I updated! and it hasn't been a month!!

I'm going to try to do monthly updates, if i feel inspired I'll write earlier. But i am trying my best!

I decided to do an all Bella POV, it was hard, seeing as I'm so used to Edward's POV but i guess i did alright?

Anyways, done with my sudden ranting!

Enjoy! (: Max.

Chapter 7: Guilty as Charged

Bella POV

Sigh. At least all my prepping and make-up didn't go to waste. He's appreciating It. That must mean something.

After a much debated quarrel in his head, by the looks of it. He started heading towards my direction. I started feeling self conscious of myself. Was I pretty enough for him? Did I look alright, with this bikini on?

I seemed decent enough. Maybe it won't be so bad to just apologize to him, and maybe just maybe, we could become friends again. Then, I won't feel like such a jerk to him.

I wanted to just run up and him, hug him and tell him to never leave me again. That I didn't mean any of what I said, and that I wanted to always be by his side.

But all that anticipation wiped away.

He was halfway up to me, when he stopped and cursed loudly. Looking like his better half got to him, and slowly walked away. Leaving me here, alone, with what? My Thoughts to keep me company.

My heart dropped.

Felt like a thousand needles being shoved into them, slowly breaking it into pieces. Then, handing them off to him, for proof of what he just did to me, with such a simple gesture.

How could I have been so stupid to let all this affect me? Why must I be such a jerk? What is wrong with me?

Something, something deep inside me, is telling me to stay away. Yet, I still have that emptiness void, that won't be filled without being around him.

Go to him! One part of myself said.

No! You mustn't. You'll ruin all our hard work to keep guys out! The other fought back, with just as much determination.

Your being a priss. Just go to him and fill that empty feeling.

Gosh, your an idiot, he probably hates you now anyways, make it easier on yourself. Want to get heartbroken twice?

Gah. My mind hates me today.

What do I do?

I lost one thing, one tiny thing that meant a lot to me. How can I go on? When I know I caused him pain, and that I was also causing myself pain.

That's it, I won't feel, I won't think. I'll be dead, alive physically but not in spirit. I'll end this numbing pain and set myself free.

God Job Bella, you've finally thought things through. Renee would've been proud.

Then why does it feel horrible?

I'll tell you why, because stupid asshole Edward Masen had to show up and ruin all your hard efforts!

Ignoring everything around me, making my new found self to work, I slowly got up and stretched, also ignoring the slight pain I felt on my leg from spraining a couple weeks back. Letting myself free from everything for just a second.

Life sucks shit.

I got up and retrieved my bags. Alice must've noticed me getting up and getting dressed because she was beside me in seconds.

"What are you doing?" she looked at me as if I was a caught stealing cookies.

"I'm going back. I really don't want to be here Alice, please don't try to change my mind"

"You can't just leave, Bella!" She stomped, aggravated. I can see her point; it took Alice and Rosalie a very long time to get me back to my normal self, and all their hard work down the drain. I slightly felt guilty for a second, until I didn't feel anything.

"Too bad" I really didn't like being mean to her, but if I didn't, she wouldn't let me leave.

"I wont let you Bella!" She stomped, soon enough the gang came to see what was up.

"Hey Bella, what are you doing?" Rosalie asked.

"I'm leaving, don't try to stop me, I'm going back to the dorms" I said aggravated that every thing I did was being tracked.

"Bella, do you think that's a good idea? Just stay and hang—"

"FUCK YOU ALL! JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" I stomped on my sprained leg, causing slight pain to rise, "Just leave me alone please" I whispered causing tears to come out.

They just stared at me for the longest time, until I got up and left. They better not follow me.

Walking, or limping aimlessly for about half an hour, gets a girl thinking y'know. I felt like writing.

I ventured off to my dorm room, and plopped onto my bedside, thinking. Minutes later, I couldn't take it if they came in here and demanded an explanation.

I changed, and slowly walked out of the room, just walking around. Gazing around at all the people and things passing by myself. I don't know what I was looking for; all I know is that I never found it yet.

Lots of occurring images come into my head, mostly Edward.

I guess he gave up on me; I would've given up on myself as well. Nobody needs a person like me to lug around. I'm surprised Alice and Rosalie put up with my non-mood self. All I do or did (thanks to my sprained leg) was run.

No wonder, I've been lifeless this whole entire time and never realized. The beach was the only thing I ever did with the gang, and even that didn't turn out great.

