Chapter 4
Padmé was led through several small crevasses and cracks, some of which she had to turn sideways to squeeze her way through. She was led by patient guides. The bacta bandages on her side and hands held as she followed, the sun beating down through the rocks in places, blessedly held at bay in others. They walked for several hours, away from where Padmé had awoken, and finally emerged into a small, sheltered cove where the water pooled to one side of a rocky shelf.
Trees, so rare on this world, flourished in the sandy soil, stunted by lack of sunlight, but blooming with exotic scents and fruits. The water was clear as crystal, a color that matched Anakin's eyes, and cool. But it wasn't the beauty of the surroundings or the smells that caught Padmé's attention as they entered the place. It was the sight of the heap of clothing lying on the stones where it had been dragged from the water. Inside the clothing was the shape of a man the same size as her companion. Moisture had run off the cloth and pooled, slowly seeping its way across the rock shelf and back to the pool.
"Anakin!" Padmé let out a cry, leaving her guides behind, and darted to the shelf, jumping a small estuary in the process. She landed beside him with a jarring stride, her own wounds protesting the rough treatment of the last several hours. She knelt, headless of the pain in her side, and brushed his hair from his face.
He didn't move, didn't so much as blink or breathe at her touch. She shook his shoulder. "Anakin, wake up!"
He didn't move and she pushed him onto his back so she could see his face. It was pale, but not the gray of lifelessness. What was wrong with him? Padmé placed her head on his chest, listening for a heartbeat and closed her eyes when she didn't hear anything. She didn't lift her head, her mind spinning, her side protesting such an awkward position.
Was it a Jedi thing? A way of avoiding pain?
Thump
Padmé jerked, the faint sound, so startling that she lifted her head. She immediately put it back down, squeezing her eyes shut, and hoping she hadn't been imagining things. She lifted her chrono, watching as the second ticked by. Fixated, she held her breath, not daring to move or breathe as she hoped she hadn't been imagining things.
Thump
Her own heart leapt into her throat. She counted softly, unconsciously, with the chrono as it kept time. eight, nine, ten...
Thump
She finally lifted her head and let out a shaky laugh. "You are alive, you sneak! How dare you?" He didn't twitch, didn't move, and she frowned. "I said, how dare you? Not only did you scare me, but you make me care! You inconsiderate, self-centered, stuck up - blast you, Skywalker, wa-!"
She jumped as he suddenly inhaled deeply and then coughed, sputtering, as the water that had been trapped in his lungs came up. Padmé threw her weight against his side and pushed him over to help. Anakin coughed raggedly, spitting up water as Padmé rolled him over on his front, his breath coming in wheezing gasps that were punctured by coughing fits and more water.
Padmé backed off as the coughing fits died down, confident he wasn't going to die on her, and waited. She took the opportunity to look at him. His clothing was still intact, having been built for this kind of thing, and his muscles rippled along his shoulders as he twisted, his face lying on the rock. A very handsome face framed by silky curls that begged for her touch.
She didn't though. Her heart had gone into over drive when she'd seen him lying so still upon that rock. She'd felt her stomach hit her boots again, her fears clamoring for attention even as she'd felt something inside her shrivel and die. Until she'd heard the faint sound of his heart beat. She'd never heard a sweeter sound in her life.
And it confused her.
Anakin finally quieted, the water purged from his system, and looked up, propping himself on his forearms. Their gazes locked for a heartbeat and her heart hammered against her ribs as if trying to break free. His eyes really are the same color as the water. Padmé squashed the thought. She didn't need to be thinking any more about his eyes. "Feeling better?"
"Much. How about you?"
"Never better."
Anakin's lips twitched. "I think the wound in your side says otherwise."
Padmé managed a faint smile. "I'll live. I'm surprised you did, though."
"Me too." He looked around, as if taking notice of their situation for the first time. Which, she reflected, he probably was. "Where are we?"
"About four hours from my suubatar and the canyon. When you die, Skywalker, you sure make it a production. The Gwurran thought you were dead."
Anakin arched his eyebrows. "Gwurran?"
She nodded towards the entrance where the three Gwurran were watching in silence, completely shocked by his resurrection. Anakin turned his head, shifting into a sitting position; one that face the three Anosians. A smile lit his face. "Hello."
The Gwurran were shocked from their stupor and began chattering between themselves excitedly. The bounded over and began touching Anakin; his hair, his face, his shoulders - as if not believing he was real.
