Chapter 4
'Watch me fault her
"You're living like a disaster"
She said
Kill me faster
With strawberry gashes all over'
~Jack Off Jill, 'Strawberry Gashes'
Hope was a funny thing. It crept up on you when you least expected it, but often when you needed it most.
There was a bright side to being drained slowly and painfully, after all. Oh sure. Yeah, one of Booster's silver linings. He wasn't dead, see?
And where there's life there's hope right? If he was alive... he could be rescued.
And they would come for him.
Oh, yeah, definitely. Surely somebody missed him by now. Booster, in all likelihood. Mira - well, Mira had made it pretty clear just what she felt about him. He shook his head, fighting back a weird pressure that had built up in his chest. He wouldn't let himself think about her. No. She wasn't worth his dwelling on. Buzz- who knew WHAT went on in that man's head? XR thought he probably didn't want to know. Nebula… well, okay, he was probably just glad XR was out of his hair. His own father. (He allowed himself a slight sniffle of self-pity at this thought.)
But surely they were looking for him.
He was a member of their team, after all. As much as he got on their nerves- (did he- get on their nerves? no, surely not! well... maybe Mira... maybe, a little) he provided invaluable services to them. None of THEM could pick a lock with their fingers, after all. None of THEM had flashlights built into their eyes. None of THEM had built-in spy cams that could sneak around corners. No way. They needed him.
So they would come find him.
He was sure of it. They couldn't just leave him here. Sure it was still possible, he told himself. Even if he couldn't send out a distress signal, sooner or later NOS-4-A2's nighttime attacks would draw attention. They'd track him down, and then they'd find him. They'd rescue him, take him back to Star Command.
They needed him there, after all.
He heard a sound from somewhere above and he gasped, head lifting. He leaned forward, eyes wide and bright- that had to be them now! He was sure of it! They were coming-
"Good evening," NOS drawled.
"Craters!" he cried in dismay, pulling back and burying his face in his hands. He DID this, the jerk. He played these stupid mind games. Oh it chafed his chassis.
NOS laughed- the laughter had a hint of something approaching boredom in it, which made XR bristle and mutter unintelligibly under his breath. NOS went by him off into the reaches of his lair to go do whatever, probably… rearrange something. Yeah. He shivered – no, he couldn't let himself think about what kinds of things NOS liked to do when he wasn't hunting. All that mattered was what NOS was going to do with him…
XR listened anxiously to be sure he wasn't going to be drained again tonight, then he shuddered, squeezing his eyes shut miserably and withdrawing as far as he could. No. No rescue tonight.
Well… that, that didn't mean anything… they'd still come, they'd come for him.
He was sure they would…
NOS stopped whatever he was doing and there was silence for a moment and XR sighed heavily. Maybe NOS really would go to sleep tonight without bothering him, maybe he'd get at least one night of peace. It wasn't too much to ask, really.
Then he heard fluttering wings.
He drew back from the noise, whimpering. Oh no. Ohhh no- Why did he get his hopes up like this, he knew what was coming, he knew every night… he knew… he… he couldn't be blamed for wanting this to end, wanting to leave this place and never again have to feel…
Claws seized him around the middle and suddenly he was filled with it.
Pain. The feeling seemed to pour into him, trickling down through his neck and inexorably filling him up from his feet to his head, making him want to cry, scream, throw up ANYTHING that would get some of this pain out, he felt as if you could take off his service panel and all the pain would just flood out into a puddle… leaving nothing left of him at all.
And each time it got worse. Each time he grew weaker. Each time he became more vulnerable, and just when he thought it couldn't possibly intensify any further, it did. He couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't, he couldn't…
"JUST KILL ME!"
The horrible sensation of being drained slowly faded. He felt a jabbing twinge as his captor's teeth left his neck. The sharpness of the pain ceased, leaving a dull ache that spread through his whole body. NOS-4-A2 straightened up, but kept hold of him. He could almost see the bemused smirk on the energy vampire's face. He could both hear and feel his motor vibrating within him, just as... tortured as the rest of his body.
