Authors Note: this chappy is incredible. Leev me peeps, DIS IS HAYNIS.
CHAPTER 3
Bella called over Edward. "Edward... remember when I took the small internship at that school in Scotland?" (see my previous story, peeps)
Edward nodded.
"Well I kinda had a fling with this guy..."
Edward looked shocked. "Who?" He stared into the caramel face of the babe wrapped in swaddling clothing.
" Honestly Edward I was confused I love you so much! He was a mistake just like that ugly bastard over there." Tears streaked down her placid pale face.
"What was his name?"
Bella looked down. "His name... was..."
"You're lying, Bella! I can see it in the bastard's face. It's Jacob's!"
Esme was wide-eyed. "Did you know because of the eyes, Edward?"
"No, I knew because it's an ugly dirty pirate bastard."
"True say, Edz homie," replized Jazz.
"It can't be Jacob's" insisted Rosa.
"Why not?!" challenged Emmy.
"Because I've been sleeping with him." Said Rosie-Posie
"But wait... I've been sleeping with him too!" shrieked Carlise.
"Samezies." Chimed in Eddie.
" I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Bella broke the ice "ITS HAGRIDS!"
"Who?" Enquired half of the Veggie Coven.
"The keeper of keys and condoms at Hogwarts." Sang bella. "and dats why im naming the baby Haggelward."
"But Bella, I t'ink it's a girl" said Alice.
"NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED!" screamed Bella.
Suddenly all the McCullens looked at the metal cradle. But... it was empty!!!