I'm back! This chapter is going to cover the time from chapter one to chapter seventeen. Since I don't really feel like telling seventeen chapters from Leona's point of view a lot of stuff is going to get omitted or glossed over for the sake of not repeating myself. If you want it might be a good idea to re-read the earlier chapters if you don't remember what happened earlier in the story.

Disclaimer: I am merely borrowing C. S. Lewis' charming characters and world, and will eventually return them. The only thing that is mine is the plot.

Disclaimer 2: If this story in any way resembles any other fanfiction it is by complete accident, as I go out of my way to avoid reading fanfictions that resemble mine until mine are completed. My apologies to any other great minds.

Author's note: This story is set pre-, during- and post- The Last Battle. I am a first time fanfiction writer and any reviews are appreciated.

Chapter 27: Leona's story: Free to love

Leona woke slowly, lying on the hard wooden pew of an old church in London. Prowler was nowhere to be seen, but she knew he would find her when he'd finished his own exploring. The preacher found her all alone and after discovering the reticent girl had nowhere to live, offered to let her stay at the church and helped find her a job across London at a bakery near a college.

The job was fairly simple; help bake the various breads, pastries and rolls, man the shop and wait on customers. It was refreshing to deal with simple day-to-day life after the action her life had been full of for so long in Narnia.

It felt odd to be around so many young people. Since the bakery was right next to a college campus most of the customers were in their early twenties. Regardless of her true age, over two thousand, Leona never seemed to really grow up past the age she was when she became Guardian at twenty-one. It was almost surreal watching them. They were so different from their Narnian counterparts, yet their behavior seemed completely natural. She supposed that people really were the same no matter where they are and where they are from. As long as she kept that in mind and kept her head down until she got a good grasp on the environment she had no difficulties in blending in.

An un-looked for aspect of her newfound home was the influx of young men. It seemed like not more than a day or two went by without some young man flirting idly with her. The attention was rather flattering at first but as she would watch their behavior the gallantry seemed fake. Not one seemed able to balance their flirtation with respect and she started finding more stringent ways of informing her would-be swains that she was not interested. One young man in particular was unusually persistent, but his cheerful manner and good-natured teasing made up for his inability to take "no" for an answer.

"So, what are you looking for in a man?" Anthony asked her.

Having found it was easiest with Anthony to simply answer his questions rather than avoiding them, Leona said, "A gentleman, someone who is noble and honorable without being arrogant." She thought a little more about the question. She had considered this question off and on for centuries and had finally solidified her dream. "Someone who is willing to treat me like a lady and help me fight my battles, without treating me like a china doll or a child. A knight in shining armor if you like to call it that."

He leaned against the counter and grinned at her. "I can be a knight in shining armor if you like."

She cocked an eyebrow at him skeptically. "Not to put too fine a point on it, your 'armor' is rusty and you're no knight!"

Rather than being insulted, Anthony threw his head back and roared with laughter. Looking down at his disheveled clothing and haphazard manner, he said, "I suppose you're right. . . I guess I'm simply not the man for you." His face became serious all of a sudden as a thought seemed to strike him. "But maybe I know someone who is. . ."

Leona was in the back of the shop, wiping down the large wooden table when she heard the bell on the door tinkle merrily as someone entered.

"Leona, are you here?" a voice called from the shop. She thought that it sounded like Anthony, and when she tossed the rag into the sink and entered the shop she saw that she was right. But Anthony was not alone. Another man was with him who she had never remembered seeing before; handsome with dark blond hair. He looked vaguely familiar, but if he was a student at the college she'd probably seen him walking the streets.

With a grin, Anthony drew her out from behind the counter and introduced her to his friend.

"Peter, meet Leona," he said, cheerfully. The other man, Peter, politely smiled and shook her hand with a murmured hello.

With an exuberant manner, Anthony began to list his friend's virtues, much to the mounting annoyance of said friend. "See what I mean, Leona! Is he not noble? A true Knight in Shining Armor! The epitome of chivalry!" Anthony gushed.

