There's a whole bunch or weird lines in this document and I don't know how to get rid of them. Just ignore them. Sorry 'bout the confusion. ;D

Chapter 4

Shuuhei absentmindedly counted the stack of reports he held in his hands as he made his way through Ninth Division. He wasn't sure if it was the first time or the fifth, and it didn't really matter; counting relaxed him. He nodded his greetings as figures passed him, a "Konichiwa" here and there to especially eager rookies, but more or less ignored everyone.

His thoughts were on the impending panel next week, yes. But the worry and nervousness he had been feeling for almost a year had faded from a raging fire, to a steady boil.

No matter how daunting the image of the board seemed, it was taking a back seat to memories of Renji's skin aganst his own; of thick red hair soft on his cheek.

"You stayed just because I asked?"…

Shuuhei's chest tightened as he remembered the look on Renji's face as he said those words. He knew the red head was lonely, but until then he had no idea just how far the anguish reached; just how deep Renji's pain really went.

No one should ever have to feel that alone…

His invitation for dinner had slipped out before he could stop it. He was determined to help Renji, but hadn't meant to be so forward. He'd felt like an idiot standing there, but had almost danced out of the room when Renji had accepted.

Just thinking about it made him want to dance again, but he settled for counting the stack of reports instead. How would that look if the Ninth Division Vice Captain started dancing down the hallways? Everyone would assume the stress had finally overtaken him and he had snapped. No Captain position for him.

As he rounded the last corner he slowed, confused at what he saw. Three female shinigami were crowded around his door giggling and whispering amongst themselves. They were taking turns peeking through the small opening into his office.

Shuuhei felt his eyebrow twitch. What was there to giggle about in his office? He moved up behind the trio, and placed his free hand on his hip.

"Excuse me ladies."

The girls jumped about three feet in the air as they turned to face him. They were startled, but to his surprise, they hadn't lost their grins.

"Hisagi Fukutaichou!" The tallest one said, "We're sorry! We didn't see you!"

Shuuhei rolled his eyes. "You wouldn't have seen a hollow until it had bitten you in the ass Yukiko-chan. What are you three doing?"

To further his surprise, the three giggled again. But the small girl with blond hair- he remembered her as Manami- quickly composed herself and replied.

"Abarai Renji is in your office Fukutaichou."

"And he's all hot and sweaty!" whispered the third.

Shuuhei's eyes widened stupidly, "Abarai?" What is Renji doing in my office?

Yukiko spoke again, "He's been gone so long Fukutaichou, we forgot how…" she grinned at her friends, "nice he was to look at…"

Suddenly Shuuhei was worried. What if he's mad now that he's had a chance to think over this morning? What if he's come to tell me he doesn't want to be around me for a while?

"Hisagi Fukutaichou?" Yukiko said quietly, "Are you alright?"

Shuuhei shook his head, "How long has he been here?"

"About an hour," Manami replied, "He looked really mad when he first got here, but he's been looking at your log book and has calmed down some."

Byakuya, Shuuhei thought, he's usually a little out of sorts after seeing his Taichou.

Shuuhei straightened, regaining a little of his confidence.

"He's probably here about our dinner plans," he couldn't contain his smirk when the three girls jaws dropped and dark blushes appeared on their cheeks, "If you'll excuse me ladies."

He slipped passed them and almost laughed as they sprinted down the hall almost squealing. Let them think what they want…

He entered his office, and closed the door. Renji was sitting in a chair by the window arms crossed and a scowl on his face. He looked up when he saw Shuuhei, and to the dark haired man's delight, the scowl faded slightly.

"Your Division is annoying." Renji said simply.

"They're in love with you," Shuuhei teased as he placed the reports on his desk and sat, "Abarai Renji: tattooed, bad boy attitude, one of the saviors of Soul Society, what's a girl gonna do?"

"You're one of the saviors too," Renji pouted, "and you have tattoos…"

"I'm not a bad boy."

"That doesn't make any sense."

Shuuhei grinned, "Girls don't make sense."

The muscles in Renji's face relaxed a little as he smiled. He was doing it again… Shuuhei always knew what to say to calm him down.

"So what are you doing here?" Shuuhei asked, "And why are you so dirty?"

Renji felt a little embarrassed; he looked at the floor.

"My Taichou's an asshole."

"Ah," Shuuhei leaned back in his chair, resting his chin in the palm of his hand, "I see your meeting went well."

Renji snorted, "Zambimaru and I went to blow off some steam in the woods. I'm sorry for coming here like this."

