(Satoshi)
I'm staring at the mirror. He is absent.
The rain taps on my window pane as I lay on my bed, clad in my soggy school uniform. To my side, a mirror. And in the reflection, only me. Only me.
He is absent.
My home still smells of paint and musk. There are canvases and abused brushes scattered around the floor, along with shattered glass, and dried blood stains from my "mutilation episodes". Wrinkled school shirts hang off of my bedside. Pants are carelessly thrown in the closet. There are a few broken mirrors in the corner of the room, and a puddle is gathering near my open window. In short, my room looks like the playground of a mentally disturbed child.
I sigh and stare blankly at the product of my by gone misery, etched in different lengths across the underside of my arm. I haven't a reason for this bizarre impulse of mine. The pills never worked. Maybe I thought that seeing myself bleed would.
I had taken medication to keep him down before. Of course it didn't work. Drugs were nothing against this supreme entity inside. He's much stronger than a drug. More powerful than a disorder. More deadly than a disease. My own personal cancer.
His golden eyes are unsheathed and roam the conscious thoughts I'm entertaining, looking for one that will interest him. He opens a door of my memory, and when he looks inside the interior, he sees me hidden in the silhouetted shadows of the night, staring hungrily at the object of his demise.
His eyes widen in a feline-like manner, fires blazing in the pit of them.
He chuckled dangerously. "Satoshi-sama, have you gone mad? It's not like you to be so reckless."
"I'm not being reckless, Krad," I replied tersely.
"We shall see." He grits his teeth and stares me down in malice.
"Yes, we will."
"Be vigilant. My previous tamer had used this on me before, but it has a flaw."
"None that I know of, Krad. I'd appreciate it if you'd stop trying to scare me. It's not working."
A flaw? Nonsense. What child's play, to think of deceiving me in this manner! I know everything about this piece. I have every advantage. Why in the world would they call it the "White Wing's Lament" if this is not true?
I present the necklace to him by swinging it past my face like a pendulum. He gasps.
"You...you stole the "White Wing's Lament"?" he cried, disbelieving.
"That I did, my precious angel. And now you are the one who is helpless." I said triumphantly, loving this moment, loving his fury.
He is helpless. Just as I once was.
"No!" He roared. "No! No! No! No!!"
He shook the imaginary gates of my mind, trapped behind them. He broke, he stomped, he threw his childish temper tantrum. He destroyed the decayed walls of my memory, throwing vague bricks of past thoughts over the dark cloud he was concealed in. I left him there, alone and encased in his rage. I didn't care. Now he is caught in his own cage.
And there he will stay.
"Why so angry?" I teased. "You sleep peacefully here every night, do you not?"
"Satoshi!! You treacherous brat!! How dare you betray your other half!!"
"I have no doubt that you'll have a lot of fun trying to get out of my body tonight." I laughed cruelly at his misfortune, as he had once laughed at mine. I got up off my bed and nonchalantly walked to the door.
I haven't tears enough for what he's done to me. He destroyed my childhood, shunned anyone I foolishly dared to love, and berated me ceaselessly. Now it is he who is the sufferer. I wore the first true smile on my face.
As for Krad, he wept.
(Exeunt)
(Risa)
The moon is a spherical ghost in the night sky. Rain is pouring down on my weary head, and if I don't move fast enough, sleep might overtake me and I'll collapse on these damp streets. I'm carrying a broken heart, a foggy mind and an envelope in my wet pocket. What was once weightless is now crushing me. I just want to fall on my bed and get lost in the smell of her.
At least I have money now. God knows if Riku got a job and Dad is too intoxicated and grief-stricken to pay the bills. I stumble upon my doorstep, cursing under my breath and clutching a slippery silver key in my cold, numb hands. I insert it in the lock, and the clicking sound puts me at ease. Sanctuary.
I slowly open the door, trying not to disturb a sleeping Riku or a slumbering Dad. This house. So dead without you.
