Chapter 9

"You knew she was here, didn't you?"

Padmé opened her eyes to find that twilight had come. She must have dozed off only to be wakened by Anakin's soft question. She blinked, reaching up to rub her eyes with one hand and looked at him blankly. "What?"

"You knew she was here."

Padmé almost asked who "she" was before her brain finally caught up with her and memory flooded back.

She.

Karrin.

Right.

Padmé nodded. "I knew. Barriss' whole plan for taking us prisoner was to reveal her existence to me and to convince me to inform you of your status as a parent."

"Why you?"

Padmé couldn't see his features as they were shadowed, and had nothing to gauge his mood by with his relaxed posture giving away nothing. She shrugged. "She didn't want to trap you here. It's probably the same reason she didn't tell you about Karrin's conception."

"She didn't tell you why?"

"I hate to break it to you, Skywalker, but Barriss and I aren't exactly buddy-buddy."

"I noticed." Anakin's tone was dry. "I just don't see her not giving you a reason if she asked for your help."

"We spent more time trading insults than life stories," Padmé arched her eyebrows at him in challenge. "You can't really be surprised by that."

"Not really," Anakin crouched and then settled beside her, stretching out his legs. He didn't touch her, but Padmé was aware of his physical closeness all the same. "I just don't understand why she didn't tell me about Karrin immediately."

Padmé slanted him a look. "No woman wants to keep a man's attention based solely on the fact of a child, Skywalker. We do like to be appreciated for ourselves, you know."

He was silent.

"Where's Karrin?"

He nodded back towards the camp and Padmé could see the low, dancing flames of a fire and the small bundle curled up next to it in several of their blankets. "She's safe."

"Barriss will come looking for her."

"I know."

"Can you let her go?"

"I don't have much choice, do I?"

Padmé examined his profile as he watched his daughter's sleeping form. "You could stay. Karrin would benefit from having her father around."

Anakin seemed to contemplate the solution and reluctantly shook his head. "Karrin and Barriss are safer here without me. Because of that, I couldn't stay and put them both at risk."

"If you love them, let them go?" Padmé kept her tone light.

He slanted a look at her. "Something tells me you know all about that, Captain."

She didn't answer. His observation was too close to home. She knew about it alright. Intimately. She knew about the pain that came from it, and the pain that came when you realized you could never go home again. She knew about the agony of losing all that you'd been fighting for only to have to pick yourself up and forge ahead because you hadn't expired with it.

"Let me in, Padmé," Anakin's voice was soft, almost pleading. "Help me understand why you keep pushing me away."

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"Yes."

She smiled weakly, taking a deep breath. It was now or never; she owed him something. "Do you remember back about ten years ago when the Trade Federation invaded Naboo?"

He nodded - she caught the movement out of the corner of her eye. "I was nine, but I remember."

Nine. She didn't remember ever having been that young. "I was fourteen. My best friend Typho and I had been talking about joining the Nabooian defense department since I'd been rejected by the legislative youth program. When the invasion happened we lost a good portion of our defense force in the first wave. Typho and I joined the underground smuggling ring bringing food and supplies to the planet. I was good at it." She paused, collecting her thoughts. "Typho and I made a good team, so good that a couple of the older pilots took us on for training. I abandoned my family to Naboo to become a smuggler."

She stopped. The years seemed like decades, though there was less than ten years since her first run.

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Typho did more than I." Her admission was wry. "At least, at first. I came to enjoy the thrill of the chase and the skill needed to stealthily slip in and out undetected. We got good at it as partners and individually. Eventually we split, each taking a less experienced partner so we could train more of us. I was good enough that the Jedi assigned me a protector when they got wind of a plot to try and assassinate me. Thanks to the way Typho and I worked, we were now almost the leaders of the Smuggling operation. We were the only natives in the band, you see; the only ones who knew the most effective means of slipping in and out."

"How old were you?"

"Fifteen." She leaned back, the memories flooding back, the pain a dull ache in the back of her throat.

"That's very young."

"Maybe to you," Padmé cracked a half-smile. "I grew up fast; I had to. By the time I was sixteen the insurgents on Naboo were able to mount counter-attacks. They fought back for the first time since the invasion - and my family and the Jedi paid the price."

The breeze drifted through, ruffling her hair about her face. Padmé closed her eyes, continuing in a soft voice. "I was betrayed by someone on the inside, a deep plant the Federation groomed for years. They passed on every route, every secret, ever drop point I'd ever used. The last time I was on Naboo I barely escaped with my life. The Jedi that was protecting me warned me of the trap, but I went back to try and rescue my family anyway. We failed and they were all executed. Every last one, including my nieces."

"How do you know?"

She laughed bitterly, opening her eyes to stare blankly into space. "How else? They broadcasted it on the Holonet as a warning to all they called traitors to Naboo. As if that wasn't enough, they also sent me…" She stopped, wishing she could banish the memory to darkness forever.

