How much do you hate me? I am sorry a hundred times over for not updating more steadily. I did not realize when this idea for a story popped into my head two months ago that it would become so difficult to update when I was in school! I am on a six week Christmas break now, so I hope that is promise enough to you guys that I will be updating A LOT more. Anyways, I'm super sorry again...in other business, I would like to thank everyone for their comments and alerts and such. I have received some amazing suggestions and will try to incorporate them the best that I can. If you have any after this chapter be sure and let me know, ok?
One more issue that I wanted to address. I have received a few comments discussing the feeling that my Edward and Bella are a little out of character. I do realize that in the last novel Stephenie Meyer ended the story implying that Edward and Bella were both alright with Jacob's imprint. But I felt like with the threat of the Volturi gone and the opportunity of forever laid out in front of them, that they might feel differently. Either way, they are slightly OCC from the book because I took my own liberty with this story, and what I thought E and B might feel later on. I'm sorry if this bothers you, but I hope you enjoy the story anyway!
There were few times in my life when I had ever felt so torn. There was the time in my life that I found myself desperately fleeing the sweet, deadly pull of my body to Bella's scent the first week we met, while fighting the urge to ravage her throat and snuff out the life that brought me such agony. I could also recall the instinctual feeling to stay alongside my vampire family and fight the raging throng of newborns envading our land, and then being pulled by my heart to bend to the request of my love to stay with her, away from the battle, away from the risk. This time was different because it did not involve Bella, but the other part of my essence. This was my only daughter and her request to stay with Bella and me in our search for Jacob. On one side there was the fierce paternal instinct to protect and nurture, to keep my daughter from harm's way, no matter the cost. Then there was the part of my heart that wanted, no, needed to give Renesmee everything she wished for. I wanted to fulfill her hopes and dreams. To never see her hurt or her lovely angelic face turned in sadness; but alas, the latter had been brought on by my own hands.
The inner battle continued to rage within as I assessed my daughter's body language—brow furrowed into wrinkles, full lips set into a straight line, hands clinched into fists. I forced my gaze away, desperately trying to make a decision not based on Renesmee's feelings. It was her safety that mattered the most to her mother and I. I would rather live with her hatred for eternity than to lose her. I feared I would become a creature void of spirit without her love, but without her life…
I evaded the notion, closing my eyes in the face of the pain that it brought. When I opened them, my fatherly instinct had won. She would not stay. It was not worth losing her. I took a deep breath and focused on making my voice firm and authoritative. When my darkened eyes met my daughter's, however, I was not prepared for what I saw. Though every other part of her being was rigid with firm anger, I saw that her eyes were glazed over with tears. They were desperate and pleading. I realized that she was trying achingly hard to appear angry, but inside she was crying and those tears were threateningly close to spilling over.
The words died on my lips as our eyes continued to meet, black to brown. I had to focus nearly all of my energy to pull away from her tearful gaze and try to remember what it was that I was going to say. Something along the lines of, "absolutely not" or a very firm "no." Though I was not looking at them, I knew Renesmee had reached up and touched Bella's cheek gently, and Bella, who had been watching my personal war within, breathed a sharp intake of air. Renesmee's shared vision swirled into my mind's eye. She was watching Jacob leave our house, the door quaking as he slammed it. She then watched Bella and I leave through the backyard, our figures retreating into the forest. She was terrified because everyone who took care of her was leaving. Then I saw the locket that we had given her in the wake of the Volturi's visit over three months ago, and its promising inscription, 'more than my own life.' She did understand the words, for they meant an eternal, selfless, agape love. The picture of us together meant that we would always be together. She saw us leaving and the promise shattered. I watched as the vision tapered off and Renesmee clung to her mother, her arms wrapped tightly around her neck. She cried into Bella's porcelain shoulder, and Bella shushed her quietly.
"Please…don't leave, Momma." Renesmee's voice broke through her tears, and she sounded every bit a scared toddler. "Please. Don't go…without me."
The scene before me would be forever burned into my perfect memory, but it was one that I wished to desperately erase. At that moment I felt the frayed stitches of my resolve beginning to rip slowly at the seams.
The foliage began to thin around us as we continued our journey to the northeast, and the lush, damp earth was slowly being replaced with a more rocky terrain. We were gracing the edges of the mountain ranges, but Jacob's scent was not getting any more distinct. My initial thoughts of Jacob simply running away to blow off steam were beginning to wane. The only part of my first theory that still remained was the fact that being away from Renesmee, according to the dog himself, was that he could not be away from his imprint. Images from the day that Bella first discovered the mongrel's claim on our daughter flooded my mind, including the scene in our front yard with my newly immortal wife stalking toward Jacob, while my entire family and I watched from the porch.
"You're going to stay away from her," Bella hissed at the Jacob, completely ignoring Leah's snarls at her alpha's flank.
"I can't do that!" he countered, his eyes wild. 'It's too painful' his mind echoed.
"Try. Starting now." She seethed, unabashed to his plea.
"It's not possible…"
I associated his words with a magnetic force pulling two opposite poles. The two are drawn to each other, and if a physical force does not break the pull, they come crashing together. In Jacob's case, he was drawn internally to Renesmee, but he was physically pulling himself away from her. I still believed that the imprinting custom done by the wolves was twisted and sick, but I did know what it felt like to be away from the person that completed you. The one your heart belonged to. When I made the worst mistake of my life and left Bella, I was in my own personal hell for months, and I the aching, dark aura that took over me made me feel like I was dying. I wanted to die.
