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Chapter 5

The sleep – or faint actually… whatever, really! – softened Bela's features, made her look relaxed, peaceful even. And strangely exhausted, too.

He was sitting on the chair and watching her lying on the couch in Bobby's living room. As far as he knew, she didn't so much as moved since they arrived here a couple of hours ago. And, as far as he knew, it was probably the first time he saw her with guards down. Wasn't even sure it could be possible. Well, had he known that to see something human in Bela Talbot one should knock her out first, he'd most likely do it a long time ago. Out of curiosity more than anything.

His eyes fixed on her face, noted unfamiliar tiredness, dark circles under her eyes. A crease between her brows. And only God knew how he resisted an urge to reach his hand out and smooth it, brush soft curls away from her forehead. Been feeling it ever since picking her in his arms in the bloody crypt. It, and overwhelming awkwardness. And what else he could do? Let her fall? Well, he could but… The moment that stilled in time. Inexplicable reaction. Something that made him feel ashamed. Dean froze to the chair as if one small movement could have shattered everything into pieces.

Sam came up to him, passed a bottle of beer to Dean and took a seat next to him, now they were both peering at Bela.

"Can't believe that the shit you told me is real," Dean broke the silence after a while, took a good sip from his bottle.

"You tell me that," Sam chuckled. "But how else can you explain being here?"

"Hard to say anything against that," Dean admitted and gave a bottle in his hand a long and thoughtful look as if expecting to see an answer inside of it.

"You okay, man?"

"Dude, you're asking me that for what? A billionth time already?" On a snort. "I'm perfect!" I'm alive, that pretty much covers everything.

"Sorry, Dean, it's just… you know the feeling when you want something so much you think you'd go crazy if you don't get it right away and when you finally get it you don't know how to react properly?" Sam shook his head in response to Dean's puzzled huh? "I'm happy to have you back."

"Happy to be back too, Sammy." A bit awkwardly. "Can't even begin to say how happy I am." Dean paused, and then, "And I'm glad to find you in one piece, too. Honestly, when it happened and I saw you, and Bobby, I… there was a moment when I thought you two did something stupid." Another pause, and he added on a shrug and under his breath, "Made a deal or something."

Sam shrugged too, not looking at Dean. "They wouldn't agree."

Dean choked, snapped his head up, his eyes flaring with fury now, and gripped the neck of his bottle so firmly that his knuckles grew unnaturally white. "What?! Jesus, Sam! What did you do?"

"Nothing," he replied simply.

"Thank God! What were you thinking?"

"Saving your ass, Dean!" Sam exclaimed but lowered his voice immediately on a cautious sidelong glance although Bela didn't seem to really care. "Good enough reason for me."

None of them spoke for a while. Strange moment, as if they were debating if it made sense to try and prove who of them deserved being alive. Not that there was a chance to come to an agreement anyway. Not that there could be an answer.

"So," Sam started. Paused. Cleared his throat and took a sip from his own bottle. "You just appeared in that cemetery, Dean? Just… like that?"

They've been through this already, Dean thought. Without satisfying result though. Without any result. Weird truth was that he really appeared. Absolutely unharmed, although they both knew that hellhounds ripped him nearly into pieces. Crazy…

"Uh-huh, just like that, if you can say so about coming from the other side. Didn't friggin' fly there through the night sky for sure," he smirked and then frowned. "Tell me, Sammy, you seriously think she did it?" On a nod towards Bela. "Because that's… um, you know…"

"Uh-huh," Sam nodded distractedly. "Dunno, man, really. Not that I can explain it any other way either. But you're here now."

"There's gotta be a trick." Dean narrowed his eyes suspiciously, tilted his head to one shoulder, then to the other as if searching for a proper angle to look at Bela, like if he found one he'd see something new.

"What trick?"

"It's Bela, dude! Everything is a trick about her. We gotta find out what is it this time."

"Dean…"

"No, I'm serious, Sam! I don't want to own anything to that bitch, least of all my life. And I'm done with surprises."

"She's been to hell, Dean. Don't you think it sort of changes… things?"

"Are we still talking about Bela or did I miss something?"

"She kinda helped you, man."

"That's still questionable," Dean objected dryly and with dark determination. "Did she pay you to be her lawyer or what?"

