Yes I am alive! I'm sorry sorry sorry! I have to be the worst updater on FanFic! Please forgive me!
PLEASE READ THIS!- To understand this chapter you must understand that all the male singular pronouns in italics are Edward. Bella is still not good with saying his name and i put them in italics so you would not think that they were Mike or someone else. Also all the songs are in Italics. Ok now if you do not want to listen to me ramble some more you may skip down to the story. ENJOY!
Dedication - for my poor dear sweet homecoming date- Chaz (sound familiar? It's Angela's date too!) Poor Chaz had to dance with me...(I'm alot like Bella in that department- clumsey and destructive)
Dancing, Angels, and Dreams
Mike smiled eagerly and moved forward to place his arms around my waist. His eyes glimmered happily as he began to lead me in slow circles. I could already tell this was going to be bad.
The song that had started out smooth with a soft guitar was now harsh. The singer was singing nonsense words, strung together into sentences that made absolutely no sense, either. His voice was rough, sort of like a growl.
I tried to think about the music instead of the boy in my arms …or the burning on the back of my hand.
Just imagine Mike as someone else, I thought. But the hallucination would not be right at all. That boy, if he were here, would have held me to his chest. My feet would have sat on his, like I used to do when I was five. Then he would have stroked my hair and whispered lies in my ear. For that is what I know tem to be now, all lies.
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never be
Never see
Won't see what might have been
My foot suddenly caught on my skirt and I toppled sideways. Mike, who was holding onto my waist with a death grip, ended up falling with me. Thankfully the boy dancing beside us saw us falling towards him and promptly released his confused dance partner and helped us up.
"Thanks." I gasped, blushing furiously. "Sorry."
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub thee Unforgiven
This line pulled me away from Mike and back into my thoughts. He was and would remain as long as he was away, unforgiven. I knew I would forgive him if I ever saw him again but knew for a fact that that would never happen. He no longer loved me…but I would always love him.
Mike was smiling stupidly down at me. I half wondered what my face looked like. Was I smiling back at him? Was I supposed to be?
In my mind I was busy cutting and pasting his head onto Mike's shoulders.
He real Mike smiled sheepishly at me and I could tell that whatever he was going to say next was going to be really bad for me. I pulled myself out of my thoughts. I needed to be fully aware for this.
"You look really pretty, Bella." He said softly.
Oh great! What was I supposed to say to that!? "Thank you, Mike." Now I had to say something else…oh no, I was blushing. "You look very…" Pretty? No. Handsome? Lets try to avoid that word. "Cute." I finished. Cute? Okay that could work.
He smiled.
I'm glad one of us is happy.
Then he gazed into my eyes.
Crap, I really hate dances.
Suddenly my nose itched. As did my ear…and my…. elbow? Wait! Those mean something! One means someone is talking about you (Jessica maybe), one means someone is thinking about you (Mike, definitely, and in more ways than I would like), and the last one means some one wants to kiss you…or does it mean someone is walking over your grave. But which is which?!
Now I just wanted to get out of there. How long was that song anyway?
So I dub thee unforgiven…
The music faded out and was soon replaced by a base and snapping…oh no.
I quickly dropped my arms and backed away from Mke.
Look back and watch me
Smack that all on the floor
Smack that give me some more
Smack that 'till you get sore
Smack that oh-oh!
The crowd was growing around us.
"Bella! Where are you going?" Mike whined over the music. "Stay and dance with me!" He placed his hands again on my waist, pulling my body roughly to his.
"No." I tried to pull away but he held me close.
"You look very pretty, Bella." He repeated. "You also look very sexy."
I pushed away from him with all my strength.
He looked shocked.
"Don't be stupid Mike. I said no."
I stomped off to the restrooms feeling both embarrassed and angry. Stupid Mike! Why couldn't he just act normal!
As I passed the mirror I caught a glimpse myself in the mirror. The phantom stared at me with empty, lifeless eyes, its skin was far too white and a streak of black mascara was streaked across its face. I wetted a paper towel and began to work at rubbing it off.
The door open and Angela rushed in. "Oh my gosh, Bella! I saw what happened! Are you okay!?" She gasped.
She was really turning into one of my allies.
"Ya. I'm fine." I muttered embarrassed and concentrating on the black streak.