Looking at Peter but talking to Anthony, Leona replied, "He is indeed noble featured, but do his actions match?" Taking a chance, she sank into a curtsy. She looked this strange man in the eye and silently offered him a challenge. Prove that you are as noble and chivalric as your friend claims, the look said. Show me that you are a true gentleman. If he didn't rise to her challenge she would know that this was just another modern boy who was set in his ways and he would not be Narnian enough for her tastes. She liked modern England well enough, but she wanted a true gentleman, and this world seemed to have a different definition of the word than what she considered a gentleman to be. On the other hand, she thought as Peter matched her curtsy with an elegant bow of his own, maybe this Peter is gentleman enough for me after all!

Leona never intended to fall in love with Peter Pevensie. She had spend over two thousand years intentionally not falling in love with anyone! But, somehow every visit that man made to the bakery had her going from a mild flirtation, which was the most she intended to allow her heart to indulge in, to something more intense and deep. He brought out a side of her that she rarely let emerge; herself. For longer than she cared to remember, she had always been playing a role as the Guardian. Sometimes living as a spy, other times just as a bard, but never as just herself. There was no need for roles here, and Peter seemed to delight in finding more and more about her, her opinions and thoughts. Not the thoughts or opinions of whoever she was masquerading as, but hers. She never had to hide herself from him, just any information that would indicate she was from another world. She didn't think she'd ever felt this free.

She wasn't sure when she truly started falling in love with him. She realized that her feelings for him were more than simple affection when she was trapped in her own kitchen while Peter fought the villain, Gerard Conroy. She was more frightened for Peter's safety than her own, despite having still had nightmares about High Priest Hador's spell holding her helpless. Later she thought that the sensation of being trapped and at the mercy of a killer would have sent her tumbling helplessly into flashbacks, but her fears for Peter's life had driven any thought of her own plight out of her mind until hours after. When he asked for permission to court her, she wasn't sure what insane part of her mind told him yes. She was terrified that it would never work out, until she finally gave in and let her heart go. If she needed to beg Aslan to let her stop being the Guardian, so be it. He had promised her that if she fell in love and wanted to give up her position and become mortal she could. There was hope, so she embraced it with all her strength.

Peter's invitation to visit his family for Christmas was not completely unexpected, but she was very grateful not to have to spend Christmas all alone except for Prowler. Automatically, she arranged to come after the 22, the anniversary of her families' deaths. It was habit for her to take the day to herself on those years she remembered what the day meant. She knew she would remember this year. A couple of nights before she had woke weeping from a dream of that horrible day. There was no chance of forgetting the meaning of December 22nd this year...

A miserable, depressing 22nd later, she was making herself put the day and the memories behind her for a while, and taking a train to Canterbury to pick up Peter's Christmas present. She had found the beaten-up old sword at an estate sale and had found a sword smith in Canterbury who would restore it. The trip wasn't very long, but it occupied the time until she needed to close up her flat and head to the train station again to meet Peter in Finchley.

Her time with Peter and his family was vastly enjoyable, but she started to get a feeling that there was more to the Pevensie family than met the eye. They seemed to share a secret, and they all had an air about them that was unusually royal, and almost. . . Narnian. But, that surely wasn't possible. All but the eldest daughter, Susan, shared a love of things romantic and noble, perhaps that was all she was seeing in them. Susan was different. She was a modern girl, enjoying the rounds of parties and dances, living simply in the moment and almost shunning the company of her siblings. Leona liked her though, there was something about her that inspired confidences and an opportunity to just be a young woman. She was a girl friend that Leona could relax around and simply be frivolous with without being thought immature or silly. It was unbelievably refreshing, yet she could sense there was more to Susan than met the eye as well. But sensing the other girls wish to be left alone on the subject, she never pried.

The holiday was drawing to a close. The 3rd of January they would all head back to their various schools and Leona would go back to her work in the bakery. There was to be a dance on New Year's Eve and everyone was eagerly looking forward to it.

Halfway through the afternoon, Leona felt a blinding headache come on and went upstairs to lie down, hoping it would go away before it was time to get ready for the dance. As she slipped off to sleep, she felt a sudden sense of foreboding.

