Incident in the Diner

I feel cold.

Slowly I open my eyes and look around me. I am lying on my side by the river. I don't move for a while I just lay there and listen. I listen for Floyd and I listen for animals but it is silent but for the sound of the river. I put my hand to my jaw and feel where Floyd's elbow met me. There is a swelling there but nothing worse than I've had before. Gradually I make my way to sit. I am moist from the river and I have bits stuck in my hair which is mostly dry now and only a bit damp where I have been resting on the floor.

I try to work out what time of day it is, mid-day by the look of the placement of the sun in the sky. I rub at my skin where it itches from laying in the leaves and run my fingers through my hair to try to remove the forest from it.

He has gone.

He said he would be back.

But for now I am alone.

I could leave. I could leave and head out of here and find – and find – safety, but I have no idea how I got here. I don't remember being anywhere before I got here. I have no idea what part of the country I am in and I certainly am clueless as to my way out of this place. I stand up and cross my arms tightly around my chest. I know I cant stay here. I know I cant leave either. I turn and look at the river. It's not very deep. I could at least wash some of the dirt of myself.

Pulling my boots from my feet I place them carefully on a mound of grass. I pull off my socks and put the correct one in the correct boot. My jeans I slide out of and fold up carefully and place over the top of my boots. Tie; that is wound up and put carefully on top of the jeans and then my shirt which is damp over the shoulders and in a line down the back…and up one sleeve, so I place this over a tree branch.

So here I am in my underwear wondering why I didn't just do this in the first place and save a lot of pain and trouble. I look around me again and then step towards the bank of the small river where I can step down into the icy water.

It is freezing cold. I let out a smell yelp and think about jumping out again, but I want to smell of the river when Floyd returns and not of sweat and dirt, if I can help it. I am careful. I really don't want to get my boxers soggy, so the handfuls of water I slosh over myself are probably not adequate, but that really isn't the point. Floyd will know. He will know I washed. He will know I did this. He will know I am keeping to the rules as best I can.

-o-o-o-

'Did you know he wanted me? I'm kid right? Well he wanted me. He touched me. He held me real close and he pushed against me.'

'I don't wan to know.'

We are sitting in the diner we were looking for and Aaron is being a pain in the arse. I need to keep on talking to him to get him on side like. I don't want him thinking of that nice innocent Spencer. I want him to see him as a dirty little whore. It's not hard. Well it is – but I'm not talking about that, but thinking about Spencer does it for me.

'I know you don't want to know, but you have to. You cant go on protecting him the way you do. He doesn't need you. He just wants his boys and his men, you know? He doesn't want your sort of tender loving care.'

'You don't know that.'

He is playing with the sachets of brown sugar. 'I do know that. I do. I know he doesn't want to be like some married woman. He wants the excitement. He wants dad to go out and bring whores home. He wants to watch and touch and feel and be there. He wouldn't get that with you.'

He rips off the top of the sugar and pours it into his hot coffee. 'He wouldn't need to.'

'You know what you sound like? You sound like some bitter middle ages old woman. A dried up of fag looking for something pretty to help keep him alive. You really do need to stop and open your eyes, open your ears, open your mind. Think back. Think of those times when he acted up and was snarky around the team. It wasn't drugs…it wasn't nightmares! It was because he didn't get what he wanted the night before.'

'Sam.' He says looking up at me as I light up a cigarette from a battered tin I carry around. 'You might as well stop it. I know Reid isn't like that.'

I inhale the smoke and lean forwards on the formica topped bench table sitting between us. 'Not like what?'

He gestures at me. 'Like you are describing him. You forget how long I have known him.'

I nod and lean back again and smile. I let smoke drift out of my nose and take another drag. 'You deny he is a fag?'

He tips more sugar into his coffee. 'I didn't say that. In fact I've never really seen him take a lot of notice of either gender.'

'That in its self tells a thousand stories! He takes no notice really of the women as his soul has no interest in them really. Though I am sure he can tell a pretty girl for a dog. He takes no notice of the boys because he doesn't want you to know what a dirty whore he is. Morgan will try to make him straight. The others will treat him differently. You are like family and you will act like family, you would ignore it. Walk away from it. Pretend it isn't happening because you are so fucking anal that you cant see it unless it fits your pattern.'

He sips on his coffee and looks at me.

'You are wrong.' He insists.

I shake my head. 'Deep down Aaron,' and I let my feet brush against his let. 'Way deep down you know I'm right. You know. It's why Gideon left.'

He moves his leg to the side so I cant reach but his eyes peer over at me. 'What do you know of Gideon?'

'You will be surprised what I know. Basically I know more or less what my dad knows. I know Spencer made a move on him. I know he asked him for favours that Jason wasn't willing to give. 'Tis why he left.'

He is shaking his head. 'No. You are wrong Sam. I know why he left.'

'Aaron. He wrote Spencer a letter.'

'I know I read it.'

'Not the one he showed you. The one telling him why he was really going. The one telling him he was a dirty bit of filth. The one telling Spencer he was nothing more than a dirty whore…………………'

A hand reached over and slapped me.

And I made the most of it.

