The sun pouring through the windows of the room Peyton woke up in offered escape, for a brief moment, from the reality of everything that was going on. For a moment, she forgot that she was a newlywed, separated by dire circumstance from her husband. She forgot that this day, 6 years ago, was the day everything changed, creating a domino effect that would shake her world. She forgot that Karen was gone and Lucas was breaking.

But the moment was gone as quickly as it came, and she placed her feet on the floor, wiped the sleep from her eyes, and walked into Brooke's empty kitchen. She found a note next to the coffee maker and as she looked at the clock, she realized she'd slept in far later than she had expected.

P. Sawyer. Had a meeting I couldn't reschedule. Back by 1:00 and we'll go to Naley's. Help yourself to anything you need. Love you. Brooke.

Peyton stood for a moment, relishing in the silence. It had been a while since she felt it. The past few days had been such a whirlwind of emotions and events, that she hadn't had much time to herself, save for the previous day when she cried on the couch for well over an hour. She remembered the date and closed her eyes, silently begging whoever was listening to just let her get through the day.

She left the coffee to brew while she got dressed, once again in jeans and a simple sweater, and pulled her hair up in a messy bun. She grabbed her computer, thinking she could bury herself in her work for a couple hours, like she always did when she was trying to avoid her emotions. It usually worked. Today was no different.

She sat at the counter in Brooke's kitchen, sipping coffee and answering emails, looking over proposals and contracts. She sent Julian an email that she knew would make him laugh and maybe miss her just a little more. Sure enough, about 10 minutes later, she got a reply telling her how much he hated being alone in their house, and how he put on one of the albums that she loved and he hated, just to fill the silence. He told her he'd called Nathan and left a message for her with him regarding some paperwork that had been dropped off at their door. At the end of his email, he told her again to call him if she needed anything, and that he was thinking of her, knowing how hard this day was for her.

She missed him terribly. Just the every day things. Something as simple as him using the same mug each morning for his coffee. Or the way he drove her crazy by leaving his shoes in the middle of the hallway when he came home from work. She'd come to love all the little idiosyncrasies that made him, him.

She finally abandoned her computer and moved to the sofa with some of the paperwork she'd brought from L.A. She'd contemplated playing some music, but the silence wouldn't last, she knew, so she opted not to fill it with sound.

Haley walked through the door of Brooke's house knowing that the brunette wouldn't be home, and she'd have a chance for some one-on-one time with Peyton. After hearing what she had heard the night before, she knew that it was time to put the past behind them. If recent events taught her anything, it was that life was short. Too short to alienate someone that you cared about because of things that had happened in the past. If Lucas had gotten past it, so could Haley.

Peyton turned around expecting to see Brooke, but instead saw Haley. She wasn't entirely sure what to expect, but she couldn't handle a shouting match, she knew that much.

"I thought you could use a friend," Haley said softly as she sat next to Peyton on the sofa.

"You bring Brooke or Nathan with you?" Peyton bit out curtly. It was a low blow, she realized, when Haley sighed and looked to her hands.

"I guess I deserved that," she admitted.

"And then some," Peyton added. She knew that now was the time to let it all out. All the anger and frustration she felt towards Haley. And as angry and hurt as she was at the woman, Peyton had to give her credit for making the first move.

"I know," Haley conceded. "Brooke reminded me that this was the day that..."

"I know you will always pick Lucas over everyone else, other than Nathan," Peyton interrupted, still unable to hear the words she knew Haley was going to say. Her tone wasn't angry, but it conveyed the hurt. "But you weren't there for me when I needed you. You cut me out at the worst possible time. Out of all the people in the world I thought might help me, you were the one. And you turned your back on me."

"I didn't understand why you did it," Haley offered.

"You didn't ask!" Peyton shouted. "I get that Lucas is your best friend and I would never ask you to pick sides. If he had told you not to talk to me, I would understand. But he didn't. You made that choice."

"Maybe I was wrong to do that, Peyton," Haley began, slightly surprised by the sudden outburst. "But I had just had Jamie, and my hormones were all over the place, and I just didn't get how you could do it."

"I was just a kid, Haley. I was young and scared and living so far away. I didn't know how to tell tell him."

"It was his baby!" Haley insisted softly. "You know he would have helped you through it."

"Maybe so. You don't know the details," Peyton said, shaking her head.

"Tell me," Haley demanded gently. "Give me the details, Peyton."

Peyton sat for a moment, wondering if this particular can of worms needed to be opened again - or if she had the strength to relive it. Haley placed her hand over Peyton's reassuringly, and she knew she needed her friend back. She needed Haley, as much as she'd tried to prove that she didn't over the past several years.

