Chapter 10

It was almost midday before Anakin and Barriss moved from their intense discussion. Karrin had exhausted herself trying to tackle Padmé in the water and was now curled up beside the low burning fire as Padmé heated herself a mug of caf.

Barriss and Anakin joined her, Barriss sitting close to their sleeping daughter as Anakin, surprisingly, sat next to Padmé.

Padmé looked from one to the other. "Can I assume some kind of decision has been reached?"

"It's a safe bet," Barriss told her with a half-smile. The weight that had been holding the other woman down seemed to have vanished and Padmé was amazed at the friendly tone. "Anakin will continue with you back to the ship. Karrin and I will remain here."

"I thought that was decided days ago."

"Apparently we needed to clarify a few things." Anakin's reply was dry.

"A few?" Padmé looked pointedly at her chrono. "You were talking for over five hours."

"More than a few," Barriss conceded. "But I should get Karrin back to the caves and you should be on your way without delay. The longer you're on planet, the better the chance someone will be able to track you."

"I don't suppose you're hiding an extra Suubatar anywhere, are you?"

Barriss laughed softly. "Anakin's good with animals, Captain. You should have no trouble locating a wild one when you reach the prairies once more." She gently shook Karrin's shoulder. "Karrin, it's time to wake."

Karrin murmured in her sleep, rolling away from her mother's voice.

Anakin chuckled. "She sleeps like her mother too," his tease was light.

Barriss shot him an annoyed look and then her tone turned stern. "Now, young lady."

Karrin's eyes popped open almost instantly at the scolding. "But-" She stopped and blushed. "Do I have to?"

Barriss simply regarded her daughter who grumbled and set about getting to her feet. "Why do I have to get up?"

"We're going home, Karrin."

The little girl froze, her gaze darting to her mother and then her father. "Is dad coming with us?"

Anakin shook his head. "No Karrin. I'd only bring you trouble."

Karrin glanced at Padmé and Padmé knew the girl was thinking about their conversation earlier. The girl nodded slightly and turned back to Anakin. "Will you come visit?"

Anakin's expression softened and he opened his arms for a hug. Karrin flew into them, clutching him tightly. "When it's safe. I'll be leaving your mother an encoded frequency where you can reach me if there's an emergency. Short messages can be sent along it too, but not very often, alright?"

She tightened her grip and Padmé was forced to look away from the poignant scene. She abruptly got to her feet and walked away, unable to think about what she was seeing. The scene reminded her of her nieces, of the family she'd lost and of what Anakin was giving up - willingly - to keep his daughter safe.

She left them to it, already having said goodbye to the engaging little girl who was Anakin's daughter in her own way. She kept her back to the fire and the familial moment as she knelt by her pack to check her preparations. Finally, after several long minutes, she lifted it and settled it on her shoulders. "We should get going while it's still light out, Skywalker. I don't know about you, but stumbling around in the dark's not my thing."

"Do you have to go so soon?"

Padmé turned to meet Karrin's eyes and flashed her a smile. "Sorry kid, but if we stick around we might never leave. While that'd be good in some ways, it would tip whoever's hunting the Jedi to your presence here. It's better if we leave now. Your dad will be in touch."

"What about you?"

Padmé shrugged. "You know where to find me. So long." She turned away and began heading for the exit to their camp; the same entrance they'd used to get into their clearing. She heard Anakin's voice drop, could picture him hugging his daughter one last time and ruthlessly quashed the twinge of conscience. She continued to walk until she reached the rocks and finally turned to look back.

Karrin was standing in front of her mother, her little face solemn, one hand raised in farewell as Anakin was striding towards Padmé. Padmé smiled, waving once, almost jauntily to the child, before slipping beyond view. She waited there only until Anakin appeared and then began leading him away. Gwurran appeared in front of her, and she recognized the same guide who'd led her to their location by his clothing. He took over being their guide; a final farewell from Barriss.

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Anakin said nothing on those first hours, simply trudged along in her shadow and she was contented to let him stew. They made good time on their first day. As the sun began to dim and twilight settled over the planet on their second day, they were forced to stop on a rocky outcropping that was barely large enough for them and their gear. As it was, their packs were shoved against the stone wall and they were left with just enough room to sit side by side if they pressed close.

Padmé settled herself and pulled a ration packet from her pack. Anakin remained on his feet, looking around the area. They'd climbed some to get to the ledge and below them was the river, stretching out to curve along the rock bed, disappearing in places to go subterranean. They were above the mists, but with no place for a fire and slightly exposed to the elements.

Not that Padmé minded - their survival gear, including their blankets, could handle the winds which slid through the canyon frequently. While she was thinking about it, she pulled the first of the blankets from her back and spread it out on the ledge, ignoring the fact that it trailed over the edge by several centimeters. She tucked one end under their packs before pulling out a second blanket and tucking it about her shoulders like a cape before resuming her meal.