"Mike was really being a jerk. I don't blame you, Bella."
She was trying to make me feel better. And it was actually working a little.
We stood there in silence for a while until she finally said, "I think that song ended. Do you want to go back out? I promise no one will make you dance with Mike."
"Ya." I agreed. "Okay."
The black line had turned into a gray smudge that I'm sure would not be visible in the dimmed lights out on the dance floor.
Angela led me out, keeping to the sides of the dance floor.
Apparently while I was gone JohnnyO had gotten tired of the lack of good music and had done a hostile take over of the CD collection while the real DJ was in the bathroom.
JohnnyO was a Junior boy who, sometime in his freshman year had decided to replace his real name (Jonathan Oberman) with his new rapper name, JohnnyO. With his name he had also gotten rid of his dorky outfits and star wars action figure collection and replaced it with huge tee shirts and pants that fell to around his ankles. Of course I had not witnessed this transformation, but I had heard all about it from the most reliable source of gossip in the school, aka Jessica.
He had found a microphone somewhere and was now holding in and standing on the drink table.
Conpletely ignoreing the fact that he was white he half rapped half spoke the words. "Can someone volunteer a very special sexy lady for me to sing to tonight?" He looked around expectantly.
No one said anything.
"How about Mrs. Marcheez? She's bringin sexy back, right?!"
Mrs Marcheez glared at him from her corner.
"Or…not…"
Finally someone humored him. A random boy whispered a name to him.
"Oh ya! This is gonna be hot yo!"
Isn't 'yo' I in Spanish? I never really understood what yo meant.
"Hit it!"
The music started, a deep thumping beat. Everyone started to dance again.
Then I recognized the song- Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake. It was an okay song…not really my style, but whatever, at least I would not have to dance with Mike. Public humiliation time had ended for me…or so I thought.
Isabella's bringin' sexy back ya!
Oh crap! I spoke to soon!
Mike over here he know how to act Ya!
Way way way to soon! I began to push through the crowd. People turned to look at me, laughing as I passed.
Look out behind you….he's behind your back
ya!
Wait…seriously?
So turn around and He'll give you a heart attack!
Ya!
I turned. JohnnyO was right. Mike was pushing after me. I'm going to murder that random child who requested me!
Take it to the bridge!
Oh no! Please don't!
Bella Babe!
You see these shackles, baby you're his slave
He'll make you kiss him if you misbehave
It's just that no one makes him feel this way
Take it to the chorus!
More!?
Come here girl, go head be gone with it
Come on back, go head be gone with it
VIP, Pepsi on me
At this he turned to wink at the teachers, proud that he had not mentioned alcohol. They gave him blank stares, unimpressed. Because of this he missed a whole line and rushed to get back on track.
You better run quick
You make him smile
It's your last chance child before he gets his sexy on!
Thankfully, the real DJ came back and quickly took back the microphone.
"Ok now lets slowwwwww it down." The 60 year old balding DJ said. "Guys pick one of those sexxxxxxxxxxxyyyyyyyyyyy ladies because this is the last slow song of the night!" He pulled out some of the words but the intended effect was completely lost by his utter creepiness.
Again everyone moved off the dance floor in a rush.
All I had to do was avoid Mi-
"Bella!"
Did he never learn!? I turned unwillingly to find him standing next to Jessica. She looked oddly smug.
"Umm…" Mike looked uncomfortable. "Do you mind if I dance with Jess?"
"Oh!" I had not expected that. Doesn't mean that it was not welcome though. "Of course not! Go ahead!"
He smiled sheepishly and turned to dance with her.
I looked around, wanting to move away. I turned again and again only to find more couples. I was surrounded. I could not get out with out disturbing at least one couple. I decided just to stand there until I saw a gap, rather than disturb anyone.
I crossed my arms over my chest, a little happy with the situation. Not only could I not get out but, thankfully, no one else could get-
"Hey sexy.'' Even before I turned I knew who it was.
"Mackenzie!?" I turned and there he was standing behind me. "How the hell did you get into my bubble!?"
The music had started, a soft guitar strum.
His eyebrows came together in a comical look of confusion. "Your what?" Then he shook his head. "I suppose you mean this." He gestured to the surrounding people. "I'm stuck in here, the same as you."
I could have sworn he had not been there a minute ago.
