The sock

I almost run from the diner dragging Sam behind me. 'What in the name of god was that all about?' I snap at him as we exit the parking lot and start a hurried walk along the street again, carrying on in the direction we had been going. He's not resisting my pulling him along like this. In fact it is all part of his game.

'Wait up one sec.' He finally says. 'I need to light up.' And he snatches his hand from mine and pulls out his battered old tin and removes a hand rolled something and a disposable lighter.

'You shouldn't smoke.' I tell him. 'And do you mind telling me what the histrionics were all about back there. I barely touched you.' I watch as his eyes look up at mine and he takes a long deep drag from his cigarette thing. 'I know what your game is Sam. You can't win like that.'

He shakes his head and smiles as he blows the smoke in my face. ''Tis no game Aaron. We are in this for real.'

'The constant lies will have to stop. How will I ever believe you when you really have something to tell me if all you ever say is untruths? I will listen to you. I will try to see your reasoning, but I will not listen to your lies.' I cough as he blows more smoke at me. 'And don't do that either.' I say fanning the smoke out of my face with my hand. 'We are looking for Reid and Floyd, you need me and right now I need you, I don't know how to find them and you say you can track.'

He nods 'I can.'

'And how do I know that isn't another lie?'

And now a shrug. 'I guess you don't. You need to use your profiler intuition I s'pose.' He stuffs the tin back in his pocket.

'I do know what you said to me about Reid is lies.'

'Then your intuition if buggered. That's about the only true thing I did say. He is my dad's whore. Has been since he was my age.' I watch him now as I am stunned into silence as he walks past me and further on down the road. I desperately want to run after him and shake him and tell him to stop with this deceit but I can't. I really can't afford to touch him in any manner. I don't want this situation to be called into question. What is someone my age doing with a boy his age out on the road? I have the huge advantage of being who I am, but he also has the advantage of being who he is and who is going to believe that I need this boy with me to hunt down two men. The more I think though the more confused I am getting. The more the images Sam put in my head are flashing in front of my eyes, the angrier I am getting with Reid.

The smoke in my face causes me to cough again. 'Please, I asked you to stop doing that!' And I frown at Sam who has walked back over to me and shake my head.

'The question you need to ask yourself Aaron, is how big a fool did Spencer make of you? How many times did he play you? How can you ever trust him again?'

I shake my head and scratch at my neck. 'It is you I can not trust and why I am still with you is something I need to seriously ask myself.'

'Oh that's easy to answer. If you walk away from me and I am hurt – and that can happen so easily – well – you will have my father to answer to and I doubt he will be happy if he hears and feels my pain as the truck hits me. We can try it out if you want, at least it will bring him to us, but you know he will kill you slowly and take you in ways you didn't think possible and then he will eat parts of you and feed other bits to Spencer. He does that, he feeds bits to Spencer. He's been chowing down on human meat for well over decade now.' He takes a step towards the edge of the road. 'It's a quiet street Aaron. Think about it. You have time to weigh up your options here. Let me die a messy splodge in the road and then have bits of yourself fed to Spencer, or you can keep with me and we will find them by hunting. At least that way you have a chance.'

I'm not listening to him any more. I tire of his constant words battering at my mind. I don't want the image of Reid eating what he is saying. I don't want this sick feeling in my stomach. I will track him another way. I will go back and get the team on it. The team? Where the hell are the team anyway? Where is my gun? My ID? where is my identity? I pull my wallet out of my pocket and look through it. No pictures of my family, nothing to say who I am.

Somewhere I hear a car horn….

………….. and somewhere I hear a 'HA!' and I turn in time to see Sam step out into the street in front of an oncoming vehicle. I move fast. I run. It is Sam and for some godforsaken reason I have a responsibility for him. I bulldoze him out of the road and out of the line of the car which is screeching to a halt in the dusty road. Sam is lucky and I suppose I am too. It catches my shoulder hard and I howl out in shocked pain as I am throw into the dirt beside Sam who is lying there crying(?) Why is he crying.

-o-o-o-

I have nothing I can dry my hair off on so I get dressed again but leave off my shirt. I stuff my tie into my pocket and my fingers slide over the lighter Floyd has put in my pocket. This causes two reactions. One of them is a nice calm feeling of "he cares" and the other is "he isn't going to be back before dark" and that makes the calmness I was feeling slip away. I remember that he said to go back to the ranger's hut and I close my eyes and bite on my bottom lip while I think which direction we had come from. I don't know why I am so unsure of myself. I know how to find my way back. I can easily do that and if Floyd was here I would just walk back to the place and think nothing of it, but he is my security and he's gone and I don't know when he will be back and that sends a small wave of panic through me.

'Don't be silly.' I say to myself. I am after all a grown man, I'm not the child who was scared of the dark.

The dark….

I have to be back before it gets dark….

…and a twisting in my stomach sends me back through the trees and back to the hut. The light is dimming now and the hugeness of the forest and the smallness of me is making my heart pound. I want to hurry up and get in the hut.

Once in I slam the door but I don't want to lock it. What if Floyd comes back and can't get in? He might leave again. Leave me here. And at this time – right now – that is rational.