"Brooding about it isn't going to solve anything, Skywalker."

He slanted her a look she had difficulty reading. "Don't you think it would take even you more than a day or two to get used to the idea of having a child?"

Padmé smirked. "I would hope I had gotten used to the idea by then - they'd have been inside me for nine months."

He made a face. "I suppose."

"Sit down before you fall down, Skywalker. The fall would be longer than even you'd like."

He did as she said, settling himself next to her. Their legs stretched out, Anakin's heels hanging off the ledge, and were pressed tightly together from hip to ankle to ensure they could both sit in relative comfort.

Unfortunately, even with two layers of cloth between them, Padmé was reminded of the feel of his skin against hers - and the way her own seemed to tingle whenever she touched him. She frowned and then abruptly held out another ration bar. "Here. It's not much, but it'll keep you going until we're back in civilization."

"Thanks."

Anakin fell silent again as he ate, his gaze far away.

She let him brood for several minutes before nudging him with her elbow. "If you're going to be this distracted all the way back to the ship, you'll be useless to me."

She caught his attention and he turned his head to look at her in mild surprise. Darkness was falling rapidly and his features were starting to become shadowed. "Useless, Captain?"

"Useless." Her confirmation was derisive. "I guess a girl can't compete with the knowledge of a child left behind, huh?"

His answering smile was faint. "Only partially. I was mostly thinking about what you told me with regards to your past."

She blinked, caught off guard. "What about it?" She could have kicked herself. She should have told him to forget about it but a small part of her was very curious about his view on the matter.

"About why you don't trust."

"You mean anyone but Typho."

Anakin nodded. His gaze gleamed in the low light but she couldn't interpret the silent message. "Can you forgive me for being the reason you lost your best friend, Padmé?"

Padmé arched an eyebrow. Whatever she'd been expecting, that hadn't been it. "Forgive you? Typho died ensuring Senator Organa got away - not you. You didn't have anything to do with it."

"Bail would never have been in that situation if not for me. You know it as well as I do. I'm indirectly responsible for Typho's fate."

"So?"

"So... it makes me wonder if you'll ever like me because of that."

She sucked in a sharp breath as his finger tips touched the tip of her chin. She could see the concern in his posture, almost feel it in the way his fingers caressed but didn't push. "I never said I don't like you, Skywalker."

"Call me Anakin, Padmé."

She smiled faintly. "Sorry, Master Jedi, but until we're off this rock, you're damaged goods - just like me."

"Birds of a feather, Captain. Despite your past, despite your desire to keep me at arm's length the last week or so, I've not forgotten your boast, nor your promise."

"What promise?" She was fighting against a feeling of lethargy that was slowly permeating her limbs with the soft, seductive tone in his voice - and losing.

"You wanted me to come to you, Padmé." His finger tips traced the curve of her jaw. "I've conceded defeat."

Her breath caught. It was the second time he'd admitted it, only this time he knew her dark secrets. He knew about her death mark and the sins blackening her soul. He knew about her darkest fears. And it didn't matter; he still wanted her.

She shook her head fractionally, as if to deny it, but he caught her chin between one thumb and forefinger. "Don't shut me out, Padmé. You've shared a part of yourself that's been buried for a long time. I understand your misgivings, but aren't the rewards worth the risks?"

"Even if it could mean your death?"

"You forget you're not the only one with a death mark on this ledge, Captain. I'm not-"

"Just shut up, Skywalker." She reached up and grabbed his shirt by the collar. Her misgivings had piled up only to be dissolved by the knowledge that despite her past, he still wanted her. That, even if it wasn't permanent, was good enough for now.

His laughter was drowned out as he was pulled forcefully towards her and she ended their conversation with an open mouthed kiss.

Padmé lost her nerve moments later and pulled away in embarrassment. She didn't feel right doing this. Not anymore. Anakin had become more than a conquest, more than sport. She'd genuinely learned to care for him and taking advantage of his weakness wasn't fair. She would have to stall him. She managed to find a half-smile for him somewhere, though she was certain it came out shaky. "Much as I'd like to continue, Skywalker, we're not exactly in a comfortable situation."

His eyes bore down into hers. "Still taking control, Captain?"

She laughed huskily, uneasy with the accuracy of his perception even as she denied it. "Hardly. I'd just rather not topple off the ledge in the middle of something we've both been anticipating for so long. It'd be a real mood killer."

"Point." He exhaled slowly. "Then when?"

She smiled crookedly, brushing his bangs back from his forehead. "We'll reach the suubatar - if it's still there - tomorrow. We should be back onboard the Blue Skies before the end of the week, even riding double."