"Whatever," Sam muttered, and then after a short hesitation, "Dean, Bela said that she didn't remember a thing from… there. Do you?" The words slipped out of his mouth as if on the will of their own, before Sam actually realized what he was asking. He bit his tongue but it was too lade. Damn his curiosity!

Heavy silence hang in the room for what seemed like an eternity making Sam wish he's thought first before saying something like that out loud. He wanted to know. Had to know! But maybe it was a better idea to wait till Dean was willing to talk about it, or…

"No," Dean answered at last, staring into nowhere. He rubbed his face – a tried gesture, although not exactly physically tired, more world-weary, speaking of that. There were screams of pain that flashed inside of his head, but these were not memories in ordinary understanding. Whenever he saw or heard them in his mind, he had a feeling that he was looking at this all from aside, or from above. So it wasn't a lie when he said No. Just not the whole truth. "Not a thing, Sammy." Not that he wanted to talk about it now. Not until he made it clear for himself anyway.

"Sorry, I didn't mean…"

But Dean only waved his hand like it's okay and finished his beer in one big gulp.

"How the things been going here?" He asked somewhat matter-of-factly, almost indifferently, in the exact same tone he'd use if he asked about weather forecast or political news, or whatever else he didn't really care about.

"What do you mean?"

"Demons. Other stuff."

"Do you think anything can ever change about it?" Sam's grin was bitter.

Truth was, he sort of stayed out of business most of time. Didn't give a shit about anything but saving his brother and must have missed a thing or two. Knew that monsters in the closets still were a harsh reality and that Lilith still was somewhere out there, but hadn't had a pleasure of encounter, as much as he'd like to.

"Right," Dean scoffed. Got up to see feet. "Some things never change. Where's Bobby by the way?" The longer he stayed around Bela – very much asleep Bela, thank God – the more stupid he felt… because of what he felt. Maybe it wasn't a bad idea to escape for a while.

"Huh?" The question pulled Sam out of his own thoughts. "In the back yard, I guess. He wanted to check the engine of his truck."

"Gonna go check on my baby then," Dean flashed a smile at him. "Bet she was missing me."

"More than anyone," Sam smiled back. He still had serious problems with believing that this nightmare was finally over. Well, at least Dean was alive and it was the most important. As for the rest… they'd handle it like they always did.

"If I find a CD-player there, Sammy, you're dead," Dean warned him. "I mean it." Gave another studying look to the couch. "Maybe we should tie her or something? What do you think?"

"You touch me, Dean," Bela moaned all of a sudden, giving them both a start, "and I'll break your arm." Paused. "Or both. God, why my head feels so unnaturally big?" She groaned and reached her hand for it obviously wishing to make sure that her head was still where it was meant to be.

Dean and Sam exchanged surprised looks. Car forgotten for a while, Dean came up to the couch and looked down at her. "Look, our little sleeping beauty woke up, and we didn't even have to kiss you."

"Kiss the frog," Bela croaked. She shifted slightly on the couch which was a tad short for her to lie stretched, and kicked Dean on the knee accidentally. Or not so accidentally.

"Ouch!" He winced and scowled. "You saw that, Sam? She did it on purpose!"

"Did what?" Bela finally opened her eyes, made an attempt to raise her head but slumped back into the cushion almost immediately on realization that it wasn't the best idea. "What happened?" Tried to ignore that crazy hammering of her heart against her ribs at the sight of Dean Winchester – alive Dean Winchester, see the difference! – and feeling strangely relieved, like Thank God, he's okay, even despite his not so welcoming glare.

"Oh, no, don't drag me into this, Dean!" Sam leaned over Bela. "How are you feeling?"

"What do you think?" She grimaced. "Can anyone bring me Tylenol, please?" Or my head will explode here and now.

No way, Dean said only with his lips still rubbing on his knee. For show, Sam guessed. He rolled his eyes and shook his head. Weighed pros and cons of leaving Dean and Bela alone in the room for a couple of minutes and headed into the kitchen when it turned out that he had no other choice. Gave Dean a waning look on leaving nonetheless, and received insulted Me? Never! expression in reply.

Sam's footsteps faded in the corridor.

Bela finally took an upright position and… And maybe it was better if Sam stayed. Her headache wasn't that bad, only close to driving her crazy but that suddenly seemed okay. The room suddenly seemed too little for her and Dean to stay there at the same time.