She walked along the beach outside Cair Paravel. The wind was strong and the water ran up in waves at her feet. Aslan was standing stationary ahead of her and she walked toward him.

"You are to come back, Guardian," he said.

The part of her that knew this was no mere dream gasped in horror. Her hopes and dreams crumbled at her feet like sand castles melting in the tide. "Must I? But, I love Peter! I. . . I don't want to be the Guardian if it means I must lose him!"

Aslan was implacable and paid no mind to her pleas. "Be at the church you arrived in England in by midday on the 4th of January. You must not spend so much as another night with the Pevensies. You have tonight to say your goodbyes."

"No! Please!" she cried, desperately trying to make the Lion change his mind. Despair and panic crowded in on her thoughts. She had built her entire relationship with the man she loved on Aslan's word that he would not stop her from finding love. "You promised me that if I ever fell in love and wanted to marry I could! I don't understand. You promised!!" She screamed the last sentence at the lion as she fell to her knees at his feet, pleading.

Aslan continued, unyielding. "You may not give Peter Pevensie any reason as to your departure. Simply tell him you must go. You do not belong in this world. It is time to come home."

With a flash of light, he vanished, leaving her sobbing on her knees in the sand, the surf lapping at her legs, unnoticed in her misery. She thought for a moment on disobeying, simply staying with Peter and ignoring the summons, but she knew that she would be in that church as commanded. She loved Peter too much to build their life together on an act of wanton disobedience to her lord. And she loved Aslan to much to disobey an outright command, no matter what it cost her. Clutching the lion necklace Peter had given her for Christmas in her hand hard enough to leave marks, she stayed bowed over her knees letting her tears mingle with the waves until she woke in the Pevensie's house, tears still coursing down her cheeks.

She managed to keep up a facade of normality throughout most of the evening and threw herself into party with an almost desperate merriment. She could tell Peter suspected something, but couldn't bring herself to say goodbye until the last possible moment. There was still a chance she could convince Aslan to let her come back to England and be with Peter. She could never stop hoping that they would be able to be together or she would break completely from the grief. She would not lose the man she loved, but neither could she disobey a direct command from Aslan. All she could do was hope and pray she could convince Aslan to change his mind.

Peter spend most of his time dancing with her and she clung to him a bit longer and harder than she would usually have done. He looked at her strangely, but didn't comment.

After a beautiful dance that Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy did together that reminded her poignantly of Narnian summers and dryads dancing in the fields, the band stopped and started mingling with the crowd. Leona was standing next to Peter, when a hand grabbed her elbow.

"Leona!" the band leader exclaimed. "We haven't seen you in forever! I had thought you had moved."

"No, Sara," Leona said with a little laugh. "I just found other things to do."

Peter looked a bit confused, and Leona rushed to introduce him. "Oh, Peter, this is Sara. I used to sing with her band every so often, before I met you." Since Peter had often needed to concentrate on his studies she would meet up with the small local band and sing with them for extra money or sometimes just so she didn't have to sit in her flat with nothing to do but think.

Peter cordially shook hands with Sara. "Hello! I didn't know that I was taking Leona away from you, or I would have insisted that she spend time with you."

"It's alright," Sara said. "She would just come and sing every so often for us." Sara turned to Leona. "You must sing tonight!"

Leona made noises of protest, but Sara would not be budged. "We will not play another note, unless you sing first."

Leona didn't particularly feel like singing, but didn't want to make a fuss. "What would you like me to sing?"

Sara thought for a moment. "That one song that you told us you wrote! I can't remember all the words, but the tune was beautiful." Sara hummed a few notes and Leona nodded, recognizing the song. She had wrote it just after coming back from England for the first time. It was about her role as the Guardian, standing alone, yet until now, never regretting it.

"I suppose that is as good a song to say good-bye with as any," she said.

She accepted the guitar from it's owner and sat down on a chair someone brought her. After a few chords of introduction she started to sing. Her song was that of a person standing alone; in the face of danger, adventure or even death was left to the audience to decide. The song was to the loved one's left behind, with a command to not weep for the heroine, for she knew what she was facing and faced it willingly. She sang of hope, resignation, and a willingness to face the world alone if need be. The words could be lonely, but at first Leona's voice was filled with hope.