"It's okay," Shuuhei said sitting back up to grab a pen off his desk, "better you go kill some trees then come straight here and take it out on me."

Laughing softly but keeping his gaze on the floor, Renji shrugged, "Anyway, I don't have anything else to do… and I didn't want to go home so…"

You came to see me??!!! Shuuhei thought, YES!!! The urge to dance was taking over again. But he settled for clicking the pen's plunger in a slow steady rhythm.

"So no mountain of paperwork?" he asked the slumped red head.

"No," Renji replied, "I told you my Taichou's an asshole."

Shuuhei stopped clicking the pen and closed his eyes. His forehead wrinkled a little in confusion. Okay, I'll try to figure that one out later…

He stood, and placed the pen back on the desk, "How about lunch?"

Renji looked up at the smiling face. Shuuhei was still so kind to him, even though Renji had all but forgotten he existed.

He suddenly felt like shit for not keeping in touch with his old friend.

"Yeah," Renji sighed, "Lunch sounds good."

X x X x X x X

Shuuhei took Renji to a small restaurant on the east side of Seireitei. It was build back from the road, so it was almost hidden. Inside it was quiet, and the only other patrons were a few older shinigami and one or two figures that looked like they were from Central 46.

"Woa, Hisagi, this place looks expensive." Renji whispered.

Shuuhei chuckled, "Nope, it's a gem. It's cheap and no one knows about it. I can come here and do my paperwork while eating the best beef in Soul Society."

A small woman with long black hair, wearing green to match the tapestries and floor cushions, scurried to meet them at the door.

"Irasshaimase," she said, and led them to a table.

As Shuuhei sat, he looked up at the woman and whispered, "Did you get it Aya-san?

Aya smiled fondly at Shuuhei, and nodded. "Yes Hisagi-kun. We started preparing it when you arrived."

With that she scurried away. Shuuhei turned to Renji and gave him a grin that would make Ikkaku blanch.

"Oi, what?" Renji asked, "You look scary."

"This is the only place that serves my favorite tea." Shuuhei was still grinning like a madman, but it was directed at Aya as she returned with a tray.

Renji almost laughed. Of course Shuuhei would get that excited over something like tea…

Aya served the tea, and stood watching Shuuhei as he took his cup and slowly raised it to his lips. Closing his eyes, he paused for a moment to take in the pleasantly mild aroma. Then his lips parted, and he slowly poured the liquid into his mouth. He rolled the tea on his tough, savoring the naturally sweet yet intense flavor. He groaned his approval and opened his eyes to look at Renji under heavy lids.

"Try some," he said dreamily, "It's called Matcha Hikari."

Renji tried to keep his mouth closed. He was sure if he opened it he would drool on himself. How did Shuuhei turn something as innocent as drinking tea into something so erotic?

He lifted his cup, and took a sip; he had to admit it was very good. The red head tried to concentrate on the green liquid and not on Shuuhei as he all but made love to his tea cup.

He almost blushed in embarrassment as he felt a familiar heat between his thighs.

I'm so glad this table is here…

Aya made a noise before taking the tray, and pressed it to her chest. "I'm glad you like it Hisagi-kun."

"Hmmm, thank you Aya-san." Shuuhei murmured.

Renji looked up and saw the blush on the young girls' cheeks. Her gaze flickered to Renji for a half second before she looked at the ground, the small blush reddening and spreading over her nose.

A light giggle attracted his attention to the kitchen, and he almost laughed when he saw two more women, probably Aya's mother and sister by the look of them, watching Shuuhei and whispering to each other.

Can't blame them… Shuuhei's like a porno…

"What would you like for lunch gentlemen?" Aya stammered, remembering her job.

Shuuhei sighed again happily, "Have you decided what you want Abarai?"

Renji realized he hadn't looked at the menu. "Um," he blinked, knowing he looked like an idiot, "I have no idea. Just order for me."

Shuuhei ordered beef domburi for himself and sukiyaki with egg dip for Renji. When Aya scurried away, Renji grinned and leaned toward his euphoric friend.

"You come here a lot huh?"

Shuuhei looked up and lowered his tea cup.

"Not really, once or twice a month. Why?"

Renji sat back and shrugged, "They seem to like you here."

"Hm," was all Shuuhei said as he shrugged, and when back to his tea.

Renji looked at a tapestry as he said absently, "You ever brought anyone here before?"

Shuuhei nodded, "I brought Kira once. Back when things were still… difficult."

