It was about 5 a.m. Eastern time when she finally made her way off the plane and into the airport in her home town. It was the first time in three years that she'd been back, and even then, she'd just visited her father and Brooke, had a quick coffee with Nathan, and left.
This was different. This time, she wasn't sure when she was returning to L.A. She'd left an urgent after-hours message for her boss explaining the situation. She had her laptop and could do work periodically if necessary. She knew she had more to think about than just herself, especially now. She had a husband to consider. She thought twice about calling him, knowing it was barely past 2 a.m. and he had a meeting in the morning.
She rented a car and made her way to Brooke's house. She knew now why the brunette had given her a key. At the time, Brooke had simply said that best friends were meant to exchange keys, and 'you never know'. Opening the door, she called out for her friend, and the only answer was silence. She collapsed on the couch, exhausted form the previous day and her sleepless night, and she cried.
She cried for Karen and for Lucas. For herself and Brooke and Nathan. She even cried for Haley, though she was convinced her former friend hated her. She just cried, and let the violent sobs wrack her body.
An hour and a half later, she was in the same position, curled up on the couch. Her crying had toned down and the tears were now silent, but they were still falling. That's how Brooke found her. She didn't say anything. She just joined Peyton on the couch and the two held each other and cried together for the woman who had treated them both better than they deserved.
"I stayed at Nathan and Haley's last night," Brooke finally said, breaking the silence. Peyton just nodded.
"How is he?" she asked, looking down at her hands. Suddenly she felt incredibly guilty for having such an amazing life in L.A. While she was getting married, Karen was dying. People were grieving while she sipped champagne.
"We haven't seen him since we found out. He left the hospital and said he wanted to be alone," Brooke explained, wiping the last of her tears with a tissue.
"Sounds like him," Peyton said softly.
"Yeah, well, we didn't know what to do," Brooke said. "He's been kind of a zombie and we didn't know how to get through to him. Nathan and I figured if anyone could, it'd be you."
"If anyone knows about losing moms, it's me, right?" she joked tearfully. She checked the clock and saw that it was closing in on 7:30. She had to find him. She didn't know where the drive was coming from, but she needed to find him and take him in her arms and just let him feel it. "I'm gonna go see if I can track him down."
"Peyton," Brooke started, shaking her head. "You should probably lay low until we can tell Haley you're here."
"She doesn't know you called me?!" Peyton asked urgently as she grabbed the keys to her rental car.
"Actually, she told us not to," Brooke said, wincing as she waited for the backlash of the statement.
"Not surprising," Peyton said, rolling her eyes. "But you know what? This isn't about me and Haley and our problems. It's about Karen. And Lucas. And if he needs me, then I'm here."
"That's what Nate and I said," Brooke said with a weak smile.
"I'll call you," Peyton promised, pulling the door closed behind her.
She drove through the town, checking all the places he might go. He wasn't at his home or his mother's. She'd checked his place first, only to find all the doors locked and his car missing. She stood for a moment in front of the house he'd bought a few years earlier, and allowed her mind drift to picturing him reading on the porch or mowing the yard. She gave her head a shake before pulling away from the curb. She checked the River Court, though she knew instinctively that he wouldn't be there - it would be too easy for someone to find him there. She checked the high school, thinking he may be at the gym, but he wasn't. She drove past the old diner on the outskirts of town where they used to sit for hours playing old songs on the juke box, but the only people sipping coffee inside were middle aged truckers on their way home.
The last place she thought to go was a place she knew they'd be spending some time in in the coming days.
She saw his car before she saw him, and she felt like she was going to be sick, her stomach was doing so many backflips. She took a moment to just breathe in and out and compose herself before getting out of her car.
She walked to where she had assumed he would be, but he wasn't there. Keith Scott had been taken from them years before, and she thought he may be sitting in front of the stone and telling the man who'd acted as his father about everything that had happened. But he wasn't there.
He noticed her before she noticed him. At first he thought he was dreaming. He hoped he was dreaming. Maybe if he was, it meant that his mother was still here. But he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples and when he opened them again, she was still there, kneeling in front of Keith's grave with her head bowed.
She looked beautiful, and he hated that he let himself think that. But it was nice for a moment to just forget whatever he'd been feeling for the past few days. For a fleeting second, he felt something other than pain and sadness and grief. He felt hope. Or lust. Or peace.
Or love.
And it was terrifying.
She had come, and he knew that she had come to help him. He didn't know who'd called her or how she'd gotten there so quickly, but she was there. And maybe what he felt more than anything else was relief.