He groaned. "I'm out of patience, woman. Too long."

She laughed. "Then we'll simply have to improvise, Master Jedi. I'm sure your familiar with the term."

"Captain, I never understood what it meant until I met you. Go to sleep; we've a long day ahead and we'll need our strength."

She did as instructed and he lay down beside her, sliding one hand around her waist as he tugged her backwards and into the curve of his body. Padmé chuckled, feeling the rigid length of him pressed against her back. "I'll sleep if you'll relax, Master Jedi. Once we're off this rock, we'll have that... discussion we've both been anticipating."

His face buried itself in the fall of her hair at the nape of her neck and she swore she heard a sob of frustration. The guilt was easily pushed aside as she considered what she was doing and why.

Anakin would be better off without her; he just didn't know it yet.

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"Dammit, Skywalker, learn to duck!"

The smell of burning flesh and ozone permeated her senses as she rolled back behind the dubious cover of the boulder, blaster bolts sizzling against the surface. Anakin was crouched several yards to her left, one hand over his shoulder - the shoulder that had taken the brunt of the first blaster shots.

"Ducking would be no use, Captain. They know who we are."

"They're an ambush, Jedi," Padmé returned hotly. "I should hope they know who we are."

"Give yourself up, Master Skywalker," one of the clones made the demand evenly between blaster fire. "You and your companion will be given leniency and the promise of a swift death."

"How generous." Padmé replied dryly. "I think I'll pass."

The clones were forced to duck backwards as Padmé's blaster answered theirs, chewing up the rocky surfaces they hid behind. Anakin closed his eyes, lifting his wounded arm and squeezed his hand gently closed.

Padmé smiled grimly as the soldiers cried out for a half-second in surprise, the boulder at the front of their cover lifting into the air and then, with a shake, shattering into fragments to rain down on the troopers. Anakin was on his feet a moment later, grabbing Padmé's elbow and hauling her along. They darted between several boulders, and plunged into a nearby crevasse.

Padmé was hauled off her feet and into Anakin's arms in a smooth motion and, before she knew it, they were leaping high into the air towards an upper ledge.

He landed safely, going down on one knee to absorb the impact, but she wasn't given the chance to regain her feet. He leapt again, at an almost ninety degree angle from his first jump. He jumped twice more, the feeling of almost flight as exhilarating as real flight when Padmé had recovered sufficiently enough to enjoy it.

He landed the final time, stumbling into a roll which absorbed the impact. Padmé was released and she quickly righted herself as Anakin slid along the ledge, expending the energy from their landing and stopped by the wall. Padmé had her blaster out and sighted as she scanned the surrounding area.

Their packs had been left at the ambush site and they'd need to go back to collect them if they hoped to reach the Blue Skies in one piece. Anakin's hand on her shoulder a moment later was all the warning she had as he stretched out next to her, shoulder-to-shoulder, and pointed towards the west. The sun was behind them, making it easy to see what he was pointing at.

There, in the cleft of the wall, was the ambush that had been set up for them. The troopers didn't yet realize their quarry had disappeared and were shouting orders for them to surrender from behind a slab of rock still connected to the mountain. They weren't about to fall for the same trick twice. Anakin caught her gaze and nodded o them, pointing to his chest. He then pointed to her, his eyes and his back, arching an eyebrow to see if she understood.

She did; he was going in and expected her to watch his back. She nodded, reaching into one of the pockets on her pants and pulling out a highly illegal looking compact scope. Anakin blinked in surprise and she simply smiled, waving him away smugly. She still had a trick or two up her sleeve.

He went, leaving her as she attached the sight on top of her blaster and sighted on the trooper nearest her - the look out. Anakin's shadow descended in that moment and the trooper whirled as the sound of the weaving lightsaber echoed among the rocks. Padmé fired, taking out the scout with a well-placed shot. She lifted her gaze, scanning for others as she ignored Anakin's lethal assault.

It was over in moments, a single trooper left, hanging suspended in mid-air by Anakin's telekinetic powers as the Jedi Master could visibly be seen to question him.

Then, from the side, Padmé caught a glimpse of movement. White armor moved in the rocks above Anakin, and the barrel of a blaster peaked through a hole. She cursed softly, going up on one knee for a better shot. She braced her blaster on her elbow, her left hand holding the opposite shoulder to give it the best brace possible, and only sighted for a second. Her blaster sang, letting out four shots in rapid succession.

She didn't wait to see if they hit. Adjusting her aim, and sliding a foot to the left, she did the same thing a second time, moved and then a third.

