Solipsism

Ten: Not in Any Hurry

"Doctor… Doctor… Doctor…" I hear the voice, a familiar voice, chanting over and over.

I swallow hard and then close my eyes more tightly. I want to go back to where I was…

"Doctor, Wake up!"

Someone is rubbing my breastbone, just above my hearts. It feels terrible and I am forced to open my eyes and focus on the face floating above my head.

"It's about time!" Jack Harkness frowns at me. "I thought you were going to sleep forever!"

I squeeze my eyes shut and then open them again. Still the same sight, only this time Jack's face is smiling.

I open my mouth and try to say something clever but nothing comes out other than a sort of hoarse croaking sound. My eyes widen and Jack takes my hand in his.

"Take it easy, take it easy," he says softly. "You've been through a bit of a rough time. You're going to be okay but your respiratory system took quite a beating. It'd be best if you don't speak. You're weak and will probably be pretty damned sore for a few days. Still…" Jack's eyes are sparkling and his smile grows brighter, "it could've been worse. A lot worse."

I nod my head and squeeze his hand. I've realized I'm lying on a bed in the TARDIS and I have decided I want to sit up. Jack – of course! – knows exactly what to do and so he helps me raise my head and shoulders off the pillows and get comfortable. Then he sits down gently next to me on the bed. He's still holding my hand and somehow it feels right; I'm not in any hurry to let go of it. I look at him, waiting…

"The Newhope is gone, destroyed. She committed suicide." He glances down for a beat and blinks. I can tell he's trying his best not to cry. "There was still a glimmering little piece of her remaining, after all that happened. She asked me to do it, to initiate her self-destruct. She begged me to deploy it and so I did, just before I brought you back here to your ship, to our ship, Doctor."

I squeeze his hand again, he squeezes mine back and then shrugs.

"I don't know that we'll ever really understand what happened. How she came to be compromised, as she called it. Maybe it was when we confronted the fleets. Maybe it was after you and I left. John…"

I nod quickly in response to John's name, because I want to know…

"Oh! Sorry! John is okay. He's fine… he's off playing with Spike somewhere, probably the control room."

For a moment Jack is elsewhere, his eyes wandering and unfocused, but then just as quickly he's back again in the here and now. "You'll be interested to know the TARDIS has sort of taken John under her wing. He got us off and away from the Newhope immediately after I returned with you, and then took us to one of the system's inner planets. It's uninhabited and boring – no space monsters or other icky things. Anyway, John isn't sure that what happened to Newhope wasn't maybe a Time Agency trick. Some sort of embedded Trojan. I know it sounds improbable and ridiculous, and disturbing to boot, but John definitely has his suspicions, although he's not shared them with me in full. At least not yet…"

He pauses, leans back, and takes a deep breath while I gaze solemnly into his eyes.

"And I'm fine, too," Jack Harkness eventually says in response to my look. "No lasting damage, although I have to admit death by exposure to vacuum is my absolute least favorite way to go. I won't willingly sign up for that again!"

He laughs out loud and I can't help but smile.

"Hey, it's kind of fun having you not be able to talk!" When I shake my head he adds, "Well, it's different, you have to admit that!"

I decide I want to try again, so I swallow and quietly as possible clear my throat.

"Jack…" I manage to whisper. "I promised you a proper adventure…"

For a moment the Captain looks away from me and I realize Mr. Glass-Half-Empty is trying to decide what to say. At length he raises his head and meets my eyes fully, "Why, what do you mean, Doctor?"

Jack brings up his other hand, sandwiches mine between his, and smiles. It's a knowing smile and a slightly poignant one as well. It is a type of smile frequently shared by those of us living aboard this ship, our TARDIS. "This has been the most fun I've had since we were on the Crucible," he says, the poignancy of his smile reaching his eyes.

I return the selfsame smile.