"Please," he murmured weakly. "Please, just kill me…"
Even if he got back to Star Command... this was his life. He was beginning to realize that now. Today it was NOS-4-A2. Tomorrow it might be Zurg, or one of his own siblings gone rogue. Or something else, something worse than this. Expendable. He was built for this. This was what he was good for. This was all he was good for.
"Kill you?" his tormentor repeated in mock confusion. He chuckled. XR shivered. "I think not. I have yet to tire of our game."
His voice, every word he spoke was so smug and cruel…
"But perhaps you have, little one?" he asked, a low, smooth whisper. "Well then, I suppose I should stop… for tonight. Let you… sleep on it. See how you feel tomorrow."
He bent over his captive again. XR tensed with a soft whimper.
Stinking parasite. He knew darn well how XR would feel tomorrow. He knew.
"Rest up, little one…"
His grip tightened before he released him and left, taking flight on energized wings.
XR sighed heavily. He waited until the sound of NOS-4-A2's wings faded away. He didn't know where he'd gone. Didn't care. He was alone.
But the pain from the attack lingered, almost as strong as if the energy vampire was still biting him. He moaned softly. He could feel it coursing through him, making him tremble, shake, harder and harder-
XR pushed himself up, pressing his lips together and hugging his knees tightly to his chest in a weak attempt to stabilize. It hurt to shake. It hurt to do pretty much anything anymore.
He moaned, resting his head on the cool glass of his helmet. He'd just had to open his big mouth. He just couldn't have waited another few seconds. Then he would have passed out, like every other night. And he wouldn't be awake feeling like THIS.
He should have known, he grumbled to himself. He should have known if he begged for mercy, NOS would turn up the heat.
He realized suddenly that he'd never actually been awake after one of the attacks. This was the first time NOS-4-A2 had stopped before he'd blacked out. And it hadn't been that way just for the past few… he had no idea how long, time had no meaning here… but all the times he'd been attacked.
Well, if only he'd gone on like that. He would much rather be asleep right now than have to be conscious enough to feel this. How he'd ever survived these attacks before, he'd never know…
The pain was actually starting to make him feel sick. Dizzy. Not completely… lucid. The room was spinning. It felt like the floor was tilting, like it was trying to push him off, to drop him into an endless abyss…
With a panicked moan, he dragged himself over to the wall. He pressed his hands to it, trying to stabilize his senses, trying to calm himself. His engine was whirring loudly, protesting against the effort of moving. Something inside him ground together and he made an odd, squawking sound. No. No, don't throw up, you won't get anything back, don't… He won't like it if you throw up again, no…
It was going to be a long night. He'd probably be up like this all night, awake with this terrible pain. Weak and shaky and all scraped up from the floor. So sick he felt as though he might just puke up his own engine next. Seeking comfort from a wall.
"Oh, no, I'm fine."
The shrill, nasty voice rang out in the enclosed space like a gunshot, loaded with bitter sarcasm.
"Beaten, drained, terrified, blind, DISMEMBERED and in incredible agony but fiiiine. I've never been better! Heck, this is my prime directive! Here, NOSy, drain a little more, I can take it!"
He was alone now after all, he could risk this- maybe by now he wouldn't even have held back if NOS was there.
"In fact, why don't you slap me before you leave me all alone in the dark? I don't mind. Go ahead and do whatever you want. Hit me. No, no, here, it'll hurt more if you do it here."
A twisted chuckle rang out of the dark.
"Hey, you! The space rangers! Guess what! I don't need ya! I'm having SO much fun- go home, Buzz! Mira, you never really cared. You wanted me gone! Sayanora! Don't BOTHER! Booster- you can just-"
The sarcasm suddenly faltered for a bit, deserting him without warning. He stammered, searching for the confidence burst that had drained so rapidly- "Booster- you can-"
He was startled to hear himself choke out a single, high-pitched sob.
