Lol so this took longer to update than expected but I rewrote it like a bagillion times...and it's still not perfect! Grr...

Hope you like it! Oh! And this chapter is dedicated to my sister from Germany (haha insider) HILDA!!

Disclaimer(lol i forgot this): ...

Sophia is skipping down a meadow when all of a sudden, an army of freakishly, gigantic squirrels start running towards her.

"What do you want from me?!" Sophia screams as the biggest, alpha squirrel closes in on her.

"You stole Stephenie Meyer's story line! You shall parish!" Said the giant squirrel.

"What? No, the Twilight characters belong to the great Stephenie! Everyone knows that!"

The giant squirrel backs off some.

"Very well then puny human. Your answer will suffuce ...for now."

The squirrels run away in the direction they came from.

...even if you don't like the chapter please review and tell me how amazing that was! Lol

Ch 2!!

Bella's POV

So there we were. Seven vampires and a human off to a strip club. The truth was though (no matter what I told Edward) I was pretty nervous., I mean, I'm going to a strip club? Me? Little old Bella who can't even walk a semi-straight line sober? Little old Bella who doesn't even have the guts to give an oral report in English? Yea, I was definitely nervous.

Luckily, everyone else must have been nervous as well. Even if only a little. How do I know this? Because Jasper is not making fun of me for being nervous. I mean, he can't make fun of all of us for being nervous… and I have a feeling he might be nervous himself.

Of course, I would've felt better if Alice hadn't put me in this ridiculous outfit. Well ok, ok, it wasn't completely ridiculous. Actually, I rather liked it. I was wearing white denim shorts that were, well, short (in fact they were so short they might as well have been underwear), and a simple, navy-blue, short-sleeved shirt. Well, it wasn't that simple parse. The shirt scrunched up around the bust area and it only buttoned u a little more than halfway, so, basically, it made my boobs look about twice their size. My shoes were probably the only ridiculous thing about my outfit. They were white, three-inch, open-toed stilettos. They had straps that hooked around my ankles and Alice had even pinned on a glittery, flower accessory on my left ankle strap that or me in any matched my shirt perfectly. In short, they were a death trap. For me in any case.

"You know," Emmett's voice broke me out of my day dream, "you guys are going to love it there. Rose and I go all the time!"

Carlisle noticeably slowed down as he began to enter the Seattle. We couldn't have been on the road for a half hour yet we were already here. I never realized that Carlisle drives faster than even Edward.

"That is way too much information," Jasper muttered.

"Well not all the time, exactly," Emmett defended himself. "Just--"

"We've gone once," Rosalie interjected. "And it was only because Emmett told me they were having a sale on shoes there."

Okay, so I realize that it was probably the stupidest thing I could do, but I couldn't help it. I giggled.

And the car got quiet.

"I'm sorry, is something funny Bella?" Rosalie asked me, poison dripping off of her words.

"Uhh, well- I mean... like." Wow, not only do I piss off Rosalie, but I start to stammer like an idiot, too. "It's just… did you honestly believe that a strip club was having a sale on shoes?"

Alice snorted (which still managed to come out sounding like an angel sing) and when I glanced at Edward I was pleased to see laughter building up behind his eyes.

"Hey, whatever, stripper shoes are cute," was Rosalie's answer.

"Touché," Alice agreed.

"Alright Emmett, how do we get there?" Carlisle asked from the front seat.

Five minutes later we were parked outside of the Teasers.

"You guys ready?" Emmett asked excitedly.

I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one who groaned.

"That's the spirit guys!" And Emmett jumped over Jasper and was the first out of the car.

I held on tightly to Edward as we made our way up to the door. I didn't trust the shoes Alice put me in.

"Bella, I told you. You-are-not-going-to-trip! Pfft, you're not even going to stumble once this whole night! So let go of Edward before I make you!" The evil pixie growled at me.

Reluctantly, I let go of Edward and we all walked into the club.

And I didn't stumble once.

"Hello, welcome to the Teasers! Do you have an appointment?" Said a lady at the desk when we walked in.

I had to say, it was the single most… classy… strip club I could imagine. Really though, I felt like I walked into a nice front room rather than a strip club. The room was circular with the desk the woman sat at right next to the door. There was a hallway to the left of us and on to the right. Then there were double doors in between them; parallel to the door we walked in to. It was dim, but not too dark, with red and yellow tint. Comfy couches were placed along the walls. Waiting seats I imagined.

"Yes, it should be under Cullen?" Alice said.

Everyone gave her a curious glance but she ignored us as the woman gasped loudly… and over dramatically.

"Wow! What an honor to meet you Cullen party! Oh, well I've been so rude! I'm Remy and can I say, thank you?" She asked.

Since no one else seemed to be able to say anything I took it as my duty to ask, "Why?"

"Well you see, you made this appointment a year and a half ago…"

I frowned. That hardly seemed like a good reason to be all excited. Maybe she was just making up some lame excuse in order to cover up her shock at the Cullen's beauty?

"What? You guys don't have planned parties?" Emmett asked.

Remy gave him a coy smile. "Well sure we do," she said casually. "The only problem with your reservation, however, is that a year and a half ago… we were still building this place."

We all gave Alice another quick glance (well okay, the vampires' glance was quick, mine lasted like eighty years) but she just stood there… looking innocent.

"So you see, the girls and I had placed a bet on whether you would actually show up or not. I said thank you because I just won two-fifty!" she beamed at us. "Okay well, I'll just show you to your room now. We saved you the best private showroom."

