Chapter Twelve

Rose threw up her hands in exasperation. The Doctor had now gotten Jack addicted to his practical jokes and both of them were now in his lab busy creating another fake motorized Dalek.

"I swear, Doctor, one of these days this is all gonna backfire on you and I hope to God I'm not around when it does," she said to him.

"Rose has no faith in me, ya notice that?" the Doctor said to Jack.

"Yup."

The Doctor looked at Rose and clicked his tongue at her.

"Shame on you for doubting me, Rose. I know what I'm doing and I know when it's time to stop doing what I'm doing."

Rose snorted.

"Just don't get me killed when the Daleks come for ya, that's all I'm sayin'," she said, walking out the door.

She walked up to the console room and plopped down on the jump seat.

"How do you live with the man without going completely insane?" she asked the TARDIS.

The TARDIS rumbled out laughter and nudged her mind affectionately. Reaching down, she picked up a book she had been reading, found her place and lost herself in it. She was so engrossed in the book that she didn't realize the Doctor and Jack had come into the room until the Dalek was right beside her. She gasped and looked up at them.

"All finished, Rose," the Doctor said, happily. "Meet Bob the hippie Dalek."

She raised her eyebrow.

"Bob the hippie Dalek," she said.

The Doctor grinned and held up a wireless microphone.

"GIVE PEACE A CHANCE, ROSE TY-LER," the Dalek said along with him.

Rose rolled her eyes when both he and Jack sniggered.

"I repeat, don't get me killed when they come gunnin' for ya," she said.

"Yeah, whatever, now make room on that seat so Jack and I can watch the fun on the monitor," the Doctor said.

He shooed her to the far side of the jump seat and Jack sat down beside her while the Doctor set a course for New Skaro.

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"MY FEL-LOW DALEKS! THE TIME HAS COME TO MAKE WAR ON THE DOC-TOR!" a Dalek said as he stood on the stage in the Dalek theater and faced a packed house. "THE DOC-TOR MUST DIE! THE CHILDREN OF SKARO MUST FIGHT BACK! NOW IS THE TIME!"

He paused when the back door swung open and a lone Dalek glided in. All eyestalks swiveled around to stare at it.

"SORRY, I JUST GOT THE MES-SAGE THAT WE WERE HAVING A MEETING," the Dalek said.

He glided up to the back row and stopped in the aisle beside another Dalek. The Dalek on the stage stared at him for a moment and then went on with his speech.

"WE MUST MAKE PLANS TO FIND THE DOC-TOR AND DESTROY HIM. HE HAS LIVED LONG ENOUGH. IT IS TIME FOR US TO EX-TER-MIN-ATE HIM!"

"NO!"

All eyestalks turned to the newcomer in the back row.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" the Dalek on the stage said.

"WAR IS NOT THE ANSWER! WE MUST MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR!" the Dalek said, gliding down the aisle. "FIGHT THE ES-TAB-LISH-MENT, THEY ARE THE TRUE ENEMY!"

"WHO ARE YOU?" the stage Dalek said.

The Dalek floated up onto the stage, turned and faced the crowd.

"I AM BOB AND I AM A HIP-PIE! I DO NOT BELIEVE IN WAR! WAR IS NOT THE ANSWER! MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR!"

Back at the TARDIS, the Doctor and Jack snickered as Rose sighed and shook her head.

"You're diggin' your own grave, Doctor," she muttered to herself.

Back on New Skaro, the Dalek turned to Bob and looked him up and down.

"YOU ARE A WHAT?" he said.

"I AM A HIP-PIE! I DO NOT BELIEVE IN VIOLENCE! VIOLENCE SOLVES NO-THING! WE MUST NOT MAKE WAR! IT'S THE PIGS IN THE ES-TAB-LISH-MENT WHO WANT THE WAR! RISE UP AGAINST THE PIGS!"

Bob glided around in a circle as a tiny door opened in the top of his dome and a small sign came up on a little metal rod. He stopped a moment so everyone could read it. It said…

1…2…3…4….we don't want a bloody war!

Bob began to glide around in a circle while he chanted.

"1, 2, 3, 4, WE DON'T WANT A BLOODY WAR!" he said over and over as he went round and round.

"GET OFF THE STAGE BEFORE I EX-TER-MIN-ATE YOU!" the stage Dalek said.

Bob stopped and stared at him for a moment and then looked at the crowd.

"SEE! HE IS PART OF THE ES-TAB-LISH-MENT! HE WANTS WAR, BUT WAR HAS DONE NOTHING EXCEPT REDUCED OUR NUMBERS. WE MUST TALK TO THE DOC-TOR, NOT KILL HIM!"

"GET OFF THE STAGE!" the stage Dalek said.

Bob began to spin around in a circle as he started up the chant again. He paused in mid-circle when he noticed something off-stage. He glided towards it while the stage Dalek shook his dome and turned his attention back to the crowd.

AS I WAS SAY-ING, WE MUST DESTROY OUR GREATEST ENEMY! I WILL LEAD THE FLEET AND WE WILL FIND THE TAR-DIS AND…"

He trailed off when Bob came out on stage. He had a plastic flower in his plunger that had come off one of the New Skaro Dance Troupes wreaths. He glided over to stage Dalek's gun and inserted the flower into it, stem first, before he turned his attention back to the crowd. The dome door slid open and a small speaker rose up. All the Daleks stared at him as music began to blare from it. Bob sang along with the song.

"IF YOU'RE GOOOOOING TO SAAAAAAAAN FRAAAAAAANCISCOOOOOOOO, BE SURE TO WEAR FLOOOOOOWERS IN YOUR HAIR!" he sang.

The Daleks in the audience looked at each other and all of them began to shoot at Bob.

"NO, DON'T SHOOT ME!" Bob screamed. "SHOOT THE PIG OP-PRESSOR! FIGHT THE POWER! MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR! GIVE PEACE A…"

His pleas were silenced when the Daleks blew up the dome. The stage Dalek glided over and looked inside him. He stared at the ruined Dalek for a moment in confusion.

"THERE IS NO DALEK IN HERE!" he announced to the audience.

"Nope, sorry, there isn't."

The stage Dalek spun his eyestalk around when he heard the Doctor's voice coming from inside the casing.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" he demanded.

"It's just little old me, the Oncoming Storm. My friends and I are listening in on your little pow-wow and I'm warning you right here and now, mess with me and I'll turn you all into rubbish bins!"

"Don't come after me, Daleks, I had nothing to do with this," Rose said, jerking the microphone out of his hand.

"Give me that, you little turncoat," the Doctor said, grabbing it back from her. "You are my companion, not theirs."

He cleared his throat.

"Sorry, slight problem with the staff here," he said as Rose muttered under her breath. "Anyway, as I was saying, I would think long and hard before you tried anything because I will take all your plungers and jam them up your butts and believe me, if there isn't a Dalek butthole, I will personally make one! So, keep that in mind because I'm watching you, ooooooo-ee-ooooooooooo!"

He threw the microphone on the table and looked at Jack with a self-satisfied grin.

"That takes care of that. Those chickens will think twice before they cross me!" he said, confidently. "So, what should we do next? Who should we play a prank on?"

"Um…we could go give Weevils wedgies," Jack said.

The Doctor considered that.

"Weevil wedgies. Sounds intriguing. Will it be dangerous?"

"Oh yeah."

"Well, that's all I need to know. Let's go weed out some Weevils and give them wedgies!" he said as he leapt up from the jump seat.

Rose sighed and got up from her seat.

"If you need me, I'll be crouching down in a bomb shelter somewhere. Let me know when every monster in the universe quits attacking the TARDIS," she said, walking off.