A hazy figure materializes in front of me. I attempt to blink away the defiant image from me, thinking that my mind is so worn out it's beginning to make me delirious. I shake my head, and suddenly everything seems so slow. Every time a rain drop hits the ground, it shakes the earth. I feel dizzy and lightheaded. I grab the railing and try to maneuver myself up the stairs, but a wet body clutches me from behind and holds me tight in place. I stiffen and slowly turn around to face her.
She smiles at me, her moist lips looking like a blue worm. She is frighteningly pale, and her brown eyes are extremely dilated. The light had never come back. She's dripping wet, clad in the pink dress she wore at our Aunt's wedding. Her hair is covered in seaweed and her breasts and arms are blanketed in sand. She smells like the salt of the sea and the creatures who sleep within it's dark waters. Settling her wet face in the crook of my neck, she utters, "Wake up, sleepy head.."
The rain drops are falling drums, and my head is throbbing out of control. I know she's not real. She was burned. She didn't come back here. She's not hugging me now.
"N-no..." I protested wearily, "You're not real.."
She sinks into my clothes and I fall onto the steps and hit my jaw on the bottom of a stair. I whimper and rub my sore jaw, squinting in pain. I must have slipped. I groan and struggle to stand, hating myself for being in such a lethargic state. My half-lidded eyes widen as I set my sight on my father laying on the couch.
The rocking chair is turned over and there is a yellow liquid all over the floor, which I assume is beer. The porcelain dolls are laying face down in the puddle, their broken arms and legs stretched out around themselves. The light in the room is dim and the hood of the lamp is out of place.
Upon further inspection, I see my father fast asleep, wearing the deep set frown I first encountered him with. His nostrils release the foul-smelling scents of beer and cigar smoke.
I step back, holding my nose and fanning off the stench. At the other end of the couch is Lucy, her frilly pink dress stained with beer and laying on her side. She doesn't have any broken appendages, and I sigh in relief. She's safe, blankly staring at my father's feet.
He annihilated all her sisters and she was the only one left unharmed. What a shame. I glimpse at the floor and my stomach churns as I realize that most of them are damaged beyond repair.
Look at all these innocent little girls, torn and in pieces on the floor. What a sad beast he is. He lost himself, and now lifeless is the definition of his life.
I swallow hard, fearing that this could be the first step in the transition from a happy father to a raging alcoholic.
I kneel down and lightly slap his cheek. He doesn't budge. I nudge his shoulder, whispering, "Wake up..wake up..." After some thought I said, "Sleepy head..."
His face contorted and his eyes fluttered open in an instant. His orbs are glassy and unfocused, cloudy and drowned in his tears. The fluid ran down his heated cheeks slowly like melted wax. Apparently he had held them in captivity for quite some time. Theres so many of them..
He immediately grasps my hands, squeezing them tightly. I pull from his grip, but he refuses to let me go. He lifts my hands up to his nose, imbibing my scent. "Aya..is that you...?" he slurred.
My heart was impaled by shock and dismay. He's just as delirious and out of his mind as I am.
I grab him by his shoulders, hoisting him up and reiterating the command to get up on his feet. He clenches my arms the way he did in the infirmary, taking me back to his forgotten fury. He is not angry now, but he's having a hell of a lot of trouble standing up. I groan and help him to his feet after a few agonizing minutes of reiterating the command to stand up. He still needs me for support; he's still a bit unsteady.
Unexpectedly he brakes out into loud sobs, raking at his face and moaning in anguish.
"What's wrong? Are you hurt?"
What a silly question, Risa.
"God, why did you take her away from me? I never did anything to you..." he wailed.
"Dad..?" He falls, taking me with him. We splash into a yellow puddle, stirring the shattered fragments of glass floating around us. He rests limply on me, quietly sobbing and shaking.
"Risa? Are you there?" He feels around my shoulders. His gaze is vague and his irises seemed to have shrunk. He looks like a blind man who dropped his glasses. "Riku, are you home?"
"No, it's Risa. Dad, get up," I pushed him off of me, and he put all of his weight on me just to sustain his posture.