As the song went on, she threw more and more of her heart into it and tears started running down her cheeks. She didn't want to stand alone, she wanted Peter by her side from now until the end of time and beyond. But she was being called back to the lamppost. . .

As the music built to a crescendo she looked up from her flying hands, and she met Peter's eyes. She started to sing again, but the song had changed. The heroine was no longer facing the hazard without fear, but with the knowledge of a soldier before a battle, seeing the enemy charging towards her. There was fear and pain in her voice and as she sang a farewell, there was dismay and grief in the song. The hero may still be resigned and willing, but she did not want to face the danger alone, did not want to bear the burden by herself, but knew that she must. She stood alone.

Letting her fingers still, she vaguely heard the audience applauding her, but as she felt Peter's arms wrap around her in comfort the world faded away to include nothing but him. Embarrassed for crying in public she started apologizing, but he hushed her and led her away to a side niche where they could speak privately.

"Are you alright?" Peter asked. "Why are you crying?"

She looked up at him and her tried to find the words to let him know what was wrong. She moved her mouth but said nothing for a moment, then she finally managed to speak. "I'm so sorry, Peter. I have to leave."

Peter's face grew pale. "What do you mean? Did you want to go back to the house?"

She knew that if she didn't tell him now she would never have the courage, so she went on talking. "I thought we would have plenty of time together, but... I was wrong. I was wrong."

Peter looked alarmed now. "Leona, I don't understand. What are you saying?"

"I can't stay," she whispered, tears still streaming down her cheeks. But, she was determined to leave a little hope in both him and herself. "But I will come back. I will return as soon as I can."

Peter grabbed her shoulders. "Leona, you're frightening me! Where are you going?"

She gave a despairing little laugh. "I can't tell you..." Suddenly, it all was very real now that the time had come to say goodbye. She muttered, "I can't do this..."

Peter gave her a little shake and her face hardened. She reached up and kissed him, hard, trying to memorize his taste and his smell. She knew she would never forget his face.

"No matter what happens, I want you to remember one thing, Peter Pevensie. I love you, and that will never change. I will love you past the point when time has any meaning. I will return. Remember!"

She kissed him again, then, before he could stop her, pulled out of his grasp and slipped into the crowd, heading toward the door. She knew Peter would try to follow her, so she hurried through the building and flagged down a cab at the street corner.

After a quick trip to the Pevensie's house for her luggage, she had the cab take her to the local church where she hid until the next afternoon, then caught the quickest train back to London. By the time she got back to her flat it was past dark and all she could do was collapse on her bed and cry.

The next day was spent dispersing the few things that she had accumulated during her time in England and closing up the flat. She visited Mr. Marker at the bakery and quit her job, asking him despairingly to not tell Peter that he had seen her. She felt guilty for not giving Mr. Marker details because she knew that he would think Peter had hurt her, but she could think of no other way to stop Peter following her. This was hard enough without having to worry about meeting up with him before she left England.

It was midmorning on January 3rd by the time she had gotten Prowler into the cat basket and had met the train for the trip across London. The train had stopped for what was expected to be at least a half hour while they cleared the tracks of ice. She had a finger through the holes of the wickerwork basket and was petting Prowler when a voice called her name.

"Leona?" Lucy asked in disbelief.

Leona turned her head with a start. "Lucy? What are you doing here?"

"I could ask the same of you!" Lucy said sharply. "Peter's been a wreck since you left! How could you just leave like that? Shame on you! I had thought better of your character. Now that I've found you, you are going to explain to Peter what all this nonsense is about. He's waiting at the next station."


Oh, Aslan, no… This was her nightmare, to have to face the family that she so wanted to be a part of, but be unable to tell them why she was breaking Peter's heart as well as her own.

"He's here?" she softly wailed. She leaned down and picked up a cat carrier from the floor beside her. "I'm sorry, but I'll have to get off here then. I can't face him again, not so soon..."

"But, why?" Lucy burst out. "Why do you have to leave him? Peter loves you, like I've never seen him love anyone before."

