Rules Again

I wake up on the floor. I don't know if I ever actually made it as far as the bed, but I do have a blanket over me. I know something happened and again I can't completely remember what it was. I can smell smoke and as I squint open my eyes I look across the dirt floor and over to Floyd who is sitting looking into space and smoking a cheroot thing he has probably rolled himself. He doesn't see that I am awake so I close my eyes again and try to just stay where I am. Safe.

The gentle padding sound on the floor though alerts me to the fact that Floyd did see me and is on his way over. I feel the rush of air as he sits down next to me and his smell wafts over to let me know he is definitely there. It is his special smell. His musky safe smell.

'I got these.' He says and so I open my eyes and look over at him again. He is holding out his hand and resting in his palm is a mix of berries and leaves and mushrooms. 'It tastes better than it looks.' And he smirks at me.

I don't feel like eating though. Not today. I don't want to eat the food clutched in his filthy hands but I cant refuse it. It will make him angry and that is something else I don't want. I sigh and move over so that I am lying on my back and ensure the blanket comes with me. I'm not sure how well dressed I am under it. I prop myself up on my elbows and look at the food in his hand again. 'I'm not really that hungry yet.' I tell him. Not a refusal to eat it but a temporary delay. I will eat it later maybe.

But

I don't think it is going to be good enough.

'You realise what happens to your body if you don't eat?' He pushes his hand closer. 'I don't want that happening to you. Eat it.' It's not a request. 'Things need to be ordered Spencer. They need to be numbered and laid out simply for you to see. Number one is the washing thing. I insist that you wash every day. Number two is eating. You will eat. I will happily hunt and provide but you will not insult me by turning it down. Three, you will do as I tell you, I think that covers all the bases.'

Again this all seems to bring back weird memories and not necessarily good ones. I reach out my hand palm up and Floyd tips the mixture into it. Wrapped in the leaves are what looks to be small slices of raw meat. I prod at it and look at it and pick bits up and roll them around in my fingers and then look up at Floyd. 'I really am not too hungry.'

He nods at me but doesn't move but he talks to me.

'I don't sleep.' He starts. 'And so last night once I was done with you I left and went out hunting. I can easily find some of that stuff there Spence, but other things are harder to locate, but I did it anyway. I was concerned a few times that you would awaken and find yourself alone in the dark and in pain, but I also knew that you would need nourishment this morning. I picked and dug with a stick for things. I sat and waited and caught a creature which I crushed in my hands and skinned with my teeth and removed slithers of its flesh for you. I even prepared it by wrapping it for you so you don't have to touch it.' At this he prodded at my hand. 'I didn't do this because I have to eat fucking berried and leaves Spence, I did it because you do and we need, you need, to stay fit enough to keep going.'

I look at Floyd wondering if he has stopped his speech yet but he is just taking a breath to start again.

'It could have happened that whilst I was away you woke up. It could have happened that whilst I was away someone, maybe Sam arrived. I wouldn't have been there to defend you Spence. I wouldn't have been there to stave off the monsters Spence, you would have awoken, maybe from one of your nightmares and pissed yourself in fear. You would have whimpered and hidden under the cot and I wouldn't have been there.'

'Stop.' I tell him. 'You don't have to tell me how it could have been.' I look down at the stuff in my hand. 'I'll eat it.' And gradually bit by bit the pieces went into my mouth. I chewed of a couple of things but the contents of the leaves I swallowed whole.

'Thank you.' He says, but he is watching me. 'Now wash. There is a small stream out to the west. 'I'll take you there.'

I get up off the floor and now to my relief know for sure that my clothing is at least still on my body. My belt is undone and my buttons are too and the knot in my tie has been pulled too tight. As I run my fingers over it I get flashes of memory again. 'Floyd, what happened last night?' I know it had something to do with my tie, but he doesn't answer me. He slaps my hands out of the way and adjusts my tie for me.

'This way.' He tells me and we leave the rangers hut and he takes me by the hand and leads the way. I don't know what he fed me, but I can feel it gurgling and bubbling away in my stomach.

'Floyd.' I pull my hand away from his and put it over my mouth as the retching starts. The muscles in my stomach contract and force the food out and into my mouth and down my nose and finally between my fingers and onto the forest floor. The pressure of it, the speed it exits my body at is so extreme that it makes my eyes water and my body shake.