"While we're stuck here…"
Oh shoot.
"Dance with me." He commanded.
"Um…" I had not meant to start that way, it just burst out. Excuse! Excuse! Excuse! Just say no. My brain told me. No, no, no! "Um…Okay." Wait what! No! Can I still change my mind!?
A huge smile spread across his face, and, before I could properly voice my change of mind, he grabbed my hand and pulled me to him, placing his other hand on my waist.
My hand automatically went up to his neck.
He smiled down at me and I grimased.
I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feelin' like a child now
Cause everytime I see your bubbly face
I get the tingles in a silly place
His style of dancing was different. While his had been romantic and effortless on my part, and Mikes had been just swaying, Mackenzies required work. He dipped and spun and at one point he tried to tango. I fumbled over the movements, constantly making mistakes and stepping on his feet. When I did this he would laugh and squeeze my hand. And then I found myself laughing. Laughing real laughter for the first time in a long time. He made mistakes also, sometimes tripping, but I had a funny feeling that he was doing this on purpose. This dance was also, and I hate to admit it, more fun. Everything about him, from his dancing eyes to his easy smile was more playful than everyone else. It was as if his whole life was a little game and he was constantly winning.
It starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Where ever you go.
Mackenzie laughed as I almost fell backwards into Mike, who finally saw us. His eyes narrowed when I looked at him to say sorry, chuckling to myself. My laughter quickly died. "Sorry." I muttered, feeling pathetic when I realized that I was apologizing for more than just falling into him. Mackenzie saw this and pulled me away from Mike with an annoyed expression.
The rain is fallin' on my window pane
But we are hidin' in a safer place
Under cover stayin dry and warm
You give me feelins that I adore
"Are you having fun?" Mackenzie asked when I stepped on his foot again and laughed.
"Fun? Ya, sure. I mean it's a dance so there is only so much fun that I can have. Considering that I am having a nice time."
"You don't like dances?"
I shook my head.
"Why? Dances are a blast. You have fun, get to dress up, and I mean its not like you can embarrass yourself because you know that there is always someone making a bigger fool of themselves somewhere in the building. Also you make new friends." He looked at me hopefully when he voiced that last sentence.
They start in my toes
Make me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Where ever you go
"Do you consider us friends yet."
"Sure, I think that's reasonable." I smiled. Why not? Now that he has Becka he will not think of me like that anymore, right?
He smiled, victorious.
I've been asleep for a while now
You tuck me in just like a child now
Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth
It starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feelin shows
Cause you make me smile baby
Just take your time now
Holdin' me ti-i-ight
Suddenly he slowed down, staring at me.
"What?"
He smiled another pure smile. "Nothing." He paused. "Did I mention that you look incredibly beautiful?"
My mind turned to mush at the word beautiful. "I think you did say something about that before."
He chuckled. "I felt it was worth repeating." He waited a moment before adding. "It means more to you when I tell you than when Mike does though, right." His smile was gone.
"I really don't want to talk about this."
He bit his lower lip adorably but nodded. "Is there something you would rather discuss?"
Uh….huh?
"How about-." His face lit up. "That wonderful romantic comedy that will come out in theaters on Friday."
He must have seen my face because he quickly changed his mind. "Or that one with the female president? I would be killing two birds with one stone. Getting you to go out with me and supporting women's rights!" He smiled hugely.
"No." I turned him down for what felt like the hundredth time. Good thing the song was coming to an end.
Where ever, Where ever, Where ever you go
Where ever, Where ever, Where ever you go
where ever you go I always know
That you make me smile
Even just for a whi-i-le...
"You have Becka." I reminded him.
His smile froze. His blue eyes lost part of their sparkle
"No, not really." He looked flustered. "That was a huge mistake. I was angry and I was being cruel and I will never ever do anything like that to you again. It was the worst thing I think I've ever done."
I was beyond confused now. I was not even sure that we were still talking about the same thing. I was mad at Mackenzie for not telling me whatever he said that he would tell me. I was mad at him for being vague and mysterious. I was mad at him for reasons that I could not even explain to myself.
"What did you say to Becka before?"
" Before-?"
"Right after…after you said hello to me."
He chuckled at my red face. "It was nothing, don't worry about it." He smiled reassuringly.
"Was it about me?"
