook.

"Hey Diane." He said, walking over to my mom and giving her a peck on the forehead. "Need help with dinner?"

"No, I think I got it. All of you just leave." She said shooing us out of her kitchen wielding her knife. We all scurried out.

Rachael and I entered our room to get out of our school things. The room wasn't much with its brown carpet and two beds that were stuffed in to make room for the two of us. We weren't exactly the richest family in the world but, we all helped to pull it together. We did at least have an extremely scenic view of... the driveway, through our window. Mom had planted briar under our window when I had entered high school just so I wouldn't be able to sneak away at night. I think she had some kind of fantasy that I would somehow find a boyfriend and that he would try to steal me away in the middle of the night. Either that or she was afraid that I would try to sneak away like our father had. Our mom had all of the right intentions but, why she honestly thought I would sneak out through the window was beyond us. Ever since my dad left us she never was the same.

I got dressed rapidly and pulled out my homework. I jumped on the bed (something my mom highly discouraged) and got started. I was almost done with my trig work when we all got a dinner call. The sound of doors opening and closing down the hallway rang followed by footsteps.

"Start eating. I got frsh bread from work today." She said, dropping a huge bowl of soup in the middle of the table. We all learned to eat our food no matter how nasty our food looked. Trust me it looked kind of nasty, but, no one ever complained.

Their spoons scraped away at the bowls.

"So how was school today, Fia?" My mom asked.

I didn't really feel like sharing so I decided to leave the story about the picture out of our family conversation, "It went well I guess. Just the usual."

"Rachael got a shining star on her book report today." Eric told us all butting into my mom's failed attempt at a conversation with me.

"Oh?" Her mom said, turning to Rachael.

"Yes. Teacher said that I wrote the best story she had ever read. Sam was sooo jealous." Sam was the class genius/bully.

"Brilliant dear. I'm so proud of you." My mom said, leaning over the table to kiss her. The rest of the dinner went by rather quickly leaving me time to squeeze in cello and homework.

Later that night I was laying in my bed thinking about the band... again. I had really postponed my thoughts long enough and it was time to face what I didn't want to do. I was going to have to stay away from the field... something I regretted having to do. I couldn't risk getting caught down there again especially after the days events. I had a feeling everyone would be really suspicious if I was caught down there again. My friends aren't stupid enough to not see what is happening. I kept on having treacherous thoughts about joining the band though. There was just something about it that made me itch for more. It was something different and what I wanted to do.

What's the worst they can do anyway? I may seem confident about this but, in the deep confines of my mind I know that the rest of my orchestra would not let me get away with me joining the band free of punishment. They could and would make my life miserable. If their hatred for the band wasn't enough evidence that they would then what was?

I was so frustrated. I turned over into my pillow and pounded my hands against it. Why is it that now of all times I decide I'm interested in band?I groaned.

"You okay Fia?" A tired voice came from the bed next to me.

"Yeah. Sorry, just go back to sleep." I told Rachael.

"Goodnight." She said, "I hope your dreams are granted."

I stopped and let my sister's last words hit me. There was a lot she didn't know but, something about the way she said it made something so complicated into something easy. I already knew her dreams weren't going to be granted though. From only two brief hearings I have known what my forbidden calling was... and I wasn't exactly ready to cross the boundaries just yet.

The next few weeks I remained totally and completely out of it. Since I had been caught by Mr Larsson I had not made another attempt to go down to the football field. I had stopped practicing cello as well and it showed. It really showed. I went in for my audition and for the first time ever I didn't even get a ranking... meaning I didn't make it into the orchestra at all. Mr Larsson had already told me that I was close to completely being thrown out of the chamber ensemble and even closer to being thrown out of first chair.
Her friends didn't make it any better for her either. They took her moment of weakness and made her start to seriously question her ability to play. She started to wonder if she belonged where she was. It wasn't so much the fact that she was deprived of the band that made her depressed. It was more along the lines of every comment they said against the band made her think of herself and then every comment the band made against the orchestra made her think of herself. She didn't seem to be able to fit in either one of the two groups and there was no in between. There's nothing worse than not knowing where you belong.

On a cold Monday afternoon, Ben and Alice watched as Fia was putting her cello away after a practice that didn't go as well as it should have for her. She was wearing baggy pajama bottoms that she hadn't bothered to change out of from that morning and a gray sweatshirt that was wrinkled as if it had been sitting in the hamper for a few weeks and then carelessly thrown on. Her hair was in a messy braid and her face was free of any make-up.

"What's wrong with her?" Ben asked.

"I don't know but, it's starting to worry me." Alice said, "She won't even talk to me anymore."