I know what is going to happen. I can feel the change.

Floyd is no longer mildly pissed off with me. The heat from his rage I can feel. It seeps through my skin and threatens to stop my heart. My fight or flight reflex kicks in but I suppose I kind of ignore it and just remove my hand from my face and look over at Floyd who is standing looking at me. There is no expression on his face. He is looking at me as though I am nothing more than rotting tree stump.

'I'm sorry.' I tell him. I really truly am sorry. I didn't want that to happen. I know what he went through to get it and I know next time he will take his time coming back to me. I know next time he will make sure I wake up alone in the dark.

'It's OK.' And though his face still has that strange blank look to it he grabs my vomit covered hand in his and pulls me forward again. I should know better than to think this is the end of it.

-o-o-o-

The tosser! I take all that time to get him stuff to eat and he barfs it over the forest floor. I'm staying calm. I'm not going to let this both her me. I like being with Spence. What's a bit of vomit between friends? I pull at his hand and virtually drag my little whore through the trees towards the forest stream I found last night. I can see it twinkling and blinking at me through the trees and Spencer is saying something about being sorry and crap but he's not. He didn't have to do that, but it's ok. It really is OK. I will remember screwing him and remember how he twitched under me as I had him and that makes me happy again. As I walk I turn slightly, just my head, and I look at him and again that confused look is on his face. That is good; enough of the crap got into his system before he expelled it. When we get to the edge of the water I let go of his hand and nod at him. 'We are here.' In case he hadn't noticed. 'I need you to wash.'

I can see that cute little line of confusion deepen on his face as he stands and looks at the water. 'In there?' he says to me, but I don't know where else he thought he as going to be able to wash.

'No babes. In the hot tub I have hidden behind that big old tree.'

But that confusion line just deepens and he shakes his head slowly. 'I don't understand.' But surely this is straight forward?

'Strip off and get in the river.' Simple instructions needed at this point.

'I'm not getting in there.' And he takes a step back.

'How else are you going to wash?'

He turns now to look at me. 'I'm not skinny dipping Floyd. I will freeze to death.'

I nod at him. 'That is understandable Spence, but you stink of old stale sex and I want you to smell of the river.'

If I listen really carefully I could probably hear his brain tick squealing with delight as he thinks this one through. 'No, Floyd. I'm not doing it.'

Ah.

This is not good. I was hoping he would at least try to remember the rules. 'I need you to do as I tell you Spence. One day it will save your life.'

'One day. Not today.' He lips me in return and I volley back with a back hander across his mouth. I see him take a couple of steps back but he doesn't go far with my hand already holding his tie. I jerk him forwards and his hands are coming up to defend so I swing him around and punch the back of his head.

'Don't you fucking lip me you slut!' I spit at him as he slips down to his knees. I move forwards quickly and my stomach is turning in quick angry knots and my vision is red with anger. I hardly feel it as I drag him across the ground by his hair and as I stand it is like watching someone else push him down onto his front and with a hand on the back of his head force his face into the ice cold water.

He shouldn't squirm.

Really he shouldn't do that. It excites me so much I can no longer think. All I can see is my hand under the water and he way he is trying to kick and the way one hand in attempting to pull my hand away from him and the other is splashing in the river. I assume he is looking with those long pale fingers for something to hold onto so that he can push out of the water but no amount of bucking and wriggling is going to get me off him now. I thought at first that I would strip him down and have his pretty little arse but now I don't want to. Now I just want to feel him struggle under me. I want to feel that wonderful powerful feeling of life draining from him. From anything, but yes, from him.

I back off.

And I watch as he coughs and splutters and pulls out of the water and my mind is racing and going to places it shouldn't be going.

'Spence.' I say as I watch him roll over so he is sitting on the bank of the small river. 'I need to do something.' My heart is pounding. It is pounding so hard that I am sure he can see it through my layers of clothing. 'I will be back. Stay here for the day.' I turn and start to walk off.

'Here?' His voice behind me.

'Yes. Here or the hut if it gets dark.' And I start moving faster away. I have to get away. I need to remove myself NOW from this situation but he is making it hard for me to do. I feel his hand grab for the back of my coat.