"Seriously, don't let it trouble you. I will tell you everything but not yet." His face was dark and he did not look at me in the eyes.
"Why would you tell me anything at all, ever?"
"Because I really like you." He smiled again.
"But you and Becka are-." Now I was confused.
The music had ended. So had the magic.
"Why can't you tell me now?" I took a step away from him. I dropped my one hand from his neck but he held on to my other hand tight.
"I will later. I promise. Everything is so complicated. Just know for now that there never was a Becka and me and I never want there to be. I just want a Bella and me." He smiled adorably.
"So you like me more than her?" Only after the words were out of my mouth did I realize how bad they sounded.
Mackenzie's eyebrows came together as he frowned.
"No, never mind. Don't answer. I didn't mean that."
But he gripped my hand tighter. I felt cold skin through his gloves. "No. It is true."
"What!?"
"What you just said is true."
It is true? Mackenzie likes me over the beautiful Becka?
"I have to go." I whispered and he released my hand.
"Okay." He nodded but his sparkling blue eyes said something totally else.
The dance was almost over anyway. I went around and said my goodbyes. Most of the people told me that they would drive me home but I convinced them that I was fine.
Mike was the only one who insisted.
"Bella, I know you don't have a ride and you can't walk home. I'll drive you."
"I'll come too." Angela popped out of nowhere.
Mike looked disappointed but I quickly said "Okay." and threw Angela a grateful smile.
The drive home was almost completely silent. Mike drove and Angela and I shared the passenger's seat. Neither of us wanted to sit in the backseat alone of alone in the front seat with Mike. Halfway there Mike turned on his radio and added a little drum solo to random parts of the songs. It was kind of annoying but soon we were at my house.
"I had a great time, Bella." Mike turned to me.
Oh no! I think I've seen this kind of scene in movies. "Ya. I did too, Mike." That's what the girl in the movie had said.
"I did too!" Angela cut in, making me smile. There had not been a third person in any of the movies.
"Ok, well I'll see you both tomorrow!" I said brightly before anyone could comment and slid out of the car.
I ran up the front path and used my key to get in.
"Bella? Is that you?"
"Yes, Charlie!" I called a little exasperated. If it were someone breaking in would they say no?
I changed into sweats and plopped down on the couch next to Charlie. It was on TV so I focused on that rather than let my thought wander just yet.
Charlie asked all the mandatory questions- Did you have a good time? (Yup.) Was Mike nice? (Uh-huh.) Did you dance with him? (A little.) And so on…
After a little while I announced that I was going to bed.
Under my bed, wrapped up and hidden in extra blankets was a box. This was the first time I had taken out the box in months.
My mother had given it to me when I was a little girl. On the top was a beautiful painting of three angels. The first and second were women and the third was a man.
"This one-." my mom pointed to the first angel. "Is me. And this one-." She pointed to the third. "Is your dad. And the middle one is your guardian angel. The three of us will always be there watching out for you and keeping you safe."
That had been when my mom had been preaching about the catholic religion. I can vividly remember a few weeks after, she converted to Buddhism and bought me a bronze Speak no evil Buddha.
I traced over the middle angel. I thought I had finally found him. I was sure of it and then I found out that I was wrong. And that broke my heart.
I picked up the lock on the side and carefully I twisted in the combination. 1-2-3. It's not the most genius combination I had ever come up with but I remembered it.
The lid squeaked when it opened. Inside was only one small object- a little velvet bag.
I had meant to put all the important things that I got in my life in the box but what was in this little bag made everything else that I had considered putting in there look inferior.
I pulled the little drawstrings and pulled a ring out. It was a beautiful ring- silver with three yellowish stones embedded in the front. He had given it to me not long before…before he left.
"Isabella." He had said, sliding it onto my finger dramatically.
I had stared at it in shock. "It's beautiful! Why are you always giving me things!? You know I hate it!"
"You really shouldn't hate that I love you and it's for a special occasion."
I stared blankly. "Huh?"
"You have gone for a full five days without harming yourself or others! That's amazing!"
I had pushed him hard but he did not even move "Very funny!" I held it at eyelevel. "These stones!" I had gasped. "They are topaz! The same as your eyes!"
And they were, just as clear and beautiful. I had worn it for a few days but then decided to put it somewhere safe, for fear of losing it. He had not known where I had kept it. That was the only reason that I still had it. He had taken everything else.