Renji looked back at his friend, "How is he?"

Shuuhei took another sip. "He's one hundred times better. The news of Gin's death helped him take that final step. He's almost back to the way he was before… Well, he's better."

The food came, and Renji was impressed. Everything was excellent just like Shuuhei had said. The two ate in comfortable silence broken only by a comment on the cooking, or Renji asking what something was.

"How do you know so much about food?" Renji asked between bites.

Shuuhei shrugged, "I like to cook."

Renji raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

Shuuhei nodded, and moved a piece of beef with his chopsticks. Slowly leaning into his bowl, he seemed to be looking for something.

Renji settled down to watch this display of fidgeting. He knew he should say something, but Shuuhei's little quirk was very engaging.

Shuuhei dug around for a few more seconds with a very focused expression on his face before uncovering another piece of beef. He straightened, and put both pieces of meat in his mouth.

Renji frowned, that one he didn't get. He was still frowning when Shuuhei looked up at him.

"What?" He asked around his food.

"You eat funny too," Renji dipped his meat in the egg before popping it in his mouth, "What are you doing?"

Shuuhei stopped chewing and looked at him dead-pan. After a few moments of silence, Renji worried he wasn't going to answer. But then Shuuhei actually blushed, and sighed.

"I have to have equal food on each side," Shuuhei mumbled, "I thought I only had one piece of beef left."

The other four patrons in the small restaurant, turned towards their table in surprise as Renji threw his head back and cackled hysterically.

Shuuhei contemplated crawling under the table.

Well, at least I got him to laugh… really laugh…

As Renji calmed down, and wiped the tears from his eyes, Shuuhei decided now was a good time as any to ask what he had been wondering since earlier.

"So, why was Kuchiki Taichou an asshole today?" he didn't look up from his plate. He felt he was slightly out on a limb, but he wanted to know why Renji had been so mad.

Renji fell silent, and set his chopsticks down.

After a few moments, he answered, "Because he told me he believes I'll make Captain…"

Shuuhei tried not to choke on his rice. "What? Kuchiki Taichou actually said that?" He looked up at Renji who was staring at the floor.

Wait, oops, try that again.

"I mean, yeah everyone knows you'll make it, but for Kuchiki Taichou to come right out and say it… That's something that doesn't happen every day!"

"It doesn't ever happen." Renji said softly.

Shuuhei was very confused, "So… why were you mad?"

Renji shrugged, "I just… don't know if I…"

Shuuhei leaned forward, "Don't know if you what?"

The red head looked up and Shuuhei saw that pain again. That same lonely anguish he had seen that morning. It made his heart ache, and he longed to hold the red head in his arms again and tell him it would be alright.

Renji chewed the inside of his lip.

"I don't know if I want to be a Captain anymore…"

X x X x X x X

The walk back to Renji's quarters was long and melancholy. Renji stared at the ground, and Shuuhei watched him out the corner of his eye. There was no tension between them, just sadness; for Shuuhei at least. It frustrated him that Renji wouldn't talk about his feelings about being Captain. And where did those feelings come from anyway? Renji had aspired to be a Captain for as long as Shuuhei had known him. Everything he had ever done since becoming a shinigami was an attempt to better himself so he could surpass his Taichou. It had always been his dream… where had it gone?

Maybe it's because of that damn Kurosaki…

Shuuhei was starting to hate that kid. If what he suspected was right, and Renji didn't want Captain so he could go back to the real world and be with Ichigo… Shuuhei's hands balled into fists. He had gotten so frustrated in the restaurant, at Renji's lack of communication, that he had almost made an irrevocable mistake. He needed to calm down, take a step back and find out if his suspicions about Renji and the orange haired punk were right, before throwing accusations of giving up dreams for people you couldn't be with.

When they reached Sixth Division, Renji finally spoke.

"You didn't have to walk me back you know."

Shuuhei shrugged, he seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.

"It's no problem. Ninth Division pretty much runs itself."

Renji nodded and climbed the step to his door. "I'll see you later tonight. I'll probably be with Ikkaku and Yumichika."

Shuuhei didn't say anything as Renji slid open the shoji, but right before it closed, he called out.

"Oi, Abarai."

Renji leaned his head back out, "Hm?"

Shuuhei took a deep breath.

"You know I'm here for you… if you ever need to talk about anything… If you ever need… anything…"

A flicker of surprise passed over Renji's features, but was gone an instant later, replaced by a genuine smile.

"Thank you Hisagi…" He said softly.

