Sometimes, you feel like breaking down. You feel like saying "screw it!" and running around until there aren't any thoughts in your head. Sometimes you feel like life isn't worth living. But when you're down, you've got to remember that the meaning of life doesn't matter. Why you're here doesn't matter and a few surprising events that tipped the scales a little less in your favor don't matter. You're here, you've got a life, and it isn't perfect, but that's okay. Just use it. If that mountain gets a little too tall, keep climbing. The summit will make it worth the hike.
--
Jude took a deep breath.
It had been three months since she left Toronto. Two months since she slept with Tommy. One month since she'd broken down during recording.
One day since she'd gotten the abortion.
"I can't do it," she said. "I promise, one day I will, but Haley, I can't do it."
Haley sighed. Jude had tried to call Tommy several times in the past hour, but she'd always chickened out right before dialing.
"Sure," Haley said. "I'm going to hold you to that, you know."
"Yeah, I know," Jude said quietly.
--
"Hey Quincy, you're up," Speid said, walking in with a newspaper behind his back. He stared pointedly at Kwest, who sighed and left.
"Yep," Tommy said absentmindedly, staring into space. "Kwest said I've been out for a month."
"Yeah," Speid said. "He's right." Tommy remained silent for a moment longer.
"Whatever you've got to say, Speid…"
Speid sighed. "Before you blacked out, do you remember what you said to me? When you thought I was Jude?"
"Oh. So this is what this is about." He continued to stare into space.
"You should've told us, Tommy. You shouldn't have to keep that to yourself."
"Jude said not to tell."
"So what? Just because that's what she wanted, doesn't mean you have to follow. It happened to you as well. Don't let Jude decide for you!" Speid insisted.
"But Jude said not to tell," Tommy insisted in a flat voice, still staring at nothing.
"Jude doesn't control you, okay? Remember that." Speid left and closed the door. Jaime and Kwest were waiting outside for him.
"He okay?" Jaime asked.
"Still as pathetic as ever. I'm gonna give Jude a call; she promised me she'd call when she got there, and I have received no such contact." Speid stormed outside to use his cell phone.
Jaime frowned. "She didn't call me, either."
--
Karma was at the Rehearsal Space, making sure Kyle and Wally didn't break anything, when she got a call.
"Karma," Darius said. "We're back from World Instant Star. You need to come back to the studio so we can talk." Karma's eyes lit up. She couldn't wait to show him her new songs.
"Sure Darius, I'll be right there!" Kyle and Wally looked up from their game of Scategories and simultaneously quirked a questioning eyebrow. "Darius wants me in the studio!"
"Cool," Wally said. "We promise not to burn the place down while you're gone," he said sincerely. Karma rolled her eyes.
"I trust you guys," she said, grabbing Speid's extra guitar and running to her car.
Wally and Kyle sat, shell-shocked.
Kyle finally let out a questioning "She… trusts us?"
--
"Hello, Jude Harrison's home, this is Haley speaking," a British voice rang out over the phone.
"Hey Haley. Is Jude there? Tell her it's Speid."
After a static-y silence, Jude's voice said quietly "Speid?"
"Dude! You want to tell me why you weren't at the first phone number you gave me?"
"Oh, I, um, switched numbers," she said, obviously lying. Speid ignored it, though, in favor of more pressing concerns.
"Okay, fine. But tell me something: Why'd you sleep with Squinty when he went to London?"
"I told him not to say anything," was the only response she gave.
"Yeah, well let's just say he didn't mean to. You want to tell me why you're breaking hearts, Harrison?"
"I just… got caught up in the moment," she offered weakly.
"Jude! You can't just do that! That's not the Jude Harrison I know," he said angrily.
"Yeah, well the Jude Harrison you know got pregnant and lost her record contract." And then she hung up.
Speid gaped at the wall.
--
"Karma!" Darius boomed as soon as she walked in the door. "I called you five minutes ago!"
"And I sped to get here," she said. "I'm here now, so let's get started! When do I get to start recording?"
"Never. You're fired," Darius then turned to a couple of interns that had been waiting nearby the whole time, and walked off, talking with them.
Karma ran out, her face deceptively strong. She was really breaking down inside.
--
Sadie was walking back to Jude's apartment, reliving the past hour. She was fairly certain it was another failed job interview.
As she sighed, a voice pulled her out of her thoughts.
"Sadie Harrison," the Irish-sounding man boomed. "Whatever are you doing in London?"
"Liam?" Sadie gaped.
--
When Speid got back to the rehearsal space, he found Karma, crying, surrounded by Kyle and Wally.
"Babe, what's wrong?" Speid said softly, kneeling before his wife. "What happened?" Karma just started crying harder.
"Dude, Darius fired her." Kyle finally spoke when it became apparent that Karma wouldn't. Speid stood up and sat back down on the couch, pulling Karma onto his lap.
"Dudes, this is kind of a private thing," Speid said. Kyle and Wally nodded and walked out of earshot.
"Kyle," Wally whispered. "When are you going to tell them?"
"I can't. They'll feel all selfish for not helping and Speid'll try to pay for it all."
"But you have to do something for a living! You've always wanted to be a geologist, this is your chance to get a scholarship!"
"Dude, I told you, I'm gonna ask my boss for an advance. Speid and Karma can't afford to loan me 2000 dollars for a contest I might win."
"That's gonna be a really big advance, Kyle. You don't even get paid that in a month, and the deadline is in two weeks."
"Yeah, well it's the best job I can get now that my mother died and my father told every business in town that I'm a liability!"
"You don't feel guilty, do you Kyle? You know the crash wasn't your fault."
"It was, Wally! I should've gone with her to the bar that night, I should've driven her home."
"No," Wally insisted fiercely. "You had just got back from a long night at the studio. You had homework to do and your dad said to watch the house."
"And my mom," Kyle added. "He said to watch the house and my mom. He blames me too, you know."
"I know dude. I know."
--
"So, let me get this straight. You want me to be your personal assistant while you travel around the world, taking over music studios with the large trust fund, which your parents didn't give you until now, at age 40," Sadie said, taking a sip of her tea after she was finished.
"No," Liam began. "I want you to be my business partner and we will travel around the world. We will become co-managers of a few Indie studios that are in desperate need of some donations, and we will do so using the generous donation my parents gave to me because they knew their time is going to come real soon." He put his arms on the table and leaned across. "So what do you say… Sadie?"
Sadie bit her lip. "I have to take care of Jude. I can't take off right now, I need to stay with her."
Liam sat back again, crossing his arms. He stared at her for a second, and then reached into his pocket, pulling out a scrap of paper. "Tell you what. I'm going to be in London for another week. You think about it, and call my cell number. It's written on here," he said, handing her the paper. He threw down some bills. "I hope to hear from you soon Sadie. You deserved better than being Darius' personal monkey, and now that you aren't working for him, I hope you don't go running off and doing the same thing for another person. I want to work with you as equals. I hope you will accept my invitation." He stood and left.
Sadie put the piece of paper in her pocket, thinking.
--
Hey guys, I'm sorry I haven't updated in forever, but school is just… ugh, this year. Anyways, hope you enjoyed this update, no matter how long it took.