It was my only proof to myself that that outstanding family had once existed in my life. That it had not all been a dream.
Every time I looked at the ring I thought of him. It was more painful as of late to do so but right now that pain was welcome.
I slid the ring onto my finger, feeling my heart coming apart at the seams. I stared at it as it flashed in the dim light, just as his eyes had done when he was angry at me.
A drop of water splashed onto my hand and I reached up to find tears streaming down my face.
Suddenly both cold and miserable, I curled up under my covers and, without even removing the box from my bed or the ring from my finger, cried myself to sleep.
I dreamt strange dreams that night.
The first was that I was at the dance, faces were blurred and I could not tell who was who. I was dancing with a stranger and when the song ended he wanted to take me somewhere. "Where?" I kept asking. "Where?" But he would not answer. Another smudged figure beckoned to me from across the dance floor and I wanted more than anything to go to this strange figure. I could not describe it to myself but something did not feel right about this man who I was with now. I suddenly remembered that I had to get home to feed Charlie. I turned to tell the blurred figure that but I found that he had transformed into a clown. I screamed, my legs turning into jelly, unable to move and unable to fight.
That dream slid seamlessly into the next where I was at a carnival. Angela was there begging for me to go on a Ferris wheel with her. But she did not look like herself. She looked like Jessica.
When I mentioned this to her she argued, "No, silly! Of course I'm Angela!" "No, no!" I shook my head. "You have to be Jessica."
She was too busy staring at me to see that the Ferris wheel that she had been trying to convince me to go on had started to fall. It tilted, creaking and grinding metal on metal. I screamed and pushed Angela/Jessica out of the way.
I saw her fall to the ground a safe distance away but could not find the strength to get myself out of the way. I felt myself consciously give up before the metal crushed my dream-self.
Surprisingly the shock of this did not wake me up, instead I moved to the next dream. All was dark. Ice-cold hands were touching me-my arms, my hands, my face. I felt that I could almost smell him in the dream with me.
Without thinking I muttered the name that I had been afraid to even think. "Edward." Surprisingly it did not hurt as much when I dreamt saying it.
The cold hands pause and then went away.
Something went on in my dream and suddenly I could see again. I was in my room. It looked exactly as it did in real life but my mind barely registered this because of the figure standing by my window. He was facing away from me so that all I could see of him was his bronze colored hair. As I watched he turned around. He looked exactly the same as I remembered him, flawless and beautiful. But when he looked at me I saw that my favorite part of him, that one thing that had led me to know what he was, had changed. His eyes, which before had been a beautiful topaz, were now a clear blue…just like…
But this was not him…it was Mackenzie. How could I have mistaken them? I didn't did I? I couldn't have?
A creaking sound made me jump. My eyes flew open.
"Bella?" It was only Charlie. "Are you okay? I thought I heard you screaming."
"I'm fine, dad" I said sleepily. "Just a bad dream. I guess it was not a good idea to watch It this late."
Charlie chuckled a little, still looking slightly worried. "Okay Bells. Goodnight then."
"'Night dad."
AUTHOR SYD'S RANT TIME
AAAAA! NEW CHAPTER! I felt soooo bad and I have been locked up in my bed room all day typing this because I forgot my chip at my other house so I had to type this from memory! My family probably thinks I've crawled under my bed and died!
EXCUSE TIME!-The main reason I have not updated for so long is because I can't type it around my family so I have to slide it in when they are not looking and they get suspitious if i'm on the computer for too long.
Things i have accomplished while i was not writing this- More time with family, improved my geometry grade (98- and tutoring a junior and sophmores) A punk rock haircut, lose a freind, win the same friend back, master a hand stand, snow tubing, 24 hour not eating for charity, And new stories! (check em out!)
Also check out my new poll and review for this chapter! Like it? Love it? Hate it? Want to throw a pie at it?
Disclaimer- It may have been a month since I've told you this but the answer has not changed. I dont own Twilight nor do i own any of these songs (Sexy Back, Bubbley, The Unforgiven, or Smack That) .
ONE MORE THING (sorry)- Edward is not back! He is in S. America! He will not be back until the end! I'm very sorry! Also I am not answering any questions about Mackenzie's...um...species...mucho sorry...any other questions are welcome though.