Now that he is standing again, I sigh in relief, "If you fall again, I'm leaving you here." I growled.
He didn't reply. He concentrated his narrow, blank eyes on my feet, sniffing and letting his tears join the yellow puddle underneath us.
We drag ourselves up the steps like two inexperienced infants learning to walk. He's so drunk he can barely move his legs. "Please...tell her to come back..." he cried.
He wrapped his arms around me from behind and leaned onto my back, forcing me to halt. I don't have to carry him now do I?
He breathes unto my neck and slurs, "I didn't mean it..I didn't...I got mad and...she fought with that girl.."
He must be referring to Riku's suspension. Did he brake the porcelain dolls in a drunken fit? Did he harm Riku like he did to me in the hospital, squeezing her arms so hard he stops the circulation?
"Come on, Dad, we're almost there.." I grunted and forced myself to move his massive weight up the stair case.
"But I didn't brake Lucy, because I know.." he burped, "Because I know she's her favorite.."
He begins to use his legs, much to my relief, and I usher him on. "Keep going, Dad. Good, you're doing good..keep moving.."
"She's cold and alone, Aya," he sobbed.
I somehow managed to get him on his bed. Sighing, I prepared for my next task. I dug my fingers under him and pushed him to the middle of the bed so he wouldn't roll over and fall. I sat down on the edge of the bedside and put my hand to his forehead. He was sweaty and smelly, but he didn't have a fever. I wiped the sweat off of my hands with my soggy jacket and shook them to get the remaining moisture off.
"Ugh, Dad.." I groaned in disgust, rolling my eyes. What a lost soul he turned out to be.
"All alone.." he wept, "Oh God, Aya..." he shifted his head back and forth, praying for his dead wife to come back to him.
I stared at him with sympathy, loathing that he persisted in calling me by my mother's name. It seems he's taking it worse than Riku or I did.
"You have to find her," he grabbed my skirt and tugged at it.
I gasped. "Wait a minute..Riku's not here?"
Worry and alarm settled into the pit of my stomach. Not requiring an answer from him, I turned around to leave, but his grip on my skirt was strong for a drunkard.
"I have to go, Dad." I protested.
"No, Aya, don't go. Stay here with me!"
"I'll find her." I said, focusing my attention on the door.
"Have a long talk with Risa...she's not herself.." he muttered, closing his hooded eyes. He opens them again and sniffs, commencing his crying. Some random memory of her must have upset him, because he started to wail louder than he had before.
I scoffed and ripped my skirt from his grip, running downstairs and slamming the door behind me. I had left him moaning and crying out for me. The pitiful man..
Out of the house again and still as tired as I was when I left the library, I clicked my tongue and slammed my foot on the cobble stone floor. Riku's still not home? Did she go to Daisuke's house again, just to avoid me? How am I to make amends when shes away from home?
She's afraid of me.
I banished the notion and headed to his home.
The door bell rings, sounding throughout the entire house, probably startling Emiko and Kosuke as they doze off in their warm bed. I wish I had a warm bed. But no, I have to walk to Daisuke's home in the rainy Azumano streets, where I can be easily kidnapped, assaulted, or robbed. Thank you dearly, my beloved Riku.
I hear slow steps advancing to the door, and the chain unlocks. A tired Daisuke appears, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "Risa...?"
He sees me in my drenched and delirious state, hugging myself in a futile attempt to keep warm. What a useless jacket I'm wearing. In a minute his eyes bulged, "What's wrong? Please don't tell me something terrible happened!"
"No.." I yawned, shivering in the cold, "Well, yeah, actually..."
"No, no, no.." Daisuke muttered, concern very alive in his features. He ushers me in and closes the door behind me. He runs into what I assume is a dirty laundry hamper, smiling as he pulls out a towel. He closes the lid and throws it to me, "There you go. Dry yourself off before you get sick."
I happily obeyed, rubbing off the rain with the warm towel. "Ahh, thanks a lot Dai."
I smiled.
