Chapter 7

Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried
It's never too late to make it right
~Buckcherry, 'Sorry'

Everyone else was sleeping. She just couldn't.

Mira sat up, sighing.

What she had felt in XR's mind had been nagging in the back of hers ever since they'd returned. It hadn't been pretty.

She tried to push away the memories and couldn't. In his weakened state the perky, chipper, quirky personality she thought of as XR had been gone, leaving only the unpleasant things behind... and oh, mother of Venus those things were haunting.

She slipped out of her bed and made her way down the hallway. She hadn't really given it conscious thought, but she knew where she was going- she was going to see XR.

As she made her way down the hall, the memories of what she'd found in his mind attacked her again. First off, the memories of what had been happening to him underground. The horrible feeling of being left in the dark, alone and everywhere had been the question... why is this happening to me?

He'd been wondering if he'd brought it on himself somehow, she remembered with a shudder. Not in a self-pitying way, actually, seriously wondering...

She pushed the thoughts away finally; she was at the science bay. Silently, she ghosted through the wall. Where was he... ah, there, over on that table.

The LGMs had apparently left him there for the night. They must not be finished working on him. But, then, there was a lot of work to do; recharging him, giving him the energy he so desperately needed. Fixing every part of him that had shut down.

Mira sighed. After an ordeal like that there wasn't only physical damage that needed mending, but gee, obviously no one CARED because she didn't see any scheduled appointments with Dr. Animus-

-pfft. Dr. Animus. Even in this situation she almost had to laugh at the notion that THAT quack could help anyone. And, judging by past events, she swore he had it in for XR. He was always trying to prove something was wrong with him. ….Well, something was wrong, but it was nothing like what he was thinking.

Well, she told herself, feeling slightly ashamed and hypocritical, okay, so maybe Dr. Animus couldn't read minds.

She thought it over for a minute.

He was still a jerk.

Having settled that matter, she slipped up to the table in question, where XR lay half-curled on his side, one hand still covering his neck. She stood next to him, for a little while, staring down at his still form, her hands folded before her. He was resting, thank goodness. He was in dire need of rest. At least he was safe. It must be such a relief for him, to feel that he was finally safe.

Her eyes traveled to his neck. His hand had slipped away while she was watching and she flinched. The LGMs still hadn't filled in the punctures left by NOS-4-A2. The bite marks peppered his torso like bullet holes, awful remnants of each night's horror. We could have found him sooner, she thought miserably, why couldn't we have found him sooner? Without thinking, she reached out and ran her fingers across the puncture wounds. They felt as horrible as they looked.

"XR… how did you stand it?" she mumbled absently, obviously not expecting an answer.

"Nnnn…."

Mira jumped. XR was mumbling in his sleep.

"Nnnoo… noo, don't touch me!"

She quickly drew her hand away.

"No, no! Don't! Don't come any closer! Don't hurt me again, please!" he whimpered, kicking and thrashing.

Mira stared at him. Was he really…?

"Please, master, not again-"

He really was.

"XR, shhh!" She placed her hand gently on his shaking arm. "It's me, it's Mira!"

He relaxed.

"Murra?" he murmured in a low slur.

"Yes."

"What're y'doin'… here?"

"You're in the science bay, XR."

"Wh-why is Nnnos-fer-atuu in…?"

She cut him off desperately. "He's not here, XR. Don't think about him. You're safe."

"Then... what're yeh…"

"I just came to check on you," she said ingratiatingly.

"…Check on mmme?" he mumbled.

"I was worried about you."

She could admit that, couldn't she? He was barely conscious and probably wouldn't even remember it later... not that it was a problem or anything, friends could worry about each other...

He grinned. "Mmmm…"

"Get some rest, XR. You need it."

"Oooo-kaaay…"

She had the sudden compulsion to kiss his helmet, for- some weird reason or another- well, he wouldn't remember it, right? His smile broadened. He sighed deeply, then went still again. He was drifting back to sleep.

Mira sighed down at him. He was having nightmares about NOS-4-A2.