She noticed him looking, and even from afar she could see the outline of tears on his face. His eyes were red and she was sure he hadn't slept in days. She saw where he was sitting and it both broke and fixed her heart at the same time.
She walked over to him and sat down next to him without saying a word. Their eyes didn't meet. They both faced forward and sat in the silence for at least ten minutes.
"I thought maybe she'd have some advice for me," he finally said, gesturing towards her mother's headstone. "I looked up and there you were."
He wasn't sure he'd ever been more grateful to Anna Sawyer in his life. Sure, he'd thanked her for raising her beautiful daughter, but this was different. He wondered if she'd sent her girl directly to him, knowing that she was the only one who could help him. He closed his eyes and mouthed a silent thank you that he knew Peyton wouldn't see.
"Brooke called me," she said quietly.
They were quiet again, though neither minded.
"What happened to your leg?" he asked, noticing the bandage on her left leg. Her knee-length skirt didn't exactly hide much. The bandage she'd fashioned before leaving home the night before definitely needed to be changed. Blood was seeping through the gauze and it actually looked rather gross.
"It's nothing," she insisted, waving off his question.
"Doesn't look like nothing," he said, running his fingers around the border of the makeshift dressing.
She wanted to believe that the shiver she felt beneath his touch was because his hands were cold. She had to believe it.
"It's just a cut," she explained vaguely.
"You think this leg can handle any more battle wounds?" he asked, his index finger tracing the circular scar near her knee.
She just let out a weak breathy laugh. She knew they were both thinking of that day and how it changed everything. They didn't talk again for a few minutes, and he actually loved that he could just sit in the company of someone who didn't feel the need to talk and ask questions and baby him. He knew that the reason she was the one who could understand that was because she'd been through it before. That, and she simply knew him, even after so many years apart.
"It's the anniversary of Keith's death," he said, glancing at the scar on her leg again.
"Seven years this week," she muttered quietly. This week was always a hard one, and more and more tragic events just kept getting added to it.
"We had this ritual. We'd spend that entire day together and visit him and make his favourite dinner and drink his favourite beer and tell stories." He paused to look Peyton in the eyes for the first time since he'd seen her again. He knew they would both be tearing up at this point. "She was at the café. She just collapsed."
"Lucas," she whispered. She hadn't known any of the details, not that they were really necessary at this point.
"How do you do it?" he asked desperately, choking back his emotions. "When does it get better?"
"I wish I had an answer for that Lucas," she said, shaking her head. "It just hurts until one day you wake up and it hurts a little less. There's no timeline."
"I owe her everything," he said through his tears. "I didn't get a chance to repay her."
"You did," Peyton insisted, smiling at him. He shook his head and she took his face in her hands to force him to look her in the eye. "Every time you published a book. Every time she saw you with Jamie. Every time she saw you put yourself on the line for your friends. She knew, Lucas. That was her proof."
"What am I supposed to do now?" he asked desperately.
She didn't have an answer. She just pulled him into her arms like she'd wanted to since she sat down, and let him cry on her shoulder.
"Everyone's worried about you," she finally said, her hand still moving over his hair comfortingly as he he sat, cradled in her arms.
"I know," he mumbled.
"You have to go see Haley," she insisted as gently as she could.
"She keeps treating me like I'm incompetent," he said, making her chuckle weakly. "I'm serious."
"I know you are," she said softly. "That's her way of dealing, though. She channels her grief into taking care of everyone else. She did the same thing when Keith died."
He pulled away from her and smiled for the first time in three days. She always understood everything so much better than everyone else, and he had no idea how the hell she did it. They stood from their places and walked towards their cars. He tugged his keys out of his pocket and waited for her to say something, but she didn't.
"Thank you for coming," he said sincerely. "You didn't have to."
"What?" she asked, shocked at his words. "Or course I did."
"Just with everything..."
"No," she said firmly. "Nothing else matters right now."
She pondered for a moment how true that was. Her marriage, her husband, her job, her friendships, her lack of a friendship with Haley, her history with Lucas. None of it mattered.
But dammit. She hadn't called Julian yet. She felt the panic rising in her until Lucas wrapped his arms around her.
"Thank you," he repeated. "And don't worry about Haley."
She nodded, wondering if he'd read her mind, and offered a weak smile before watching him slump into the seat of his car. She got behind the wheel of her rental car and pulled her phone from her bag, dialing Julian's number.
