Ryan's POV.

Chapter 5

I had no idea just staring into my ex-wife's eyes would bring back so many memories of our seven year marriage. I didn't know that I'd still feel something strong for her still. I know I shouldn't but Taylor was my first real love. The days following the divorce I had been miserable. I missed my family. I missed the way Taylor would talk even if I wasn't fully listening or when Kelsey would giggle. I missed Jory's smile and how she would kiss my cheek every morning after she woke up. I had missed a lot of Millie's infancy since Taylor lived in LA at the point of her birth. She had even made it a point to only let me visit her once in the hospital. It broke my heart to not be in that delivery room with her coaching her through the birth of our youngest daughter.

I had wanted my family back but I hadn't run after them. I had my reasons. Reasons that seemed smart to me but apparently to everyone else they were stupid and didn't make much sense. She left me. She had it all planned. She was determined and I was scared that I wouldn't be able to stop her, so I decided to just give up on us. If it made her happy to leave then I had to let her. Even though I missed her more and more with each passing day.

Weekends with my girls are never long enough. My daughters mean everything to me and I hate that Taylor thought I never put them first. Why did she think I worked so hard? I worked so my family could have everything their hearts desired. I needed them to have everything I hadn't had growing up. Things I hadn't had until I moved in with the Cohen's.

I met Rebecca Long two years ago. It was what would have been mine and Taylor's 15th anniversary. Even though I had a problem with alcohol I had decided to drown my sorrows in it. After all it worked for my parents, maybe it could work for me. I had sat down right down next to her at the bar. The age difference hadn't even come up in our entire drunken conversation. The next thing I knew we were lying on my couch naked our legs entwined together. That's when she told me she was only 23. I glanced over at he and asked for her to repeat that. I couldn't believe I was sleeping with a woman so much younger than I was. A few dates later the age difference stopped mattering.

I admit that Rebecca Long is not even close to the love of my life. That spot is and always will be reserved for my first wife. But moving on with Rebecca had made me less lonely. She was nice enough and she had a great body but she was no Taylor. I remember comparing her to Taylor at the beginning of our relationship but then I realized no one is like Taylor so I stopped caring about that.

The first time my fiancé had met my daughters I had been nervous to the point of wanting to throw up. I don't know why, though. Kelsey had been the most mad at me. She said that I wasn't supposed to be with Rebecca but I was meant to be with her mother. She's right but that's no the way things are now.

The first time I introduced Rebecca to the Cohen's hadn't been any better. Summer had that look in her eyes that she wanted to kill me. Sandy and Kirsten said that if she's who I wanted to be with then they would overlook the large age difference and the fact that she was no Taylor Townsend. Seth hadn't said much because Summer's face told enough for the both of them.

I refused to introduce my ex-wife with my current girlfriend. I had been able to avoid that up until Saturday. Afterwards Rebecca had gone on and on about how she had thought it was rude that Taylor had even come into the Cohen's home after leaving me. I had only gotten pissed off at her and locked myself in my room the rest of the night. Taylor was a sore spot for me.

Then everyone hated me when I proposed to Rebecca. She had been pressuring me lately to make our relationship more secure. I figured asking her to move in was enough. It was difficult to share my house again with someone other than Taylor and my girls but it was nice to have another body around even if she was annoying to be around at times. I'm still not sure I want to marry Rebecca but I guess now that I proposed I have to go through with it. No backing out now.

The look on Taylor's face when she asked me if I was marrying Rebecca had killed me but she had no right to even ask those questions. This was my decision just like her divorcing me was her decision.

"Ryan, come to bed." I was broken from my thoughts by Rebecca. I was sitting in my home office. I glanced at the clock. 3 am. "I'm lonely." She pouted. I hated when she did that. Only Taylor's pout would ever get to me. This woman's pout just pissed me off.

"In a minute." I shrugged.

"No, now. I'm tired and I really can't sleep alone so come on!" She walked over to where I was sitting and plopped down on my lap. She looked at my desk and picked up the picture I was looking at an hour before. It was when my family was whole. Taylor was holding a one year old Millie while Kelsey's small hand was in hers. I had my arm wrapped around her waist pulling her close to me. It had been a perfect day with the Cohen's. I'm pretty sure Sandy had taken the picture. The only person in that picture that wasn't there was Millie. "Give it up, Ry. I don't even see what you saw in that bitch."

"Don't start, Rebecca. I was only looking at that because of Kelsey and Jory." I lied. I had really been looking at the picture trying to remember when was the last time Taylor was truly happy with our family and our marriage. I hadn't gotten that far remembering before my mind had drifted to other things.

"Sure." I could tell she was rolling her eyes.

"Come on." I urged her off of my lap and grabbed her hand.

"Thank you, baby." She squeezed my hand tightly. "Love you." She kissed my cheek.

"No problem." I say. I still have a problem with telling her I love her but sometimes I slip it in.

Once I'm in bed with my arms wrapped around the wrong woman, I can't sleep. I think about my conversation with Kelsey earlier and how she didn't want to spend the summer with me. I figured it was about Taylor, that she didn't want to leave her mother but my problem is Taylor didn't mind leaving me so why should I care to take the girls from her? Although, I do feel bad about taking them the whole summer. I feel bad that she has to stay there alone when I know I shouldn't. but I can't help it.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" Rebecca whispers. I grip her waist tighter pulling her closer to me. It's not working.

"Just thinking." I say kissing the top of her head.

"About?" She asks.

"The girls." Not particularly lying.

"Your demons." She laughed a little.

"They aren't that bad." I tell her.

"Yes, they are." She huffs. I hate when she says how she doesn't like the girls. My girls mean so much to me.

"Go to sleep." I finally say annoyed by this talk we're having.

"Night." She sounds pissed off but I could care less.