So-o-o… he didn't feel safe.

She chewed her lip thoughtfully.

Really… had he ever felt safe in the first place?

---

The next day he wasn't in the science bay. When she asked the LGMs about it, they told her they'd finished looking him over. He was fully recharged; he was fine, and they'd let him go. Confused, she thanked them and left.

She found him in the break room, fighting with the vending machine again.

Why he did that, she'd never know. He couldn't even eat. Maybe he was venting.

She sighed. This was not going to be easy.

"XR, can I talk to you?"

With one last kick, he turned to her, still scowling from the vestiges of his vending-machine rage. "What about?"

She rubbed the back of her neck, wondering how to continue. This was a touchy subject. But she had to talk to him. She couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Well, it's just… well, it's about NOS-4-A2."

Whatever trace of happiness or calm had been on XR's face (none) faded. He stiffened. The very air around him seemed to grow cold.

"What about him?" He tried to sound cool, but the fear leaked through.

"Well… I-I just wanted… I wanted to say, you know, um-" She shrugged, then sighed and looked away. "I'm sorry."

Now he looked confused. "Why?" His eyes widened. "You're not him, are you?" He started to back away, trembling.

She rolled her eyes. "No, I'm not." Talk about paranoia. "Come on, would NOS-4-A2 really apologize?"

He blinked. "I guess not..."

She sighed. "Anyway… What I'm sorry about is what I- well- what he put you through, I… I-" She turned away, fiddling with her hair. "I... never understood how much his attacks affected you."

"Yeah, well, why should you? It's not like he's ever bitten you, and besides -" he paused, frowning. "Waaait… what makes you think you understand now?"

She'd been dreading this. "Well… back in his lair, I… I did a mind-probe on you-"

He gaped at her. "You WHAT?"

Oh, horrors. The lewd thoughts she could have found, the secret wishes, the- private doubts and insecurities-

"I'm sorry! We were worried about you! I just wanted to find out what was wrong!" she insisted frantically, holding her hands up shieldingly.

"So… your hand was... in my HEAD?" he screamed, panicked. His hands automatically reached up to his neck, reacting to the emotion itself, not its cause, and Mira flinched.

"Yes," she admitted, looking away. "And while I was in there, I- well, y'know, I..." She cringed. "I, uh, y'know, pfft-"

He tapped his foot impatiently. Okay. Okay Mira, just spit it out, you only have to say it once.

"Ifeltyourpain."

"Wazzat?"

Okay, you only have to say it twice.

Mira sighed and touched her fingertips to her head. "I mean... I could... get an idea of... what you went through..." Her hand went down and she stared down at him, looking upset. "I- I never knew one person could- I have no idea how you didn't go crazy."

He blinked up at her, looking hurt and angry.

"I... never knew you were in pain," she mumbled, looking down.

"You never asked," he grumbled, hugging himself. She looked upwards, eyes wide. "Huh?"

"I said... up your a-"

"That's NOT what you said," she insisted.

XR looked down, kicking at the floor and whimpering.

"I tried to yell ya- Booster too, you just- y'never listened, I dunno, I gave up-"

"You didn't try very hard."

He suddenly looked angry. "Yeah, like you did," he spat furiously. "You never paid any attention. You knew what happened when he bit me the first time - you all knew! And you just let it happen again! You knew I was scared; you just didn't CARE!"

He was trembling now. Mira stared. She had seen him get worked up before, but never like this. Oh no. What had she started?

She got down to her knees, putting her hands on his shoulders (he was shaking, and weirdly warm) and attempting to calm him down. "XR…"

He wasn't listening. She bit her lip.

"Nobody ever cares about what happens to the robot!" He adopted a high-pitched, overly-peppy voice. "Oh, don't worry, he can be rebuilt, he can be recharged, it doesn't matter, it can all be fixed!"

Mira's stomach churned with guilt. She had been one of those people. She had never worried about XR. No matter how bad a shape he was in, he could always be put back together again. She'd thought such a thing would make someone feel invincible, invulnerable. Special! She'd never considered it might make them feel…

…expendable… oh, sweet mother of Venus.

