Sorry for the delay.

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The Wife Swap

It's the day of the swap, and the two women pack their bags for their new lives. So what does each wife hope to gain from the swap?

Rose: "I'll find it interesting to see the life I could have had if I hadn't gone with the Doctor."

Miranda: "I really hope my family will learn to appreciate me and their life more. Once they've had some other woman living with them for 2 weeks, I know they'll be glad to have me back."

Both women say goodbye to their families and leave for their new lives.

(Shots of Rose saying goodbye to her family, and Miranda saying goodbye to hers. Both women get into limousines, which drive off.)

Rose: "Wow, this is so exciting!"

Miranda (wiping her eyes): "Oh man, I miss my family already."

(Rose's limousine pulls up to a reasonable-sized house)

Rose: "Okay, I'm here."

(Miranda's limousine pulls up to the TARDIS, which is located on an isolated spot on the edge of London.)

Miranda (getting out and looking around): "Where is it? (points towards the TARDIS) Is that it?"

Before they meet their new families, each wife gets the chance to explore their new home.

(Rose opens the door)

Rose: "Not bad. Very clean."

(A confused Miranda walks up to the TARDIS. She notices a note and ball of string attached to it.)

Miranda (reading the note): " 'Use the string so you don't get lost'. How big can this place be?"

(Miranda opens the door and steps inside. She instantly runs out again.)

Miranda: "What in the world…"

(Miranda rubs her eyes and slowly steps back in. She gasps, but having composed herself, takes a deep breath).

Miranda: "Okay. It's bigger on the inside. Now where did that string go…."

(Rose looks at the walls, and notices several family pictures. She sees a woman in her late 30s who obviously never lost the weight she gained when she was pregnant, a tall man with glasses and thinning dark hair, and a boy and a girl with straight blonde hair. All of them are standing straight and tall in their best clothes.)

Rose: Okay, this must be them. Is it just me, or does this picture seem a little too … perfect? Where's the fun?

(Miranda, string in hand, walks through a hallway, and notices a family picture on the wall. It shows the Doctor leaning down with his arms around Rose, and Rose with one arm around each child. Romana, on Rose's left, has shoulder-length blonde hair and green eyes. David, on the right, has messy brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. All are laughing.)

Miranda: "Shame, this picture cold have looked so much better if had had been done professionally. (She touches the side of the frame with her finger.) It also needs a good dusting."

(Rose looks into Michael's bedroom. It is completely tidy and practically bare, except for a poster on the wall of the multiplication table.)

Rose: "Oh my god. This cannot the bedroom of a child!"

(Miranda steps into Romana's room. It is fairly messy, with an array of souvenirs from various adventures placed around it.)

Miranda: "This will not do. I mean, some of these objects could poke your eye out!"

Each wife has written a household manual to act as a guide for their replacement.

(Shots of Rose and Miranda sitting down and opening up their manuals.)

Rose (reading): " 'Welcome to our home. This is the house my husband John and I have lived in since we were married, the house we have raised our children in. I am very proud of my house, and so I clean it at least every second day'. Er, how could it need cleaning that often?"

Miranda (reading): " 'Welcome to the TARDIS, which stands for Time And Relative Dimensions In Space. This is the ship that I travel through time and space in along with my husband and children'. Whoa, that is not good."

Rose: " 'Routine and order are a big part of my family, and not just on school days. Each day has a schedule, which must be stuck to'. Great."

Miranda: " 'My husband doesn't have a name that I know of. He is known to me and everyone else as "the Doctor"'. What kind of guy doesn't tell his own wife his real name? 'The Doctor is a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey, which was sadly destroyed in the Time War'. Wait … he's from another planet?!"

Rose: " 'John goes to work at the bank each day, and usually isn't home 'til late'. Ah, a workaholic. 'Because of this, I do pretty much all the home duties. I cook, I clean, I buy the groceries…'"

Miranda: " 'The TARDIS is pretty good at keeping herself clean'. Wait, did she just refer to this machine as a her? 'For this reason we don't clean very often'. Oh, you got that right. 'We're usually pretty good at keeping supplies up. We'll buy groceries maybe once a month'. No! You can't do that!"

Rose: "I believe in keeping my kids down to earth and safe. Therefore, we don't leave town very often. Any influences that might alter their perception of the world are strictly forbidden, e.g. fantasy novels'. Oh you've gotta be kidding me."

Miranda: "My daughter Romana, my son David, the Doctor and I spend our days travelling through time and space and having adventures'. Okay, people should not have "adventures". That's not the way the real world works. 'If necessary, we will interfere with events in order to bring peace to the world we're visiting'. Great, and she's putting herself and the kids' lives in danger."

Rose (closing the manual): "I don't know how I'm gonna survive here. I'll die of boredom."

Miranda: "I don't know how I'm gonna survive here. I'll probably end up being sacrificed on some alien planet!"