"You remember when he came to visit me that September? Right before his season started?" Peyton asked, and continued at Haley's nod. "That's when it happened. We hadn't seen each other since June and I guess we just got...carried away. It was stupid and irresponsible, but it happened, you know? But I was thinking about it afterward, and I was on the pill so I thought we were OK. That weekend was amazing. It was too short, but we didn't leave my apartment the whole time. It just felt like it used to - the two of us holed away from everyone else."

"He told me that he wished he could have stayed longer," Haley said with a smile, remembering her best friend returning from the trip happier than she'd seen him since his girlfriend had left town.

"After that weekend, any doubts I had were gone. It was me and Lucas, you know? We were going to make it work," Peyton explained. "I found out about 6 weeks later."

"All by yourself," Haley whispered. She was thinking about how terrifying that would be. She'd had Brooke and Karen when she found out. Peyton had no one.

"I wasn't even 19. And I knew I had to tell Lucas, but we hadn't talked about kids or what would happen if I got pregnant. I was scared that he'd feel like he was Dan or something, and I knew that would kill him."

"Peyton, Lucas wants to be a dad more than anything," Haley insisted.

"Yeah, now he does! He was a college freshman whose girlfriend lived 3,000 miles away from him. Hardly the best news I could have given him," Peyton said.

"You know he would have gone to you though," Haley explained.

"I know. But that's exactly what I didn't want," Peyton said, letting a tear fall from her eye as she spoke. "I didn't want him to give up school or coaching or being with you guys and Jamie. I couldn't do that to him."

"You make it sound like those things were more important to him than you and your child," Haley said, shaking her head in disbelief. She knew that it was the furthest thing from the truth.

"I obviously knew I had to tell him," she said softly, barely able to keep her emotions in check. "I was at work and my boss finally invited me to a meeting with this producer they were trying to secure for one of our artist's albums. It was across the city, so we got into his car and he drove."

Peyton couldn't stop the sob that escaped her mouth. Haley's heart broke at the sound. She was terrified of what was going to come next in the story, but she needed to know. Lucas hadn't given her any of the details - he never talked about it. He couldn't.

"It's OK," Haley whispered, trying to get ahold of her own emotions. Her maternal instincts kicked in and she began rubbing her hand in circles on Peyton's back. "What happened?"

"We were going through an intersection and someone turned left in front of us. It was horrible. The first thing I told the paramedics was that I was pregnant, and my boss just about lost his mind, he was so worried. That was the moment when I realized that I wanted that baby. I mean, there was never a time when I considered not having it. But in that moment, I knew I loved it already." More tears trailed her cheeks and Haley handed her a tissue and encouraged her to continue. "Other than cuts and bruises, I was fine. I thought the baby would be fine, too."

"Peyton," Haley whispered, shedding tears of her own. She hadn't known any of the details. She was overcome with guilt for not taking the care to listen 6 years earlier.

"I was almost three months. They told me the impact was just too much," Peyton sobbed. Haley didn't hesitate to pull her friend into her arms. And she was sure she could call her that again. Her friend. She realized how horrible it had been to cut contact when she didn't know the whole story.

"Why didn't you tell anyone right away?" Haley asked as the two broke apart.

"I don't know. The only person who knew was my boss, and he felt so guilty that he could barely look at me. I changed jobs a month later because we just couldn't be around each other. I didn't blame him, but he blamed himself. I knew Lucas would be so mad and just...hurt. How do you do that? Tell your boyfriend that the baby he didn't know about was dead?" she asked through her tears.

"He wouldn't have been mad," Haley assured her.

"But he was," Peyton insisted.

"Honey, he was mad because you didn't let him help you. He was mad because you shut him out and pushed him away. He didn't get to mourn the loss of the baby, and by the time he found out about it, you didn't want to talk about it any more," Haley explained.

"He was just so angry the whole time I was here. That Christmas was horrible." Peyton took a sip of water before tucking her legs beneath her on the couch.

"That's why you left early? Because Lucas was mad?" Haley moved so she was sitting on the coffee table so she could look Peyton in the eye as they spoke.

"He wouldn't look at me, Haley. He barely talked to me. He didn't ask how I was or anything. He treated me like I had lied to him or something. I just didn't know how to tell him until then. That first night I was here, he kissed my stomach like he always did, and I just broke down and told him everything. It wasn't supposed to be like that for us, you know?" Peyton sobbed.

"He just needed time," Haley insisted.

"Is that why he didn't call me for three weeks?" Peyton asked, getting irritated. "Three weeks without a word."

"What did he say when he did call?" Haley asked, unsure if she wanted to hear the answer.

