Chapter Eleven

Rose shook her head when the Doctor opened the door and ushered Jack inside.

"Thanks for coming onboard, Jack, and helping me get back at the Daleks."

"You kidding? I'd give anything to get back at them since they killed me."

"Well, I have just the perfect plan in mind for them. So, if you'll just follow me back to the lab, I'll explain everything and get ya all set up."

He smiled at Rose, who was standing by the back door.

"Hey, you gonna help us get back at the Daleks?"

"No, I'm gonna go take a nice, long bath. I've helped the Doctor with his dippy schemes for the last time. You guys have at it."

"Come on, Jack, leave the little killjoy alone. You and I have work to do," the Doctor said.

Jack shrugged and followed him out of the room.

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"Now, you got what you're supposed to do?"

"Yeah, I wear this force field device in the hem of my trousers and walk around the Dalek's city being extremely annoying."

The Doctor nodded.

"Are you sure the force field will protect me from the Dalek's lasers?"

"Yes, it's basically the same invisible force field the TARDIS uses, and you saw how effective it was when we were on their ship. Not only will it repel their lasers, but also, none of them will be able to touch you. The Daleks will go insane trying to blast you and kill you, while you remain cool as a cucumber."

"And if it doesn't work?"

"Well, at least, you'll come back from the dead afterwards."

"Yeah, that's really comforting," Jack muttered.

"Don't worry about it. Just trust me. I know what I'm doing. Now, on to New Skaro!"

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Jack slung the strap of the tote bag around his neck and checked to make sure he had all the necessary supplies inside before opening the front door.

"Give em hell, Jack! Drive em insane. Well, more insane than they already are," the Doctor replied.

Jack nodded. He turned on the force field, inserted the contact lens camera so the Doctor could see what was going on, and walked out the door.

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Ulysses was sitting by the entrance to New Skaro. It was his turn to do guard duty, and so far, nothing had happened. It had been a very boring day, and he was considering shirking his duties to go take a nap somewhere.

Suddenly, he spied Jack walking around the wall. Jack smiled and waved when he saw them.

"Mornin'" he said, amicably.

"EX-TER-MIN-ATE!"

Ulysses fired a blast straight at his head and was shocked when it seemed to bounce right off him. He fired another blast. Again, the laser bolt was repelled.

"Keep up that guard duty," Jack said, strolling through the entrance. "You're doing a great job!"

Flustered, Ulysses followed him, firing laser bolts at his back. Each one bounced off the force field harmlessly. Jack whistled to himself while he walked up to the first house he came across, laid the palm of his hand on a circular disc by the door and waited while the doorbell rang. While he waited, he glanced around and noticed Ulysses, and a few others, were now firing repeatedly at his back and head, trying with all their might to kill him. Jack chuckled to himself and turned his attention back to the door.

The door opened, and Jack smiled at the Dalek.

"Mornin'. I'm with the Church of Galactic Consciousness. Have you considered a closer walk with our lord, Scaramanga?"

"EX-TER-MIN-ATE!" the Dalek screamed.

He fired a blast at Jack's head and glided backwards in shock, when it bounced off him harmlessly.

"Anyway, as I was saying, have you found Scaramanga?" Jack said, reaching into his tote and pulling out a religious pamphlet. "Doomsday is close at hand, you know, and our galactic lord will only take 7000 people with him into the great beyond when the universe ends. Do you want to be one of the lucky few who ventures with him into the great beyond?"

"EX-TER-MIN-ATE!" the Dalek screamed, as he fired another bolt.

"You know, I'm sensing some hostility here. And, that's really sad, because Scaramanga, the great and powerful Yitzak deity, wants you to come with him to the great beyond. The universe will end soon, and all who are not saved will be crushed to death when it collapses."

EX-TER-MIN-ATE, DAMN IT!"

Jack sighed when the Dalek fired another useless bolt at his chest.

"Very well," he said, putting the pamphlet back in his tote. "I will not trouble you further, if you are not interested in the teachings of the great Scaramanga. Good day, unbeliever."

He turned and noticed there was now a huge crowd of Daleks firing repeatedly at him. He smiled. He hadn't even realized they were doing that. The force field was working perfectly.