When they went to dinner, I'd decline.

When they went out to parties, I stayed and studied.

I'm a very boring person I guess, to have gone this far without having to interact with others, other then the gang.

And when I finally got that interaction, I cut him off.

It's for the best.

As everything else in the world is, coming over and over again.

I'm losing it. Here I am, just staring off into space, and all I can think about is having pointless conversations in my head.

I need to get out of this.

As I was walking, I realized it got substantially darker. Looking up, the moon was looking right back at me. How did I get outside and its already dark?

Odd.

I looked around slowly, noticing I was in the forest. The Forest. The one where I fell and sprained my leg. I remember every moment of it. I fell right there, by that tree. And I laid down there for god knows how long, until Nate found me.

Did my mind subconsciously take me here?

I started walking deeper into the forest, until I turned a couple of directions, only to get myself lost even more. I went into the bushes and stopped.

It was beautiful.

A meadow

How come no-ones ever found it before?

I like this place.

I feel peace, and calmness. I slowly sat down, and gazed lovingly at my new found discovery.

Everything that's occurred recently, led me to finding this meadow. It's a great escape to reality. I could stay here forever.

I don't know how long I stayed at the meadow, but I suddenly realized I had slept on the ground. My hair was filled with leaves and such. I was groggy, and dirty everywhere.

I stood up, noticed it was morning.

How am I going to explain this to the gang?

I started walking, trying to find my way back. After maybe an hour of two, I finally got myself back into civilization, sadly. I started back to the dorm, preparing for the hurricane.

But before I could even get into the building, Rosalie was there with her cell phone on hand, screaming into it, until she noticed me. She grew fifteen patches of emotions in about a second. From worry, to anguish, to sadness, to anger.

"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU BELLA!"

She ran up to me, and started screaming at me, they were worried I see.

"I got lost in the forest and slept there" plain and simple answers always get me out of things like these.

"Why didn't you take your cell phone with you? Emmett and Jasper were looking everywhere, and Alice even tried running around begging people if they've seen you! Just because your mad at us, doesn't mean you can't call us and tell your safe!" She growled. I cringed.

I hated when people cared for me, and worried too much for me.

"I'm sorry."

"Well its fine, your safe, that's all that matters" she sighed, grabbed her phone, and called Emmett, telling him that I was here and fine.

We headed upstairs to our room, where I showered and changed. When I got out, they were all there with their hands on their hips, looking quite angry with me.

Alice came up to me, with tears down her face, "You couldn't have called? We were so worried."

"I know Alice, I'm sorry about what I said earlier, you don't have to worry about me, honest" I smiled sheepishly.

"I'm not mad at what you said; I'm upset that you had to put me through that. I was scared shitless! Least you could've done was call us, and we could've gotten you. Lost in the forest? Come on Bella, you know better then to run into the forest. What happened if you hurt yourself again? Then how would we have found you?" She ranted, tears water falling downwards onto her face. I walked over, and hugged her, while she cried.

"I know, I know. I won't do it again I promise" sighing.

After about, half an hour of having to apologize and promise never to do it again, I decided it was time for my work-out. I started getting ready, grabbing all my necessities.

"Alright well since that's settled, I'm going to head back to my dorm. Haven't seen Edward in a while" Emmett clapped his hands together.

Emotionally, I cringed. His name brought on memories.

"Well guys, I'm going to go the gym, to do some work-outs. I'll talk to you guys later" I murmured as I walked off, heading towards my second favorite place.

"Bella wait!" Jasper caught up to me, "You forgot your cell phone. We wouldn't want

everyone worrying again.

"Thanks" I smiled and walked off again.

When I got there, I decided to grab some weights to do some push-ups. I need to keep myself pre-occupied.

Popping in my Ipod, and grabbing weights, I started my much anticipated work-out. I moved onto sit-ups, calf raises, and the treadmill.

After about 2 hours of a tiring work-out. I headed back to my room for a shower, and some reading. But, I couldn't get some things out of my head though.

It was hard not to. Seeing how humans can multi-task and think about many things at once.

I noticed that everyone wasn't here. Probably out staying away from me, I'm a threat to society. I grinned at the thought.

I did all of my daily routine, with little or no enthusiasm, and headed off to bed early.

With a last thought popping into my head.

Edward.

like it? Different for me.

Edward is more my forte.

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xo.Slash.Folie