My reminisce caused me to look over at Bella beside me with our daughter sleeping on her back, something that I had avoided since I had allowed the little girl to stay with us. She slept peacefully, her hands clasped around Bella's throat, curls twisting softly with the air around her. Nessie's cheeks were still blotched with red from her tears a few hours ago, and I felt that I would lose my sanity from the knowledge that I had once again hurt her.
Edward.
Bella's thoughts swirled gracefully into my darkened mind. Her ability to push away her shield on her mind still startled me, for I was so used to her thoughts being silent. Over the months she had become more and more adapt at controlling her power, and I was more than ecstatic. To hear her mentally was the greatest gift she had ever given me, aside from her love and our daughter. We were able to know and see each other on levels that no one else could, human and vampire alike.
"Yes, love?" I murmured softly, my personal lashing forgotten for the moment. My eyes turned to meet hers, and she smiled gently at me, the wind swirling her hair. She slowed her pace and reached for my hand.
"Can we walk for a moment?" She asked, her slim fingers intertwining themselves in mine. I nodded, and fought back a blissful sigh at the feeling of her touch. Her hand squeezing mine started a flow of calm through my veins, ebbing away the demons that continued to encompass my mind.
"I love you." The words tumbled out of my mouth, and I still relished in the way that they felt on my lips. I would say them a thousand times a day for a thousand years and they would always bring bliss to my heart because I had the chance to say them to her.
"And I you." She returned with a knowing smile. "You know what I also love? The look on your face when you can hear me saying your name in your head." She laughed softly, as to not wake Renesmee.
I gave her a crooked smile. "It is very odd for me still. I am not used to being graced with such a sensual, angelic voice."
"Oh, Edward," she said, rolling her eyes. Then she adjusted Renesmee's small, suede boot where it was falling off of her foot. "I wish Alice had dressed her more practically today. But then again no one was planning on her running away after us."
"Yes, but I must admit she does look cute." The description felt weird rolling off of my tongue, but I could not think of a better word to describe the outfit that Alice had chosen. Her boots went halfway up her tiny calves, and her on her legs were cream-colored knit tights. She had on a long-sleeved green dress, and green was definitely my favorite color on her.
"Edward Cullen, did you just call one of Alice's creations 'cute?' I can't wait to tell her that you actually liked something she bought for Renesmee when we get back home!" Bella started to burst out in peals of angelic laughter, but quickly hushed herself, a smile stretching over her face. I thought Alice usually dressed Nessie up way too much. There were times when I found our daughter changed out of a nice outfit Bella and I had chosen and in a cashmere Hermes sweater, a pleated skirt and leather Mary-Janes. She was already growing up too fast for me, so why made her dress like a miniature Bella?
Wait. Scratch that. If Alice dressed Renesmee like she loved dressing Bella sometimes, then I was in trouble. I was already at risk of losing my self-control when Bella was forced into silken dresses from shopping excursions, so maybe not like Bella per say. Just more like a child. Renesmee would not be allowed to dress like her mother until she was thirty, and I meant that in human years. Even then I prayed to not have to see it.
I cringed, thoughts of Jacob finally having Renesmee at that time entering my mind. No, I chided myself. I will not dwell on that anymore at the moment. I turned my attention back to Bella.
"Alright, but you have to be careful what you say to that little monster. You cannot let her come to full power over us, or you will have to say goodbye to jeans and cotton forever." I emphasized the last word dramatically, enjoying Bella's mock reaction as she looked down quickly at her slender legs clad in dark jeans.
"You do have a point," she winked at me. "We'll keep that to ourselves."
We walked a few minutes in silence, and Bella leaned her head on my shoulder, her dark tresses falling over my back as well. I was momentarily enveloped in her wonderful floral scent mixed with the strawberry smell of her hair, all ill thoughts that had threatened before slipping away.
"What were you thinking about when we were still running?" Bella asked.
I sighed, but knowing that I could not keep anything from her, relayed what I had been theorizing about Jacob's pull toward Renesmee and his choice to stay away. Bella nodded, her face thoughtful.
"Yes, I was recalling that day too. Do you also remember how he went and brought Charlie to the house that day when he heard Em and Rose talking about moving? He didn't want to have to deal with Renesmee leaving."
I could feel the emotions from that day surfacing again. He had brought Charlie to the house when Bella was less than a day old, threatening not only Charlie's life, but Bella's self control. I knew she could handle the situation, but she was in serious pain for the duration of his visit, and I had wanted to rip Jacob's head off.
"Yes, I recall very well." I said through clenched teeth.
Bella nudged me with her shoulder. "Hey, let's not go in that direction."
I gave her a small smile. "Okay."
"It looks like the night has finally found us." Bella said, her head coming off of my shoulder, and looking around. Almost instantaneously I felt a cold wind blowing from the north, the silhouettes of the trees swaying ominously in the quickly receding sunlight. We were in the northwestern United States, and that meant the weather could go from mild during the day, to blistering cold at night. The temperature was a non issue for Bella and I, but for Renesmee posed a serious problem.
"We need to find someplace to block us from the wind. Renesmee doesn't even have a jacket on." The words came out of my mouth strained, the reality finally hitting me.
Another gust of wind and Renesmee shuddered on Bella's back. Bella's jaw clenched and I knew that she was mentally berating herself for our ignorance just as I was.
Edward's recollection of Bella and Jacob's conversation in the yard is Copyright of pg. 45-451 in Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer.
Expect the next update within the week. I hope you liked this chapter. I loved the E and B conversation. And doesn't Renesmee look so CUTE? haha : ) And I want your opinions: Should Bella and Edward have brought their daughter along?
I am also working on a small Christmas project. That might be posted before the next chapter of this, so be sure and check it out too.
Have a wonderful break for those of you who have started or are starting yours soon!