Chapter Nine
"CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN! ONE AT A TIME!" the moderator said.
He and his fellow Daleks were assembled in the auditorium for a town meeting. The Daleks were all screaming up at him, demanding that something be done about the Doctor.
"THE DOC-TOR IS A MEN-ACE!" one screamed out.
"HE MUST BE EX-TER-MIN-ATED!"
"HE IM-PER-SON-ATED DAV-ROS!"
"OUR CITY IS PINK!"
The moderator swiveled his eyestalk around, looking at the audience.
"IF YOU WILL JUST CALM DOWN, WE HAVE A POSSIBLE SO-LU-TION!"
The audience quieted.
"THANK YOU, NOW I WILL TURN OVER THE FLOOR TO DALEK SEC! LISTEN TO WHAT HE HAS TO SAY!"
The Daleks watched, as a black Dalek, flanked by three brown Daleks glided onto the stage. He stopped in the middle of the stage and looked out at the crowd.
"GREETINGS, FELLOW DALEKS. I AM DALEK SEC, LEADER OF THE CULT OF SKARO!"
The Daleks looked at one another.
"WHAT IS THE CULT OF SKARO?" one Dalek said.
"IT IS A SECRET ORDER THAT WAS CREATED BY THE EM-POR-OR TO COME UP WITH NEW WAYS OF KILL-ING!"
"HOW COME WE NEVER HEARD OF YOU BE-FORE?" a Dalek in the front row said.
Sec lowered his eyestalk to him.
"BE-CAUSE WE ARE A SECRET ORDER, YOU GIT, I JUST GOT THROUGH SAYING THAT! PAY A-TEN-TION!"
He raised his eyestalk and looked over at the three Daleks beside him.
"THESE ARE MY FEL-LOW CULT MEM-BERS. WE HAVE BEEN CON-FER-ING ON HOW TO GET BACK AT THE DOC-TOR AND DEFEAT HIM ONCE AND FOR ALL, AND I THINK WE FINALLY HAVE SOME-THING."
"WHAT?" the other Daleks screamed.
Sec looked at them.
"ONE TIME WHEN THE DOC-TOR WAS HERE, HE PRE-TEN-DED TO BE A DALEK/HU-MAN HY-BRID. WE HAVE DIS-CUSSED THAT POSSIBILITY, AND I THINK IT CAN BE DONE! I SHALL ATTEMPT TO BE-COME A DALEK HU-MAN HY-BRID."
The audience stared at him in silence.
"YOU MEAN YOU WANT TO TURN YOURSELF INTO A STU-PID HU-MAN?" a Dalek asked, in disbelief.
Sec nodded his eyestalk.
"IT IS A SAC-RI-FICE ON MY PART, BUT I WILL DO IT IF IT MEANS THE DOC-TOR'S DE-STRUC-TION!" he said.
The audience muttered to each other, as they seriously questioned Sec's sanity. He ignored them.
"WE WILL NOW FLY TO EARTH AND KID-NAP A HU-MAN FOR THIS EX-PER-IMENT! SOON THE DOC-TOR WILL BE DEAD, AND THE DALEK RACE SHALL BE VIC-TOR-IOUS!"
He and the others turned away and glided off the stage, ignoring the audience, who was yelling out things like BET-TER YOU THAN ME, and DID YOU EAT PAINT CHIPS AS A CHILD?
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(Some time later, on Earth…)
"Cletus! Take the trash out this instant!"
Cletus sighed angrily, as he kicked open the battered screen door and walked out of his rickety little shack carrying a small trash bag. He swigged a beer muttering curses under his breath about that damn fool woman of his and her need to have him take the trash out the instant he sat down to watch wrestling.
"I leave her alone when she wants to watch Oprah and The View, why can't she do the same when WWE Smackdown is on?" he muttered. "Screechy old hag!"
He walked down the dirt road they used for a driveway and threw the sack of trash down by the mailbox. Pulling his soiled t-shirt down over his enormous beer gut, he walked back up the road unaware that a huge gold spaceship was lowering down through the clouds.
"I shoulda never married that woman. Been more trouble than she's worth. Only thang she's good at is buyin' me beer and…"
He shut up when he felt himself being lifted off the ground.