"I assure you, my small friends, I am alive."
"How you do that?"
"How how?"
Anakin glanced back at Padmé and then looked once more at the Gwurran who were circling him, poking and prodding him excitedly. "I used the Force to send myself into a hibernation healing trance to prevent injury and heal those I was going to get."
The Gwurran shrieked excitedly, dancing around and jabbering the same words over and over to each other.
"Force!"
"Medic!"
Padmé froze, their whole purpose for this trip coming rushing back - how had she forgotten it? Medic? As in Barriss? Jealousy surged through her instantly, the strength of it stealing her breath even as she beat it back. She had a job to do and, like it or not, finding Barriss was her job. "Have you seen other humans? Other Force users?"
The "speaker" nodded excitedly. "We take take you!"
Anakin pushed to his feet and Padmé could see the shift in his stance. He was expectant, excited - as much as he allowed himself to be - and eager. He was looking forward to his reunion with Barriss. She pushed the jealous feeling crawling through her gut away and rose to her own feet. Without looking at him, or the excited jabbering Gwurran, Padmé moved towards the bag. The Gwurran cut her off, and Anakin reached out to grab her arm, halting her steps.
"Padmé."
She didn't turn, though he applied pressure indicating he wished her to. She took a deep breath and managed to find a cocky smile. Her hurt was buried deep as she finally turned to look at him. She appeared self-assured, but inside she was trembling from his touch. "Don't tell me you're getting cold feet, Skywalker. Or are you just afraid of all the juicy tidbits I have to tell her?"
His eyes narrowed and he let her go. "I was going to thank you for coming after me, Captain. But I see now you were just afraid of losing your precious contract. Force forbid you have my death on your conscience - if you have one."
Padmé felt the blow keenly and it left her momentarily speechless.
He brushed past her, moving to join the Gwurran. He scooped up the pack from where she'd dropped it earlier, and finally turned his head in her direction - but he didn't look at her. "Coming, Captain?"
Padmé balled her hands into fists, echoing his prayer mockingly. "Force forbid you leave me behind."
"I wouldn't dream of it."
"That vaunted sense of fair-play the Jedi are famous for?"
He finally met her gaze. "The rationale of a man who needs you to get him and the other Jedi off this rock."
"So charm another Captain; I hear Jedi are famous for that." Her tone was scathing and hurt. She wanted him to hurt as much as she had when she'd thought him dead. "Or is that beyond the abilities of the all powerful Jedi Master Skywalker."
"Force persuasion is Obi-Wan's forté; not mine." He narrowed his gaze suspiciously. "You're not turning your back on this job are you, Captain?"
"Just the infuriating perks!"
"You invited me on this misadventure, remember?"
"I should have my head examined! What sane person wants to spend weeks cooped up with philosophy sprouting, self-suffering, infuriatingly handsome Jedi Master?"
Anakin's lips twitched and the glint went out of his eyes. "Why Captain; I didn't know you cared."
"Ha!" She spat the word at him and stalked across the rocks, jumping the estuary for a second time and almost losing her balance. She glared at him, as if it was his fault. "It has nothing to do with caring, you insufferably superior pain in the-"
"Ah, ah, let's not expand the Gwurran's vocabulary too much today." Anakin's tone was amused. "They probably haven't heard much profanity."
Padmé's eyes blazed for a moment. She was out of control and she knew it. She took a deep breath and let it go. Being angry with him wouldn't solve anything. He wouldn't understand and was forbidden to even try. She managed to find a pointed look and cocky smile somewhere in the depths of her being; her bravado shielding her true feelings. "It's not the Gwurran I was looking to expand my horizons with, Skywalker."
He flushed, turning away, effectively ending their conversation and Padmé was glad of it. He was making her think and feel things she hadn't and had no interest in. It was safer if he avoided her. Safer for them both.
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The Gwurran were excitable little creatures, Padmé found herself thinking as they were setting up camp in another sheltered nook, steadily moving away from where she'd left the suubatar and further into the canyons. Excitable and excellent scavengers. Each carried a make-shift supply bag. Some were made out of grasses, for she'd learned that all Gwurran were taught to weave baskets at a young age - the better for gathering stones and other things - while others were made from discarded pieces of cloth or whatever else they'd been able to scavenge. Among the items they pulled from their packs were familiar, if outdated, ration packets.