The blaster sighting on Anakin suddenly went slack, the barrel dropping and then sliding free of the cradle to clatter barely a yard behind Anakin. He spun with his lightsaber at the ready. She saw his eyes find the blaster and then lift slowly, shining with gratitude and admiration, to meet hers. He lifted his lightsaber slightly in salute, to which she lifted her blaster, and then turned back to his prisoner.

Padmé changed her location and continued to search for any further movement. She didn't find any, and the adrenaline of the battle started to fade. Her knees felt like jelly and she didn't fight the feeling as she collapsed back against the rock wall, tilting her head back as she closed her eyes. The sight of the clone trooper aiming at Anakin's back filled her mind and the cold feeling that she'd ignored at the time returned.

She identified it quickly. Fear. But not fear for herself - she hadn't felt real fear for her own safety in years. This was a gut twisting, heart wrenching, throat-closing fear for someone else. For a loved one. She curled her legs up, close to her chest, and dropped her forehead to rest on her knees. She'd fallen for him; in that single moment when she could have lost him, she'd realized it. Realized exactly what he'd come to mean to her and why.

Damn him, she thought savagely. I was fine on my own, why now? Why him? The answer was easy enough, though she didn't want to admit it. Why him? Because he doesn't let you win. Because he challenges you to be better than you are. Because he understands what it is to give up everything you care about to chase a higher ideal. She let out a shaky breath, opening her eyes. The fabric of her pants stared back at her. You love him because he accepts you, flaws and all.

There it was. The simple, unabridged truth; and he wouldn't care for it. Despite the Jedi's supposed mission to find mates for their men, she highly doubted any one of them was capable of loving a woman like a wife.

Force help her; that was what she yearned for.

"Are you injured, Captain?"

Her head snapped up, meeting Skywalker's concerned blue eyes and feeling it clear to the tips of her toes. She closed her eyes for the barest of moments, summoning the strength to face him without giving away her inner most desires. When she opened her eyes again, he was closer, his brows drawn together in a concerned expression she couldn't fully read for her own inner turmoil. "I'm fine, Skywalker. I thought you Jedi were supposed to have a danger sense or something."

He regarded her for a moment before his lips kicked into a sexy half-smile. "Thank you for watching my back, Padmé."

His sincerity disarmed her in a way nothing else could have and suddenly, humiliatingly, tears flooded her eyes. She hadn't cried in almost a decade and here she was, breaking down because of a simple thank you. But Anakin's gaze never left hers, nor did it condemn her for her weakness. Instead it accepted it, encouraged it, and his hand opened to her, palm outward. An offer of silent comfort if she so wished.

And wish it she did. Just this once. Her hand trembled as she reached for it, his image swimming before her gaze. His hand was firm and warm in hers, understanding in every inch of his touch. She was drawn forward without realizing it and then, just as suddenly, she was in his arms. They went around her, enfolding her in a feeling of all encompassing safety and security. A feeling so alien she almost pulled away.

But he wouldn't let her. Her face was gently cradled against his shoulder as hot tears tracked down her cheeks. She didn't sob, nor did she hiccup or sniffle, she simply lay there as rivers of moisture slid into the fabric of his shirt. His hand gently stroked her hair, the non-verbal comfort more telling than any words he could have said to her.

She felt cherished, desired and, above all, loved.

Her eyes closed against his shoulder and she wrapped her arms about him, beginning to believe for the first time that Barriss may have been right and her own perceptions totally wrong. Perhaps Anakin was as different as Barriss had claimed. Perhaps he could learn to love a woman as his wife, giving himself as fully to her as he had to his Jedi teachings. She pushed the thoughts, pleasant as they were, aside and simply focused on the feel and smell of him. The joy of having him in her arms after such a scare.

He let her cry, and Padmé let him hold her. She drew strength from him and from the release of her tears. Exhausted by them, she didn't protest when, for the second time that day, he scooped her into his arms and stood, leaping with the aid of the Force off the stone balcony and back into the ravines.

When they hit the ground, he silently released her, as if sensing his comfort was no longer necessary, and went to collect his pack. Padmé was grateful, for she'd rarely felt so vulnerable before, or since, the massacre of her family. She shrugged into her pack, adjusting the straps across her shoulders as she fought the ache in her chest.

Would Anakin leave when this mission was over? Was she simply opening herself up to more heartache by allowing him close? She steeled herself against the pain the questions caused, rubbing one hand over her face to wipe away the traces of her tears. She hoped not, but if she was, she'd survive.

Her earlier resolve to let him go dissolved and she vowed, silently, that if he still wanted her, she wanted him. Wanted to experience all the joys of having been with him, even if it was only until they reached the Blue Skies and were informed of her next assignment. Even if it was only for a short time.

If she was bound to lose him, she was going to enjoy the time she had left without regret.