They watched as Mr Larsson walked up to her. He told her something and she just nodded her head, following him into his office.

"I don't know what it is but, I intend to find out." Alice said, determined with herself.

Hearing my friends talk about me behind my back didn't really seem to bother me. They were just worried, not that there was much wrong with me. I was so confused. I honestly didn't feel like I belonged anywhere anymore. Nobody wanted me in the orchestra and the band. It wasn't that I didn't talk to Alice, it was more like she was afraid to hurt me even more because of my changes.

I left Alice and Ben behind in the music room when Larsson walked up to me asking for a word. I didn't want to hear them talk about me anymore.

As soon as the door shut behind me I spoke, "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"I'm a bit worried about you." He said, bluntly, "You haven't been acting like yourself for the past few weeks."

"You don't need to worry about me, sir." I said. Besides when has he cared?

"Sir? Come on, watsup?" He asked me. I just shrugged. "Is there something wrong at home? I know that you've had problems in the past with your father."

"There's nothing wrong with me or at home. Nothing." How did he even know about my father? I was in grade school when that happened.

"Okay let's make a list. First off, you have been showing up late for practice everyday for the last two weeks, you don't bother getting dressed in the morning, you haven't been practicing and this is the first time I've heard you talk to me or anyone else in forever." He paused, holding his fingers up as he counted them off. "Does this have anything to do with the picture a few weeks back or the time I found you under the bleachers?"

Wow... he's good. I took a breath and then started "I don't know what's wrong with me... that's the problem. I feel so confused." I looked at him for a moment before continuing, getting an encouraging nod from him, "I don't know where the hell I belong anymore. My friends are trying to pull me one way but, my mind wants me to go the other."

"Where are the two directions pulling you?" He asked me innocently. Okay he's good but, there's no way I am telling him that. I stopped talking and looked at my feet trying to find some answer. He instead attempted to answer for me, "You're not thinking about quitting music, are you?"

"Listen I just can't tell you." I said. He was my teacher and I could probably trust him with the truth but, I learned along time ago that the most trusted person can let you down, thanks to dear old dad.

"I see." He said. "I don't want to add to your pressure but, I just got word from one of my friends at the local youth orchestra that you totally failed your audition. I know that was very important to you. You yourself told me how hard you practiced for that over the summer."

"I know... it just doesn't seem to matter anymore." Mr Larsson looked at me as if he was trying to read my mind. I kept a straight face and looked at him right in the eye.

"I want you to get your act together Fia. I'm giving you a week off from the chamber ensemble to get your life sorted out and then I want you to come back with your conclusion." He told me. "You're dismissed."

I left feeling more miserable then I ever have in my entire life. I knew he wasn't trying to be mean, just trying to tell me the truth.

I walked into the music room bumping into a few people on the way and ignoring their complaints. Grabbing my cello I left without a single word to anyone. I needed to go to the one place where I knew I could be alone... The school's theatre. (AN: Haha you thought I was going to say the field. Nope time to introduce a new place)

During the school day the stage was known to be busy with the drama and orchestra students fighting over it but, after school it was left abandoned and dark for me to claim. I walked into the theatre closing the heavy doors behind me letting the eerie sound echo off the walls.

"Hello?" No reply. It was all mine. I walked up the stairs dragging my cello with me. The janitors knew this is where I liked to practice after school hours and they would leave a chair and stand out for me on the stage.

I took the cello out of its case and tightened the bow. I sat down in the chair and brought my cello to me prepared to play. I wasn't expecting to hear something beautiful. I just wanted to have confirmation that there was something there between my cello and me. I loved it and wouldn't let anyone think otherwise but, as of lately I had started to notice that there was something missing, something that had never been there. I pulled the bow across the strings hearing a slightly better tone than I expected but, it was still lacking something. What was it? The question had been driving me crazy. All of these years I had practiced more than I had ever bothered doing anything else. So why was it that the saying 'practice makes perfect' didn't do my playing justice.

I started playing a rather complex song that I had learned when I was in the eighth grade. My technique was perfect, well worn fingers poised along the fingerboard in what should have been right posture but, they slipped. The music stopped and I was left alone, wrapped in the darkness of the theatre and my mind. Why did life have to be as unfair as to take one of the few things I had?

AN: Awww, what will happen to Fia now? This chaptre was a little on the darker side. So watsup with Fia's father? Well I'll explain that in later chaptres. For now I am going to focus on Fia's rather weird angsty moments. More on the band to come soon, within this next chaptre. Let's all hope that she can get it back together. Tell me what you think R&R.