"It can't all be fixed, can it?" Mira mumbled, crossing her arms over her chest and looking away. She felt oddly… chastised. Like she was in school. It bugged her.

XR's brow furrowed. "No," he muttered darkly, his shoulders slumping.

Mira found her mind suddenly not only not giving her anything to say, but seemingly unwilling to even TRY to think of anything for her to say. Graaah.

When a few minutes passed and she still hadn't said anything, he let out an annoyed huff.

"So why don't you just leave me alone?" he snapped, turning away.

She hesitated. Should she just drop it? Hadn't he been through enough already? She was probably just making it worse. She straightened up and turned to leave… Wait. Wait, no-

There was something else that was bothering her.

"You… you asked him to kill you?"

XR stared at her. "How - how did you… know?"

"NOS-4-A2 mentioned it. Right before he tried to attack you."

He seemed to relax, but his face went very cold. "Oh. So this isn't something you fished out of my head? A little bird didn't tell you?"

She gave him an indignant look. "No, it's not. And could you please let that go?"

"Fine," XR shrugged lightly. "No matter how weird it is," he muttered, in just the right tone to make it SOUND like she wasn't supposed to hear, but loud enough to make sure she DID.

She glared at him. "That's it!" She pointed emphatically. "Stop acting like I violated you! You're not the only one I've ever done that to, you know. And what was I supposed to do, huh? You were acting so weird, I was worried about you!"

Her eyes widened and she clapped her hands over her mouth. Craters. She'd done it again.

"You were… what now?" he asked, and she couldn't really tell whether he was being sarcastic or genuinely confused.

She pulled back, shrugging and clasping her hands behind her back with wide, rolling eyes. "Well, pfft, I dunno, you're-"

She hemmed and hawed for a few seconds until he cleared his throat with a loud, metallic clack.

"I was... y'know, worried about, you, I mean..." She shrugged again, trailing off and looking at the floor. "I mean, we're friends, of course I was... we're friends."

For the first time in a long time, his mouth twitched into a half-smile. "Really?"

"Can we just drop it?" she asked, tone flat with irritation (why did this bother her so much? she wondered). "You never answered me. Why did you ask him to kill you?"

XR stopped smiling. He stared down at his feet, kicking the ground absently.

After a minute, she realized he wasn't answering and gently prodded- "We-e-ell?"

"I don't remember."

His face scrunched up like he was going to cry. "I- I just remember- oh, man, I don't wanna talk about it-"

"Oh- okay, never mind- I'm s-sorry," she said.

XR turned away, rubbing his neck. "I probably- I don't know. It's none of your business. But- oh, man."

He looked at the floor. Mira bit her lip.

"It was really that bad, huh?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah, it was," he mumbled absently. "Not that, you know, it... matters... I'll be back at work tomorrow..."

Wait, WHAT?

"You'll WHAT?"

He looked up at her, surprised. "Be back at work?

She knelt back down to his level and tucked her hair behind her ear, blinking. "But- you're not... ready for duty yet..."

He looked a little... upset. But only a little. There was no anger, which was a good sign.

She reached up and caressed- uh, touched his shoulder.

"Maybe you should take a week off, huh? You look like you need it."

He blinked. He did look pretty off. Tired and just kinda sad.

"Mohambas 6?" she suggested. He used to love the beach. STILL loved the beach, dangit, he was the same person- well- sort of- "You still like the beach, right?"

His expression did not change. He said nothing. Aaaargh. Awkwarrrd.

She was about to try something else when he said-

"You'd go with me?"

He sounded shocked, disbelieving.

She blinked.

"Oh, um, you thought- you thought I-"

He blinked again, looking hurt. Oh no, no no, this was going south fast-

That harrowing phrase he kept repeating echoed through her head, don't hurt me again, Master, please, don't let him hurt me again- She shook her head.