"You… okay, Dean?" She asked to break the silence when she couldn't stand it any longer. Fought to look and speak casually. Like nothing happened, Bela added in her mind. He didn't start shouting or something right away, and it was good. But he was looking anywhere but at her, and it was bad.

"Oh, like you care!" Dean's short laugh was artificial, lacked any amusement and sounded more like a bark. "Please!"

"Just asked."

"Just asked," he mimicked her in a squeaky, high-pitched girlish voice accompanied by a poor imitation of her British accent.

Bela frowned feeling that temper started growing inside of her. She tried to be nice after all! Not that she expected him to appreciate it but…

"Damn it, what's your problem, Dean?"

"My problem? You are my problem!"

Bela gasped. Happy? Ha! He might as well go back, she wouldn't give a shit! Couldn't believe she actually cared. Waste of time!

"You wanted to go somewhere?" Upon recalling the end of conversation that she got through her half-daze. "Go!" God, help me.

"Oh, no, I'm not going anywhere until you tell me this damn exciting story of yours. And this time I wanna hear the whole truth."

Bela closed her eyes. Rubbed the bridge of her nose. Opened them again and met Dean's, even managed to hold them. "What truth?"

"The real one for once would be nice. What is all this friggin' show about?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sam and Bobby, part two, renewed and improved. Made her wonder if he was planning to use some torture on her to hear what he wanted to hear. Doubted that the truth would work. He didn't look like he'd accept it. He was determined not to.

"How are you doing this, Bela? I mean if you really do something. But if you do… Seriously, what's the angle this time? Do something good and charge us later or what?"

Dizziness and headache forgotten, Bela was on her feet on an instant and right before Dean, eyes flaring with outrage and fists balled. Obviously it wasn't just a metaphor about wishing for someone's blood – right at the moment she was a second away from seeing Dean's.

"What do you want to hear from me, Dean? No, really, tell me!"

They glared at each other, barely a foot apart now.

"Whatever crap you might come up with this time," Dean hissed. "Idle curiosity."

"Hey, Bela, here's your…" Sam entered the room and froze in the doorway, "… pill," he finished after a pause, but neither Dean, nor Bela seemed to notice him. "Am I interrupting something?" No answer followed. "I'll leave it here then, okay?" Sam put a bottle with Tylenol pills and a glass of water onto the table. Debated checking on Bobby but a wish to enjoy the show – and supposedly prevent a cold-blooded murder – won.

"Go to hell with your curiosity," Bela snapped.

"Right after you, sweetheart!" He singsonged back, and she suspected that he wanted it to sound like he was offering a honeymoon on Hawaii.

"Wanna have another round of a journey?" Cocked her head and batter eyelashes at him for good measure. Practically heard him gritting his teeth. Good start! Right from where they left it.

And, okay, Bela knew that it was leading them nowhere. Not exactly the conversation she hoped for, although she had to admit that his reaction was justified. They were two bloody morons after all, assuming that they let it go this far, all being dead and undead and… Ugh! So, she decided to be a wiser one. Took a breath in a pretty ineffective attempt to calm herself down and made a small step back, eyes never leaving his face, like giving up and surrendering but still with all dignity she still had, if these pitiful breadcrumbs could be called dignity. But whatever!

"Listen, Dean, I'm sorry…" she started softer, hopefully not with that terrible plea that she thought she heard in her own voice because if it could get more humiliating, she couldn't see how. "About the colt and everything. I admit it was…"

"Oh, you're sorry, Bela? Really? Wow! Let me memorize the moment!"

"Dean…"

"You know what? You fucked up everything we did in years!" He cut her off, voice cold as ice. "And don't you dare tell me you're sorry or feed me other freaking shit. You must have had a reason to сome here and I wanna know it before you messed everything up once again."

"What reasons? I have no idea how I got here. And I'm dead to the world for God's sake!"

"Well, join the club!" Dean snorted.

"It's not the same!" She snapped. "I had home. I had legal life. I existed, unlike you! And I've lost it all!"

"Oh, come on! We both know that you had legal life, or whatever you call it, only because some people didn't know where to look." He rolled his eyes. "And really, Bela, is that what you can brag about? Life built on blood of other people? Nice! Not that I expected anything else, not from you at least, but you're killing me."