Leona had silent tears flowing down her cheeks. "I don't leave because I want to, Lucy. I leave because I must."

"Why must you leave?" Lucy asked again.

"I can't tell you," Leona nearly sobbed. She turned to leave the train car.

"Answer me one question then," Lucy said. She leaned close and whispered, "Does this have anything to do with a place called Narnia?"

Leona pulled back. She knew she ought to have been surprised, but somehow it fit. The Pevensies were likely the children from another world that Aslan would bring periodically to Narnia. Now that she bothered to remember, the four royal children's names were Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy. She'd encountered the names so often in both Narnia and England that it simply hadn't occurred to her put it all together.

Lucy was still waiting for an answer, so she said simply, "Do you think anything less could keep me from Peter?"

Lucy looked stunned for a moment, and Leona took advantage of the other woman's surprise to push past her out of the car and vanish into the crowd outside.

It was a good half hour's walk from the train station to the church that she was to be in to be taken back to Narnia. She couldn't recall how she managed to get there, her mind was spinning so hard. Perhaps if Peter had been to Narnia before, she might be able to convince Aslan to let Peter come to her and she would remain the Guardian? Possibilities swarmed in her head, but hope was still tempered with pain. She had never known Aslan to take back an order once given…

She was nearly to the steps of the church, which sat next to the train station she had been intending to arrive at originally, when the voice she was both longing and fearing to hear called her name.

"Leona! LEONA!" Peter cried from behind her. She turned to look back at him, one last time, then felt her body go rigid with shock and terror. Peter's face was filled with relief and despair, but it was what was going on beyond him that held her spellbound.

The train she would have been on, and that Lucy and the others were on took the turn too fast. Flipping up off the tracks it spun in midair and then landed, skidding towards them, obliterating buildings as it went. The sheer destruction that could be caused in the space of a few seconds was astounding. She screamed as it hit a side building, and whatever was in the building exploded into gouts of flame. Flying debris overwhelmed Peter and he was lost from sight. Dust and smoke rose up in a cloud and the impact from the train landing knocked her to her knees.

Choking on the dust, she scrambled back to her feet and ran towards the place where she last saw him. The noise was incredible, the sound of fire roaring like a beast and the distant screeching of sirens as the city was alerted to the disaster.

"Peter!" she screamed. The way was blocked by burning planks and broken stone. She could hear the screams and moans of the wounded but didn't care. All that mattered was finding Peter. Struggling over shifting debris she could feel her dress catch on sharp metal fragments of the mangled train. A single thought passed through her mind for her friends who would have been on the train. There was nothing she could do for them . . . She caught sight of a single bloody hand lying limply under a sheet of metal from the train. Sobbing, she scrambled over to it and managed to pull Peter free.

She wanted to start screaming and never stop. She could tell from the misshapen look of his chest that his ribs had been crushed beyond repair and that there was nothing anyone could do to save him. Peter was dying. He opened his eyes and seemed to want to talk, but she shushed him then leaned over to kiss him. His lips were cold against hers and she knew he had only moments left. Her heart shattered to pieces within her. Was everyone she loved doomed to die and leave her alone? Her family's deaths had nearly broken her, but she knew that without Peter, she would no longer have anyone to live for.

A screeching noise had her whipping her head around as another train, unknowing of the disaster before it, also came around the curve and slammed into the earlier wreck and exploded. She threw her body over Peter in a vain attempt to protect him, when her world dissolved in a roar of fire and noise.

TBC…

Those of you wanting the lyrics to the song Leona sings , they are in the first part of chapter 16.

Author's note for chapter: Sorry this update was three months in the making… cowers from angry readers. All I can do is plead for clemency and beg that you won't hurt an injured author! (I lost a fight with some black ice Christmas Eve and now I have a brace on my knee and am missing an inch square piece of skin.) Yes, Merry Christmas to me… I will attempt never to go this long without an update, but don't be surprised if there are a couple of months between chapters. I'll try and get my inspiration flowing again, but no promises. I CAN promise that this story will never be abandoned. But, patience may be required while I get my creative juices flowing again.