Solipsism
Ten: A Good Strong Wallop on the Head
I didn't like Jack Harkness much when I met him on the planet Earth in January 1941.
Of course it didn't help that he'd been openly flirting with Rose, but mostly what bothered me about him was his violent and criminal nature.
Don't get me wrong, although I try to set an example I'm not in the business of defining or enforcing morality. But there's right and wrong, good and bad, and clearly Captain Jack Harkness, 51st century Time Agent and World War II American volunteer with Number 133 Squadron RAF, was unquestionably on the wrong, aka: bad, side of the ethics tracks.
But that was then and this is now.
I take a deep breath, turn around and face Jack.
"The number of offensive weapons on the TARDIS is extremely limited," I tell him although he is well aware of it already. "In fact, it's null. Aside from the ones you've snuck on board," Jack widens his eyes in surprise but I continue, "that applies to the spacesuits as well. There are no Space Troopers armored combat suits, unless you also spirited one of those aboard?"
Jack silently shakes his head in response.
"I don't want to change you or hold you back, Jack. But I am in essence a peaceable and peaceful creature. That being said, your gut instincts have saved my 'skinny butt' as you've called it more than once, and I don't deny that your fiercer nature serves a purpose. But…"
"But you want me to cool it," he interrupts me, just like I hoped he would.
You see, I'm trying to make a point. I'm not even sure, to be honest, what point I am in fact trying to make until it actually comes out of my mouth, that's the kind of gob I've got, but trust me, that doesn't make what I have to say any less valid.
"No, Jack, I want to maintain my self-integrity but I also want you – the both of us – to stay alive. If you believe we're going into a dangerous situation, then we need to talk about it and decide what to do.
"So… I ask you: do your gut instincts indicate it's dangerous on the Newhope?"
He nods his head several times and then, inexplicably, he says, "No."
I pull a face at the verbal/non-verbal disconnect, nod my head back at him and say, "What do you mean no?"
"I mean no, I don't have any logical reason to suspect it is tactically dangerous over on the Newhope," he responds. "But… but I'm nodding my head because I believe I'm suddenly and unexpectedly realizing that you value what I think and what I say, Doctor. And I must admit, I guess I'm pleasantly surprised."
And believe it or not, I actually see tears welling up in Jack's eyes.
Now it's my turn to unexpectedly realize something.
"Oh Jack, of course I value what you think and say. I value your heart and your mind and your body and your soul. I value your strength, courage, and fortitude. I value your judgment. I value your intelligence. I value your fairness. I value your faithfulness. I value your compassion. I value your curiosity. I value your resolve. I even value your sense of humor, Jack. The fact that you are here with me on this ship by definition should tell you that I appreciate, respect and admire you."
He's looking at me with those dazzling blue eyes of his and I can't shut up.
"I may not always agree with you, but I will always listen to you and I will always be ready to accept and defer to your judgment, if that's what needs to happen."
Suddenly I break out into a smile, I can't help it. "Of course to get me to defer to your judgment, you may, on occasion have give me a good strong wallop on the head."
I force myself to stop blabbering and wait. I wait for good long while.
"Wow," Jack finally exclaims. "Where did all that come from?"
"Probably the same place your abrupt and extreme bout of insecurity came from."
"Oh, right," he says sheepishly.
"Doesn't mean what I said isn't true," I add. "Nor does it mean that everything isn't still a competition…"
"Game on." Jack responds, almost but not quite under his breath.