Bela froze, and time stopped. It felt like a punch in the gut. All she could see, and feel, and hear for one very long moment that lasted forever was intense gaze of Dean's green eyes, like an X-ray that could see right through her, and thudding of her own heart. And then there was loss, and pain that was eating her alive, and a wish – honest to God wish! – to die again. And it was probably too much to keep her cool and control her emotions properly. She knew that she let them slip because something changed about Dean's face, which definitely was a response to something that obviously changed about hers.

Dean knew right away that it was a wrong this to say. Direct hit. Right into the heart by the looks of it. She stilled, even paled a little. And it if was just a game, Bela definitely deserved Oskar. But she hurt him too much – as much as Dean hated admitting it even to himself. Made him feel like a fool for trusting her till the end, and now that he'd gone this far, there was no turning back.

"You know nothing about me to judge." Her eyes turned from bright green to deep blue, cold as North Atlantic in the storm, and as furious, voice ringing with bitter determination.

"What? Even more dark little secrets?" He mocked as if he couldn't control it or something. "How's that even possible?"

When Bobby came into the room almost an hour later wiping car oil off his hands with a grey cloth, the heat of a fight was still growing. His brows shot up in pure amazement when he spotted Sam sitting in the deep leather chair in the corner buried in a book and not giving a damn about that awful noise.

"What's going on here?" Bobby asked him quietly although it was highly doubtful that anyone would notice even if he shouted in the full voice, and wondered how it happened that he didn't hear the whole conversation from outside. "What is this all about?"

"This?" Sam raised his head from yellowish page and looked thoughtfully at his brother and Bela. "Honestly, I've lost the train of their sweet talk half an hour ago, Bobby. Bet they did it even before me."

"… so you what, divide all people in profitable and non-profitable? Charming!"

Dean's response to whatever Bela said captured Bobby's attention for a moment. He hemmed, and shifted his attention to the book in Sam's lap. "What are you looking for?"

Sam sighed, rubbed on his eyes wearily. "Want to make sure that hellhounds won't come after Dean when Lilith and her squad find out that he's alive. Now that he'd back I'm afraid it will be hard to hide it for long." He paused. "Do you think we can consider Dean's deal broken? Technically speaking, there was nothing said about coming back."

"I'm not that good at hell laws," Bobby snorted. "But I know…"

"They are your bloody family, Dean!" Bela bellowed, pointed her finger at Bobby and Sam in turns for emphasis. China set that once belonged to Bobby's wife clicked softly in the cupboard. Sam and Bobby started and fell silent against themselves. "Whereas I am all on my own!"

"I remember you being so freaking proud of that!" He shot back. "Anything changed?"

"You know what? I really wish I knew how I did… whatever I did – if I really did it – because in that case I'd probably know how to reverse the process and send you back!" She snapped. "And I assure you, Dean, I'd do it without hesitation!"

At this she stomped out of the room and upstairs and slammed the door to her room so hard that several pieces of whitewash peeled off the ceiling and landed right onto the Sam's open book followed by Bobby's gaze.

"Friggin' bitch!" Dean muttered through clenched teeth. "Swear to God, they have the lousiest security system there in hell ever!" Not addressing anyone in particular, and then turned to face his brother and Bobby. "I admit it that they let her out wishing to get rid of her, but where does that leave us?!" Rolled his eyes, all there's no justice in the bloody world and left on a huff. Slammed the screen door behind him, happily without any damage.

Sam and Bobby looked at each other. Sam cleared his throat. "So, you were saying?"

"What?" Bobby blinked. "Oh, right! I know one place where we can find all the news and rumors. Listen to people talking."

"Good idea!" Sam slammed the book and put it away, stretched himself wincing at the sound of his bones cracking from long sitting. "The sooner we do it, the better."

Bobby got to his feet, too. "Um, Sam, do you think it's a good idea to leave the two of them here all alone?" Pointed his finger at the ceiling as if his question needed specification.

"They have to work it out somehow," Sam shrugged. "And if you're asking me, we better stay out of the firing line until they are done."

Bobby grabbed his jacket, checked on his gun and followed Sam outside. Smiled at the sound of Dean talking to his car in the backyard and shook his head. Some things never change.