Its getting dark in here and the temperature is dropping as the light fades outside. I pull the lighter from my pocket and realise that I must have dropped my tie at some point on my rush to get back here. Quickly I move around the hut lighting everything I can find, but the candles were small and partially burnt to start with…they are even worse now after yesterday and I look at them and wonder if they will actually last me through the night.

I am cold. I wrap my arms around me and now remember that I have left my shirt behind.

'I'm not going back for it. I'm staying here now.' I walk in a small circle in the middle of the hut trying to think what to do. I go and check the shuttered windows and they seem secure. It is the door I am worried about. I need to secure it from what I don't want to come in, but not from Floyd.

Sitting now on the edge of the bed I remove my left boot and slide my sock off and then I replace the boot. Then quickly and this has to be fast, I exit the hut and stand just there on the threshold. I bend down and feel across the forest floor for stones and I put them in my sock. I will use it to defend myself.

The door is closed again and I am squished up on the cot. My back is into the corner and my knees are pulled up close and my arms are wrapped around my legs. I have one of the old blankets across my back and partially over my head to keep off the cold and in my right hand I have my protection.

It feels as though it has been a long day, but I can't remember it starting. I have no memory of where I was last night. I try to think back. I try to back track on my day, but I keep getting stuck in the same place. It is almost as though a huge part of my memory has been removed. Today – this week – this month maybe started with me walking in a forest with Floyd. What came before that is just one big muddle of thoughts. I let my eyes leave the door for a while and I look around at the guttering candles. The lamp is burning just a dull red glow now and some of the candles have gone out.

'I panicked. I am stupid and I panicked. I should have lit one or two. I should have waited until it was darker. Now it is really dark and I am going to have to wait.' I want to move. I want to move and go over and blow a candle out so I at least have something when they are all gone. The lighter! I have Floyd's lighter. I pull it from my pocket and flick it alight and for a short while sit looking at it. Really it isn't going to light up the room, but it will stave off my immediate fears by forcing me to concentrate on it. I snap it shut and hold it in my left hand and then close my eyes and rest my head on my knees. 'Hurry up Floyd. Hurry up back.' I mutter to myself.

There is something outside.

Was I sleeping?

I can hear it walking around.

Is Floyd back?

Maybe it is an animal. I can feel my heart is pounding too hard and I am breathing sharp short panicky breaths. The final candle has gone out. There is no light from anywhere and I want to light the lighter but my fingers are sweaty and slippery and I can't hold it. I feel it slipping from my fingers and it falls to the canvas I am sitting on.

I need to pick it up. I need to grab hold of it. It is my protection. It is part of Floyd and I know – right now that is why he gave it to me. It is a talisman which will keep me safe from what is out there. I will be safe if I can find it and pick it up again. I move my hand in the darkness but it seems to be gone. My eyes are fixed now in the darkness in the direction of the door.

Get under the cot. Get under it.

Or

Lay down. Wrap the blankets around myself and pretend to sleep. That used to work. That was the trick. He would leave me alone if I pretended to be asleep.

But

I can't move.

I can't leave this position. I can't move. I can't breathe. I can't see. I can hear. I can hear it coming closer.

'Please be Floyd.' I try to say, but I can't talk. I sit and look at the place I know the door is and wait.

If it isn't Floyd. If it isn't…then – then I have a weapon. I can fight it. I won't permit it to harm me. Not after all this time. Not after all these years – not now, I won't let it happen to me again. Not like this. Not from a stranger in the dark.

There are tears trickling down my face now and I move my hand from where it is still trying to find the lighter to my eyes and I rub vigorously at them.

It happens.

The door swings open and there is a yellowish light swinging around and he is – it is – coming for me.

I can't see properly, but sometime instincts they kick in and my need to survive this is over powering. Whatever demon this is I will destroy it. I know it's not Floyd. I can tell that much.

'Hey!' Someone is shouting.

I swing at the voice with my improvised weapon and I see a flash – a glint of something in the light of the flashlight as it is dropped to the floor and whoever it is grunts and as I swing at him again I feel something cold on my bare chest. I feel it scrape across my ribs and I feel heat pouring from me. I don't know, claws, a knife maybe, I don't know but I hit out again with my home made weapon as I scream and howl at it and it falls to my feet.

What happened?

I don't know what happened. I vaguely remember kicking.

I think I remember bending down and picking up the knife and using it, but maybe I didn't. It has all become a big blur. I am bleeding heavily from the cut and my hands are sticky with blood. I pick up my weapon and I crawl back to the cot and pull a blanket over me. The flashlight is getting slowly dimmer as it lies on the floor pointing at the wall. I still can't see the thing which attacked me but it is silent. My knuckles are bleeding and split so I put them to my mouth and suck on them to sooth them. My weapon is soaked and I lay it down at my side and curl up as tightly as I can. I use a spare blanket and press it hard against my chest and hold it in place with my legs.

I need Floyd. I need him to come back. I can hear something inside my head laughing. I'm sure it's not me. I don't know who it is. I don't know the voice but it thinks this is all really funny. It is calling me dirty names and calling me a slut and filth and a pervert dog and I want to tell it to be quiet but if I do that, if I admit to everyone that I can hear it, then what? Then what will happen to me? So I keep it to myself for now and shout back in my head for it to stop…

Please stop.

Just leave me alone.