*A/N-Sorry about the break in updates. I went to Florida for Thanksgiving with my family. Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving btw. I promise more updates are coming. Thank you all for the reviews and comments I appreciate them so much!*

Chapter 8(Lucas)

This is how I Disappear

I stood frozen in time. What had I done? I wanted to run after Haley but I couldn't. I wanted to tell her all the words that would make up for kissing Peyton but I couldn't. There weren't any right words. How had things turned out this way?

Peyton stood frozen with me, her heart in her eyes. She glanced at the empty doorway and then back at me, realization dawning in her eyes. She touched my cheek and drew my gaze back to her.

"It's Haley isn't it, Luke. She's the one you love."

Unable to trust my voice I nodded. I felt like my legs were going to collapse from under me so I went and sat down on the edge of my bed. I heard Peyton sob and saw tears pouring down her face. I felt her come and sit next to me, crying. I didn't have any energy to comfort her. I could only focus on how badly I'd screwed things up.

We must have sat that way for about half an hour but I didn't notice. I just sat there, staring at the doorway. Peyton sat next to me, sobbing. Eventually though I heard her stop. I looked over at her to see her wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her black jacket. She pushed her curly, blonde hair out of her face and looked up at me with red rimmed eyes.

I'll always love her for what she said next. She stared at me and smiled a shaky smile.

"I understand, Luke."

Just like that a dam broke inside me. I know boys aren't supposed to cry. I know that we're supposed to be tough but I felt one solitary tear slide down my cheek. I saw it reflected in Peyton's eyes and suddenly more started pouring. Peyton reached out her arms and wrapped them around me. She held me while I cried. She didn't try to rationalize what was going on. She didn't hate me for not loving her. She didn't get mad that I was crying over another girl. She just held me. I tried to let all the hurt pour out of me. I'd betrayed the one person I loved. I'd ruined any chance of happiness I might have had with her. And, I'd lost my best friend.

Finally I sat up and turned away to wipe my eyes, as if she hadn't already seen me crying. Peyton smiled at me and went to get a tissue from the bathroom. When she returned I blew my nose and tried to clean myself up from crying. Normally I'd be really embarrassed at anyone seeing me cry.

Before now, Haley and my mom were the only two people who'd ever seen me cry. Haley had come to watch me at my first basketball game in middle school. Unfortunately, my dad had come too so he could cheer Nathan on. After the game he'd come up and hugged Nathan, telling him he was proud of him. Then he'd looked at me with contempt in his eyes and walked on past without a word. I'd charged out of the gym, ran to the river court, and sat on the bleachers crying. Haley had found me there. She'd known where I would go. She'd sat with me, just like Peyton. Afterwards I told her I didn't want to play basketball anymore.

She asked, "Why, Luke?"

I'd said, "I don't want to be a part of their world. It'll be like he has a part of me."

Haley had taken my hand. She led me up to the roof on the café. She'd said, "They can't take it, if you don't give it. Let them have their world, we'll make our own." She'd handed me some chalk and we'd sat up on the roof of the café, just drawing and talking. Afterwards, that became 'our' spot. We'd talked to my mom and the golf-course, Christmas lights, and the daily routine of going up there had begun.

Peyton drew me from my memories by touching my knee.

"Lucas, I love you. I think you know that." I winced at her words. How much easier it would be if I just loved her the way she loved me.

She continued, "If you don't care for me like that though, I think I can handle it. I understand what its like to love someone that you never thought you would. If you need to be with Haley, I understand. At the very least, I want us to be friends, ok?"

Peyton wanted to be friends with me? Even after I'd told her I wanted to be with her and then turned right around and fell in love with my best friend? I smiled. She really was a great person. She would make some guy very lucky one day. She was so strong and she didn't even know it.

I nodded, "Peyton. I would love to be your friend."

She smiled but the smile had a little bit of hurt in it, "Ok. So tell me all about it. About you and Haley. About what happened tonight. And about what you're going to do about it."

I told her the whole sordid story. How in pretending to like my best friend, I'd fallen in love with her. How I'd kind of hinted at liking her that day. How for a few hours, I'd felt that she might love me back. And how when she'd seen me kissing Peyton, she'd looked really hurt.

Peyton looked at me, "Ok. So how are you going to fix it?"

"Fix it? There's no fixing this Peyton. She'll never forgive me."

Peyton sucked her teeth, "You love her, Luke?"

"You know I do."

"Well then fight for her, damn it! Show her that she is always going to be the 'one' for you. If she takes a long time to come around, then she takes a long time to come around. You wait for her as long as it takes and make sure she knows that. If she's the person you love then she will forgive you in time."

I asked the hard question, "What if she doesn't?"

Peyton averted her eyes, "Then…maybe…she's not the person you thought she was."

I shook my head, "No…she's Haley. She's bright, honest, caring, and loving."

Peyton looked back at me. "Well…then you have nothing to worry about, do you?"

I clenched my fists, a new resolve building in me. I would fix this. I would show Haley that I loved her. I'd make sure she knew how incredible she was. I would be the man she needed me to be. I could only hope that she would see it in the end.