'You cant leave me here!'

'Well I cant take you with me and I cant stay, so the options are limited Spencer and take your hand off me.'

I don't know what he thinks he is doing. He surely doesn't think he can control me does he? I feel him pull back again on my coat. 'You cant just leave me here! What – what about – what about when it gets dark!' I can hear the fear in his voice but it doesn't stop my elbow going back and smacking him hard on the jaw. I turn to see him crumple into the leaves and I look at him and my mouth is watering and I want him…I need him…but not now and not like this. I pull my small silver lighter from my pocket and slip it into his. I lean down and kiss him gently on the mouth. 'I'll be as quick as I can.' And the need has built up to a point I am going to explode and if I don't leave now I will do something I really need to not do. I stand.

I turn and look into the forest…..

…and run.

-o-o-o-

He only looks slight battered. I don't thing anyone will notice. When he slept on the bathroom floor, I popped out and got some stuff from the woods just behind this crappy hole of a place. I got some herbs and stuff which I will spike his food with. I have to keep control somehow and I don't want to have to keep hitting him like that. I don't want him dead. I want him twisted. I want him to believe Spencer is a betraying Fucktard. Well you know? He is a betraying Fucktard there is no doubt about that. I want Aaron to smack his arse into kingdom come. I want my dad. I want him. I wouldn't expect Aaron to take dad on, but I know what he is doing to Spencer and I know he will be confused and weak and an easy target for Aaron.

Yes, I am calling him Aaron. I am standing now looking at him lying on his bed. I woke him up and got him to move. I had to prod him a bit first though. He is going to be hard to break but I will enjoy it, and best of all I will enjoy watching him kill Spencer.

We are walking.

We are walking along the grass verge of the far outskirts of the city. This road had grass verges which are dented an muddy in places where cars pull up onto them. Some of the single story dwellings here are boarded over. Others have wire fences around them and dogs barking in the yards. We are looking for a diner. There is one down the end of this street somewhere. Aaron asked someone. We got funny looks cos I had my hand on his arse all the time.

'I wish you would stop doing that.' He hisses at me after we have our directions.

'You've never complained before.' And I put on my offended face and I see his eyes soften again.

'I don't like it though Sam.' And he is talking normally again already the annoyance of being groped in public has gone. It's not such a hard task now to just take his hand as we walk.

'You know what he did don't you?'

'I know you theory Sam. Yes, but I need to talk to Spencer first. I am not going on the word of a child. I don't doubt that you believe what you saw, yes I know you are angry with them both, but we do need to sit and talk about this like adults and not just go in fists flying and then realise afterwards that is was a misunderstanding.'

'It was a blow job Aaron. Not a misunderstanding. Spencer is a whore. I know other stuff about him. I know what he gets up to at weekends. I know what he does. I know his preferences. I know him. I know all about him.' I carry on. I give him details and I feel his hand tighten in mine as I tell him about the small dark side streets Spencer likes to hang out in. I tell him about "Club Rag" which has small dark corners and couch's and places to do stuff to anyone at any time. I tell him about all this and the more I tell him the quieter Aaron gets and it feels good. I wrap my fingers tighter around Aaron's claiming him a bit more and a bit more with each squeeze.

I'm not my dad.

OK…I am my dad, but that doesn't mean I have to like what he does and it definitely doesn't mean I wont use weapons. I swing my arm as I hold his hand and carry on telling him about Spencer's whorings.

-o-o-o-

As Sam clutches at my hand and tells me these things I try to think back and pick out clues. I try to work out if this could be true. Is there any truth in this at all? I think of the way Spencer would seem so tired some days. I think of the times he needs extra sugar in his coffee. I think of the times he has been snappy and snarky with the team and I wonder if that had anything to do with what Sam is saying. I know Reid had a rough time, but it never crossed my mind that he was like this.

This isn't the Reid I know and though I don't want to blindly believe what Sam is saying to me, the images are now planted there and the way he talks. The repetitive narrative going on and on telling me of things which had happened through Spencer's point of view and then Flanders and then his own and the pictures are now in my head. Slowly that innocent sweet Reid is being eradicated by the words flowing from this child's mouth.

'No more. I don't want to keep hearing this.' I say and he digs in his fingernails and looks up at me and he licks his lips.