"Um, why am I goin' up all of a sudden?" he muttered.
He looked up and noticed the spaceship above him.
"What in the hell is that thang?"
He screamed, when he suddenly zoomed up into a small hole in the bottom of the ship. A panel slid over the hole, and the ship rose up into the clouds on its way back to New Skaro.
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(The next day…)
The Dalek audience murmured excitedly, as they sat in the auditorium. There had been a call to assemble because the Cult of Skaro were going to make a special announcement.
After everyone had quieted down, the moderator came out on stage.
"I HAVE RECEIVED GREAT NEWS. THE CULT OF SKARO HAVE TOLD ME THAT THEIR EX-PER-I-MENT WAS A SUCCESS!"
"YOU MEAN THAT IDIOT ACTUALLY MADE HIM-SELF HALF HU-MAN?" a Dalek said.
The other Daleks laughed.
"NOW, CALM DOWN, I WILL LET THE CULT OF SKARO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT!" he said.
He glided off the stage, as the three Dalek members of the cult glided on. They stopped in the middle of the stage and looked out at the audience.
"WELL, WHERE IS THE DALEK/HU-MAN HYBRID?" one Dalek asked.
The cult members looked at each other.
"HE…HAS BEEN CHANGED. HOW-EVER, THE EX-PER-I-MENT DID NOT GO AS WELL AS WE HOPED," Caan said.
The Daleks stared at him.
"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?" a Dalek asked.
"HE IS ACTING STRANGELY." Caan replied. "I THINK THE HU-MAN WE ABDUCTED WAS OF BELOW AVERAGE IN-TEL-LIGENCE."
"THEY ARE ALL BELOW AVERAGE IN-TEL-LIGENCE," a Dalek said. "THEY ARE HU-MANS!"
"YES, BUT THE ONE WE AB-DUC-TED WAS BELOW, BELOW, BELOW, BELOW AVERAGE IN-TEL-LIGENCE," Caan said. "I'M AFRAID DALEK SEC IS NOT FIT TO SPEAK FOR US AT THE MO---"
"The hell I ain't, Caan. Move out of the way, so I can speak to my fella Daleks!"
The Daleks in the audience looked over as a weird, squid-headed man walked on stage. They took in his soiled t-shirt, enormous beer gut, and the can of Miller Light in his hand and looked at each other.
"Howdy Y'all!" he said, waving to the Daleks. "It's me, Dalek Sec. I'm a Dalek/Human hybrid, and now, I'm gonna go find the Doctor and kill em dead!"
He took a swig of beer and let out a huge throaty belch. The Cult of Skaro backed up, as they tried to pretend they didn't know him.
"I will make the Doctor pay for all he's done to us!" Sec said. "He ain't gonna get away this time!"
He paused a moment and looked back at the Cult.
"We got any pretzels?" he said to them. "Or pork rinds? I'm kinda hungry."
The Cult slowly moved away from him.
"HEY, YOU GET BACK HERE AND ANSWER ME! I'M YOUR LEADER, SO Y'ALL WILL OBEY WHAT I SAY!" he yelled at them. "I WANNA KNOW IF WE GOT SOME SNACK FOOD ON BOARD! I'M HUNGRY!"
"NO, WE DO NOT HAVE SNACK FOOD, YOU MORON!" Caan said.
"Don't talk to me like that. I'll send you out to the nearest tree, have you cut me a switch, and give your little metal ass a whoopin'!"
The Cult looked at each other. Groaning softly, they quickly glided off the stage.
Sec looked out at the audience who had by now grown silent and were just staring at the odd freak in front of them.
"Okay, well if y'all don't have any snack food, I'll be on my way. Soon the Doctor will be dead, and the Daleks will be victorious."
He took another swig of beer and let out an even bigger belch.
"Damn, this new body is gassy," he muttered, patting his beer gut. "I better stop for some Rolaids on the way to killin' the Doctor."
He walked off the stage swigging the beer as the Daleks looked at each other and began to mutter amongst themselves, making bets on how long it would take the Doctor to kick the redneck freak's ass.