Remy (who I forgot to mention is gorgeous! And that's coming from someone who hangs around with vampires all day! I swear, life can really suck at times) led us down the right hallway. I began to relax with the shoes Alice gave me. They weren't that hard to walk in actually.

We passed by door after door. I heard nothing but I began to get the feeling that I was missing something because whenever we passed by a door Emmett and Jasper would fight the urge to laugh, Edward would cringe, Carlisle and Esme would exchange a look, and Alice and Rosalie would just give each other a knowing smile. Damn, curse my pathetic, human ears.

"And here we are." Remy opened the last door in the hallway and ushered us inside.

The room was larger than the Cullen's family room but smaller than a small conference room…if that makes any sense. I guess it would suffice to say that it was of medium size. There were small, circle tables with paired chairs surrounding the stage, which was about fifteen to twenty feet long and about six feet wide.

"The only rule we ask of you is to please refrain from touching the girls. If you do, security will throw you out." Remy gave Emmett an apprehensive look. She was probably trying to imagine anyone trying to throw him out.

I had to fight a smile as all the guys, including Carlisle, nodded their head solemnly. It didn't help that I saw Emmett roll his eyes. He gave me a wink when he caught my eye but then we refocused our attention to Remy as she finally left us.

"We hope you enjoy your party. We've saved our best girls for you tonight. Your show will begin momentarily." And finally, she was gone.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Emmett rounded on Alice.

"Explain," he demanded. She sighed.

"Okay, well remember about a year and a half ago, when they were first building this place, and we were all joking around about it? Well, I got a vision that you were going to dare us into going so I decided that I might as well have made an appointment. No matter what I tried it always came back to you getting us to go one way or another." Alice shrugged in a "no big deal" kind of way.

"You know Emmett," Jasper began with a grin on his face. "I think you should explain why you wanted Rosalie to come to a strip club with you in the first place."

Emmett grinned and Edward groaned.

"Nothing like a little foreplay," Emmett said as he wiggled his eyebrows.

"You cannot even begin to imagine the visual he just had," my poor, little Edward with his mind-reading abilities muttered.

It was then when the lights went out. Everyone ran to their seats (and yes, I mean vampire speed running, which basically means I didn't even know we had ran until I blinked and was in my seat) .

And queue the cheap stripper music. I swear, it sounded like elevator music with a really nice beat. Then, all of a sudden, I got nervous. Really nervous. Really, really, really, nervous.

I gripped Edward's hand and glanced up at him. He was giving me a warm smile… but I could see the tension behind his eyes. It felt good to know that I wasn't the only one nervous.

A girl walked out onto the stage and began her sultry walk down the catwalk. The screen behind her flashed, "Lacey Macy".

Wow, way to leave nothing to the imagination.

She walked down to the middle of the stage where the stripper's best friend was waiting. I focused on her outfit in order to block out what she was doing to that poor pole.

She was dressed as a slutty school girl (how original) with a short sleeved, white button shirt that showed way too much cleavage (I blushed and cringed when I realized that my own shirt wasn't too different save for the color), a plaid skirt that was pretty moth a cloth wrapped around her hips, black thigh-high fishnet socks, and finally, black stilettos that were about five inches high.

Great, now I had to watch her.

She twirled and danced around the pole. At some point, she even managed to swing her legs up, grab the pole and hang upside down as she threw off her shirt.

It was easy to see how she got the name Lacey Macy. The red, lace bra she was wearing was practically see through. She slid down from the pole and crawled over to the edge of the stage where Edward and I were sitting.

"Hi," she purred at us as she went into a split.

I cringed away from the sight. She "danced" a little more before moving away back to her pole.

I had to give it to Lacey Macy. The girl was strong. She was twirling around the pole one-handed, about two feet off the ground, all while removing her skirt only to reveal…gasp! A lace thong! How unexpected! Pfft "thong" was an understatement. It was more like a string up her ass. Which, in all fairness, is exactly what a thong is, but you know what I mean.

She was in front of Carlisle and Esme now. Her back was facing them and was bent over while shaking her butt at them. I tried hard not to smile at Esme's gaping face of horror. That smile went away quickly however when Lacey Macy turned toward them and shimmied out of her bra.

"Oh, no," I whispered to myself.

I turned to look at Edward only to find that he wasn't sitting next to me anymore. I looked around frantically (and unnecessarily) only to find him at the foot of the stage… with his brothers.

They were cat calling and placing money in her fishnets as she danced in front of them. Well, okay, so Edward wasn't really cat-calling, that was mostly Emmett, but still! What did he think he was doing?

"So you've spotted them." I statred some to see Alice in Edward's seat. I hadn't seen her get there at all.

"What are they doing?" I asked her furiously.

She looked over her shoulder at the boys and shrugged. "What does it look like? Being idiots."

"Okay, but Edward? Edward and idiot don't mix. I mean, sure, Emmett, but Edward? And Jasper!" if I could some it up in one word, one could call me pissed.

"I know what you mean," Alice said grimly.

"We are so getting them back," said Rosalie's voice from behind me.

I jumped but quickly got over it when I saw Edward place a tip in the waistband of Lacey Macy's thong.

"Oh I will do anything to get back at them," I said darkly.

Suddenly, Alice's face went blank for a second. When she got out of her vision she gave me and Rosalie an insidious grin.

"Oh, we'll get them back. You can bet on me," was all she said.

So?? Lol please...

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