Chapter Seven

"The Worst Day Since Yesterday"

"You ignored me tonight." I said to him, my skirts being held up in my anxious hands as I looked into his blue eyes which were doing their best to ignore me. I wouldn't let him.

"I was just…busy. It's not easy, you know, trying to be everything to everyone." he said, pushing away from the cold glass wall in his bedroom and pacing his spacious room.

I felt as if a ton of bricks had been thrown on me because I felt that I already knew what was going to come next and surprisingly, even though it went against all the times that I told myself that he didn't matter to me, it hurt more than anything I'd experiences so far. Somewhere in all of our fights, our stupid jokes, our late nights discussing anything that came into our heads, and every time he kissed me or held me or touched me, I'd fallen in love with him. Do you know what it's like to fall in love with that one person you've tried so hard to stay away from? "Okay." I said, backing away slowly, letting my skirts swish around me as I backed away from him. "I'll just go…and then you won't have to worry about it anymore."

"Ashleigh."

"No, Brad. Don't. Please, just don't. I can't believe that I was so stupid as to believe that this might actually work between us. To let myself fall in love with you and believe that maybe, just maybe, you might love me, too. I realized these past couple of months what I want from life. That I do want a family and a house and kids running around in the yard and you know what? I wanted all of that with you but if you aren't willing then I guess I'll just go find it with someone else."

"Ashleigh?"

"What?" I snapped, my hazel eyes showing my hurt and my frustration.

"Shut up." He saw the way that my body tensed as he came closer to me, gently resting his hands on my shoulders. "I'm not letting you go. I love you."

"Are you sure, Brad?" I said as tears leaked out of my cheeks. "Are you absolutely sure because if you can't do this you need to tell me now so I can just move on with my life. I've lost someone that I loved before and I can do it again but just please…if you can't, let me know now. Don't make me your fool."

He wrapped his arms around me and I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around me and I wrapped my arms around him. It was the night that he'd promised to marry me, slipping a diamond ring that took my breath away on my finger and kissing me so sweetly it made me ache. It was the night that I knew I'd never be the same without him and I vowed to do whatever it took to keep him.

When I awoke, it was the feeling of that night that was wrapping itself around me and I longed to hold onto it. To call Brad over and recount with him the memories of how we'd made love for the first time that night and how we'd excitedly gushed over breakfast the next morning of our engagement. But I saw him there, standing in the corner, looking as if he'd just lost his whole world. It was then that I remembered that something was wrong.

"Ash." he said when he realized that I was awake and he was by my side in an instant. "I've been so worried." he brushed his hands through my long, dark hair, kissing my forehead and then my lips. "Are you okay?"

"The baby, Brad." I said, reaching to run my fingers over his face. "How's the baby?"

I watched his face go ashen and I felt my own hopes of happiness crumble. "They don't know yet. They wanted to wait till you woke up and then perform an ultrasound to make sure everything is okay."

"How's Pride?" As soon as I said the words I knew I shouldn't have asked.

"We'll talk about this later." he said, his voice surprisingly gruff as the nurse walked in.

The next few minutes were the most intense of my life, waiting to find out of our baby was still with us or not. I held onto Brad's hands with a death grip as the nurse applied to cool jelly to my stomach and then pressed the Doppler to my stomach. "We'll see if we get a heartbeat." She said with an encouraging smile.

I looked into Brad's eyes, hoping with all of my hear that no matter what the results were, that we'd still have each other. That we'd get through whatever it was, holding onto the other one. He smiled a little at me, like he knew it was all going to be okay and that's when we heard it. That swish, swish that was our baby's heartbeat. I felt the hot tears stream down my face as I threw myself into his arms.

*

It wasn't until later that I found out about Pride. Brad insisted that everyone stay away from my room until the next day when I'd had a chance for a good nights rest. He stayed with me the entire time, not leaving my room for more than a few minutes. He slept in the chair next to my bed and the next day when he finally allowed my mother into the room, I insisted that he at least go back to the hotel for a shower. He made my mother vow not to let anyone else in the room until he returned.

"I don't know why he's so uptight." I said, reaching for her hands as she took the seat next to me. "Everything's fine now."