"Excuse me," he said, cordially, as he walked through them.

The Daleks followed him, including the one that had been in the house. All of them fired at him and tried to get close to him. Jack snickered when he heard their frustrated yells, as he walked to the next house. He rang the doorbell, reached into his tote, and brought out one of Rose's Cosmo magazines.

The door opened.

"EX-TER-MIN-ATE!"

Jack ignored the laser blast and smiled cheerfully at the Dalek, who also glided back in shock.

"Hello, I'm working my way through university, and I'm selling magazine subscriptions to support myself. Would you be interested in a twelve month subscription to Cosmo?"

"EX-TER-MIN-ATE!"

"For only 4000 credits, you can have a year's subscription to Cosmo and get the latest gossip on boys, dating and celebrities."

EX-TER-MIN-ATE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE!"

"Yes, Cosmo not only tells you how to find mister right, they also tell you…"

He glanced at the cover.

"What drives men wild," he read.

Curious about what drove men wild, he opened the magazine to the index, and found the page number. He turned to it and scanned through the article, while nearly every Dalek in the city went out of their minds shooting at him.

"Hmmm, I didn't know that," Jack muttered to himself, as he read. "I didn't know that either. These tips will come in handy the next time Ianto and I get together."

He finished with the article and thumbed through the magazine, while the citizens of New Skaro tried to kill him any way they could.

"Wow, this has some interesting articles, I might have to get my own subscription," Jack muttered, as he walked away from the Dalek's house.

He kept on reading, while he strolled down the main street. Meanwhile, half the city was now behind him, yelling angry curses at him, and arguing amongst themselves about how best to kill him without the use of their lasers. A few of them tried to ram him and knock him off his feet and screamed out their anger and frustration when the force field bounced them back. Jack finished reading the Cosmo and put it back in his tote.

"Wow, I'll have to swipe this from Rose. It'll definitely come in handy," he mused.

He reached a fountain in the center of the city and sat down on the stone rim encircling it. He raised his eyebrows when he saw the army of Daleks stretched out behind him.

"Hello there," he said, waving. "Captain Jack Harkness, nice to meet ya!"

The Daleks remained silent.

"Lovely city you have here," he said, looking around. "Very neat. I love how the houses are all arranged in a straight line. Shows a lot of forethought."

He smiled at them.

"I bet you don't get many non-Daleks coming through here, do you?" he said. "You know, if you opened this place up to tourism, you could make credits hand over fist."

He paused.

"Or blaster over plunger, in your case, I guess," he said, shrugging. "But, anyway, you guys put in a few museums, an amusement park, some trendy bistros; you could be rich in no time."

The Daleks stared at him silently.

"What? You don't like that idea? I think it's a stroke of genius, personally. You guys are a dying race, you need to think outside the box. You need to evolve, or you're gonna go the way of the dinosaurs."

He reached into his tote.

"And speaking of dinosaurs, may I interest any of you in a set of encyclopedias?" he said, holding up a leather-bound book. "Knowledge is power, and with a set of the Encyclopedia Galactica, you will be the most powerful beings in the universe. You can find everything in here from Aardvarks to Zoos. So, how 'bout it? Anyone interested?"

"I WOULD LIKE A SET!"

The Daleks all swiveled their domes around and stared at a Dalek near the back.

"WHAT? IT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD DEAL!" the Dalek protested. "KNOW-LEDGE IS POW-ER!"

"GER-ALD, GO AWAY!" one of the Daleks screamed at him.

Gerald stared at the throng at angry Daleks and sheepishly glided away out of sight. Once he was gone, the Daleks turned their attention back to Jack who was dipping his hand in the fountain. He stayed that way for a few minutes, then he let out a sigh and stood up.

"Well, it's been fun. But, I have to get going. But, you guys just consider my idea. You won't regret it. This city just screams tourist trap."

He paused.

"Pun fully intended," he muttered, under his breath.

Putting his hands in his pockets, he strolled casually through the Daleks who were pushed back away from him when the force field hit their bodies. The Daleks turned their eyestalks and watched him walk out of their city. He paused at the gate and waved to them.

"See ya, around! And, remember, tourism brings credits! Bye!"

He ran out the entrance, giggling insanely all the way back to the TARDIS.