"He said he didn't know how I could keep that from him. I said that I was going to tell him, but when I lost the baby I thought it might be better if he didn't know. He said everything was different and he needed time to think about things," Peyton said. "He said he could never look at me the same."

"I guess I can understand that," Haley muttered. She could understand it, but she was less than proud at how her best friend had handled the situation.

"Why? What was so different? I was scared and so depressed and I needed him. And he basically called me a liar and told me I was a different person to him. So I told him if that was what he thought about me, then maybe we should take a break. He got even angrier about that, even though it was basically what he was getting at in the first place. He said that if I didn't want to be with him, then a break wouldn't do any good."

"Peyton..."

"He broke my heart even more. I needed him and he pushed me away, not the other way around," Peyton explained.

"Peyton," Haley said, wiping the tears from her face. "I'm so sorry. I was terrible to you."

"It's OK. You have loyalty to Lucas."

"No. You were my friend and you needed me, and I wasn't there for you," Haley insisted sadly. Peyton slipped her hands into Haley's and there was an unspoken forgiveness there. What happened had happened, but this was their new beginning. They finally understood each other.

Nathan walked in the house to see the two women in tears. He hadn't expected his wife and Peyton to even be speaking, nor did he expect whatever drama was going on at that moment. Both girls spun to see who had walked through the door, and he offered them a weak smile.

"Water under the bridge," Peyton said, turning back to Haley, and feeling the corners of her lips tugging slightly skyward. The two shared a hug as Nathan stood uncomfortably. He never really knew how to act with crying women, though he'd seen enough of them in his time.

"Peyton," Nathan spoke after a moment. "Julian called the house for you. Something about a contract someone sent to your place."

"Your boyfriend?" Haley asked. She knew, courtesy Nathan's inability to keep his voice down while he talked on the phone, that Peyton had been seeing someone for a few years.

"Um," Peyton stuttered. Dammit, she had to tell the truth. "Yeah...about that..."

"You two broke up?!" Nathan asked hurriedly. He had met the man once, while on a trip he and Brooke took to L.A. to visit. He hadn't been crazy about the guy at first, but Peyton seemed happy, so he kept his mouth shut. Eventually, he realized that Julian was a good man, he just wasn't Lucas, so Nathan's original opinion had been biased.

Was it too late to back out of this? Could she just cover it up with something else? Say they were engaged? No. She owed it to Julian - the man she loved - to tell the truth.

"Actually," Peyton began. "He's my husband."

The silence that followed wasn't exactly a comfortable one. Haley looked up at Nathan, questioning without words how he could keep that from her. His only response was to shrug his shoulders and shake his head. He walked around the couch to sit next to Peyton and looked at her expectantly.

"When the hell did that happen?" he finally asked.

"Monday," she admitted quietly. The looks exchanged told her she needed to explain. "We just woke up and he said he wanted to marry me. We got dressed and went to City Hall."

"Who else knows?" Haley asked. What she was really asking was, 'does Lucas know?'

"Including you guys? You guys."

"Why aren't you wearing a ring? Why didn't you tell anyone?" Nathan asked.

She stood and grabbed her purse off the counter, fishing the gleaming platinum band out and holding it up to show her friends.

"I don't want him to know. I know it sounds so self-absorbed to think that it would hurt him more than he's already hurting, but I don't want him to know just in case," she rambled as she sat back down. She didn't have to say his name for them to know who 'he' was.

"I think you're right. He shouldn't find out right now. Not with...everything. It's just too much," Nathan insisted.

"I know," Peyton said softly. "I feel horrible keeping it a secret, though. I want to wear the ring and be with him. But you guys need me here. I need you guys, too." Nathan and Haley both nodded.

Haley could think of only a few things. Peyton was more concerned about hurting Lucas than most exes would be, even in the situation. She also knew that knowing Peyton was married would destroy Lucas' already fragile heart. It had only taken five minutes in the presence of the two blondes the night before to see that there was more to their relationship than either of them would admit to; perhaps they weren't even aware of it.

"Lucas is going to be leaning on you, you know that," Haley said. "For some reason, you're the only one who can help him through this stuff."

"Try not to sound too bitter, there, Hales," Nathan teased, earning himself a slap to the leg as both women laughed.

"We all need each other, right?" Peyton said, looking directly at Haley, a weak smile breaking on her lips.

Brooke walked in on the sentimental moment and stopped in the middle of the doorway. She didn't know what the hell was going on, but her two best friends had tearstained faces. She was thankful that Nathan was there to play mediator, but upon closer inspection, she noticed the small smiles and felt the relief wash over her, knowing that the two women she cared most about in the world had reconciled their differences.