At least I think my lips curved into a smile. It's been so long since I experienced any emotion loosely related to happiness. Smiling had become foreign to me.
Daisuke studies me thoughtfully, tilting his head and returning an appreciative grin. "You...you called me Dai."
I look up in surprise as I rub the moisture out of my frizzy mane, unaware that I referred to him by such a name. "I...did?"
He blushes. "Yeah, I've really missed it too."
"Missed what?"
"Dai. My old name. I just might dream well tonight." he says enthusiastically, while I bask in shame.
"You've changed so much, I can't sleep at night..."
I didn't want my depression to interrupt Daisuke's sleeping patterns. For a while I thought he only concerned himself with Riku. But now that I know my feelings had an impact on him, I feel both guilt and relief.
Before I could speak, he says, "Riku's not home, is she?"
I froze. What does he mean 'Riku's not home'? Wouldn't he know if she wasn't? Isn't she here?
"Wait..what do you mean? Where else could she possibly be?"
"You tell me." he said, "Your father picked her up from school after she was suspended. I haven't seen her since."
I breathe, and try to focus my mind on something other than my intensifying panic. It's so late out. Not Daisuke's place. Not home. Where? Is she alright?
I lick and purse my lips together, trying to stop my impending tears. I'm getting very anxious. First she was suspended. Now she's nowhere to be found! This is horrible! What could have happened to her? What if she's hurt? No! She can't be! I have to find her!
I turn around and bolt out the door, leaving a startled Daisuke behind just as I had done to my father. The water sloshed about as I frantically trudged through the flooded streets, praying for a miracle. Where? Where could she be?
I grasp the chain, wanting to crush the metal between my fingers.
"I'm sorry, Risa..."
My mind is a worried mess and my body is cold and unfeeling. I run down the street, aimlessly searching for a soaked, red bob of hair hanging over a crying face somewhere, anywhere.
In one moment, it hits me. Awareness floods my brain. The park.
She is a lonely ghost sitting on the swing. Her hair shields her face. From the distance, she is an amethyst shadow, basking in solitude. The swing creaks steadily. Rain drips from her chin. Rain or tears. One hand wrapped around the chain. Another on her lap. She is sleeping.
I advance slowly, trying not to startle her. It occurs to me that she was really awake. Her eyes are staring blankly at the floor, watching the tide of water wash over her mud caked feet. How did I know she was here? When I saw myself gripping that chain, I just knew. And here she is. A lonely ghost, just like my father.
She doesn't seem to be aware of my presence, so I take time to study her. She is still yet. Unmoving. It's as if she is dead there on the swing. When I was here, I was trembling so violently I couldn't control myself. Was she shaking like a leaf on a dying tree, just like I was? That could be a possibility.
I can feel the aching of her heart in myself.
I muster up the courage, then I will myself to speak. "When Mom was sick...and the doctors said they couldn't do anything to save her...I found myself sitting on that very swing.."
She slowly lifts up her head, and faces me with eyes of uncertainty. She arches a brow curiously.
"I couldn't believe the most wonderful soul in the universe was dying right before me..." I continued, "And the world..everyone, even me and you...were powerless and silent."
She opens her mouth, but hesitates. She grips the chain tighter, weakly uttering, "Two months.."
I stared.
"That's all they gave her.."
We gazed at each other for the longest time.
I summed up the courage, the will, the desire..to sit next to her on the swing.
She flinches, intimidated by our closeness. This is the closest we've been since that day. Even our beds are spaced apart so much..
Such a huge gap between us. We are strangers, Riku and I.
Should our names even be in the same sentence?
"Why are you here?" she whispered.
"I wanted..to t-tell you something.." I uttered nervously.
"What can you say that you haven't already said? That you're sorry?"
I paused. Didn't I say that to someone before? Dark? No, it was Daisuke..
"I've loved you since I was 5 years old.."
Guilt assailed me. How am I to make amends when not only is she unwilling to forgive me, but Daisuke confessed that he still had feelings for me?
No, I have to. I have to try.