She smiled at me but her smile seemed sad. "Yes, honey." She said softly. "Everything's fine now."

"I bet Sammy's worried sick." I said, smiling a little. "You did tell her that the baby's fine, right?"

"Yes, we told her." I saw the tears in her eyes and I mistook their meaning, thinking she was just worried about me, her youngest daughter. "Caroline and Justin flew down. They were watching the race on TV. I can't imagine how hard that must've been for them."

I nodded, turning my face to look out the window. "I didn't tell her I was pregnant." I said.

"She was a little surprised when she found out." She said, smiling a little.

Brad and his father, Clay, came in later, their expressions grave. Brad had changed into jeans a button-down shirt. He immediately took the chair next to my bed, folding my hands into his while Clay began. For the next few minutes I felt like I was watching from above, like it was all happening to everyone else. They explained to me that Pride had broken his leg and the extent of his other injuries. I listened in horrified silence, with tears streaming down my face.

"I think," he said slowly. "as does the veterinarian, that it'd be kinder to put him to sleep."

"To kill him?" I asked, choking out the words.

"Yes." Clay said with difficulty. "I'm sorry, Ashleigh. It's the only way I can see. He's in a great deal of pain right now and there's such a risk for infection and he'd have to go through a rather complicated surgery where the results are never sure."

"There's always hope, Clay." I said, glancing at Brad and seeing his tired, worn face. "Don't you remember how everyone told me that Wonder wouldn't make it but I nursed her back to health. I can do it again for Pride. Just watch."

"Ashleigh," Brad said tiredly. He motioned toward my leg which was wrapped up in a cast, at the other bruises on my body. "let's be realistic here. Your pregnant, you need to focus on getting better and taking care of our baby. You don't have it in you to worry about Pride and look after him. It's going to be a long, complicated, dangerous surgery."

I looked away, hot tears streaming down my face. "I need some time to think about it." I said quietly, pulling my hand from Brad's, signaling that I needed to be alone.

I never really thought that I'd be faced with this situation. It's not something that you think about, something that you ever imagine happening to yourself. To the ones you love, the things you pull close, just to make sure that they stay safe. I should of listened to what Pride was trying to tell me, I should of pulled him up and said that he just didn't feel right to me. But I'd wanted to win the Derby so bad, I'd wanted everything to just be perfect, that I'd ignored him. I'd done the one thing that you can never do with a horse. And now I was going to lose him.

"Hi, Missy." Charlie said, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his worn slacks. "I know they said you didn't want any visitors and I had to fight tooth and nail to get in here but I figured you needed some help."

I watched as he pulled up a chair, noticing that his movements were especially slow, he seemed more tired and older than usual. I folded my hands in my lap and felt the tears swell in my eyes. "I shouldn't have taken him out, Charlie. I knew that he didn't feel right but I did it anyways. For my own selfish reasons."

"When I was about your age I was riding a horse named Blue Magic in this big stakes race. I was so excited, it was my first time really proving myself. I was young and I was stupid and I didn't listen to my horse. He was trying to tell me that he didn't want to go out but everyone was telling me he was fine, so I figured that they had to be right. They'd all been going at a hell'va lot longer than I had. That horse died that day and I never forgave myself."

"Charlie."

"No, Missy, shut up." I saw his face tightened and his blue eyes sparkle like fire crackers. "We all make mistakes and we all look at the things and know we shouldn't of done them or done them differently but it don't matter now. I felt Pride over and over again, looking for all the little signs that would of told me if he wasn't fit to race. The vet checked him over, Clay checked him over, Brad checked him over, Sammy was with him all morning. We all didn't catch a thing. It was a big day for him and he knew it. I'm thinking that's why he was so jumpy. It's. Not. Your. Fault."

"Do you think I should let them kill him, Charlie?" I was crying harder by now, my face streaked with tears. I felt so tired, so bone tired.

I'd known Charlie for nine years and never had I seen him look as sad as he did in that moment. We'd been through a lot together over the years and I trusted him more than I did anyone else. He'd give it to be straight, just like he always did. So maybe that's why it hurt so bad this time when he wouldn't answer me.

The only thing that he did was stare at me with tears in his eyes before silently exiting the room.