Shuuhei nodded and turned to go, his heart pounding in his throat as he tried to ignore the tremor in his hands. He could feel Renji's eyes on him as he made his way out of Sixth Division, and it was all he could do to not look back.

X x X x X x X

Ichigo lay in bed restless. I was late and he couldn't sleep… again. The red maple tree outside the bedroom window cast shadows across the ceiling, and the cool breeze played across his bare skin.

He sat up, and made his way to the window. He looked out at the full moon and sighed heavily. It had been a little more than a week since Renji had left, and he hadn't slept well since.

Inoue stirred, and opened her eyes.

Ichigo stood with his arms crossed by the open window, naked and bathed in moonlight. Every curve and every defined muscle was sharpened by the silver glow. He looked at that moment, not a twenty year old college student, but a warrior. The set of his shoulders, the grace of his stance; she could almost taste the power that radiated from his skin.

But she knew him well enough to recognize when he was upset. He put on a good show of being detached from the situation, but Inoue read him like a picture book.

She rose from the bed, and joined him at the window. She put her arms around his waist and the skin of her breasts softy brushed the scarred flesh of his back.

He put his hand over hers, and sighed again.

"It's just not the same without him here." He whispered.

Inoue kissed his shoulder blade, and hugged him closer. There was nothing she could say, so she just held him.

He turned around and slid his arms around her. He kissed her forehead and cheeks. Gentle kisses, nothing like the ones he had placed over her body just a few hours before. She shivered and closed her eyes.

"Do you need to go?" she asked.

He nodded into her neck. "I can't sleep, I'm driving myself crazy." He pulled back and looked into her eyes. "I just need to stretch my legs."

Inoue nodded, and kissed his lips.

"Okay," she whispered into his mouth. She knew there was more than one kind of release, and Ichigo needed this one more than any other tonight.

He pulled her back to the bed, and grabbed his substitute badge from the night stand. As she curled around him, he kissed her once more before leaving his body.

"I'll be back soon, Inoue…" he said from the window as her eyes started to close.

"Be safe…" she whispered.

Now he was flying over rooftops, no destination in mind. He just wanted to feel the wind on his face, feel the blood pumping through his veins; Zangetsu ready in his hand.

His feet carried him to his high school. He walked the grounds, memories flooding through him as places reminded him of good times and bad; friends, enemies, laughter and sadness.

He made his way across town to the place where he first met Chad. He remembered thinking how freakishly tall the guy was, and softly chuckled to himself. His next stop was the park where he had first fought Ishida; loud mouthed, and bossy, more interested in talking than fighting…

His rounds were always the same. He visited the same places every night, in the same order. And his last stop was always the river.

The river where his mother died.

He stood on the bank and watched the blades of grass pulled by the currant. He wondered, as he did every night, if his mother would be proud of him. If she would still smile when she saw him, or pat him on the head if she knew how many he had killed. Yes they had been Arrancar and Espada, but even hollows had once been a human soul… a life.

Would his mother have hated him for all the deaths he had caused?

"Kurosaki Ichigo…" A raspy voice said behind him.

Ichigo whirled around to face a tall figure in a long ragged cloak, a large cowl covered his head, and the lower half of his face was covered by a black cloth.

"Who the fuck, are you?" Ichigo spat.

The figure raised its head slightly, revealing golden eyes surrounded in pools of black.

Ichigo froze and his heart sank to his knees. He had seen those eyes before, he saw them many, many times. Those were the same eyes that bore into his when he was face to face with Shirosaki, his inner hollow.

What the fuck is this guy?

Ichigo started to bring his sword up, but found Zangetsu weighed almost nothing. He looked down and almost screamed as he watched the blade start to dissolve. Like peeling paint, the shinogi fell away and evaporated on the ground.

Shit! What's happening!!?

The figure in front of him laughed. It sounded like sandpaper on concrete.

"You will pay for what you have done Kurosaki…"

Ichigo braced himself and flew at the stranger. There was no way he was letting this piece of shit scare him. He'd defeated Aizen for fuck's sake!

But his movements were slow, almost as if he were underwater. The thing before him dodged easily, and before Ichigo could react, an arm was through his chest.

He looked up, and met those eyes again. The hollow sneered, and pulled the young shinigami close.

"I've waited more than four years to kill you Kurosaki. It's too bad it ended so quickly."

As the arm pulled out of his body, Ichigo only had one thought before darkness overtook him.

How funny it was that a hand through his chest felt familiar…

To be continued…