I scream and throw my drink on the table and I make it look like the force of the blow knocks me from the bench chair and onto the floor and I even let the corner of the table take the side of my head with an amount of gusto which splits the skin and makes a fine bloody mess everywhere. I lay on the floor and wrap my arms around my head and I howl.

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't hit me. Please don't let him hurt me anymore!'

And people are there helping me to my feet and I flinch away from them and Aaron is there. 'Sam!' I can see the look of horror on his face.

'Is he your father?' someone asks me.

'No – I am his whore.' I tell them and they don't know how to react to that.

I stay cowering on the floor and I can see people are talking to Hotchner and I can see the shocked look on his face and the words. 'I didn't mean to hurt him.' Being said and 'When a grown man attacks a child of course they mean to hurt!' And I smile…but I keep it on the inside because this is too funny and I have found the hook. I know how to control him.

'What do you mean?' I am being asked as they hold paper napkins to the side of my head. They look worried for me and cross with Hotchner and I mutter at them that I belong to the man but in return he cares for me.

'This isn't care. This is abuse!' And now I worry a bit that they will call the cops so I tell them that it is alright and I deserved it and sometimes he loses his temper and he is strong and he forgets I'm not one of his adult whores, but he is the best pimp I've ever had.

-o-o-o-

I hardly touched him.

I don't know why I did it.

I would never touch a child. Not like that. Not in a fit of violent rage. That's not me. That's not what I do. I really didn't hit him that hard. I just wanted him to shut up. I wanted him to keep his mouth shut. Somehow his words…they sink in. They stay there. I cant ignore them. The man I loved in my own way – that innocent faced person is gone forever now. I see him standing in dark ally ways waiting for someone to come and pleasure him. I can see the look on his face as boys touch him and I want to scream. I want to be sick. I want to escape and most of all I want Sam to stop it. I know it cant be true. I know this, but the images are so bright and true and raw that my heart is pounding and bile is rising and I need to swallow it back or I will be sick sitting here in some run down diner as Sam sits on the floor bleeding and saying things. Saying things about me.

'Sam.' I say. I need to know he is alright but I don't know what to say to him.

'You are his pimp?' I am asked and the words feel like ice.

'My god! No! I am a family friend. I know his father.'

They don't believe me. I know that. I know that Sam has worked his dirty tongue on them and that they think – they know – what he said is the truth. I pull some notes out of my wallet and place them on the counter.

'Sam, we have to go.' I stand up and the on lookers are frowning at me and looking at Sam. I can hear them mutter "Child abuse." At each other not at me or at Sam but the words are there and I need to get out. This place is far too hot. I need to get out and remove my coat and get some fresh air.

I see Sam's hand reaching up to me and I grab hold of it. I can see how his eyes are huge and scared and I know it is just an act but I cant tell these people that. They will only believe the child now. The child I slapped. Not hard. Not hard at all, but that is irrelevant. The weight I put behind my attack doesn't matter. All that matters is that I hit Flanders child and for that I think my life is forfeit.

-o-o-o-

I find what I want.

It's not hard to find.

It's a nice kill too. There are two of them. The female I grab first and I snap her neck. She is about twenty I expect may be a bit younger. The two of them I followed into the forest for about twenty t minutes. They have – had a dog with them, but that was easy to get rid of. They walked further in than maybe they would have had they not been calling out for the dog. The dog I slaughtered and left for the bugs to feed on. I snatched her from behind. She had on a dress with little blue flowers on it and a pair of sneakers. Her hair was tied back in a pony tail and her neck was white and exposed. I just had to wait for the right moment.

It crunched and snapped and she fell back into my arms and I hand quick feel and let her drop. 'I'll come back for you.' I tell her and walk away quickly following the guy who is a bit older; probably more Spencer's age, mid twenties maybe. He is standing looking confused and walking in a small circle, kicking up the leaves. Blue loose fitting jeans and a white Tshirt. A sweet face with wavy yellow hair and big blue eyes. I watch for less than a minute and then move in.

'Billie!' he is calling and that must be the bitch's name as they had both been calling out for Ben earlier.

I step out and face him. 'Hey.' I say and his puzzled look increases. 'I killed the dog and the bitch.' I tell him and I smile and step in closer and he is stepping back. 'I'm going to kill you slowly.' I let him know. 'Because I like to feel my lunch twitching in my hands.' And he is beginning to turn to escape, but it is far too late for that. I punch him in the side of the head and he stumbles and he is on his knees. A quick kick and he is on his back in the dirt and I am astride him. I batter his face with my bare knuckles until he stops struggling and then I have him. I have his arse…I then press my hand against his throat and look at those big blue eyes looking at me in horror. He knows I am going to kill him. He knows he has no chance. He feels his throat being crushed under my fingers and as he dies and twitches and bucks under me I place my hand on his chest and start to rip through his chest cavity and tear his beating heart from him. Obviously by now…at the point I do that…he is dead. A shame. I would have liked him to have seen me eat him…

I slide away from him and wipe my fingers on the legs of my jeans and turn back to where Billie is laying cooling down waiting for me in the leaves. I prepare a burial site for her. I want to cover her over afterwards. I want to place her body in the ditch on her front.

I want her.

But it doesn't mean I like girls.