Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the Broadway shows that are being spoofed. Please don't sue me! This is all in good fun.
ACT ONE, SCENE 1
The stage is dark. The top and the sides of the stage are framed with green trees. The lights slowly come on, showing a female lying in an upright bed. An alarm clock rings, the lights come on fully and the covers on the female come flying off and she sits up.
CHORUS:
BELLA!
BELLA:
Oh, oh, oh
Woke up today
Feeling the way I always do
CHORUS:
Depressed!
BELLA:
Oh, oh, oh
Good morning, Forks
The rhythm of this town
Really puts me down
Like a message from low below
Oh, oh, oh
Good morning, Forks
Why do you have to be so damn depressing?
Bella jumps from the bed fully dressed, sits at her vanity and applies some make up. She grabs her books and the scene shifts to outside. Bella jumps into an ancient beat up red Chevy truck (or at least the card board cut out of one).
Good morning, Forks!
Here my life is like an open book
I haven't even made it through the first day of school
But yet everyone knows my name
How weird is that?
The scenery changes behind Bella as she "drives" to school. Bella reaches school and falls out of her truck. The other people on stage laugh at her. She stands up and brushes her clothes off. Bella takes a wad of paper out of her back pocket and examines it. She starts walking.
And when I take the floor,
The world is gonna wake up and see
How much of a klutz I can be!
Good morning, Forks!
You're not a spork!
ACT 1, SCENE 2
Eric: You must be Isabel-la!
Bella: Um, yeah, and you are?
Eric: The Forks High School welcoming committee! [He extends a hand to her] I'm Eric Yorkie, at your service. [He bows]
Another boy with spiky, blonde hair walks up next to Eric.
Mike: Hi! I'm Mike Newton. You must be Isabella Swan!
Bella:
How do they know me?
Why must I be the talk of the town?
Why does my father Charlie
Have to live in such a crap little town?
When you fart everyone must know it
All the girls must know each other cycles
This is too much information for everyone to know.
All this little crap bothers me!
Mike can't stop staring at Bella as they walk. The scenery changes behind them to a class room. Bella and Mike sit down at a set of desks.
Mike:
I've got a crush on Bella Swan
I've got a crush so bad, you see
She should be mine!
She's just so fine!
What a beautiful girl
I need to be around her all the time
How can I convince her to go out with me?
I am
Such a
Dork you see!
I've got a crush on Bella Swan
Oh, help me, please!
Mike and Bella settle in for their class. The day passes and the class room scenery changes behind them.