"Umm, you know what? Yeah." She made her face relax, and nodded in a hopefully sincere way. "I could- I could use a vacation too. Yeah. We'll go together."

He perked up.

Inwardly, Mira groaned. What was she dooiiing.

On the other hand, she did want to be close to XR for a little while, get him back on his feet... And, now that she thought about it, it probably wasn't wise to leave him alone now. He was still recovering, he was still have nightmares about that awful creature - Heaven only knew what he'd do to himself if he was left alone in his stressed state.

He started babbling happily about a timeshare he supposedly owned. Mira just smiled and nodded, inwardly writhing.

Going away with XR. How had she gotten into this? She hadn't meant to get sucked into a trip with him, she'd just meant for him to take a break, relax, have a little alone time…

Alone… Duh. She mentally cursed herself. What had she been thinking? Of course XR wouldn't want to be alone right now. He'd been alone for days in a hole, alone and afraid, cold and hurt, with no one but that monster for company… well, and the dead robots everywhere, of course. Oh yeah, they must have been great company.

She shivered. Why did it scare her so much? She wasn't the one who'd had to live through it…

How was anything going to feel right with him again…

"Mira?"

She jumped, snapped out of her reverie. "Huh?"

"Is… something wrong?"

She stared at him. Everything.

"No! No, of course not!" She forced herself to smile. "I was just… thinking."

He grinned brightly. "What about?"

"About… well, about this trip, how I'm gonna convince Buzz to let us take it."

The grin faded, replaced by a look of disappointment. "Oh. Oh yeah. Enh." He scuffed at the floor with one tread, suddenly looking guilty.

She held up her hand. "Don't worry, I'll talk to him. I'll work it all out."

"So it's settled?" he asked cheerfully.

She nodded, forcing herself to keep smiling. "It's settled."

"Great! I'll get ready!"

He wheeled out of the room, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

She pinched the bridge of her nose. Just her and XR… Well, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. After all, they'd been on missions before, just the two of them, it wouldn't be any different than that, right? What could possibly happen?

And she was going to Mohambas 6.

She smiled a little.

Sweet.

---

"Buzz? I need to talk to you."

"What is it, Mira?"

All business. He was always all business. But this was personal.

"It's… well, it's XR."

"Ah, yes," Buzz said brightly. "He seems to be coming along fine."

Mira gave him a wilted look. Oh, Buzz of little brain. So valiant and brave, yet so socially inept.

"No, he's not," she said firmly. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

He gave her a weird look. "What? What's wrong, does he really have mental fatigue this time?"

Mira sighed. Downright Cro-Magnon. "No, Buzz. It's just... you know. He's been through a lot. He needs more time to recover. I think… I think I should take him on some R-and-R. Give him a chance to rest before he comes back to duty."

Buzz looked skeptical. "What makes you think that?"

Mira hesitated. "He's been through a lot," she repeated. "NOS-4-A2 almost drained all of his energy. He's never been attacked so severely before. And besides, he was never really given the chance to recover from the other attacks. I mean, we never even got him a new AFD..."

"He's recharged now," Buzz pointed out. "And he's been through it before."

The anger from the previous night returned full-force and she glared at him. "Will you stop saying that?!" she hissed. Buzz's eyes widened. "How is that supposed to make things better?"

"I… well, I just…" Buzz stammered.

"You don't think it got worse for him as it went on? Buzz, he was taken prisoner by the energy vampire. NOS-4-A2 was draining his life away. You think that wasn't painful? That it wasn't traumatic for him? He was cold and alone and hurt and scared for days. You think that kind of experience is something he should just get used to?!"

"Mira, calm down!" Buzz held up his hands, staring at her in shock. She realized with some surprise that one of her fists was raised as though in preparation to bash his head in. Oops. "I'm just trying to understand why you're suddenly so adamant about giving him a 'chance to recover.' You've never been so concerned about it before. What's different now?"

Mira blinked and the anger seemed to ebb away, leaving an almost haunted look in her eyes. She turned away, crossing her arms. "I just… I'm just looking out for him, that's all. I've just… realized that, you know, maybe he's not as indestructible as we thought."

