Chapter 5(Haley)

Let Me Fall

"Hey Haley." That deep voice that I would recognize anywhere made me look up from Pride and Prejudice.

"Hi, Nathan." I shut the book and stared down at my feet. Nathan sat down on the bleachers next to me and suddenly I was very aware of how close we were.

He brushed his hand nervously through his short, cropped, black hair. "Ummmm…Haley, I want to apologize again. But you have to believe me, I didn't know about the note. Do you believe me?"

I shrugged, "Sure."

He smiled, "Well…okay then. We're cool?"

I shook my head, "No, Nathan, we're not."

"But you just said…"

I held up a hand, cutting him off, "I know what I just said. The truth is, that incident at your house just brought up everything that had been building."

"Am I supposed to follow this?"

"Well the truth is, this could never work and I was an idiot for even thinking it could."

With that I got up to leave but he grabbed my hand. Heat blossomed in my hand and I jerked it away from his, not wanting to be burned. He grabbed it again and pulled me towards him. He looked up at me because he was still sitting.

"Haley, this isn't stupid. Us, together, that isn't stupid. In fact I think that's the smartest thing I've ever heard of. I really like you, Haley. I think you know that. I know I'm not perfect but I can be better, I promise. I can become the guy you need. I want to be that guy for you."

Something in my stomach flipped and I felt a flush reach my cheeks because of how he was looking at me and how his thumb was rubbing the back of my hand. I saw a smile start on his face, so obviously he saw the effect he was having.

The sound of a cough coming from behind me broke the spell and I pulled my hand away from Nathan, like a kid caught doing something bad. I turned to see Lucas standing there. His hair was still wet and his T-shirt was sticking to his wet body.

He cleared his throat again and stared at me, "Ready to go?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice to talk. Lucas reached over and took my book bag from my hand and put it over his shoulder. He turned and started to walk away and I followed him.

"Haley!" I turned at the sound of Nathan calling me. Lucas stopped walking and came back to me. He stood directly behind me, the hardness of his wet body, pressed against my back.

Nathan stood up, "We weren't done talking, Lucas."

I felt Lucas tense behind me but I spoke up, "I'm done talking, Nathan."

Clearly Nathan was frustrated and his voice came out low and angry, "Why the hell did you even come to practice today to see me, if you didn't want to get back with me?"

The anger in his voice frightened me but Lucas put a warm hand on my shoulder. "She didn't come here to see you, Nate. She's here with me. She's with me."

I saw shock course through Nathan, "Bullshit….Haley?"

"It's true." My voice came out so soft, it's a wonder that he even heard it but he did. Nathan seemed to deflate like a balloon and sadness covered his whole face. For that one second he seemed like such a lost little kid that I wanted to go comfort him but then the second was gone.

His face screwed up angrily, "Screw this." Then he turned and walked away.

I let out a huge sigh. That had been really intense. Lucas patted my shoulder, "Come on, Hales. Let's go."

I turned to follow him and we walked out of the school. We walked in comfortable silence almost all the way to the movie theater. When finally I asked, "Do you think we took that too far, Luke?"

He looked down at me, his fair blonde hair already dry in the autumn breeze, "What do you mean?"

"Well, the whole point was to make our significant others want to be with us. Nathan was just asking if he could be with me. Like, we had a way out of this crazy dating scenario but we didn't take it."

"Maybe I'm not looking for an out." I barely caught what he said because he said it so softly but I'll never forget it. He kept walking and for a second I stood in place, shocked by what I'd just heard. When he realized I wasn't with him, Lucas turned around with a soft smile on his face, "Come on, Hales…we're going to be late for the movie."

I nodded, numbly and started walking again. Lucas bought our tickets and we walked into the dark theater. We were the only people in there and never has such a huge room felt so intimate. Instead of paying attention to the screen, I was extremely aware of the boy sitting next to me. I was aware when Lucas leaned in to whisper, "Great movie idea," in my ear. I was aware when his leg grazed mine. I was aware when his hand accidentally touched mine on the armrest we shared. I was aware how fast he jerked away. I was aware how he clenched his jaw and how he balled that hand into a fist. I was aware.

When the lights came up in the theater, it seemed like days had past and like the hour and a half had flown by, all at the same time. Lucas gathered our empty popcorn box and drinks and chucked them in the trash and we walked out the door.

It was already dark when we got outside. Lucas and I stood there awkwardly for a few minutes, unsure how to leave things. Finally Lucas said, "I'll walk you home."

I shook my head; I seriously needed time to think, "No, Luke, that's alright. I'm a big girl. I can get home by myself."

He smiled, "I know that. I just….well, want to walk you home."

I made like I was checking my watch, "No, Karen's probably waiting on you for dinner. I'll be fine." With that I turned and walked away. I heard him calling my name from behind me but I kept walking and he didn't follow.

Luckily my feet knew the way home because my mind was elsewhere. Oh. My. God. Did I like Lucas Scott? THE Lucas Scott? My best friend, practically brother Lucas Scott? What was worse, this seemed like more than a little crush. He hadn't even touched me more than usual or kissed me and still he made me feel more than I've ever felt before. He made me feel as if I'd been asleep until this morning and when we'd had that moment on his bed, I'd just woken up.

My heart clenched up and I felt out of breath. This couldn't be happening. Nathan. His name meant close to nothing to me anymore. Sure, he'd hurt my feelings but I felt no more hurt than I would if a friend made me mad. It wasn't a jilted lover type of feeling. How fickle was I? Just a few days ago, I was crushing mad over Nathan but now I felt that for Lucas.

Memories of my best times flashed through my head. Lucas tickling me. Lucas laughing with me. Lucas comforting me. Lucas teaching me how to drive. Lucas giving me his last cookie at lunch. Lucas punching some boy that had been teasing me. Lucas bringing me soup when I was sick. Lucas hugging me. Lucas. Lucas. Lucas.

Damn it.

I was in love with my best friend.