"Booster-"
Now his voice was rising into a tortured scream, wait, no, no-
"BOOSTER! MIRA! BUZZ! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE! NO! NO! BOOSTER-"
XR felt himself collapse for the umpteenth time and was forcefully overcome by painful, racking sobs, curling in on himself and wrapping his arms around his body in a tight squeeze… well, why not, no one else was gonna hug him.
Where is Booster?
Nebula - well, he had never really cared. Buzz - he was too caught up in rules and routines to go out of his way to chase after untraceable robots. Mira - well, Mira was probably glad to have him gone too.
But Booster…
Booster stood by him. Booster stood up for him. Booster covered for him when he messed up, Booster messed around with him. He told Booster things he just didn't tell the other two. Booster was his best friend.
And even he hadn't shown up.
Didn't he miss him? Wasn't he worried? Booster was his best friend…
…was he Booster's best friend?
Wasn't he? Didn't- Didn't Booster like him?
Didn't anyone care about him?
His whole body throbbed with the pain that simply would not die. The dull whirring in his chest created a rhythm that eventually lulled him to sleep. Blissful sleep. An escape.
It wouldn't last. It never had.
---
When NOS came back he found his little captive sitting quietly by the wall, leaning against it with his eyes closed.
As he approached XR NOS considered for a moment whether it'd be more fun to shake him awake rudely or sit there and wait for his presence to be noticed, or... what.
Before he decided on something, though, he realized his prey wasn't asleep after all... he was looking up at NOS with dull, tired eyes, and before NOS could speak
"Oh, you're back," he said, his voice as dull as his face. "Well, g'head. Get it over with."
NOS cocked his head to the side. If he'd had eyebrows one would be raised quizzically. He'd seen this state before, oh yes. Most victims came to it sooner than XR, actually. In fact, the tiny robot had held out a good 48 hours longer than NOS had expected.
No matter. Just a little more prying, was all he needed. NOS drummed his claws against his chin, considering… There had to be something that would provoke a response from…
His claws froze. Now, there was an idea… Feigning intense interest in the sharpness of his claws, he let out the closest approximation to a sigh he could manage, assuming a bored tone. "You know, I'd really expected more of them."
He glanced sideways at his prey. The little robot stared blankly back. A long moment passed as he blinked, tired eyes sliding shut and open sluggishly. "More of who?" His voice was low and slurred.
NOS shrugged exaggeratedly. "Oh, you know… more of your team. Of your… friends."
His prey flinched. He grinned excitedly. Yes, that was it… He forced himself to maintain a casual attitude, making a show of straightening his cape. "I would've thought they'd at least make an effort to rescue you. They are rangers, after all, they're supposedly good at what they do… I really thought this was going to be more of a challenge, capturing you. I'm rather disappointed, truth be told. I was looking forward to a confrontation. But oh well, I suppose we don't always get what we want."
He paused, waiting. XR had turned away and squeezed his eyes shut. NOS frowned. More, then – he was asking for it.
"Perhaps they realize they don't stand a chance." Pause… nothing. "Or, more likely, they're just all very busy. More important issues at hand, I suppose."
XR whimpered; his lips started trembling. NOS pushed on, dropping all pretenses and leaning forward, his eyes glowing fiercely.
"Where are they now, little one?" he whispered. "Can you think of any reason – any at all – why they wouldn't be here?"
His prey kept whimpering. He started mumbling, incoherent little whiny half-words that, after a moment, started sounding something like 'they could still come'. Oh, now, that was precious. NOS couldn't help but snicker at that one. He was getting close now, he could tell… Years of torturing victims, of making sure his prey suffered as much as possible, made him an expert at gauging the perfect moment to attack. He could see it now in those tired eyes, could feel hopelessness emanating from his worn victim… That moment was approaching. NOS leaned closer still, his claws curling around XR's arms. The little robot whined in protest and squirmed slightly, but caused no further trouble. He couldn't fight anymore. Just didn't have it in him. It was a shame, really – took some of the fun out of it. NOS put his face right up to XR's helmet, watching him intently.
"Don't you think," he hissed, "if you mattered to them – at all – they would have been here by now?"