"Why so sudden change of heart, Sam? Several hours ago you were a step away from killing Bela with you bare hands."

"Better let Dean do the dirty job," Sam grinned.

"Sounds like you know something that I don't," Bobby noticed curiously and obviously expecting for an explanation.

Sam got into the car. "I made a research on Bela," he confessed in a low voice as if not wishing to be overheard. "I know some things that Dean doesn't. The things he should find out from her, not me. Other than that… Dean's back. I don't care much about the rest. His private life is the rest."

Bobby nodded, clearly not getting what he was talking about, but no further questions followed. Except for… "Back there in my living room, did you see what I saw?"

"Yep."

***

Bela was sitting on the bed in her room – oh, God, and when did she start thinking about this place as hers? – with her back leaned against the wall, legs crossed and arms folded on the chest, fuming for hours about how she hated men, and stupid hunters in general, and one dolt particularly. Deaf, and blind, and stubborn idiot! Ungrateful jerk! Couldn't see an inch before his nose!

She huffed loudly and glared furiously at the closed door, the only barrier between her and this moron, as if seriously intending to turn it into ashes. And then turned away with a snort, stared out the window instead.

Darkness fell several hours ago but Bela didn't care much about time. Wasn't going to go out any time soon anyway. Or ever, she added mentally, and pretty darkly, too. Depends. Which was a hell of a challenge for the one who had nowhere to go, she thought with frustration. Caught glimpses of twinkling stars in the pitch black sky and felt a small hint of self-pity. Something that she generally tried to avoid because it was too much luxury, and because normally she didn't have time for such things. In her past life at least.

It wasn't a bad idea to try and fall asleep and finally stop this useless thinking about the things that didn't matter any more. And she really tried to do it, but it didn't seem to work. First of all, her two days sleep kind of ruled it out. Other than that she – believe it or not – was scared to fall asleep not quite sure she'd wake up. Who knew?

Besides, there were so many things on her mind… Bela thought her head was a moment away from actually exploding. Couldn't believe that Dean had practically said it out loud that he'd rather stay in hell and suffer from eternal damnation than accept help from her! Oh, Lord, and what could she do about this? How on earth she was supposed to finally tell him – now that she had a chance and it seemed sort of ridiculous to lose it once again – all these things that were on her mind, like that he was the only reason why she wanted to become a better person? The only one who made her look at things differently. The only one who made her believe in… well, something that she considered was nothing but crap for her entire life. The one who actually mattered…

And, oh , it was such a bad idea to even start thinking about it! Obviously, he'd laugh her in the face the next moment she opened her mouth. She would probably have to shoot him to cope with humiliation… okay, she didn't mean the last one. Not really.

It was so quiet that Bela suddenly caught herself on the thought that she could clearly hear her own breath and heartbeat. No squeaks and rustles. The whole house went still as if someone took a remote control and pushed mute button turning the sound off. So unnatural that she even shivered despite herself. It felt like she was the only living creature in the whole world.

Sam and Bobby were gone. She heard them driving away hours ago and they hadn't come back yet. Dean wasn't. Bela had a pleasure of listening to him whistling softly to himself in the backyard where she knew the Impala – his pride and beauty – was parked. Heard him walking around the first floor some time later, too. The sound of the fridge door open and close was unmistakable. But her mind must have switched off to the outer world shortly after that. So if he was gone – which, truthfully, wouldn't surprise her – she missed it entirely.

The thought struck Bela, this unexpected and so far unjustified fear of staying all alone. Not that she needed a company or something – wasn't a good company herself – but…

Oh…

She got up from the bed. Looked down at her sweatpants and a t-shirt she decided to use for sleep and regretted she didn't have a housecoat or something. Debated changing back into her jeans. But, well, who cared after all? She just wanted to check on him, make sure he was okay… one way or another. And it had nothing to do with her own childish fears, and purely selfish strive for company, and all that crap that crept into her mind and got stuck there.

Bela went out into the corridor.

The silence was nearly ringing in her ears. She swallowed hard, looked around but there were only black shadows in the corners. Nothing else. Her footsteps were soundless on the old wood floor.

Wasted time. Missed opportunities. Mistakes. Oh, damn it!

Bela came up to the door in the far end of the corridor, took a deep breath like before jumping into the water and pushed it open…

To be continued…

Curious?

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