Padmé let Anakin do most of the work, for the pain in her side had come back not long after they'd left the crag where he'd been found. Determined not to owe him anything, she'd kept her peace and their pace, never once complaining. She was fuming inside, a ball of hurt and frustration that was clamoring for release.
Blasted, infuriating Jedi!
She should have let him where he'd been pulled from the river, turned her suubatar around and headed back for the Blue Skies. Then she wouldn't have seen him in a death-like state. She wouldn't have felt that surge of irrational panic, the feeling like she'd been hit in the solar plexus. And then, when he'd awakened, she'd have never have felt the sinking, sickening feeling that had accompanied his reaction to Barriss' nearness.
Of course, if she'd done that, she'd have never forgiven herself for turning away from him. She'd have tortured herself hourly with what-ifs until driven mad enough to return. Only by then it'd have been too later and she'd be even worse off than she was now! She watched as Anakin worked, the dying sunlight reflecting off the water nearby to give his hair an almost sun-burnished look. She hardened her heart against the feelings his boyish image evoked.
She couldn't win.
She turned her back on the camp, one hand idly caressing the butt of her blaster for reassurance, the other pressed tightly against the patch on her wound. She could feel it throbbing under her hand, could feel the trickle of blood down her side as the pressure on the bandage became too much. She ignored it, too preoccupied by her dark thoughts to mind her wound.
He wouldn't care if I died anyway. The waspish thought was accompanied with a scowl. It would serve him right if she died because of her injury. Ungrateful wretch.
"See something?"
Her hand twitched closed on the grip of her blaster at the soft words. She relaxed it consciously, though she wanted nothing more than to pull it on him - just to see a reaction. "Nothing a mighty Jedi would trouble themselves with."
"If it concerns the safety of the camp, it's worth it."
She willed him to leave her alone. "A few night flies, and some fish, Skywalker. Satisfied?"
"I sense you're displeased with me."
"Oh really?" She turned to face him. "Whatever gave you that idea?"
He didn't rise to her taunt. "It's hard to miss, Captain. You're radiating it through the Force."
She regarded him archly. "I can see you're confused, Skywalker, but I don't need to be a Jedi to figure that one out. You want to know what you did and when. You want to know what happened to give you a respite from my attentions. Only now you're faced with scorn and you're wishing I'd simply go back to trying to seduce you. Close enough, or did I leave anything out?"
He didn't respond, but his lips had parted and she heard the shocked breath he inhaled.
Padmé looked away again, staring out across the shallow water. "Go back to your supper, Skywalker, and don't play with the big girls. You'll lose because you're not equipped to win."
He shifted his stance and she could feel his eyes boring into her, questioning, wondering how she saw through him so easily. Her lips twisted into a bitter smile. She'd been playing this game when he'd still been learning to lift rocks with his mind. "Now you're wondering how I know all of this."
His hand landed on her shoulder, spinning her around to meet his gaze head on. "How-?"
Padmé winced as the rough motion pulled at her wounds and stretched the bandages. "Easy, Skywalker, I'm damaged goods." It came out before she could stop it. Damaged goods. She almost winced again. Thankfully he was naive enough to miss the double meaning.
His hand fell away but the intensity in his gaze remained.
Padmé met his gaze head-on, pressing her hand harder against her side to still the burn. "I've been around the galaxy, Skywalker. I've learned to read body language, looks and even lips when it comes to humans. I never would have made that promise on my ship if you hadn't been sending me signals."
"I never-"
"You did." She smiled, her lips twisting into a cocky grin. "Now you're going to tell me I'm crazy. I'm not; just observant. It pays to be in my line of work."
He searched her face, his expression carefully neutral, but she could see the question in his gaze before he asked it. She remained silent, wondering if he'd find the courage to ask, but somehow knowing it would go unsaid.
He moistened his lips and then shocked her. "Did I hurt you, Padmé?"
She turned away.
"Look at me when I talk to you, Captain."
Hurt her? She stared out across the water, not hearing his words, but focused on their predecessors. Had he hurt her? She laughed bitterly, but didn't turn to face him; not yet. "You can't hurt me, Skywalker; I won't let you. When this whole thing is said and done you'll be moving on to some new hideout with your precious Jedi Barriss to make Jedi babies. And I... I'll go back to hunting for your missing minions, picking up fares and doing daring runs that will eventually end my life in a blaze of glory." She finally turned to look at him, suddenly feeling very old and jaded. She felt the need to repeat herself, the ensure he understood. "Did you hurt me? You can't hurt me; I won't let you."