The little robot cried out. That was it, he'd snapped, broken down… NOS lunged, driving his fangs into his prey's neck. His prey shuddered in response. It started crying softly, a weak, empty sound. All he could hope for at this point, really. Years of doing this had made him an expert; he could tell fairly easily, even in an unusual case such as this, how much longer a specimen would last.
That moment was approaching.
---
His prey never actually lost consciousness after that. Eventually he'd just had to stop because… well, he was running out of time. He wanted to squeeze as much fun out of his little toy as possible.
After he'd pulled away his prey had just sort of… slumped down the wall and curled up in a tight little ball, his hands clenched weakly at his neck. NOS had been pacing the room ever since, weighing the situation in his mind.
The fact remained that there was nothing he could do about it. His prey was expiring. …Not in the gasping-his-life-out-like-a-gutted-fish-only-five-minutes-to-live sense, just in the sense that... NOS could tell the end of his fun would come any day now, and that made him MAD. He'd have to get a new robot, and it wouldn't be one this satisfying, either. All things considered, it had gone fairly well up til this moment. He thought his fun would've been over by now. XR had really had this coming for a long time.
NOS stopped pacing in front of the little robot. He sighed irritatedly and bent down over the disgusting little thing, looking it over with a scowl.
There it was... lying in its little heap... whimpering intermittently... and shaking...
Yeah, he'd seen this before. This was the final stage, after this came… well, nothing. Turning the thing onto its back, he felt it over with one clawed hand, ignoring its weak little whining protests. He closed his eye, concentrating; this way he could tell with a little more certainty just how much time he had left.
He was unsurprised to find the heat and vibration of an overworked engine. His prey would eventually short out- maybe tomorrow, maybe next week- and leave him once again bored and prey-less. Sigh-sigh.
Okay, maybe he could fix it up if he wanted to, get a charger, some oil... but why bother? It would be about the same amount of trouble as just getting a new one...
...and XR would make an excellent trophy for his- floor.
---
When NOS had had enough of poking and prodding his prey, he went to bed, leaving XR alone again.
Alone with his thoughts, his fears. Alone with the awful whirring in his chest. Alone with the prospect of never escaping this.
He began to cry. It started soft, low, weak… it built up inside his chest until it was a full-fledged sobbing. The sound of it echoed around the cold concrete walls, ricocheting back to him, filling the room like a macabre symphony.
But he couldn't stop, even if he'd wanted to. No matter that it was pathetic. No matter that the noise was awful. No matter that his helmet was filling with water. It was a release, however small, from the pain. The pain built up a- a tension- a pressure within him, you could call it- which made him feel as if he'd explode if he didn't do something. And so he... well... cried. He was simply too tired to do any more.
If he'd had more strength in him, he might have done something else. Might have protested this whole situation a bit more vehemently, might have at least put up some semblance of a fight.
But tonight, all he could do was cry. It hurt.
Inside his coffin, NOS-4-A2 closed his one lidded eye in pleasure. Yes. Yes, XR was proving to be a most satisfactory prisoner. Mmm.
The echoing sobs fed the thing with in him, the coldly amused voice in the back of his head that drove him to... play with his food, you could say.
Lovely.
He was sorry when the noise faded to a stop, as it always did... eventually, XR was too tired and drained even to cry.
Maybe next night...
XR felt his tired body relax as the sobbing slowly faded and gave a soft sigh of relief. That little crying spree had all but worn him down completely; all he had to do now was wait for sleep to come. He was certainly exhausted enough. He couldn't do this much longer. There wasn't much fight left in him… Soon he wouldn't be able to fight at all. …oh well, why worry about that, soon he'd be asleep anyway and he wouldn't have to feel anything, wouldn't have to think about anything.
