Took a little break, but I'm back. And I'm aiming to have this finished by the end of the year.

(Shot of Rose and the Smiths sitting down in the caravan.)

Rose: "We'll take another route back so we get to see more scenery, okay?"

John: "Fine by me. Just tell me where to go."

Rose: "Don't be silly. I'll drive back."

John: "No no, it's my job as the male to..."

Rose: "No it's not. I know perfectly well how to drive a car – in fact I'm also pretty good at piloting the TARDIS. Marriage should be about sharing things, and that includes the responsibility of driving the family around. Besides, you need to rest. You were up with Bob all night."

John (defensively): "Well ... it had been a long time since I'd met someone I could relate to..."

Rose: "I wonder why..."

Jennifer (from the back): "Miss Rose, can you please tell me again how pen pals work?"

Rose: "Yes, Jennifer. Now that you and Terri have each others' addresses, you can write to each other about what happening in your life, and ask each other questions about theirs. This way you can keep in contact with Terri even though she lives very far away from you."

Jennifer: "Cool!"

Michael: "Come on, let's go!"

(Shot of the Doctor sitting in the library with his glasses on, reading a book. Miranda enters.)

Miranda: "What are you reading, Theta?"

The Doctor: "Harry Potter. This is my hundredth reading, and I'm still not sick of it! How many times have you read it?"

Miranda: "None. Those books are a bad influence, giving children ideas of unrealistic things like magic, evil creatures, witches and wizards..."

The Doctor (putting the book down): "Are you telling me that you haven't allowed your children to read one of the most defining books of their generation? You haven't let them indulge in their imaginations, expand their minds, become lost in the world of fantasy?"

(Miranda looks at the Doctor blankly.)

Miranda: "I used to read them Beatrix Potter books, but that made them want a rabbit, and I had to explain to them that rabbits don't actually talk or wear clothes. Plus that story where the fox eats the eggs is particularly violent."

The Doctor: "So what do they read?"

Miranda: "Not a lot, quite frankly. Sometimes they bring home books for school, but generally reading in our household consists of John and me receiving bills."

The Doctor (to himself): "No wonder your lives are so dull..."

Miranda: "Besides, Jennifer and Michael can do more important things in their spare time, like concentrating on schoolwork."

The Doctor: "Oh Miranda – for someone who claims to focus so much on their children's education you really can be Mrs Thick Thick Thickity Thick Face from Thicktown, Thickania."

Miranda: "I beg your pardon?"

The Doctor: "Miranda, nothing in this world is more educational than a good old-fashioned book! They teach children to read and spell. They expand vocabulary. They And most importantly, they can get people to shut up for a number of hours, which is really useful if you've just met up with Captain Jack Harkness and had one too many hyper-vodkas."

(The Doctor stands up.)

The Doctor: "Sit."

Miranda: "Theta, I'm the one making the rules this week..."

The Doctor: "SIT!"

(Miranda nervously sits down on the couch. The Doctor throws Harry Potter into her lap.)

The Doctor: "Read."

Meanwhile, the Smiths are nearing the end of their journey.

(Shot of Rose and John talking. Jennifer and Michael are asleep in the back of the car.)

John: "They're finally worn out, eh?"

Rose: "If only that would happen with my kids. They really inherited their father's seemingly endless sugar-high."

John: "So how do you keep up with it all?"

Rose: "The adrenalin helps. But mainly, I just enjoy it. Perhaps your wife does enjoy the whole domestic thing, but I couldn't. I need more to my life, and I get that with the Doctor."

John: "But what if you suddenly couldn't travel anymore? What if you had no choice?"

Rose: "I don't know. We had that situation once, when we lost the TARDIS. It would definitely be difficult, but I think I'd get through it. Mind you, I'd make sure that my life was still as exciting as possible."

(They park outside the house.)

Rose (softly): "Jennifer, Michael, wake up."

(They make their way inside.)

Rose: "Of course, there is one disadvantage of taking a holiday. Chances are you'll come home, and there'll be nothing to cook."

John: "Oh, I don't think we have to worry about that. We're going out for dinner tonight."

Rose: "Are we?"

Jennifer and Michael (eyes widened): "Are we?!?"

And so, for the last night of the swap, the Smith family goes out for dinner. The Tylers, on the other hand, stay in.

Miranda: "You see – my spaghetti Bolognese isn't so bad."

The Doctor: "No one ever said it was! I just enjoy dining out."

Miranda: "What about cost?"

David (giggling): "Dad has psychic paper. He uses it to get away with anything."

(Miranda looks at the Doctor disapprovingly.)

Miranda: "You mean you constantly break the law? What kind of example are you setting for your children?"

Romana: "Hey, we save the universe every day. The least we can get in return is a free meal once in a while."

(Miranda can't help but smile.)

Miranda: "You kids are so sure of yourself, aren't you? So confident and strong. I would have thought living your lifestyle would have turned you into a snivelling mess."

The Doctor: "That's because you only focus on the negatives. Travel broadens the mind. And if you treat your children like people instead of clueless youngsters, they can mature very quickly."

David: "But we're still kids, Dad."

The Doctor: "Oh, I know."

(Shot of the Smiths at a Chinese restaurant.)

Rose: "What happened to 'The Oriental nature of this dish is questionable'?"

John: "You want me to try new things, so here I am, trying new things. I'm sure the kids will appreciate it too. There's one condition though – we don't spend too much."

Rose: "I see you haven't completely changed."

(John looks slightly offended, but Rose pokes him at smiles.)

(Cut to later – the family is enjoying their meal.)

Jennifer: "Daddy, can we have Chinese more often? It's so yummy!"

John: "Maybe on special occasions, if Mummy allows it."

(Rose raises an eyebrow, and John sighs.)

John: "I mean, I'll try to convince Mummy to let us have it more."

Rose: "You know that eating out occasionally is actually good for a family or a couple? It gets them out of the house, it gives the chef a break, and no one has to wash up."

John: "Yes – but you still need to pay for it."

Rose: "A little indulgence can go a long way. Besides, you and Miranda must have gone out for special occasions, like your anniversary?"

(John clears his throat.)

John: "We used to. But then we had the kids ... and Miranda doesn't trust babysitters..."

Rose: "You don't have any family around here?"

John: "Not really. Mind you, it wouldn't be impossible to see them – if we could leave town."

Rose: "Oh boy – Miranda's going to have a lot to deal with when she gets home."

Must ... finish ... story!