"It's not like that."
"No?" Padmé reached up to brush a tendril of hair from her cheek irritably. "Welcome to real life beyond the Temple, Skywalker. It's time to open up your eyes and see that it's exactly like that. These missing Jedi are the key to an enduring Jedi order. Did you honestly think that mothers and fathers would be willing to give up their children to an order that, by belonging to it, means instant death? Did you think that you could just go about setting up another Academy without fear of repercussions? You've seen what happens with your own eyes - you can't be that naive."
"I believe that darkness can't last forever. I believe that the day of the Jedi will come again; we only have to sustain and nurture the spirit until that day comes."
"And how exactly were you expecting to go about getting more Jedi? If that day is two hundred years down the road and Jedi are hunted for that long no one but family would remember. The only way for the Jedi to ensure their survival is to procreate. That means a mate and children. Or didn't you notice that the Jedi I'm after are mostly female?"
Anakin flushed and Padmé knew instantly that his thoughts had never drifted this way. She stared at him, the scorn leaving her voice. "You honestly thought Jedi could maintain themselves the way they have been? Where, pray-tell, were you going to get your students?"
"We haven't discussed that-"
Padmé began to laugh. Softly at first, the sound rolling through her belly and out through her lips, the ridiculousness of the situation and the stunned expression on his face too much for her. She immediately regretted the outburst as her laughter turned into a pain-filled hiss. "Maybe you and the other Masters should have a long talk about the future of the Jedi when you get back. Personally I think they have Barriss all mapped out as your mate."
Anakin blinked. "Attachment is-"
"-is forbidden, I know." She winced, bending slightly over her side to ease the pain. "Just think about it, Skywalker. Your order is faced with a changing galaxy and a future of uncertainty. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to crawl into my blanket and spend my night trying to sleep."
"Padmé, I-"
"Don't." She met his gaze wearily, suddenly exhausted. "Let it go and just think about it. Ask yourself if Barriss is someone you can see yourself with for the rest of your life."
Anakin didn't move as she moved towards where he'd set up their blankets under a make-shift tent. She settled on hers, biting her lip as she eased herself back. Her breathing was shallow; her face covered in perspiration by the time she found a comfortable position that didn't strain her side. She eyes closed in determination, but Padmé knew, no matter how tired she was, she would be getting no sleep this night.
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"You should have gone into politics."
Padmé didn't open her eyes from where she was stretched out on her bed roll. She felt worse this morning, not better, lethargic and the fear had crept in through the night that she was losing and had lost too much blood. "Go to sleep, Skywalker."
"I can't."
She sighed, opening her eyes to find him nearby, his back against the ravine wall, his eyes gleaming in the faint light as he watched her. "Maybe if you'd close your eyes and think about something other than your meeting with Barriss tomorrow you could."
"I'm not thinking about tomorrow."
She pushed herself up on her elbows with a wince, barely able to keep her head up as she turned her head to look at him fully. "Try thinking of a meadow with nothing in it instead of a certain Smuggler in her underwear; you'll rest easier."
"Is that the voice of experience talking?"
She slid back to the blanket, unable to support herself as her arms buckled. "I've never had your problem with females. I sleep just fine thank you."
"Then how come you're not?"
She focused her gaze on the dark peak of the tent overhead, willing him to go away, but the answer slid through her mind with a chill. Because if I do, I don't know if I'll ever wake up.
"Captain?"
He sounded concerned. "What is it, Skywalker?"
His touch would have made her jump if she'd had the energy to expend. His hand slid up her arm and she felt a chill slide over her damp skin. Her arms refused to move and, for a moment, she seriously questioned if she intended to push him away or pull him closer.
"You're burning with fever, Padmé." His tone was alarmed as he came closer, couching at her side, his hands searching for her pulse and her temperature. "Padmé?"
"I'm here." Her voice sounded faint even to her own ears.
"I have to put you into a hibernation trance."
She felt like she was floating, his voice coming from far away. "Sounds nice."
"It's risky, but your body will slow to a manageable level and you won't lose anymore blood." His hand was gentle, concerned and blessedly cool against her forehead. "I'll say Blue Skies when I want you to wake up, alright?"
She nodded, barely more than a twitch of her head. Her weakened state provided little resistance as Anakin drew on the Force and placed her into hibernation.