Haley waved Brooke over and she smiled widely and let out an excited squeal before diving across Nathan and Peyton's laps, making them groan and laugh before she sat up and squirmed to sit between them. Haley leaned forward and the four of them shared a long overdue group hug.

But there was someone missing, and it seemed they all realized it at the same time.

"Peyton," Haley started. "Maybe you should go track Lucas down."

"Why me?" she asked.

"Because you have like, spidey senses when it comes to finding him!" Haley said, making them all laugh again.

"OK. I'll go. Any message to relay?" she asked as she stood and grabbed her bag.

"I talked to my lawyer," Brooke said. "He's going to look over the will and everything and go over the business stuff. It's not urgent, but Luke needs to decide what he's doing. Maybe just let him know that he's got to think about it at some point."

Peyton nodded before leaving the house again. She took the ring from where she'd put it in the pocket of her jeans, and zipped it back into the inside pocket of her purse. She felt guilty for feeling so good given the circumstances, but she knew that Karen had wanted she and Haley to end their long-running feud, and it only seemed fitting that they end it now, when she had inadvertently brought them back together. Sitting in her car, she spoke aloud to the woman, apologizing for taking so long to clear the air.

----

He was exactly where she expected him to be, and she had to laugh to herself remembering Haley's words. Maybe she did have a sixth sense when it came to Lucas.

She walked up the steps of his childhood home and took a deep breath, completely unsure about what state he'd be in when she saw him.

He offered a weak smile when he heard her walk in, but inside, he was just happy that she had been the one to come. He was laying on the sofa with his right hand behind his head and his left resting on his chest, and the sounds of John Coltrane flowing through the room. He wasn't doing anything else. Just listening.

"Her favourite," Peyton smiled, sitting herself down on the floor next to the sofa.

"She loved it," he laughed. "When I was a kid, I'd complain about it. She gave me the biggest hug the day I told her I actually liked it."

"You mean after I explained to you how and why Coltrane was so amazing?" Peyton teased. He just laughed and shook his head, knowing she was right.

The two sat through I'm Old Fashioned without speaking. 7 minutes and 58 seconds without words. Just Coltrane's smooth lines stimulating their senses.

"How are you?" he asked.

The question caught her off guard. She should have been the one to ask him that, not the other way around. She knew what he was referring to, however. They had never been together for this warped anniversary. He had never called her, though Nathan had told her that Lucas always asked how she had been, knowing his brother would have talked to her.

"I'm...dealing," she said honestly. He just nodded.

"Peyton," he said, barely above a whisper.

"Yeah?" Her gaze moved from the floor to his eyes, and she noticed he was tearing up again. She almost wished she hadn't looked. She couldn't stand to see him hurting.

"I'm sorry."

He had never said it. Not in the years since they had been apart. He'd never spoken those words to her, though she'd wanted for so long to hear them. All she'd wanted was to hear his voice tell her he was sorry and that he was wrong to react the way he had. She'd given up hope after a while, and no longer held a grudge. She knew he'd only reacted the way he had because he was hurt and scared and confused.

But it still made her feel good to hear him say it now.

"Me too." She managed to choke back the sob that was threatening to escape.

"I wish I could have saved you from it," he admitted, sitting up and taking her hand to pull her onto the couch next to him. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

"You went through it, too," she pointed out sadly. Suddenly all the guilt she felt originally for having not told him sooner had flooded back.

"It's not the same," he said, shaking his head. "You know, my whole life I've been trying so hard not to be like Dan. And then I did the same thing he did."

"Lucas..."

"No, I did," he insisted. "I walked away from someone who loved me because I was selfish."

"Luke, if I had just told you right away..."

"But you were scared," he interrupted again, taking her hand in his again. "You were alone and all I talked about was coaching and writing. I didn't understand why you kept it from me at the time. But I understand now. I just want you to know that I am not proud of how I acted."

"Me neither," she said quietly.

"Come here," he said, pulling her into a hug. He kissed her hair before he released her and he wiped her eyes with his thumb before he wiped his own. He wasn't ashamed or embarrassed to cry in front of her. She soothed him. She settled into his side and he draped his arm over her shoulder to pull her closer to him. They weren't sure how long they sat like that, just holding each other and breathing together with jazz in the background.

"You ever wonder what would have happened if..." she started.

"All the time," he nodded sadly.

"Me too," she whispered for the second time since arriving.

She loved Julian, she did. But she'd be lying if she said she had never thought about what her life would have been like if she hadn't lost the baby. Or if she'd just told Lucas right away when she discovered she was pregnant.

And for a brief, fleeting moment, born out of guilt or grief or the comfort of being with the man next to her, she wished that he was the one she'd married.

And then the moment was gone.