Hiro felt his face go red as the violet locked on his face.

"I'm sorry," he said almost at once. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that." He said it in a rush as if by getting the new words out fast enough he could cover up the old ones.

Shuichi blinked.

"I know," he said at last, his voice still broken from crying even though his tears had stopped at Hiro's confession.

"I can't believe I was so stupid and heartless as to go and say that to you now. I should never have told you, but now? God." His words were still tumbling out over each other. "I don't know what I was thinking! It just came out. I-!" He stopped, his eyes suddenly wide. "Wait, what?"

"I know," repeated Shuichi.

"You know how stupid that was?" he asked cautiously, afraid to even think that Shuichi had meant anything else.

"I know you love me."

Now it was Hiro's turn to sit dumbfounded for a moment. His wide eyes were still locked on Shuichi's as he tried to process what he had just been told. He could come up with only one logical interoperation of his friend's words.

"Shuichi," he said gently. "I know we've known each other for forever and that we're best friends and all, but I don't mean that." He sighed. At this point he might as well say it. "I'm in love with you."

"I know," said Shuichi again. He could have been rather annoyed by this time if he wasn't so distraught over Yuki.

"You know?" said Hiro blankly.

"Yes."

"How long...?" he asked tentatively.

Shuichi shrugged. On any other day the pain burning in his best friend's eyes would have broken his heart, but tonight the pieces could get no smaller. A faction of his mind felt horrible that he could not find pity for Hiro in himself, but he was too consumed with grief. His guilt would have to wait.

"Was it that obvious?" asked Hiro with a wry smile.

Shuichi shrugged again. He wished Hiro would go away. He had been right. He could not have confessed his love at a worse time.

"Look, I know I can never replace him," Hiro began.

Damn right, thought Shuichi bitterly.

"I just want you to know that I'm here for you – for anything. I'll be whatever you need me to be." Hiro bit his lip, determined not to start crying especially now that Shuichi had stopped.

"I don't need you to be my lover," said Shuichi flatly.

"That's not what I meant!" Hiro quickly tried to correct himself.

"Yes it is." The singer's voice had grown bleak and tired. It was starting to truly sink in and nothing mattered anymore. He could not make himself care. As much as he felt that his heart had been yanked out through his ribs, the pain was dulling – or at least he was growing used to it.

He slowly sifted through his options. He could move on and just forget everything that had happened tonight, forget what they'd said – Yuki and Hiro. He could go back and try to make Yuki love him again or even just find out why. Why? WHY! He wanted to scream the word to the night and as he thought it is brain was suddenly on fire.

Maybe Hiro was right, maybe Yuki didn't want this. But still, wasn't he enough of a man to say "no?" Maybe not. Maybe that was why he'd let Shuichi stay with him, but then again...

It was ridiculous! Yuki couldn't possibly want this. It wasn't him. She was not the kind of person he'd want. She was possessive and overbearing and lay around in her red underwear, for crying out loud! He must be being forced into this.

Shuichi was suddenly sitting erect, ready for action. He had to go do something, rescue his Yuki. He was about to take off, when his mind flitted back. Why couldn't Yuki take care of himself? He was the seme after all, he should be taking care of Shuichi!

Hurt and betrayal mixed into spite and a horrible idea came into his mind.

No. No, he couldn't. It wasn't right. It wasn't good for anybody. But he'd feel so much better knowing he was in control, knowing that he didn't need Yuki, knowing that Yuki could go to Hell for all he cared and...! No, he told himself again, no. He couldn't do that, not to Hiro.

"Shuichi?" Hiro asked nervously. The sudden stiffness in his posture, the emotions that chased each other across his face, the coldness in his eyes. What was Shuichi thinking?

If Yuki didn't want to marry her, how much would it hurt him if Shuichi turned around and did what had been done to him? Would it be worth it? Would seeing that look on Yuki's face, the look he had so many times put on Shuichi's, be worth doing that to Hiro? He opened his mouth to act, but his thoughts and words got crossed and came it all wrong.

"Talk me out of this!" Shuichi cried desperately.

"What?" asked Hiro totally taken aback.

Shuichi hadn't meant to say it, but now that he had he might as well continue.

"Tell me that me that he doesn't love me and that I can't make him jealous because he doesn't care!" the pink-haired singer begged.

Hiro looked puzzled for a moment and then the light bulb went on above his head. Shuichi couldn't mean that, could he?

"Shuichi," he began slowly, not sure of what to say.

But if he did mean that wouldn't it be perfect? No, he told himself, no, it wouldn't be. It would be horrible. He'd only be doing it to get at Yuki not because of me. But still... How many nights had he lain awake wanting nothing more that to hold Shuichi in his arms? How many times had he had to hear his love rant about Yuki? How many times...?

And it would be the perfect way? If Yuki did care about Shuichi, which Hiro thought he did, this would be the perfect way to get back a the bastard for everything he'd done to Shuichi?

"I think he does care about you," said Hiro, still speaking slowly, telling himself over and over that he wasn't lying so he wasn't really manipulating his friend.

"Don't-!" Shuichi begged, his voice becoming broken again. If he made vengeance on Yuki sound at all possible... He knew how much it would hurt Hiro, but he still couldn't make himself care. It scared him, in a way, how he couldn't control himself.

"I really do," said Hiro quickly, happily digging himself and Shuichi into a deeper and deeper hole.

I have to hate him. Shuichi told himself. I have to want to hurt Yuki. It's the only way he'll ever understand how I feel – the only way he'll understand what he did to me. It's the only way...

Something snapped and Shuichi's emotions won control of his body.

Hiro's eyes widened with horror as he realized only moments too late what his best friend was about to do, but his cry of "no" never even made it to his lips.

Shuichi kissed Hiro in a sudden, almost violent movement. It only lasted a moment, but Hiro could feel fire on the singer's lips and, even in an instant, he could feel it was no flame of love, but a burning pain and hatred.

Hiro had wanted this for so long, but now it was all wrong.

"Shuichi," he said trying to keep his voice steady and his tone gentle. "Don't do this to yourself."

Shuichi couldn't speak, but his friend could easily read the words in his eyes. Save me from myself! Shuichi pleaded silently. Stop me from loving him. Make me want you and forget him. Make the pain stop. Blind me. Deafen me. Smother me. Do whatever it takes. Please make the pain stop. Please. He finally forced out one, broken word.

"Please."

It's all you've ever wanted! Hiro screamed at himself. He's finally realized that Yuki's bad for him and I'm perfect. So why can't I say yes? Why am I pushing him away? He knew the answer. Because this isn't right. This isn't that way it should be. No matter how much they try to deny it and how much hurt each other Shuichi and Yuki are in love. They belong together. Shuichi belong to Yuki. He'll never be mine that way and, as much as I want it, I can't let him try to be something he's not.

"I'm sorry," said Hiro hoarsely. "I can't."

Shuichi didn't understand. Wasn't this what Hiro wanted? Was he trying to protect himself? He must be seeing straight through my plan. I should have known he'd never fall from something that stupid. Yet there was still that burning in him, that lack of control, that wild, wounded feeling like an injured animal trying to escape a stalking beast. The poisonous idea had spread through his veins, infesting his brain and consuming his body with its toxic power. Any antidote that might exist was far too late now.

"One night?" asked Shuichi without thinking.

--

Sorry it took me so long to get this up. I tried to make it longer to make up for the wait. I hope you liked it. I'm not sure how I feel about, but it sorta wrote itself that way and I didn't know where else it could go.