Wouldn't have to think about the incredible pain he was in, wouldn't have to think about how his engine was shuddering in protest inside him, wouldn't have to think about how the concrete was making it impossible to become comfortable…
This wasn't right…
Sleep was supposed to be peaceful, the only thing he had even a chance at enjoying anymore but now he was hot and miserable, tossing and turning on the hard, unforgiving concrete with soft cries issuing from his mouth. Why, why was this happening to him, what had he done to deserve this-
Inside his coffin, NOS-4-A2 scowled irritably. Yes, definitely expiring, what a pain. Whiny little thing… He rolled onto his side and went back to sleep.
Outside on the concrete XR whimpered and tried to burrow his way into the floor. No, no, it was too much, he couldn't take it…
His mind began to fog over, presenting him with crazy visions- he rolled onto his back and moaned out a feeble protest.
He burst into the room, absolutely glowing with happiness. "Guys! Guys! I'm back! Look! Look, it's me!"
Booster looked up half-heartedly, then returned to his sandwich. Buzz didn't even seem to notice he was there. Mira shot him a look and went back to her magazine.
He felt what he called his heart drop sickeningly. "What? Hey! It's me! Look, guys, it's me, I'm back, I'm safe-"
"Yes, we heard you," Mira snapped, not looking up from her magazine.
"Don't you- don't you care?" he implored, feeling like the world had gone wrong, like there was nothing to live for-
"Well, XR, I was hoping when I told you to disappear you'd take the hint and not come back," Mira said shortly, standing up and turning her back on him.
NOS-4-A2 sighed and covered his eyes with one hand. The thing would not quit MOANING, argh-
"N- No! No! Mira! Stop!" it began to yelp.
Hmm. Well. Maybe he could make the best of this after all, NOS mused. He'd heard delirious prey before, but no one shouting names he actually knew- now, which one was Mira? …the big round one?
"Mira, come back, I need you…" it continued to mumble. "I love ya, Mira, come back…"
Ooh, no, not the round one, the Tangean. NOS wriggled in glee. His prey had a crush on the pretty Tangean! Oh, how FUNNY!
"Mira wait! Wait, please - I promise I'll stop hitting on you!"
Really, this was just too good! Oh, this showed excellent promise for torture material… pity the little thing was wearing out…
"Mira… Mira, please! Don't go!"
NOS snickered. How pathetic, how hilariously pathetic. He could listen to this all night.
"Don't leave me, please! Mira!"
…Well, maybe not all night, the thing was dreadfully simple-minded. Besides, he could only stand to hear those awful organic names so many times…
"Mira! Guys, please, don't… Mira! Miii-raaaa!!"
NOS-4-A2 groaned, pushing up the lid of his coffin. He gripped the edge, leaning over it and howling;
"SWEET MOTHER OF VENUS, SHUT UP!!!"
The dream world seemed to shatter into millions of tiny, fractured, warped reflections of itself, painfully mocking. The fragments slowly began to… slide away… leaving darkness…
He opened his eyes. The darkness remained. He pushed himself up slightly, blinking into the nothingness. Where was he? What happened? Cold. Cold- wet- concrete-
The memories of the past few days came flooding into him suddenly, pain and fear and mocking and cruel and lonely, hurt, crying-
Eyes, eyes, red eyes- HIS eyes.
XR yelped.
"Stop that this INSTANT! You're disturbing my rest!" NOS-4-A2 hissed at him.
XR gulped and nodded. "Yeah, yeah… s-s-sorry…" Inwardly he wondered why he was supposed to be sorry. When NOS wouldn't stop glaring at him, he hastily added, "M-master..."
NOS-4-A2 frowned at him. "Very good."
He lay down, the coffin lid closing over him with a soft hiss.
XR sighed and collapsed back onto the concrete.
Dream. Dream. Bad dream. Mira wanted to…
No. It was just a dream, just a dream, it wasn't real…
But none of them have come for you yet, a nasty voice in the back of his mind whispered. Y'know what that MEANS, don't you? It means it's true. It's so obvious. You've BEEN a space ranger, you know how efficient they are, they don't want you, no, they never did-
NO! no, you're wrong- they'll come for me- they'll be here… you'll see…
He whimpered and rolled onto his side, softly crying himself to sleep.