Buzz raised an eyebrow at her, frowning. "And what happened to make you realize that?"

She was silent for a long time, unyielding. Something in her eyes made him think she was fighting desperately to hold something back.

"Mira," he said softly, as gently as he possibly could. "You can tell me."

Mira bit her lip. How could she explain what she'd felt? How could she just give away XR's most personal thoughts? She couldn't do that to him, not after how upset he'd gotten with her… she owed it to him, she promised she wouldn't let him get hurt anymore…

But she had to tell Buzz something. And she supposed she also owed it to him to be honest. He deserved to know what was going on, after all. He had a right to know why she'd been acting strangely, too; if she kept this up without giving him a reason he'd start to think there was something wrong with her. She just wouldn't tell him everything, that was all. She'd just tell him what he needed to understand the severity of the situation.

"Buzz, back in NOS-4-A2's lair…" she faltered. He nodded encouragingly. "I did a mind-probe on XR. Buzz, you wouldn't believe… all the pain he was feeling… that was all he was feeling. He was hurt and terrified and miserable and… It was awful." She looked up at him, her eyes wide and wounded-looking. "You can't even imagine… of all the thoughts I've read, I've never, ever felt anything so horrible. It was so bad, he… he thought he was being punished."

Buzz gaped at her. "Why would he think that?"

Her eyes widened and she looked away, rubbing her arm. "Well… because… he just- you know, it- it's not important. What matters is…"

"Does this have anything to do with that fight you two were hav-"

"It's not important," she snapped. He started to speak again – but she gave him such a cold glare he stopped. "Really, it… it doesn't matter now. The point is he's just endured something terrible. And it's been that way before, and… and none of us noticed. He needs to know it wasn't his fault, that it wasn't something he deserved. He's still hurting, Buzz. He's not ready to go back out there yet. He needs a chance to recover. Really recover."

Buzz stared at her. She looked determined as ever, but underneath her resolve was a sense of urgency; a quiet desperation to be understood, for him to see that this was all true. Mira wouldn't make this up.

"This is serious," he said softly.

Mira nodded, folding her hands neatly behind her back. "It is."

Buzz sighed. If his teammates needed something, desperately needed something, he'd see that they got it. He didn't want any of them to be suffering. Maybe… maybe he had been a little insensitive about XR's troubles in the past. And if Mira said he needed to recover, then he needed to recover. He could see to that much.

"Alright, Mira. I'll let the Commander know."

She looked immensely relieved. "Thanks, Buzz."

She turned to leave. Well, that wasn't so hard.

Buzz watched her go. He wasn't quite convinced XR really needed a vacation, but he could tell Mira thought so. He wanted Mira to be happy. And he wanted XR to be happy, too. Maybe the little guy really was hurting. He did act kinda weird. Maybe he did need some help.

"Mira, hold up!"

Mira turned at the door with a questioning look.

He smiled at her. "Take all the time he needs."

Mira blinked. A smile spread slowly across her face. "We will. Thank you."

He nodded, watching the door slide shut behind her. He turned around, feeling strangely like he'd just done something really good. Well, all in a day's work for Buzz Lightyear.

Mira headed down the hallway, hugging herself. It was official. She was going away with XR. It shouldn't make her feel this nervous, it really shouldn't. What did she think was going to happen? It wasn't like she was going away with a stranger…

She sighed. She may as well have been, after everything that had happened. She almost felt like she didn't know him anymore. Like she had to get to know him all over again…

She paused suddenly as that thought sunk in. Who was she taking this trip for, anyway?

AN: So that's it! For Part I, anyway.

I can't believe it's all up. Seems like we just started uploading it… It's been so much fun; thank you to everyone who's left us reviews. We hope you've all enjoyed reading this as much as we enjoyed working on it! Until Part II! ^^

~BG

A/N: IT'S OVERRRR

Wow, that was a fun ride! Hope you like this last chapter, and yeah, keep an eye out for Part II!