The ghostly images rose in her mind, transporting her back to the cargo hold her of old freighter. The smells of lubricants and smoke, the tang of blood permeating the air like the nectar of death. She could almost see her hands, steady and unsuspecting, as they flipped the packing bars on the crate, releasing the lid to fold back. She remembered the bile rising in the back of her throat immediately as a stench, heavy, thick and foul rushed from the box like a fog to engulf the bay. The images of the crate's contents were engraved in her mind down to the last miniscule detail.

Disbelief had ensnared her first, her mind refusing to believe the truth her senses were telling her. Only when she reached into the crate to confirm the texture and the cold seeped through her fingers tips, did the reality of the situation become apparent. Horror had quickly followed and she'd yanked her hand from the crate, stumbling backwards in an effort to escape.

She didn't remember falling to her knees, but she had, her vision blurred by tears as her stomach had emptied its contents onto the deck. The shakes had started as the reality of the situation had set in. Numbness had quickly followed, wiping the next few hours from her mind. When she next remembered, the crate was gone, and the cargo bay cleaned.

But she would never forget opening that crate and finding its gruesome cargo.

"Sent you?"

She was brought back to the present by his voice. Her fists were clenched in remembered pain, the urge to batter something, to make someone pay for her past an almost tangible thing. "I was sent their... their heads as proof."

She let it sink in, saw him recoil and continued. "I've a death mark, Skywalker. If I ever set foot on Naboo again, my life is forfeit."

"Who was it that betrayed you?"

Her throat completely closed, hindering her speech. Who indeed. She finally turned to look at him, hoping with this final bit of information he'd understand why she kept people at arm's length. "Sola." She didn't see any recognition in his gaze for the name and continued in a harsh tone. "She is - was - my sister."

The silence that followed her soft, bitter announcement was heavy. Padmé pushed herself away from the wall and rose to her feet. She didn't - couldn't - look at him. "Everybody close to me dies, Skywalker. If I were you, I'd run as fast as you can and don't look back."

He didn't answer as she stepped away and out into the night.

----------

Karrin was delighted to spend the night with Anakin and Padmé. She slept through to wake up at dawn, and proceeded to pounce on her father to Padmé's sleepy-eyed amusement. Karrin hadn't been able to contain her excitement and the fist excited shriek from the girl had brought Padmé to full wakefulness.

Anakin, on the other hand, slept like the dead. For a hunted man, he didn't appear concerned. That, or he trusted her - foolishly in her opinion - to watch out for his well being.

Padmé watched as Karrin delighted in waking her father for the first time, learning through trial and error that he was just as ticklish as she was, and soon her giggles were echoing around the area. Padmé pushed to her feet, stretching, and looked around.

Things were the same as they'd left them earlier.

Of course, she'd only slept off and on for an hour or two, the disjointed images of her past dredged from her memory after her discussion with Skywalker. She turned away from him and his daughter, consciously pushing the memories back into the tight little container from where they'd escaped, ruthlessly quashing them as she struggled to regain her equilibrium.

"It would seem she's not as obedient as you thought, Captain."

Padmé didn't even twitch at that soft comment; she simply turned to find Barriss sitting on a nearby boulder, her gaze on Anakin and their daughter. Padmé's gaze followed unconsciously as Anakin lifted the little girl in the air, making her clap her hands in pure delight. "Apparently she takes after her father."

Barriss' smile was almost sad. "That she does. She's strong in the Force, far stronger than I am. She would benefit from her father's guidance."

"He can't stay - but you know that, don't you."

Barriss inclined her head.

"Do you understand why?"

"He is a larger target than both of us combined." Barriss' smile disappeared to almost nothing. "And he's in love with you."

Padmé snorted softly despite the sudden leap of her heart. "He loves himself and his Force, Barriss. And his daughter now. There's not much room for anyone else."

"Anakin is different than most Jedi, Captain Naberrie. He knew his mother and was shown how to love. I thought once I could be the one to capture his heart. Perhaps I did for a time, but what he once felt for me pales in comparison with what I can feel in his attitude towards you."

"Mother!"

Padmé bit back her reply as Barriss' presence was suddenly discovered. She looked up, straight into the cerulean blue of Anakin's gaze as Karrin regarded her mother uncertainly. Padmé tore herself from the blue pools with more difficulty than before, and extended her hand to the child. "I think your mom and dad need to have a talk, sweetling. Why don't you and I go to the water's edge and I'll tell you about a lake so clear, you can see the bottom, even at the deepest point!"

Karrin latched onto Padmé's hand with enthusiasm and, without a look at either Barriss or Anakin, tugged the Smuggler Captain towards the riverside. Padmé didn't resist and Karrin started chatting about all the wonderful things her father had told her, not really seeming to care if Padmé was paying attention.

