Hum, writing this is making my hands itch to write a sequal to Learn To Love Again, but I think i'll wait on that one...I'm just really missing writing it...anyway. lot's of dialogue this chapter. I'm planning a talk between Ryan and his daughter's next chapter...

Chapter 11

"I think it's time we talk." I twist my hands nervously as I bite down on my bottom lip. I've been sitting up in bed for the past three hours thinking about what to say. I glance at the clock and realize it's way past two am and he's probably sleeping. It's now or never. I reach over and shake his body. He mumbles something but flips around to face me. He's still sleeping. I lean over and whisper in his ear.

"What time is it?" He opens his eyes quickly.

"Time that we have that talk." I grin. He looks over me at the clock and groans. "Come on sleepy head, you've been here for almost two weeks and we haven't even talked about this." I motion between us. "I'm starting to think you're just using me." I joke raising an eyebrow at him.

"You're right. That's exactly what I'm doing." He nods but closes his eyes again.

"No, you can't sleep. If we don't do this now then we won't ever talk!" I shake him again.

"I missed this." He laughed opening his eyes again. "You used to do this when we were married."

"I guess I haven't changed much in that sense." I shrug. I watched as he sat up in bed rubbing at his eyes. He motioned for me to get closer. "Have I changed that much?" I questioned.

"Sure, we both have."

"I mean big changes? Changes like you can't stand being around me anymore." I rested my head on his chest as he leaned his head against the wall.

"If I couldn't stand you I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be here right now."

"So, that talk." I laughed nervously. "Maybe we should start with why I left."

"I know why you left, you thought I worked too much. Didn't pay attention to the girls." He said tensing up a little.

"I was scared and still young. You were never home, Ryan, I was about to have my third daughter with a man that barely acknowledged I was around. You were keeping me there for comfort, or at least that's how I was feeling."

"I was keeping you there because I loved you and our daughters. That's why I worked, Taylor. I didn't mean to become a workaholic…it just sort of happened."

"I bet you hated me after I left." I sighed.

"No, I could never hate you. I was disappointed that I didn't fight for us more. You might have been the one that left but I'm the one that let you. I shouldn't have done that." He pulled me closer as if I were going to leave him any second.

"I shouldn't have left."

"If you didn't leave then, you would have left eventually."

"How do you figure?" I looked up into his eyes.

"It's just how things work but now I'm not going to let that happen. I swear I won't let you leave me, not again."

"I don't think the girls or I could handle that. They adore you." I smiled.

"You've done an amazing job with them." He looked away. I know he felt bad for not being there through the years with them. Once again that was all my fault.

"You're a great father and I should have let you have more to do with them then just two days every two weeks. That was wrong of me, maybe I should I have stayed in Newport with them."

"We can't really change the past, so why worry about that now?"

"Ryan, I wouldn't let you watch your daughter being born. How could you not hate me?" I pulled away a little but he wouldn't have it. He just grabbed me back and pressed my body against his.

"You were hurt, I don't know if I would have been there anyway. I was hurt, too." He whispered.

"You should have been there. I'm such a terrible mom." I whispered back.

"Don't say that, because you aren't. Far from it."

"Have you seen Jory?"

"She's a little…different." He said trying to look for the right word to describe our daughter.

"Sometimes I wonder how I went wrong with that one."

"She's a strong girl, this is just a phase."

"I sure hope it's over soon, because if you have to worry about any of our daughters being sexually active so young she's the one you'll have to lock away." I smile a little. "I don't know why you're so worried about Kelsey, Ry. She's got so much strength in her, so much…of you."

"I think it's because I still see her as that little five year old…the one who used to let me hold her and read to her before she went to sleep."

"You know, after we moved here, Kelsey wouldn't let me read to her. She said that you were the only one who was allowed to read her bedtime stories and then the little five year old she was threw the book at me. I don't think I've ever cried so much." I said remembering those few months that Kelsey barely spoke to me. Even at five you could tell she was Ryan's daughter.

"She threw a book at you?"

"A few." I laughed. "There was this one time she called me a mean mommy. That was a very…weird day. Summer had come over and she and I were in the kitchen talking, Kelsey just stumped in and started yelling at me. She was six by this point. I don't even know what provoked her. I was too upset to care…I still to this day don't know what it was about."

"The first night the girls stayed with me, Kelsey cried the whole time. Jory wouldn't let me put her down and well…Millie was an infant so she was crying right along with Kelsey." He confessed. I had always wondered how things were when the girls stayed with him those first few months or even years.

"I bet that was hard. Having to take care of all three of them alone." I traced circles on his chest. "Sometimes I wonder how I even did it."

"Because you're much stronger in that sense than I am."

"How did we end up with three daughters? I thought Atwood's only had boys." I laughed raising an eyebrow at him. God, he was amazing. His eyes still held that…look…the same one they had all those years ago when we were happy and married.

"So did I." He smiled.

"Now, let's talk about that little…whore you were going to marry." I scrunched my nose up thinking about her.

"That was a mistake." He spoke firmly. "And it makes me happy that…I couldn't have kids with you."

"I completely agree because if you could then you wouldn't be here, would you?"

"I don't know. I'd like to think I would but…I don't think I could leave another one of my kids…" He looked away.

"See this is all my fault. If it weren't for me you wouldn't even have had to be in that whole…thing with her." I sat up from him and threw my hands up.

"Taylor." He laughed wrapping his arms around my waist. "She filled my time…but I want you to know I've never felt about someone how I feel about you." He kissed the side of my head.

"That's nice to know." I leaned over and kissed him on the lips. Before it could get too heated I pulled away. I was still wanting to talk some more. This wasn't over, not yet. "So, how much did everyone hate her?"

"You saw how Jory treated her. That's pretty much how it was with everyone." He smiled again. What an amazing smile he had. "The Cohen's never really said they didn't like her but I know they didn't. The way Kirsten would scrunch her nose whenever Rebecca was around or the way she'd say something back to her if she said anything about you."

"Wait, she bad mouthed me?"

"Well, she was jealous. Rebecca knew she and I wouldn't have what you and I had."

"Did you tell her that?" I asked curiously.

"Once or twice, when I was angry with her. Usually it came up in fights." He said.

"You fought a lot?"

"Mostly." He shrugged.

"Now, can I ask why a woman 15 years younger than you?"

"I didn't know she was so young." He groaned looking away from me before laughing. "But then…it just all went fast and she was moving in. It never mattered after that."

"I never dated anyone after I left you." I confessed.

"Why not? You're not a bad catch." He laughed pulling his hand through my hair.

"It's not that, it's I had the girls to think about. The last thing I wanted to do was bring some stranger in on them. Someone I know they would hate…just because that person wouldn't be you." I said biting down on my lower lip again.

"If only I had been that smart."

"I understand why you went to her." He kissed the top of my head once again before laying down and pulling me back down with him. "What do you think Summer told Jory about when we were younger?"

"God, I don't even want to know." He groaned.

"I'm curious. We weren't that bad were we?" I grinned.

"We were worse." That's the last thing I remember him saying before I shut my eyes and fell asleep.