"You know..I said exactly that to someone once. I guess we're not that different after all."
I reached for her hand slowly. My hands ghosted over the chain and longed to touch her fingers. She withdrew, moving to the other side of her seat.
Tears form in the corner of her eyes, as if she can no longer bear to be in my presence. She abruptly stands and flees from me, the disturbed swing swaying in her absence.
And in that moment, grief and anger stabbed my core. I hate her. I hate her.
She runs into the woods, attempting to lose me there. But I won't. I won't leave now. Not when I was so close..
So close..
I jump up off my swing and leap over the bushes, consumed with the fire, the rage, the heartbreak, the malice..anything I've ever felt.
Before I can react, my legs fail me and I fall face first into a heap of mud, conscious of the fact that she is increasing the distance between us. The gap.
I slowly lift myself up, immersed in filth, wallowing in despair. She's running away from me.
She's running away from me.
Again.
"Nooo!!" I cried. "Dammit, Riku!!"
My cry echoed off the trees, making the leaves tremble. My cry shook the earth, it shook the core of me. Not again. Don't run again. To Daisuke? Never. I'm not letting you go. I hate you. I hate you!
Blinded by dirt, I sat in the heap of mud, hating everyone and everything. I was going to apologize. I once felt remorse. I once felt guilt for what I've done. Now there is only hate. She's running again. Leaving me here alone.
"Run away! Go on! Run! Run away, dammit! I hate you!! Just like you did when I needed you!"
I shout.
To Riku.
To the world.
To my mother.
To my father.
To Dark.
Every living being.
The world left me.
"Just when I needed you..." I wept, my shattered voice trembling. "You hear?? You left me!!"
I wept in the mud, laying in it. Cold and abandoned. I wanted to die. I wanted the sea. I wanted to sink. Just when I had summed up my courage. Was it even courage? I had to apologize. But I love her so much, and she had to leave me...
"Poor ugly duckling!"
"I want you to die!"
"Good God, Risa.."
Arms wrap around me. I feel these cold, trembling worms wrap around my frame. Her hair stings my face, chafing my cheeks. She gasps, exerting air and sobbing to me like a sweet song. In moments I'm reduced to a weeping little girl, hugging her. Praying to the Supreme Intellect in the heavens. And I don't want her to leave. I don't want her to run away. I wasn't given a hand to hold...I wasn't given...
And she wraps her hands around mine, crushing my quivering fingers in her warm palm. She holds me tight to her chest, "I-I'm n-not leaving...anymore...I promise.." she cried. She nodded. "I'll be with you when you sleep. I will." She nodded again, "I will."
I smiled. Somehow, somehow...a foreign power gave me the strength to. I curled my lips into a smile. And I felt the warmth inside me glow, lighting up my sad heart.
"Don't leave me.." I cried, clutching her as tight as I could. "Don't leave.."
"I promise."
We stood up, covered in mud, covered with each other. She kissed my temple, whispering her love, and I smiled again. We walked out of the bushes, not caring that the bristles scratched our legs.
She didn't let go of my hand. We walked in unison. Catching a sickness in the rain. Together.
We are sisters now. Riku and I. And we belong together...in the same sentence, sitting next to each other on the swing, crying to each other. And if I die in the icy pond, so will she.
I have a hand to hold now.
In my warm bed, safe from the rain and the absence of the world. Her hair fell into mine, mingling with my strands, almost as if we were one. And her hand never left. So tightly clasped around mine. And I finally fall asleep.
I lost the Internet for a while, so I couldn't update. I had this chapter finished a long time ago, but the stupid Internet had to go because...well, that's not important. Anyway, hope you liked. This fic is about to end real soon, I already have the next chapter all planned out, and the ones after that, so it's only a matter of typing them down and posting. I also have the Life and Death Of Rio Hikari planned out too. Yay for writing down chapter summaries while I didn't have the Internet! : )
Riku and Risa: Psst! She didn't have enough for the internet bill!
Me: Throws a pillow Shut the freak up!