Padmé admitted she wasn't, despite the child's engaging nature, and was more focused on the hushed discussion she couldn't head behind her. The child's prattle drowned out whatever she might have been able to hear but she didn't have the heart to shush her. Not when being in the indirect sunshine and out of doors seemed to have cured her of the stoic behavior her mother insisted upon underground.

Padmé listened, automatically responding if Karrin asked her a question, her thoughts turned inward.

Had Barriss been right? Was Anakin really in love with her? Padmé didn't think so; she didn't believe him capable of love. Not in the sense that she had seen. She believed he might know unconditional love, how he could give himself over to something that was all-encompassing, but love for a woman? She doubted it; it wasn't exactly an encouraged part of the Jedi teaching.

"Captain?"

Karrin tugging on her arm jolted her from her thoughts. "Yes, sweetling?"

"Do you think my mom and dad will stay with me?"

Padmé's heart jerked painfully in her chest. How to tell this darling child that no matter how much she wanted it, her parents weren't likely to be together ever again? She glanced at where Barriss and Anakin were huddled in an intense discussion. Anakin's control had slipped and there were creases in his brow as he shook his head at something Barriss had said. Padmé turned her gaze back to Karrin. "Do they look like they'd be able to live together?"

Karrin frowned, turning her gaze on her parents. She watched silently, solemnly, as Barriss's head snapped up and her eyes blazed with hurt. Anakin placed a hand on hers, which she jerked out of his reached, her whole body posture easy to read, even for a child as young as Karrin. "They look like they'd as soon fight as talk."

"I don't think it'd be a good idea for your dad to stay, Karrin. He's a very powerful Jedi, one of the most powerful. If he does stay, he'd probably be putting you and your mom in more danger than you were before."

"Why?"

"Did your mom tell you why Anakin and I are here?"

Karrin shook her head.

"It's really easy. The Jedi have been turned into outlaws and they're going to need to find new ways of ensuring the survival of the Jedi order. I was asked to come and find your mom and bring her back with me to see the remaining of the Jedi Council."

Karrin's eyes widened. "But what about me?"

"I didn't know about you at the time, sweetling." Padmé gently grasped the girl's hand and tugged her down, diverting her attention from where her parents were still talking. "And if I had, I never would have agreed to come and look for your mom."

"How come?"

"You're safer here."

"Why?"

Padmé laughed softly. "Because your mom's a very difficult woman to track down. The only reason we knew to look here is because your father remembers her fondness for the Gwurran."

"Like Nixlew?"

"Like Nixlew." Padmé's confirmation was easy, though she had little idea of who or what a Nixlew was. "If you come out of hiding now, you'll both become hunted and one, maybe both of you, could die."

"Not if we were with father."

"Your chances would increase, but you'd still be hunted." Padmé didn't even try to shield her from the truth, but she wasn't about to go into details. "By staying here you have the chance of a stable home and a chance for a semi-normal childhood. Growing up on a ship, or being transplanted from place to place isn't any place for a child who should be running through grassy fields with the breeze in her hair."

"Like me?"

"Like you." Padmé squeezed the small hand she hadn't relinquished. "You're safer here with your mom, sweetling, much as I'd like to take both of you with us."

Karrin snorted. "But you don't like mother."

"Not very much, no."

"Then why would you want to take her with you?"

"Two reasons. My job and your father."

Karrin's expression was blank. "Huh?"

Padmé chuckled softly. "I was hired to bring your mother back to the council so I'm technically bound by that agreement, except for extenuating circumstances; you. Because your mother isn't free to come back without you, I have a decision to make. Or rather, she does. She can choose to stay here with you and continue to protect you or she can risk both your lives by coming with me."

"What's dad got to do with it?"

"If your father asked me to, I couldn't tell him no."

"Why?"

"He's a member of the Jedi council - and the one paying for the cost of this trip. It's his credits, so to speak."

"Can I come with you if mom wants to stay here?"

Padmé laughed softly. "Sweetling, you're safer with your mother, whom most people believe is dead, than out in the galaxy with your father. Trust me. Now that your father knows you exist, I'm sure he'll want to visit at least once."

"Will you come too?"

"Would you like me to?"

Karrin nodded, glancing back at where her parents were still talking. "I dunno if mom would want you to, but I would. You're neat to talk to."

Padmé reached out and rubbed the top of the girl's head. "Thanks kid. You're not half bad yourself."

There was little more to be said on the matter and they fell to other topics, impatiently waiting for Anakin and Barriss to come to some kind of understanding. They waited, finally running out of things to talk about and still Anakin and Barriss were locked in deep discussion.

Disgusted, Padmé finally stripped down to her underwear, encouraging Karrin to do the same, and jumped into the river. If Anakin and Barriss were going to waste the morning with prattle, she and Karrin would enjoy themselves. And Maybe, just maybe, she's be able to exhaust them both and get some much needed sleep.