He watched her as she held the phone to her ear and couldn't help but wonder who was was calling. It could have been anyone. It could have been Brooke or Nathan or her father. But something told him it wasn't. He felt that old familiar feeling rising up in him. Jealousy. He didn't know where it had come from or why he was feeling it. But he was feeling it. Already, he felt as though he needed her. She'd been in town less than a day and she was already healing him.
He both loved and hated her for that.
"Hey," she heard Julian's voice on the line.
"Hi. Sorry I didn't call earlier." She was on autopilot as she spoke, watching Lucas drive away.
"It's OK. I know you need some time," he insisted.
She often wondered how he could be so sweet to her. He was notorious for being a jerk. Most people hated him. He was successful, and as he had explained early on in their relationship, you don't find success in the movie business by being a nice guy all the time. But he was different with her almost immediately. He was sweet and attentive and it had scared the hell out of him. He'd never done that for anyone. But there was something about Peyton that made him want to change. He wanted her to see past the bluster and just see him. And when she did, he knew he was in love with her.
"I don't know how much time I'll have in the next few days," she explained. She knew the funeral process well, sadly. There would be arrangements to be made, the wake, the burial, the gathering of people. Lucas would need help going through Karen's house and talking to lawyers about her businesses. It was a lot.
"I know, babe. Just don't forget about me," he said, only halfway teasingly.
"Couldn't if I tried," she said. But when she looked at her bare hand and found the ring in the bottom of her purse, she had to wonder: why was she so afraid to let people know she'd gotten married?
"Well call me when you can. Feel free to send me dirty texts or emails," he said. His voice took the tone it always did when he was serious, but didn't want her to think he was. She smiled at how well she knew him.
"Count on it," she said with a slight laugh.
"Good. I'll be waiting," he laughed. "I love you. Call me if you need anything."
"Love you too. Talk soon," she promised, before ending the call.
She drove back to Brooke's place feeling guilty. She'd just gotten married and left her husband alone in their home on the same day so she could comfort her ex-boyfriend. Why couldn't she stop thinking that there was nowhere else in the world she could imagine being?
----
She returned to Brooke's to find a note on the table in the hallway, explaining that everyone was meeting at Nathan and Haley's that afternoon to help Lucas with funeral arrangements.
She took a quick shower and found a first aid kit to tend to her leg and put on a new bandage. She threw on a pair of jeans and a plain grey tee shirt. She blow dried her hair quickly and pulled it into a pony tail. She knew that her wardrobe choice would be similar to everyone else's. A coat of mascara and some lip balm, and she was out the door, bracing herself as she drove for whatever hostility was sure to come her way from Haley.
Walking into the Scott household felt similar to walking into the lion's den. She tapped lightly on the door before pushing it open and following the voices she heard coming from the living room. Lucas was the first to notice her, and greeted her with a genuine smile and a nod, and Brooke moved over to give Peyton room to sit next to her on the sofa. Nathan walked over to her and wrapped her into a tight hug.
Haley shot daggers at her husband and at Brooke, but the smile on Lucas' face was one that she knew could only ever be put there by one person. She would have to set aside her differences. A smile, even as faint as the one he wore, was better than the impenetrable wall he'd had up since his mother collapsed.
"We aren't doing anything," Brooke finally said, in an attempt to cut the tension in the room. "I mean, we're just kind of sitting...talking."
"Alright. I think I know how to do that," Peyton said.
Lucas laughed and the three other friends turned to look at him. It had been days since they heard the sound. Nathan and Brooke looked at each other in silent acknowledgment that calling Peyton had been the right choice.
"I remember when I was little, my mom and Dan got called out of town at the last minute and they had no one to leave me with, so after a huge argument, Dan finally let my mom call Keith. I was about 7, and I had no clue who Karen or Lucas were in relation to us," Nathan started. Apparently it was story time. Peyton was loving every second, so far. "So Keith came to the house and we played basketball all afternoon until it started to rain. I think I was better than him even then."
Lucas laughed again, knowing the statement was probably true. Peyton smiled, thinking back to the photographs she'd seen of Nathan as a small boy, hands barely big enough to hold a ball.
"He told me he couldn't cook, but that he knew the place with the best food in town, so we got into that old beat up truck of his. You know, the one with the torn interior and the broken radio?" he said with a laugh. Lucas nodded and smiled at the memory. "We drove to Karen's Café and he lifted me up onto the stool next to him at the counter. That was the first time I met Karen. I remember she smelled like cookies."
"Always smelled like cookies!" Haley added with a laugh. "I swear she had cookie perfume or something."
"She gave me soup and crackers, and even though Keith told her not to, she made me a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and chocolate shavings." He looked to his hands before speaking again. "I didn't know it at the time, but that's just who Karen was. She didn't care about history or Dan or the crappy situation he put us all in. She cared that I was a little boy who was related to her little boy. I asked her about it a couple years ago, if she remembered that day. She just winked and told me that no boy should go without..."
"Hot chocolate on a rainy day," Lucas finished with a smile. Nathan chuckled and both men nodded their heads. Clearly, it was something the woman lived by.
The five friends sat in silence for a few minutes and the only sound flowing through the room was the ticking of the clock. It was no secret that they were all reliving their fondest memories of the woman. Haley was the next to speak.
"I was about 11 when Lucas started playing basketball really seriously. Up until then, Lucas and I would do everything together, so I was always around and tagging along and pretty much living at the café or her place. You remember, Luke? I started keeping a pajamas and a change of clothes there because we'd get muddy or I'd stay over or we'd help your mom and end up covered in flour. When Lucas started going to the River Court every day, I used to go to the café and wipe down tables for her or dry dishes or do inventory. She told me I didn't have to help if I didn't want to, but I insisted that I'd rather hang out with her than my older sisters. So she told me that if I was going to help her, she had better start paying me."
"And yet, I worked in the café from the time I could walk, and it was considered part of my chores," Lucas joked, making everyone laugh.
"I told her I didn't need money. Truthfully, I just wanted to feel useful. But she would always give me a portion of her tips. So I started saving up, you know? I'd hoard all the money away. I finally decided to buy this bracelet that I wanted, and when I went to buy it, I saw this silver necklace with a heart pendant that she had told me about."
"I remember that," Lucas said with a smile. "She kept dropping hints to Keith for like, a month."
"It was more expensive than the bracelet I wanted, but I bought it anyway," Haley explained.
"And when Keith finally went to buy it, it was gone," Lucas added.
"I gave it to her the next day and she cried. That was the first time I ever saw her cry. She asked me why I'd spend my money on her, and I told her that I wanted her to have everything she wanted." Nathan smiled and put his arm around his wife, amazed still at her never ending generosity. "And she said something I'll never forget. She said 'Haley James, you are far too young to have this much love to offer.'"
"And then Keith told you that you stole his thunder," Lucas laughed. "I don't think she ever did believe that he'd gone to buy that necklace."
They all talked and laughed for another little while, just trying to be happy in the midst of such a depressing event. Swapping stories about Karen seemed to make everyone smile, remembering the woman she was.
"Peyton," Nathan said, pointing to her leg. "You're bleeding."
She looked down and saw the red seeping through her jeans. "It's nothing."
"It's not nothing," Lucas insisted, repeating his words from earlier in the day. He stood to go to the kitchen for some paper towels.
"What did you do?" Brooke asked, watching as Peyton lifted her pant leg to reveal a blood soaked bandage.
"I dropped a glass last night and got a cut. It's really not a big deal," she said, waving off Nathan's attention as he kneeled next to her. It was futile. He took the paper towels from his brother and put pressure on the wound, making her wince in pain. He wiped the blood away to see the deep gash on her leg about two inches long.
"Peyton, you need stitches for sure," Nathan informed her, looking at her with worry in his eyes.
"Nate..."
"He's right, Peyton," Haley said, speaking her first words directly to the blonde in years. "You should have it looked at."
"I'll take her," Lucas spoke up, making everyone look at him like he was crazy.
They were concerned for a few reasons. He'd spent a lot of time in the hospital in the previous days. His mother had just passed away and that's where she took her last breaths. And none of them were sure how much time the two of them should have spent together alone.
"I can go," Brooke said shakily.
"You're pale as a sheet, Brooke. You hate blood," Lucas said. "Come on. We'll take my car."
Peyton could do nothing to protest. She knew one thing - when Lucas wanted to do something, there was no changing his mind. She stood from the sofa and walked to the door, careful not to drip any blood on Nathan and Haley's floor.
"I'll call you in a bit," she promised her friends.
Haley watched until the door was shut, then turned to Brooke and Nathan. Both brunettes stood, waiting for the verbal assault they were sure was coming.
"You were right," Haley said simply with a small smile and a nod, before walking into the kitchen.
It was the last thing she had wanted to admit, but it was the truth. And as much as she wanted to hold a grudge, Lucas seemed OK with having Peyton there, so Haley knew she would have to be OK with it to. For Lucas. And for Karen.